[Open log]

[halfcow]

Characters: Ryoki + everyone
Location: Around Death City
Rating: R
Time: 15th/16th night. It starts at 22pm, ends around 3am.
Description: Ryoki goes mad.

For details please check here (ooc information post).
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[halfcow]

Ryoki walked through the street, and the fire only seemed to numb him at each step he took. He no longer had the bag, now all he had was one bottled, half full of gasoline (since he has been using said gasoline to set things on fire).

He didn’t think of the people he attacked either. Actually, he didn’t remember them, though his body was already beat up from several of those encounters (not to mention Saleh had already made his magic on Ryo’s face the night before). So Ryoki was also looking like shit - though not as much as Leo - regarding physical damage.

But as for mental damage, that’s something entirely different.

He felt terrified and his head hurt while his heart ached. He had no idea what to do with those feelings. He felt like something was twisting his stomach and as if someone had punched him in the throat. His brain had too much shit going on in it and it seemed Ryo didn’t have the physical ability to keep up with it, and it really was hard to say anything about it at all. So he just mumbled a word or two from time to time, as if to keep track of his own thoughts.

Until he saw Leo. The bull’s eyes widen, blinking for a second and wondering if he was actually seeing him there or if it was just one of those times when he saw Akito. When Leo spoke, he proved to be much real. “Leo…”

“what the hell…?” he couldn’t laugh. Laughing was a great way to pretend he was fine, but right now, nothing was fine.

[lionborn]

Leo inwardly flinched when he saw just how bad his friend was about. He knew that he himself was no paragon of stability, neither physical nor mental and emotional, and that stunt with Azusa had left him feeling as if he had lost much too much blood, but that all mattered nothing in comparison to what Ryoki had to go through at the moment.

He had feared to encounter the laughing demon. But this was a wreck. The lion could feel how something inside his insides started trembling at the sight and suddenly he felt grateful for the flood of cold apathy that had filled him the moment he had recognized that he would have to confront Ryoki. He knew that it'd be over the moment its numbing effect let off and he would be able to feel again, but right now it was a blessing he was willing to pay the prize for, no matter how high it was.

He knew what he had to do. "Oh man... " Exhaling slowly, he put the lighter back into his pants pocket. "Look at you, you're a mess. Running without me isn't nice, either. Though.. " He trailed off, giving the bull a heavy look. "I guess that can't be helped. Where are we going to?"

[halfcow]

Ryoki’s stare on Leo didn’t last long after he heard the question. His eyes moved back to the fire around him, as if he was trying to remember something. “We…?”

‘We’? When did they become a ‘we’ again?

Was that some sort of deep and meaningful question that Ryoki was supposed to think over once more? Because, right now, he didn’t have the mental stability to think about any of that.
When his brain exploded - figuratively, of course - due to all of the fire and the feelings he had inside him, the half dismissed Leo since they weren’t in good terms. Even now, thinking that the lion meant it as for them to go together wasn’t crossing his mind.

The bull shrugged. He had no idea what he was supposed to tell Leo at this point. “I attacked Lili.” She was the only one he remembered attacking “Tried to set her on fire.” Maybe he was regretting that a little; which was funny, because she was just a dumb human who didn’t know anything, yet he liked her enough to feel bad about it. “She pissed me off.” That was his explanation.

“I’m still pissed off.” He grips the bottle in his hand “They took it. They took everything. And they even smile at us! Those motherfuckers!” Ryoki’s face twisted with anger - and not the sadistic sort - and he finally turned to face the other, offering Leo a glare. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

[lionborn]

Leo had tensed for a moment when Ryoki mentioned Lili, but it didn't last long and he didn't say anything about it either. Fuck, he had warned the girl that she was getting herself into troubles that were too big for her when she took dealing with them too lightly. From the sound of it she didn't die, which was something she could be grateful for. He could worry about her later.

He met and held Ryoki's gaze without a problem. "I figured you already knew."

