The Sims Medieval: The Incident
Hello, and welcome to my The Sims Medieval play and the second, more interesting part of the prelude to the pirates vs. nobles war! We didn't have many votes, but we did luckily have enough for a majority! Three out of four (me included) voted for going neutral in the conflict, so that's what I'm going for. As for the new hero in the kingdom...
It's England! And yes, I deliberately went for really plain clothes to contrast France. He will be the kingdom's resident wizard for all its protection, harvest-improvement and cool light show needs. That, and he's here to antagonise America and France so I'll have more fun interactions to write in joint quests. Not gonna lie, that's the real reason he's here.
And his traits and fatal flaw are:
Call of the Sea - Sims with this trait have a deep love of the high seas. Select GO WHALE HUNTING, PATROL HIGH SEAS, or have your Sim engage in their special interaction, the Fishing Trip. The Fishing Trip action is similar to the whale hunt, and your Sim has the opportunity to catch several different types of fish.
Loves Family - Sims with the Loves Family Trait have a close connection with their families, and enjoy talking about and being with their loved ones.
Drunkard - Drunkards have a love-hate relationship with various intoxicating beverages; they love to drink, drink often and in large amounts, but really hate life when they wake up the next morning.
Because we all love pirate!England, daddy!England and drunk-beyond-reason!England. As with France, though, we won't be playing with him yet. Instead, we'll keep playing with Rome for one more quest so we can get this underway!
It had been some time since the sailor washed ashore on the beach of Hetalia and Romulus found the gruesome wreckage of a sunken ship off the coast. Life in Hetalia had moved on and people went about their day without a thought on the conflicts in distant countries. Romulus had ordered a new sword from a smithy in the village and had just received a message that it was ready to be picked up. It was a shame there wasn't a smithy closer to the castle, but the build master thought a tavern was more important. After tasting the wine, Romulus had given the go-ahead immediately and he hadn't regretted it until, well, now. He still didn't regret it very much.
He decided to go get it personally, and maybe he could make a side-trip to said tavern on the way back.
So off he went to get his new sword, without even changing from his armour. He never bothered with that anyway, it was too bulky to take on and off all the time and he had to show his people how heroic and amazing he was.
When Romulus arrived to the village, the smith was already waiting outside the village limits.
"I am sure you will be satisfied with your new sword, my king," he said while giving Romulus the sword. "I've made it to my... uh... highest standards!"
Romulus wasn't really paying attention to what the smith was saying after the word "sword". He heard the words, but he didn't pay any attention to the meaning. All that mattered was the sword. The gilded grip, the shining blade, it was so... beautiful!
"That's great, thanks for the sword!" he shouted as he ran off to the training grounds to try it out. So many things to cut, so little time!
When he arrived, he found the perfect person. It was that new knight, the one who kept Romulus from having fresh roast boar for dinner! ...Well, he didn't actually have any proof for that last part, but his advisor had told him the knight was against the boar hunt, and who else would it have been? He had three whole hunters for the Watcher's sake, and how many boar hiding places could a kingdom possibly have?
"Hey, you!" he shouted to the knight. "I got a new sword and I want to try it out on you!"
The knight shrugged and pulled out his own sword.
The first strike was Romulus'. The second strike... was not, but the third, fourth and fifth strikes were so the second one didn't count. Neither did strikes number six, seven or eight. Actually, let's just say any strike Romulus didn't do didn't count. He was the king, he decided which strikes did damage and which ones didn't.
The battle was actually a lot closer than Romulus would've preferred, with quite a lot of strikes that didn't count. But the ones that counted won out in the end, like they should. After all this, Romulus actually found himself liking the knight better. It was amazing what a good swordfight could do to a man, at least if he won it.
As the knight went back to the barracks to patch up, Romulus held his sword aloft in victory. That's when something odd happened. The sword broke in two! The top half fell off, hit his helmet-covered head and clattered to the ground. When Romulus took a closer look at the sword, he saw the blade was covered with notches everywhere, like he'd been fighting with a wooden sword! He couldn't use this to lead his troops to victory and get good fights with his enemies!
Where was that blacksmith?! Romulus was going to make him pay for giving him such a bad sword!
He found the blacksmith again in the town square and gave him a piece of his mind. A piece that involved a lot of swearing and even a few threats with the half of the sword that was still attached to the handle. Nobody cheated king Romulus out of a good fight!
"I-it's not my fault!" the blacksmith stammered, leaning away from the broken blade. "We've had a shortage of quality materials and Tredony's guild consortium has extortion-rate prices! I had to use a brittle cruddium alloy instead of mithral!"
'Well,' Romulus thought as he put away his sword. 'I couldn't kill someone for something like that.' He still needed some way to get the aggression out though. And the merchant DID still lie to him...
"No! Please, your majesty, I'm allergic to tomatoes and eggs!"
That was better. Still something missing to make him feel good again though.
MUCH better.
After some hunter's stew and a glass of wine the next morning, he felt as good as new. Well, he supposed it was time to actually look into that thing the blacksmith mentioned about extortion-rate prices earlier. By which he meant asking his advisor about it.
"The guild has raised their prices," the advisor said when Romulus asked him. "They say it has to do with the conflict with the pirates. I have just received a letter from the guild consortium and pirate tribunal regarding the matter. They have requested that Hetalia host a summit so that the Guild and the pirates can write a peace treaty in neutral territory."
Romulus blinked, taking it all in. "Wait, what?! Why didn't anyone tell me about that?!"
His advisor didn't change expression. "Because you show no interest in matters of the state, and the second you came back to the castle, you jumpted into bed with a Tredonian diplomat."
"Oh, yeah..." Romulus said to himself. Looked like he'd need to take care of the boring stuff for a bit after all. "This will be a good oppertunity for us to gain influence with the Aarbyvillian fleets and the Tredonian guilds. Send response that Hetalia will be honoured to mediate their agreement. I shall figure out how best to prepare for our guests. A tense situation such as this can be made or broken by the smallest details," he rambled boredly, mainly going by stuffy phrases he had taught himself. At least preparing for the guests' arrival would be less boring than writing formal letters all day.
