(no subject)
ONE YEAR AGO i made a list of everything i hated with long, profound explanations embellished with all sorts of descriptive adjectives, curse words, the usual mix of languages (writings in my black books (to which i feel i've been referring too much recently but they're "where it's at") are only comprehensible to me due to multilinguism, wrecked spanish, faux french, random kanji...) well, the naïve child i was (and still am), i thought that by creating such a list and spilling everything out, i would get rid of those negative emotions forever & would never be bothered by things described again. truth? i'm as full of hate as i'm full of love, always was, always will be, despite the efforts. i used to think hate shouldn't be felt, but (sadly?) i'm just human. i hate. sovražim. je déteste. ich hasse. mrzim. odio.
FIRST EXPOSITION to kim ki-duk - motovun film festival, 2003. despite seeing other films at the festival in years that followed, the one that will always remind me of it instantly is spring, summer, fall, winter... and spring. a whole new world of aesthetics, it was probably the turning point of my fascination with east asia. underneath enjo kōsai, kim jong-il's film collection and qipao lies my personal reason/core - the incredibly specific connection with nature, which is ironic in itself considering certain acts of these countries, but it's still present moreso than anywhere else in the world, i think. if i study japanese/korean/chinese, it will be because i want to become japanese/korean/chinese in order to understand this fully, a complete immersion, i wonder if so-called "foreigners" are capable of understanding other nations, does effort (we're talking lots of) suffice or is it just "impossible"? i do not like to believe that anything is impossible, but i can't know for sure. a certain euphoria & anxiety in late night/early morning hours, the world is so full of possibilities.