There wasn't anything else to add to it, as far as he was concerned. He could tell Ryoki that he was also hurt, angry and sad. That he wanted nothing more than to bash their self-righteous teeth in for what they had done and for thinking that they could even dream to understand what taking it from them meant. But what for? It wouldn't change anything.

[halfcow]

Liar.

If Ryoki knew, he would have snapped long ago. Leo knew that.

It didn't matter anyway. Since he had arrived to this place, it's not like they have even been together. Ryoki didn't know much about Leo right now and they mutually - in a silent agreement, sort of - agreed to keep things that way.

The bull turned to look at the fire once more, as if that would make any of it go away - truthfully, it only made everything worse. Ryoki just couldn't tell since it was the only thing he could think of right now.

"Nothing matters." he repeated what went through his mind that moment, and then started walking once more. He still wanted to leave.

[lionborn]

Of course he did. That's why he never brought it up with him. It's also why he was lying right now, because he didn't want to drive his friend any further. As far as Leo was concerned a lack of knowledge was bliss and he also knew that Ryoki was a lot worse at dealing with the hard facts of life than he was. He was also a lot better at running away from them than Leo, a bitter part of his mind added.

"Does it ever?" He didn't mean to sound as sarcastic as he did when he pushed himself from the wall and slowly fell in pace behind Ryoki. A bit behind and a bit to the side, like always when they had been on the prowl together. Something at the back of his head was aching and there was a flood of emotions that just waited to drown him once he lost his precarious balance from the thread of cold pragmatismthat he was clinging to right now, but he wasn't going to give in to that.

Yet.

[halfcow]

"Not here." in Death City, nothing made sense anymore. There was nothing for him and nothing he had. Even his death was taken away from him and now he had just madness and hatred to feed on.

Ryoki kept walking and once he realized the fire was now behind them and no longer in sight, he grabbed the half full bottle he still had left, put a rag inside, and searched for the lighter in his pocket. The bull looked around the street, looking for something flammable, finding a neatly parked car.

And after he lighten the Molotov bomb on fire, he proceeded to throw it at the car's window, so it'd burn from inside out. While that didn't make the bull's problems fade, it sure hypnotized him for about a minute or two.

"Why are you following me?" finally Ryoki turned to look at Leo again.

[lionborn]

He watched Ryoki set the car on fire calmly, thinking to himself that it was a shame to waste a fine model like this. Then he mentally kicked himself for having such a thought. Priorities, man, get them straight. Walking over to the burning car, he used its fire to light his cigarette.

Then he took a drag, telling himself that he wasn't just stalling time to figure out an answer. In the end he didn't manage to come up with a good lie that would satisfy Ryoki so he smiled and said the truth.

"Because that's what we do when one of us starts burning. We stay until the end and then toss them in the sea." Not that they had any bigger body of water nearby, but it was about the principle.

[halfcow]

Ryoki seemed surprised to hear Leo's words. Not because they weren't true, nor because he didn't expect that from him, but because Leo actually understood why he was setting things on fire.

Ryoki was slow, emotionally retarded, and incapable of understanding his own feelings at times, however he could be deeper than he showed. More than he even understood himself.
He was no longer going to burn like he wanted to, so he burned things around him to replace his loss and, to some extend, to remember those who burned before him - specially Akito - and to see himself in those flames..

The fire terrified him, yes - he kept remembering Akito and his friends burning to death after all -, and Ryoki didn't want to die, unlike what Lili thought. But he couldn't just let it go either.

The bull's expression softened and he really wasn't able to stop his shaky voice. "It was all I had left. Leave nothing behind, just like her. Akito, she just... there was nothing. That's what I wanted." that name was taboo, yet it was the one person he thought of nonstop.

[lionborn]

Leo lowered his head hearing her name. Only hearing it was enough to make him want to scream, because dammit, he had loved her too and had yet left her to Ryoki because he loved them both. And now? Look what had become of it! Forcing himself to keep calm, keep his balance, the half-lion exhaled.

"...I know."