His advisor nodded. "Right away, my lord. But just one thing; stay neutral. We don't want to look like we obviously favour one side over the other, unless we want the other side's troops after us. Which we do NOT," he clarified sternly when Romulus opened his mouth. Without listening to Romulus' arguments, he turned around to prepare the letters. Romulus knew his advisor wasn't coming back, so he might as well start planning. First up, the food. For whatever reason, the royal chefs only gave him two options: Fresh fruit or gourmet hors d'oeuvres.
Romulus had had met Tredonians before. He really didn't like most of the stuff they liked. So boring and stuffy and not sexy. But he supposed hors d'oeuvre was one of the things he was alright with, so he might as well pick that if he had to stay neutral.
"Hors d'oeuvres it is! Our guests will get the finest food in Hetalia!" he exclaimed.
The chefs left his presence at once with words like "Yes, your highness", "As you wish" and "So much work...".
Second, safety arrangements.
"There are two ways we can handle security, m'lord," Lieutenant le Grant told him when Romulus asked her. "We can show off our power by stationing guards in highly visible positions, or we can keep things on the down low by wearing disguises. What do you wish, Your Majesty?"
Well, he wasn't allowed to pick any fights with the guests (they were pirates, wasn't fighting what they lived for?!) so he might as well go with the visible guards. At least that'd give him an excuse to walk around with his sword out.
"Go with the showing off! Make sure to pull all stops! Actually, I think I'll walk around in armour, just in case!" he told her.
"Yes, Your Majesty. I shall ensure that nobody questions the Hetalia's might," the Lieutenant answered him with a kneel. As she walked off to inform the guards, he could swear he heard her mumble "But he's always wearing armour..."
Well, that didn't matter. Now to the fun part. The entertainment. If nothing else, he'd make sure he could have plenty of fun on this summit. As far as he knew, there were plenty of entertainers in the kingdom, both male and female. He should probably get a bard for the dinner entertainment and a talented woman to welcome them. A VERY talented woman would be nice.
He asked around until he found someone who knew where the bards resided, and he rewarded her well; a survival tip directly from the king's mouth.
"Adept Arthur is one of the worst cooks in Hetalia. I tasted his vegetable stew once and it was disgusting."
(OOC note: Yes, that really is what he said when I told him to gossip with her. It was such a brilliant coincidence I had to show it off even if it didn't have anything to do with the quest XD)
He soon found the bards he was looking for. The first was a seasoned, royal musician; very skilled and with complex phrasing and elegant melodies...
But the other had biting lyrics and a ribald refrain about a very "talented" woman, which won out in Romulus' opinion. The guild members get the food, the pirates get the entertainment, that's only fair.
When the second bard had finished his song, Romulus walked up to him and exclaimed "Congratulations! You're hired! Go see the castle staff and they'll figure the details out!"
"I'll make sure this party is completely wild!" The bard had a smile to match Romulus' own after a few glasses of wine. "You got the right man for the job, Your Majesticalness!"
And now to Romulus' favourite part of the whole thing: a woman to welcome the guests.
When he saw the women, Romulus knew he had already chosen. But he might as well "interview" them both, just to make sure.
When she noticed him approaching, the more conservatively dressed woman curtsied demurely to Romulus.
"It is a pleasure, your Royal Highness," she said courteously. "I am Laeci, a mere courtesan. I am educated in many arts and I am sure I will be able to bring great pleasure to your guests."
Well, the woman was certainly nice and charismatic, but she was missing a certain... something, Romulus thought.
When he turned around, the other woman was simply standing with one foot on the well edge with an impish smile, winking and lifting the hem of her dress.
"You're hired!" was the first thing out of Romulus' mouth. "And meet me in my room later," he added with a wink of his own.
(OOC note: I'm not even making this stuff up. Well, besides the showing off her legs and winking bit. The lady really is pretty much a T-rated prostitute. They even call her a "wench" in-game in the English version, and the Swedish title pretty much translates to "floozy".)
The woman (Romulus should probably learn her name soon) bowed playfully.
"Thank you, Your Majesty. I'll make sure your guests remember their time in Hetalia," she said before kissing Romulus on the cheek and walking off towards the castle. As he made his way back himself, Romulus found himself wondering if his Tredonian lady-friend would be fine with a threesome some time. She probably would, who wouldn't be interested in having sex with him?
When he arrived back at the castle, he figured he should probably ask his advisor when the guests were supposed to arrive. So he did.
"I have recieved word that both parties should be arriving in Hetalia soon," the advisor replied.
"Already? That was fast!" Romulus said, surprised. "Didn't you send that earlier today?"
"We're not the only nation with a wizard, Your Highness. Anyway, might I suggest that you take some time to make yourself presentable before they get here? I have taken the liberty of having the servants lay out special bath oils and minerals for you. Take your pick of whichever type of bathwater suits you, m'lord."
Well, Romulus DID smell like sweat after the sword fight earlier, he guessed. And blood. And dirt. He didn't really care either way, but he supposed the women liked him better when he smelled nice. And if he didn't, his advisor would just scold him again.
He didn't really care much either way for any of those smells, but wildflowers tended to attract more women. Romulus liked bathing, but it was a shame he couldn't do it with other people. Like some sort of bath house or something. Actually, that was a good idea. Maybe he'd look into that.
After the bath, he decided to use his free time to go to the tavern. Apparently they had gotten some new wines he was dying to try out. But just when he left the castle, a messenger ran up to him.
"Lord Romulus, I must speak with you," he said, panting slightly. "The Tredonians have arrived!"
Dammit. Looks like the wine had to wait.
"Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab has arrived with an entourage," the messenger continued when he saw he had Romulus' attention. "They await you at the forest path, My Lord."
Well, maybe the Tredonians appreciated some good wine too. They were nobles, weren't they, and didn't all nobles like to drink? With those thoughts in mind, he set off to the forest.
Just as he arrived, Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab strolled importantly into the clearing accompanied on his left by his son, Dacian Landegraab, who wore the bored look of a well-to-do noble with no interest in his father's business. Really, Romulus could sympathise. Maybe they could find some time to go out for drinks. All in the name of making a good impression, of course.
Behind them was Admiral Horus Alruna, leader of the Tredonian Navy. His face was grim and his eyes hard as the Guild Lord called to Romulus...
"Greetings, king Romulus," Demetrius said as he gave Romulus a hard handshake. "I am Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab of the Tredonian Guild Consortium. These are Admiral Horus Alruna and my son, Dacian Landegraab." With this, he smelled the air and gave an appreciative smile. "You speak as sweetly as you smell, Lord Romulus. I'm glad to see Hetalia has been able to remain neutral in this conflict so far. It must have been difficult with Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver's fleets harassing ships along your coast. Let us be off to Castle Hetalia."
With this, he signalled to his son and the Admiral and started walking towards the castle. Right, Aarbyville's representive was a woman... Maybe Romulus should've gone with the seawater, he had a feeling she wouldn't be fond of wild flowers.
When he came back to the castle with the guests, Romulus' advisor came out to meet him.
"My Lord, the Aarbyvillians have arrived at the beach," he said. "I shall look after our guests so that you may go welcome the Aarbyvillians."
Well, Romulus wasn't one to say no to an oppertunity to meet up with a lovely lady.
The pirates had already come ashore when Romulus arrived. Closest to him was Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver, leader of the Red Fleet. Her daughter, Misty Blackriver was behind. To her left was Blacksail Korbin Ravenscar, leader of the Black Fleet and newest member of the Pirate Tribunal.
Captain Blackriver called out as Romulus approached.
"Greetings, King Romulus," she said with a handshake harder than Demetrius'. "I am Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver of the Aarbyvillian Red Fleet. These are Blacksail Korbin Ravenscar of the Black Fleet and Misty Blackriver, my daughter. Now, before any more pleasantries I want to make one thing clear. I know of your reputation and neither my daughter nor I have any intention of woohooing with you."
'Well, that's one evening's plans ruined...' Romulus thought before Misty did a series of gestures behind her mother's back. Pointing on her mother, making an "x" shape with her fingers, pointing at herself, pointing at Romulus and... Well, the plan was on again. "Welcome to Hetalia, captain, I hope your trip was trouble-free," he said to Clarisa, going through the boring protocol in his head. Clarisa was less impressed than Demetrius.
"You speak like you smell: a bit too sweet for my taste. Still, we are honoured by your gracious welcome. Let us be off to Castle Hetalia to get this thing started."
When they arrived at the reception hall, it was starting to get dark outside. The meeting would have to wait until tomorrow.
He had happy dreams about war and bloodshed.
"I see you felt it necessary to provide a show of strength with the help of your guards, King Romulus," Clarisa grumbled the next morning, looking at the guards all around in disgust. "I'm not sure but will still trust that you're not plotting with Landegraab in some reckless attempt to bring my peers and my crew 'to justice'."
Romulus' advisor moved to calm her down, but before he could, Demetrius bit back. "It is you and your scurvy-induced delusions we should all be worried about, Blackriver. Now, let us attend to our bisuness so that we may sooner be rid of each other's company."
Romulus needed to get this thing started before they ripped each each other apart, even he knew that! "Let the summit begin!" he called out, taking out the scroll with the speech he was supposed to hold (which someone had somehow managed to sneak onto him).
"As leader of the host kingdom for this Peace Summit, I, Lord Romulus of Hetalia hereby bring this meeting to order. As is tradition, each side is required to present an offering of good will. You will now exchange your offerings that we may begin the steps towards reconcilliation."
The Blacksail and Admiral exchanged gifts:
"On behalf of the combined fleets of Aarbyville, I, Blacksail Korbin Ravenscar, present the Golden Spyglass of Clarity. Its lens can see through even the thickest fog."
"On behalf of the Guild Consortium and Royal Tredonian Navy, I, Admiral Horus Alruna present the Jeweled Compass. Its needle will always point away from danger."
Now for the only part of these meetings Romulus liked. "And now, before the signing of the treaty, we will follow a long-standing tradition of Hetalia: the Giving of the Gifts, whereby gifts are given to the Monarch, who in this case happens to be me. Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver and Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab, have you bought your gifts for me?" Obligatory gifts were the best kind.
"Yes," Demetrius said. "And we both agree that our gifts are better suited for use outdoors. For that reason, we shall present your gifts at the town square."
"Aye," Clarisa said, gesturing to her entourage to follow her. The three rulers and their followers went to the town square, and Romulus were getting real excited. After all, the rule went that bigger gifts automatically were better!
The town square took him by surprise. While they'd been at the castle, someone had apparently decorated it with a mat, a threatening-looking chair, some tables and best of all: a wine barrel! This was going to be great!
"And now to commence with the Giving of the Gifts!" he proclaimed, trying to hide his giddiness with a formal voice. Demetrius Landegraab was the first to speak, leading Romulus to the chair.
"Lord Romulus," he said. "let me bestow you with one of the greatest inventions we've ever encountered: a multi-purpose interrogation chair. I've had my servants place a chair here for demonstration purposes. Please, have a look."
Sounded interesting! Romulus usually interrogated people with his sword, but maybe a change would be nice now and then. But who to try it on? Even Romulus knew he couldn't try it on any of the Tredonians or Aarbyvillians, and stick in the mud or not, his advisor was also his friend. Then who...?
"May I suggest that you test the the chair on that terrible musician over there?" Demetrius interrupted his thoughts. "His songs remind me of a dire chinchilla attacking a goat... Ugh, make it stop!"
Well, it was better than any of Romulus' ideas. Hopefully he wouldn't mind so much he'd stop playing...
When the bard was all strapped in, Demetrius continued.
"Well done. Now that the subject is secured in the chair, go ahead and try out some questioning techniques."
Well, Romulus didn't want the guy hurt too badly, people didn't tend to like kings who interrogated people right in the open, so he decided to go with something mild and just splash some water in the guy's face.
"WHARRGARBL! I'm all wet!" the bard shouted, shaking his head like a dog. This was pretty fun! Now to try whatever was in that box on the table with the label saying "show me!".
Whatever was in the box, it got the bard screaming.
"What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!"
Romulus decided he wasn't keen to take a look himself after that. He was just about to move on to a whole new level, tickling, when Demetrius interrupted him.
"As you can see, this chair can be quite useful for many purposes. The chair here is just for demonstration purposes. We've shipped a new one to the village for you to pick up and use as you see fit. I'm sure you will find it invaluable."