Because he did. Because he really, really did. Because it had been taken from his as well and because it had taken him a lot less time to realize his loss. He too had gone on a rampage and he had been in a better condition than the bull was right now. He knew what was going to happen next. Subduement.

He took a deep breath. This was going to be difficult, like telling a tidal wave to change its course and get away with it. Stupid bull. "Ryo, today's a bad night. How about moving what ya want to do to another time when there are less annoying fuckers out'n around?" While he was speaking he casually moved a little closer to the other Half. He had to get Ryoki before they could.

[halfcow]

Ryoki kept muttering after speaking Akito's name. It was like it numbed his senses and punched him in the guts. It wasn't a nice feeling. "I can't, Leo... And the flames... everything's gone..." and he felt like crying.

With drugs, everything had been a lot easier; he didn't cry and was numbed. They kept him in his little world. If he didn't have them when Akito died, Ryoki had gone on rampage. Who said drugs were bad?

However, when he heard Leo's next words, he stops blabbering and looks up at the other half. He looked at him for a while, and then at the flames of the car, and then at his own hands.

And the answer came with all of his determination. "No."

[lionborn]

Shit! He had known that an answer like this was coming, but it still didn't make him feel any happier about hearing it.

Reaching out for the bull's shoulder, he tried it again. "Ryoki. Let it be. If even I could find and catch up with you even though I was in the hospital and had my head fuzzy from being knocked out, what the hell do you the others are doing? They're anticipating you and like hell they're feeling like we do! They don't even get it! They'll shoot you like some street mutt with rabies and all it ever will have been to them is another daily core to check off from their fucking goodie-two-shoes to-do list!"

He paused, his emotions getting the better of him for a moment. Fuck, yeah, he'd wanted Ryoki out of his life and he'd known that it'd be a blow to his friend, but dammit, he had deserverd it after all the shit he had been put through! He also didn't think that him staying with Ryoki would help the bull any longer; he had never particularly listened him when they had been little and with the drugs his influence on him had been practically zero besides giving him somebody to lean on when nobody else had been there to cheer or swoon over him. It hadn't been fair! ...But all that didn't mean that he hated Ryoki or that he wanted to see him dead.

When he continued his voice was very calm and carried hints of his emotions with it. There was sadness, and regret over a loss he knew he could never take back. "I know you wanna go, but not like that. They don't even have a sea here. It's not worth it."

[halfcow]

The bull's eyes looked at Leo's hand as he spoke, and he said nothing. It was as if whatever Leo just told him didn't even reach his brain; he heard him and understood what he just said, but his head was such a mess by now that he couldn't exactly place Leo's words as right or wrong. They were just words.

He was probably right, though.

Leo had come out of his way to see the bull. Though they weren't friends and the lion was pretty clear about that last time they spoke, he was there now. And sure, he was trying to stop him, but the bull didn't believe Leo was doing it because of Shibusen or because he didn't like him. So the only option left why Leo was there right was was because the idiot lion still held to him.

In any other day, knowing that would have made the bull happy. Today, it didn't. He wasn't happy to know that, not now. It was really strange - Ryoki had been beating himself wondering and trying to figure out how to be a better friend (since he did conclude he had been the shittiest of friends to Leo) and now he was looking at Leo's hand and he realized how to be a better friend.

And his "how" wasn't exactly easy for him, either. The bull nuzzled Leo's hands and approached of his friend, pressing his head against his shoulder. "I love you, Leo. You are the person I love the most. And I'm sorry. I really am."

[lionborn]

Leo's eyes widened when Ryoki got so close. When they touched, when he leaned against him - it was all back, like back then. All like when he had finally lost him.

"That's it?" He felt a cold wave wash away everything there was in him: the fear, the worries, the gnawing need to just curl up and cry and shout that he didn't want this, didn't want to know or be any part of this and also his apathy and control. He didn't register the apology or the deeper meaning behind Ryoki's words. All he understood was that Ryoki was abandoning him again. Just like when he had chosen to do nothing but watch and laugh at him during that night and then later when he had given Leo not even a chance to keep him from leaving that building after cutting off that MUTE bastard's head. He was making his choice and didn't care what he did to Leo with it. He only thought of himself and expected him to take it, like always. He didn't care what it had taken the lion to show up here and say those words to him. He didn't care about him as long as he himself was got his happy ways.