That meant Romulus was supposed to stop now, wasn't it? Well, he supposed tickling WAS far too cruel to subject the poor innocent bard to. This chair was just so... amazing! Nevertheless, he let the shaken bard go and turned to Clarisa for her gift.
At first glance, Clarisa's gift was a lot less impressive. Just some weird whistle thing. What she said was a lot more interesting, though.
"I present you with one of Aarbyville's finest hunting falcons. It will come to you when you use its whistle to call it. Why don't you give it a shot now?"
Well, that was much better! Romulus blew the whistle and looked around in the sky for the falcon. A bird did land on his arm (he was happy he was wearing armour), but...
"Are you sure that's a falcon? It looks a bit... colourful."
"Well, actually, it's a parrot," Clarisa admitted. "But falcon sounds better on paper. And the important part is that he's very well-trained. Try to send him treasure hunting."
The bird flew off before Romulus could even give the order.
"Sorry about that, lord Romulus, looks like he's still obeying me. Well, now we just have to wait for your bird to return. Sometimes they find treasure very quickly, other times it can take a few hours."
If it was going to take that long, Romulus should probably go get the interrogation chair in the village.
"Romulus was greeted by a well-dressed group of merchants as he approached the village.
"We've got your new interrogation chair right here," a merchant said, gesturing to an ornate, gilt chair with various persuasive instruments hanging off it.
"We had it shipped to the village and it was too heavy to carry to your castle. I'm sure you'll have no trouble with it though."
So the king was supposed to carry it back? Well, it wasn't as if Romulus minded exercise, so he went to work.
When he had dragged it towards the castle for a bit, the parrot (who he had decided to name Feli) came back and sat down on it, carrying a bag of coins in its beak. It probably belonged to someone, but then again, Romulus was the king. It'd probably have ended up with him through taxes anyway.
"Ah look, your bird has returned!"
Romulus looked behind him to see Clarisa and the others walking towards him. "There are many other commands your parrot will respond to. I'm sure you will enjoy getting to know your new pet," she told him.
Romulus gave her his most lady-killing smile. Just because she said earlier she wasn't interested didn't mean he was going to stop trying!
"I thank you both for your generous gifts," he said, remembering protocol again. Let us return to the reception hall and commence with the signing of your treaty."
But when they came back to the reception hall, things were not right.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Tiberius shouted when he saw the passed out people. "Blackriver, you're behind this!" With those words, he started shaking Alruna violently. "Admiral Alruna! Wake up! What happened? Where is my son, Dacian?!"
Clarisa turned around to glare at him. "I'm behind this? I'M BEHIND THIS?! This reeks of one of your schemes, Landegraab! Where is Misty, my daughter? If you've harmed a hair on her head, I'll use your ears to patch my sails and your tongue to swab the poop deck!"
That's when Romulus noticed his advisor and the others stirring, holding their heads and groaning.
"Hold on, they're waking up," he said. It didn't take a political genius to see that Clarisa and Demetrius arguing was not a good thing. "Let's talk to them before we jump to conclusions."
Clarisa and Demetrius didn't listen, so Romulus decided to take things in his own hands (he'd done fine in the town square, right?) and ask Korbin.
"What happened here?"
"I was sitting here passing the time when a strange, green fog suddenly filled the room," Korbin explained. "I grew dizzy and started to lose my balance. I remember seeing some shadowy figures as I fell to the floor. They looked like guild operatives to me, but I was unable to get a good look before I passed out." He cast a not so subtle glare at Horus during the last bit.
"'Guild operatives' he says... Ha!" Horus shot back. "He's telling the truth about the fog, but it's obvious we're being set up by these dishonourable fiends! The Golden Spyglass I was holding is gone; stolen while I was knocked unconcious. I'd wager my life's savings that Misty Blackriver took it while I was passed out and then fled." He turned to Demetrius, who at this point looked dangerously close to forgetting about class and taking to fists with Clarisa. "I told you it was foolish to expect pirates to honour their word, Guild Lord Landegraab."
"So quick to blame my daughter, Alruna, but you'll notice that Landegraab's son is nowhere to be found either," Clarisa said from where she was standing, turning around to confront Horus. "The whole idea of a treaty was a mistake. I should've known better. Come, Blacksail Ravenscar, we're leaving. You haven't seen the last of us, Landegraab, mark my words!"
With this, she turned around and spat on Landegraab's expensive costume before marching out of the reception hall, Korbin soon behind her. Demetrius stared in shock at his costume for a second, before gesturing to Horus to follow him and leaving the room in a huff.
When he was sure they were gone, Romulus turned to his advisor.
"Alright, I promise it's not my fault this time. Things went great at the town square. I even got a pet!"
His advisor nodded, stoic as ever even after everything that happened. "I know that, my lord. For once. But I have a sinking feeling that this is just the beginning of our troubles. Hetalia now sits in a precarious position with this conflict. But as bad as things are, we still have options. Depending on how we manage our relationship with the Pirate Fleets and Guild Consortium, we may be able to turn this conflict to our advantage. I'll give you regular updates on how each side is faring in the war."
As much as Romulus loved battles and hoped he'd get a chance to join some, he knew the best thing for his people would be to not clearly support any side and get the other side angry. He knew he would have to protect his people. His blacksmiths, his vintners, his prostitutes! He also knew he had to find Misty and Dacian somehow. Not only to calm their parents down, but so he could woohoo Misty. How was he supposed to woohoo a woman he didn't know where she was?!
All in all, although the summit had broken down into chaos, Romulus was confident that through careful management of Guild and Pirate relations (by which he meant letting his advisor know what he wanted and letting him manage the situation), the situation could be turned to Hetalia's advantage.
And that was The Incident! I hope it was entertaining enough to make up for the wait, and now that the war has broken out (Yaaaay for wars!), we will hopefully start playing as other heroes. One thing pretty high on my priority list is getting England to join the pirate side. Because that needs to be a thing. And if he does, France will obviously need to join the nobles. That also needs to be a thing. I've played the quest before so I can say it'll be kind of embarassing for him, but anything for pushing people around with his fancy title and getting pretty clothes!
As for where we stand after this quest, we are slightly leaning towards the Tredonian side, but I think we are all in all in the neutral zone. And as always, it is now time to vote for our next hero! The Wizard position is filled, so besides England, that also leaves Romania out! Make sure to vote and I'll see you all next time!
Edit: Voting is over.
It's England! And yes, I deliberately went for really plain clothes to contrast France. He will be the kingdom's resident wizard for all its protection, harvest-improvement and cool light show needs. That, and he's here to antagonise America and France so I'll have more fun interactions to write in joint quests. Not gonna lie, that's the real reason he's here.
And his traits and fatal flaw are:
Call of the Sea - Sims with this trait have a deep love of the high seas. Select GO WHALE HUNTING, PATROL HIGH SEAS, or have your Sim engage in their special interaction, the Fishing Trip. The Fishing Trip action is similar to the whale hunt, and your Sim has the opportunity to catch several different types of fish.
Loves Family - Sims with the Loves Family Trait have a close connection with their families, and enjoy talking about and being with their loved ones.
Drunkard - Drunkards have a love-hate relationship with various intoxicating beverages; they love to drink, drink often and in large amounts, but really hate life when they wake up the next morning.
Because we all love pirate!England, daddy!England and drunk-beyond-reason!England. As with France, though, we won't be playing with him yet. Instead, we'll keep playing with Rome for one more quest so we can get this underway!
It had been some time since the sailor washed ashore on the beach of Hetalia and Romulus found the gruesome wreckage of a sunken ship off the coast. Life in Hetalia had moved on and people went about their day without a thought on the conflicts in distant countries. Romulus had ordered a new sword from a smithy in the village and had just received a message that it was ready to be picked up. It was a shame there wasn't a smithy closer to the castle, but the build master thought a tavern was more important. After tasting the wine, Romulus had given the go-ahead immediately and he hadn't regretted it until, well, now. He still didn't regret it very much.
He decided to go get it personally, and maybe he could make a side-trip to said tavern on the way back.
So off he went to get his new sword, without even changing from his armour. He never bothered with that anyway, it was too bulky to take on and off all the time and he had to show his people how heroic and amazing he was.
When Romulus arrived to the village, the smith was already waiting outside the village limits.
"I am sure you will be satisfied with your new sword, my king," he said while giving Romulus the sword. "I've made it to my... uh... highest standards!"
Romulus wasn't really paying attention to what the smith was saying after the word "sword". He heard the words, but he didn't pay any attention to the meaning. All that mattered was the sword. The gilded grip, the shining blade, it was so... beautiful!
"That's great, thanks for the sword!" he shouted as he ran off to the training grounds to try it out. So many things to cut, so little time!
When he arrived, he found the perfect person. It was that new knight, the one who kept Romulus from having fresh roast boar for dinner! ...Well, he didn't actually have any proof for that last part, but his advisor had told him the knight was against the boar hunt, and who else would it have been? He had three whole hunters for the Watcher's sake, and how many boar hiding places could a kingdom possibly have?
"Hey, you!" he shouted to the knight. "I got a new sword and I want to try it out on you!"
The knight shrugged and pulled out his own sword.
The first strike was Romulus'. The second strike... was not, but the third, fourth and fifth strikes were so the second one didn't count. Neither did strikes number six, seven or eight. Actually, let's just say any strike Romulus didn't do didn't count. He was the king, he decided which strikes did damage and which ones didn't.
The battle was actually a lot closer than Romulus would've preferred, with quite a lot of strikes that didn't count. But the ones that counted won out in the end, like they should. After all this, Romulus actually found himself liking the knight better. It was amazing what a good swordfight could do to a man, at least if he won it.
As the knight went back to the barracks to patch up, Romulus held his sword aloft in victory. That's when something odd happened. The sword broke in two! The top half fell off, hit his helmet-covered head and clattered to the ground. When Romulus took a closer look at the sword, he saw the blade was covered with notches everywhere, like he'd been fighting with a wooden sword! He couldn't use this to lead his troops to victory and get good fights with his enemies!
Where was that blacksmith?! Romulus was going to make him pay for giving him such a bad sword!
He found the blacksmith again in the town square and gave him a piece of his mind. A piece that involved a lot of swearing and even a few threats with the half of the sword that was still attached to the handle. Nobody cheated king Romulus out of a good fight!
"I-it's not my fault!" the blacksmith stammered, leaning away from the broken blade. "We've had a shortage of quality materials and Tredony's guild consortium has extortion-rate prices! I had to use a brittle cruddium alloy instead of mithral!"
'Well,' Romulus thought as he put away his sword. 'I couldn't kill someone for something like that.' He still needed some way to get the aggression out though. And the merchant DID still lie to him...
"No! Please, your majesty, I'm allergic to tomatoes and eggs!"
That was better. Still something missing to make him feel good again though.
MUCH better.
After some hunter's stew and a glass of wine the next morning, he felt as good as new. Well, he supposed it was time to actually look into that thing the blacksmith mentioned about extortion-rate prices earlier. By which he meant asking his advisor about it.
"The guild has raised their prices," the advisor said when Romulus asked him. "They say it has to do with the conflict with the pirates. I have just received a letter from the guild consortium and pirate tribunal regarding the matter. They have requested that Hetalia host a summit so that the Guild and the pirates can write a peace treaty in neutral territory."
Romulus blinked, taking it all in. "Wait, what?! Why didn't anyone tell me about that?!"
His advisor didn't change expression. "Because you show no interest in matters of the state, and the second you came back to the castle, you jumpted into bed with a Tredonian diplomat."
"Oh, yeah..." Romulus said to himself. Looked like he'd need to take care of the boring stuff for a bit after all. "This will be a good oppertunity for us to gain influence with the Aarbyvillian fleets and the Tredonian guilds. Send response that Hetalia will be honoured to mediate their agreement. I shall figure out how best to prepare for our guests. A tense situation such as this can be made or broken by the smallest details," he rambled boredly, mainly going by stuffy phrases he had taught himself. At least preparing for the guests' arrival would be less boring than writing formal letters all day.
His advisor nodded. "Right away, my lord. But just one thing; stay neutral. We don't want to look like we obviously favour one side over the other, unless we want the other side's troops after us. Which we do NOT," he clarified sternly when Romulus opened his mouth. Without listening to Romulus' arguments, he turned around to prepare the letters. Romulus knew his advisor wasn't coming back, so he might as well start planning. First up, the food. For whatever reason, the royal chefs only gave him two options: Fresh fruit or gourmet hors d'oeuvres.