"So that's it..?" His voice shook as he repeated his question as he gently raised his hands to press Ryoki against him in a last vain attempt of making it harder for the Half-bull to leave him behind. Inside his head he was falling apart. Quickly. Game over, balance lost, screw keeping your feelings under control. Phfa, control! Who needed it anyway! His feelings kept bubbling up inside him, wiping his ability of rational thought away as quickly as a blast of fire. Time seemed to distort. Somewhere between the crackles and the stinging smell of the burning car the smiling demon seemed to laugh at him as the sudden activation of his meister ability turned his senses several times as sharp they used to be and undermined his human side even more. Under normal circumstances he would have gotten scared and run away to hole up in a dark place far away from anything living until it was over. But not this time.

Leo took a deep breath and sacrificed the human to the lion. Turning to look at Ryoki's face he laughed lightly. "Wow, Ryo-chan, saying stuff like this to me after all the things I've been through for you... You're just like a human." Behind Ryoki's back, his dominant hand tightened into a fist.

[halfcow]

“I know.” Being called a human hurt Ryoki more than he could even believe. Never in his life he was called one, and for the first time when such happened, it was because Leo was angry and pissed and yet again calling the half-bull unfair. But it just hurt him. It’d have made him mad, but right now, it just really hurt and he felt nothing more but pain that squeezed his chest again and hit his throat and he felt like vomiting right then (or at least a feeling similar to his stomach twisting and hurting. Whatever).
But right now, Ryoki was being a good friend. And wow, that was hard. Incredibly hard. No wonder he couldn’t do it or realize it before - something this hard wasn’t desired, so his brain didn’t even think of what it meant to sacrifice for a friend. But he decided to do it.

Leo couldn’t come along.

And if that made him believe Ryoki was abandoning him, and if that meant Ryo would be called a human, then be it. Leo couldn’t come along because coming along meant what the lion said - assholes will get in their way, and Leo will take the fault for something he didn’t do. Not only that, but if they manage to escape to the desert, the only person left for his best friend was Ryoki, who was pretty shitty, so much that Leo desperately tried to get away from him.

Leo couldn’t come along. Because Ryoki didn’t have anything to offer him.

So there he was, thinking correctly for the first time, and self-sacrificing without even getting any credit for it. This was what it meant to be a good friend. It was incredibly hard. And it hurt. Both of them.

And that’s when Ryoki moves his knee, to hit Leo’s crotch. And if he didn’t manage to do that, his hand moved too, fist directed at Leo’s guts.

After all, he had to make sure Leo wouldn’t come along.

[lionborn]

Had Leo still any sense left in him and would he have known what Ryoki was feeling right now, he would have laughed and asked him how it felt to be in reversed positions for once. When he'd enjoyed it enough (which would have probably been very soon) he'd have added on a gentler note that self-sacrificing something for a friend wasn't about getting credit for it, or getting any kind of reward for it period. It was about doing what you thought was the right thing. Which made it that damn dangerous.

But he wasn't thinking clearly right now. There was some sort of faraway sound that kept getting louder and louder ringing in his ears and when Ryoki moved in to attack - it was like unleashing a spring. The half-lion reacted automatically, skidding back on his machines so that the knee missed him. The fists still hit him, connecting against the ribs rather than his guts since he had crouched down to keep his balance on the wheels of his machines.

The attack drove the air out of his lungs and Leo back, but he immediatedly switched his position into one from which out he could attack himself, straightening up a little as he regarded Ryoki with an amused look before it suddenly turned serious. "Is that all? You can do better than that, Ryo-kun."

There was one important thing that he usually never told anybody about his meister ability: with the loss of self-control also came the loss of the ability to feel pain while its effects lasted. And right now he had no reason to try for any sort of control anymore.