Romulus had had met Tredonians before. He really didn't like most of the stuff they liked. So boring and stuffy and not sexy. But he supposed hors d'oeuvre was one of the things he was alright with, so he might as well pick that if he had to stay neutral.
"Hors d'oeuvres it is! Our guests will get the finest food in Hetalia!" he exclaimed.
The chefs left his presence at once with words like "Yes, your highness", "As you wish" and "So much work...".
Second, safety arrangements.
"There are two ways we can handle security, m'lord," Lieutenant le Grant told him when Romulus asked her. "We can show off our power by stationing guards in highly visible positions, or we can keep things on the down low by wearing disguises. What do you wish, Your Majesty?"
Well, he wasn't allowed to pick any fights with the guests (they were pirates, wasn't fighting what they lived for?!) so he might as well go with the visible guards. At least that'd give him an excuse to walk around with his sword out.
"Go with the showing off! Make sure to pull all stops! Actually, I think I'll walk around in armour, just in case!" he told her.
"Yes, Your Majesty. I shall ensure that nobody questions the Hetalia's might," the Lieutenant answered him with a kneel. As she walked off to inform the guards, he could swear he heard her mumble "But he's always wearing armour..."
Well, that didn't matter. Now to the fun part. The entertainment. If nothing else, he'd make sure he could have plenty of fun on this summit. As far as he knew, there were plenty of entertainers in the kingdom, both male and female. He should probably get a bard for the dinner entertainment and a talented woman to welcome them. A VERY talented woman would be nice.
He asked around until he found someone who knew where the bards resided, and he rewarded her well; a survival tip directly from the king's mouth.
"Adept Arthur is one of the worst cooks in Hetalia. I tasted his vegetable stew once and it was disgusting."
(OOC note: Yes, that really is what he said when I told him to gossip with her. It was such a brilliant coincidence I had to show it off even if it didn't have anything to do with the quest XD)
He soon found the bards he was looking for. The first was a seasoned, royal musician; very skilled and with complex phrasing and elegant melodies...
But the other had biting lyrics and a ribald refrain about a very "talented" woman, which won out in Romulus' opinion. The guild members get the food, the pirates get the entertainment, that's only fair.
When the second bard had finished his song, Romulus walked up to him and exclaimed "Congratulations! You're hired! Go see the castle staff and they'll figure the details out!"
"I'll make sure this party is completely wild!" The bard had a smile to match Romulus' own after a few glasses of wine. "You got the right man for the job, Your Majesticalness!"
And now to Romulus' favourite part of the whole thing: a woman to welcome the guests.
When he saw the women, Romulus knew he had already chosen. But he might as well "interview" them both, just to make sure.
When she noticed him approaching, the more conservatively dressed woman curtsied demurely to Romulus.
"It is a pleasure, your Royal Highness," she said courteously. "I am Laeci, a mere courtesan. I am educated in many arts and I am sure I will be able to bring great pleasure to your guests."
Well, the woman was certainly nice and charismatic, but she was missing a certain... something, Romulus thought.
When he turned around, the other woman was simply standing with one foot on the well edge with an impish smile, winking and lifting the hem of her dress.
"You're hired!" was the first thing out of Romulus' mouth. "And meet me in my room later," he added with a wink of his own.
(OOC note: I'm not even making this stuff up. Well, besides the showing off her legs and winking bit. The lady really is pretty much a T-rated prostitute. They even call her a "wench" in-game in the English version, and the Swedish title pretty much translates to "floozy".)
The woman (Romulus should probably learn her name soon) bowed playfully.
"Thank you, Your Majesty. I'll make sure your guests remember their time in Hetalia," she said before kissing Romulus on the cheek and walking off towards the castle. As he made his way back himself, Romulus found himself wondering if his Tredonian lady-friend would be fine with a threesome some time. She probably would, who wouldn't be interested in having sex with him?
When he arrived back at the castle, he figured he should probably ask his advisor when the guests were supposed to arrive. So he did.
"I have recieved word that both parties should be arriving in Hetalia soon," the advisor replied.
"Already? That was fast!" Romulus said, surprised. "Didn't you send that earlier today?"
"We're not the only nation with a wizard, Your Highness. Anyway, might I suggest that you take some time to make yourself presentable before they get here? I have taken the liberty of having the servants lay out special bath oils and minerals for you. Take your pick of whichever type of bathwater suits you, m'lord."
Well, Romulus DID smell like sweat after the sword fight earlier, he guessed. And blood. And dirt. He didn't really care either way, but he supposed the women liked him better when he smelled nice. And if he didn't, his advisor would just scold him again.
He didn't really care much either way for any of those smells, but wildflowers tended to attract more women. Romulus liked bathing, but it was a shame he couldn't do it with other people. Like some sort of bath house or something. Actually, that was a good idea. Maybe he'd look into that.
After the bath, he decided to use his free time to go to the tavern. Apparently they had gotten some new wines he was dying to try out. But just when he left the castle, a messenger ran up to him.
"Lord Romulus, I must speak with you," he said, panting slightly. "The Tredonians have arrived!"
Dammit. Looks like the wine had to wait.
"Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab has arrived with an entourage," the messenger continued when he saw he had Romulus' attention. "They await you at the forest path, My Lord."
Well, maybe the Tredonians appreciated some good wine too. They were nobles, weren't they, and didn't all nobles like to drink? With those thoughts in mind, he set off to the forest.
Just as he arrived, Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab strolled importantly into the clearing accompanied on his left by his son, Dacian Landegraab, who wore the bored look of a well-to-do noble with no interest in his father's business. Really, Romulus could sympathise. Maybe they could find some time to go out for drinks. All in the name of making a good impression, of course.
Behind them was Admiral Horus Alruna, leader of the Tredonian Navy. His face was grim and his eyes hard as the Guild Lord called to Romulus...
"Greetings, king Romulus," Demetrius said as he gave Romulus a hard handshake. "I am Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab of the Tredonian Guild Consortium. These are Admiral Horus Alruna and my son, Dacian Landegraab." With this, he smelled the air and gave an appreciative smile. "You speak as sweetly as you smell, Lord Romulus. I'm glad to see Hetalia has been able to remain neutral in this conflict so far. It must have been difficult with Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver's fleets harassing ships along your coast. Let us be off to Castle Hetalia."
With this, he signalled to his son and the Admiral and started walking towards the castle. Right, Aarbyville's representive was a woman... Maybe Romulus should've gone with the seawater, he had a feeling she wouldn't be fond of wild flowers.
When he came back to the castle with the guests, Romulus' advisor came out to meet him.
"My Lord, the Aarbyvillians have arrived at the beach," he said. "I shall look after our guests so that you may go welcome the Aarbyvillians."
Well, Romulus wasn't one to say no to an oppertunity to meet up with a lovely lady.
The pirates had already come ashore when Romulus arrived. Closest to him was Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver, leader of the Red Fleet. Her daughter, Misty Blackriver was behind. To her left was Blacksail Korbin Ravenscar, leader of the Black Fleet and newest member of the Pirate Tribunal.
Captain Blackriver called out as Romulus approached.
"Greetings, King Romulus," she said with a handshake harder than Demetrius'. "I am Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver of the Aarbyvillian Red Fleet. These are Blacksail Korbin Ravenscar of the Black Fleet and Misty Blackriver, my daughter. Now, before any more pleasantries I want to make one thing clear. I know of your reputation and neither my daughter nor I have any intention of woohooing with you."
'Well, that's one evening's plans ruined...' Romulus thought before Misty did a series of gestures behind her mother's back. Pointing on her mother, making an "x" shape with her fingers, pointing at herself, pointing at Romulus and... Well, the plan was on again. "Welcome to Hetalia, captain, I hope your trip was trouble-free," he said to Clarisa, going through the boring protocol in his head. Clarisa was less impressed than Demetrius.
"You speak like you smell: a bit too sweet for my taste. Still, we are honoured by your gracious welcome. Let us be off to Castle Hetalia to get this thing started."
When they arrived at the reception hall, it was starting to get dark outside. The meeting would have to wait until tomorrow.
He had happy dreams about war and bloodshed.
"I see you felt it necessary to provide a show of strength with the help of your guards, King Romulus," Clarisa grumbled the next morning, looking at the guards all around in disgust. "I'm not sure but will still trust that you're not plotting with Landegraab in some reckless attempt to bring my peers and my crew 'to justice'."
Romulus' advisor moved to calm her down, but before he could, Demetrius bit back. "It is you and your scurvy-induced delusions we should all be worried about, Blackriver. Now, let us attend to our bisuness so that we may sooner be rid of each other's company."
Romulus needed to get this thing started before they ripped each each other apart, even he knew that! "Let the summit begin!" he called out, taking out the scroll with the speech he was supposed to hold (which someone had somehow managed to sneak onto him).
"As leader of the host kingdom for this Peace Summit, I, Lord Romulus of Hetalia hereby bring this meeting to order. As is tradition, each side is required to present an offering of good will. You will now exchange your offerings that we may begin the steps towards reconcilliation."
The Blacksail and Admiral exchanged gifts:
"On behalf of the combined fleets of Aarbyville, I, Blacksail Korbin Ravenscar, present the Golden Spyglass of Clarity. Its lens can see through even the thickest fog."
"On behalf of the Guild Consortium and Royal Tredonian Navy, I, Admiral Horus Alruna present the Jeweled Compass. Its needle will always point away from danger."
Now for the only part of these meetings Romulus liked. "And now, before the signing of the treaty, we will follow a long-standing tradition of Hetalia: the Giving of the Gifts, whereby gifts are given to the Monarch, who in this case happens to be me. Dread Captain Clarisa Blackriver and Guild Lord Demetrius Landegraab, have you bought your gifts for me?" Obligatory gifts were the best kind.
"Yes," Demetrius said. "And we both agree that our gifts are better suited for use outdoors. For that reason, we shall present your gifts at the town square."
"Aye," Clarisa said, gesturing to her entourage to follow her. The three rulers and their followers went to the town square, and Romulus were getting real excited. After all, the rule went that bigger gifts automatically were better!
The town square took him by surprise. While they'd been at the castle, someone had apparently decorated it with a mat, a threatening-looking chair, some tables and best of all: a wine barrel! This was going to be great!
"And now to commence with the Giving of the Gifts!" he proclaimed, trying to hide his giddiness with a formal voice. Demetrius Landegraab was the first to speak, leading Romulus to the chair.
"Lord Romulus," he said. "let me bestow you with one of the greatest inventions we've ever encountered: a multi-purpose interrogation chair. I've had my servants place a chair here for demonstration purposes. Please, have a look."
Sounded interesting! Romulus usually interrogated people with his sword, but maybe a change would be nice now and then. But who to try it on? Even Romulus knew he couldn't try it on any of the Tredonians or Aarbyvillians, and stick in the mud or not, his advisor was also his friend. Then who...?
"May I suggest that you test the the chair on that terrible musician over there?" Demetrius interrupted his thoughts. "His songs remind me of a dire chinchilla attacking a goat... Ugh, make it stop!"
Well, it was better than any of Romulus' ideas. Hopefully he wouldn't mind so much he'd stop playing...
When the bard was all strapped in, Demetrius continued.
"Well done. Now that the subject is secured in the chair, go ahead and try out some questioning techniques."
Well, Romulus didn't want the guy hurt too badly, people didn't tend to like kings who interrogated people right in the open, so he decided to go with something mild and just splash some water in the guy's face.
"WHARRGARBL! I'm all wet!" the bard shouted, shaking his head like a dog. This was pretty fun! Now to try whatever was in that box on the table with the label saying "show me!".
Whatever was in the box, it got the bard screaming.
"What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!"
Romulus decided he wasn't keen to take a look himself after that. He was just about to move on to a whole new level, tickling, when Demetrius interrupted him.
"As you can see, this chair can be quite useful for many purposes. The chair here is just for demonstration purposes. We've shipped a new one to the village for you to pick up and use as you see fit. I'm sure you will find it invaluable."
That meant Romulus was supposed to stop now, wasn't it? Well, he supposed tickling WAS far too cruel to subject the poor innocent bard to. This chair was just so... amazing! Nevertheless, he let the shaken bard go and turned to Clarisa for her gift.
At first glance, Clarisa's gift was a lot less impressive. Just some weird whistle thing. What she said was a lot more interesting, though.
"I present you with one of Aarbyville's finest hunting falcons. It will come to you when you use its whistle to call it. Why don't you give it a shot now?"
Well, that was much better! Romulus blew the whistle and looked around in the sky for the falcon. A bird did land on his arm (he was happy he was wearing armour), but...
"Are you sure that's a falcon? It looks a bit... colourful."
"Well, actually, it's a parrot," Clarisa admitted. "But falcon sounds better on paper. And the important part is that he's very well-trained. Try to send him treasure hunting."
The bird flew off before Romulus could even give the order.
"Sorry about that, lord Romulus, looks like he's still obeying me. Well, now we just have to wait for your bird to return. Sometimes they find treasure very quickly, other times it can take a few hours."
If it was going to take that long, Romulus should probably go get the interrogation chair in the village.
"Romulus was greeted by a well-dressed group of merchants as he approached the village.
"We've got your new interrogation chair right here," a merchant said, gesturing to an ornate, gilt chair with various persuasive instruments hanging off it.
"We had it shipped to the village and it was too heavy to carry to your castle. I'm sure you'll have no trouble with it though."
So the king was supposed to carry it back? Well, it wasn't as if Romulus minded exercise, so he went to work.
When he had dragged it towards the castle for a bit, the parrot (who he had decided to name Feli) came back and sat down on it, carrying a bag of coins in its beak. It probably belonged to someone, but then again, Romulus was the king. It'd probably have ended up with him through taxes anyway.
"Ah look, your bird has returned!"
Romulus looked behind him to see Clarisa and the others walking towards him. "There are many other commands your parrot will respond to. I'm sure you will enjoy getting to know your new pet," she told him.
Romulus gave her his most lady-killing smile. Just because she said earlier she wasn't interested didn't mean he was going to stop trying!
"I thank you both for your generous gifts," he said, remembering protocol again. Let us return to the reception hall and commence with the signing of your treaty."
But when they came back to the reception hall, things were not right.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Tiberius shouted when he saw the passed out people. "Blackriver, you're behind this!" With those words, he started shaking Alruna violently. "Admiral Alruna! Wake up! What happened? Where is my son, Dacian?!"
Clarisa turned around to glare at him. "I'm behind this? I'M BEHIND THIS?! This reeks of one of your schemes, Landegraab! Where is Misty, my daughter? If you've harmed a hair on her head, I'll use your ears to patch my sails and your tongue to swab the poop deck!"
That's when Romulus noticed his advisor and the others stirring, holding their heads and groaning.
"Hold on, they're waking up," he said. It didn't take a political genius to see that Clarisa and Demetrius arguing was not a good thing. "Let's talk to them before we jump to conclusions."
Clarisa and Demetrius didn't listen, so Romulus decided to take things in his own hands (he'd done fine in the town square, right?) and ask Korbin.
"What happened here?"
"I was sitting here passing the time when a strange, green fog suddenly filled the room," Korbin explained. "I grew dizzy and started to lose my balance. I remember seeing some shadowy figures as I fell to the floor. They looked like guild operatives to me, but I was unable to get a good look before I passed out." He cast a not so subtle glare at Horus during the last bit.
"'Guild operatives' he says... Ha!" Horus shot back. "He's telling the truth about the fog, but it's obvious we're being set up by these dishonourable fiends! The Golden Spyglass I was holding is gone; stolen while I was knocked unconcious. I'd wager my life's savings that Misty Blackriver took it while I was passed out and then fled." He turned to Demetrius, who at this point looked dangerously close to forgetting about class and taking to fists with Clarisa. "I told you it was foolish to expect pirates to honour their word, Guild Lord Landegraab."
"So quick to blame my daughter, Alruna, but you'll notice that Landegraab's son is nowhere to be found either," Clarisa said from where she was standing, turning around to confront Horus. "The whole idea of a treaty was a mistake. I should've known better. Come, Blacksail Ravenscar, we're leaving. You haven't seen the last of us, Landegraab, mark my words!"
With this, she turned around and spat on Landegraab's expensive costume before marching out of the reception hall, Korbin soon behind her. Demetrius stared in shock at his costume for a second, before gesturing to Horus to follow him and leaving the room in a huff.
When he was sure they were gone, Romulus turned to his advisor.
"Alright, I promise it's not my fault this time. Things went great at the town square. I even got a pet!"
His advisor nodded, stoic as ever even after everything that happened. "I know that, my lord. For once. But I have a sinking feeling that this is just the beginning of our troubles. Hetalia now sits in a precarious position with this conflict. But as bad as things are, we still have options. Depending on how we manage our relationship with the Pirate Fleets and Guild Consortium, we may be able to turn this conflict to our advantage. I'll give you regular updates on how each side is faring in the war."
As much as Romulus loved battles and hoped he'd get a chance to join some, he knew the best thing for his people would be to not clearly support any side and get the other side angry. He knew he would have to protect his people. His blacksmiths, his vintners, his prostitutes! He also knew he had to find Misty and Dacian somehow. Not only to calm their parents down, but so he could woohoo Misty. How was he supposed to woohoo a woman he didn't know where she was?!
All in all, although the summit had broken down into chaos, Romulus was confident that through careful management of Guild and Pirate relations (by which he meant letting his advisor know what he wanted and letting him manage the situation), the situation could be turned to Hetalia's advantage.
And that was The Incident! I hope it was entertaining enough to make up for the wait, and now that the war has broken out (Yaaaay for wars!), we will hopefully start playing as other heroes. One thing pretty high on my priority list is getting England to join the pirate side. Because that needs to be a thing. And if he does, France will obviously need to join the nobles. That also needs to be a thing. I've played the quest before so I can say it'll be kind of embarassing for him, but anything for pushing people around with his fancy title and getting pretty clothes!
As for where we stand after this quest, we are slightly leaning towards the Tredonian side, but I think we are all in all in the neutral zone. And as always, it is now time to vote for our next hero! The Wizard position is filled, so besides England, that also leaves Romania out! Make sure to vote and I'll see you all next time!
Edit: Voting is over.