(no subject)
I remember being fired. It wasn’t so much being fired as being released from my contract. The reason they gave was that “it wasn’t a good fit.” My skills, abilities, competences, struggles, failures, and passions just weren’t enough to get the results they wanted. They wanted me to teach-which I was very capable of doing-but I was not able to comply.
I was bullied by 13-year-olds. As a first year teacher, they picked up on my every weakness and exploited it. Systematically. Daily. Ruthlessly. They were expecting to get me fired, they were proud of it. They gloated in my defeat. They knew that my inability to control their behavior was the slope upon which I would slide into the pit of desperation and my previously inexhaustible patience would become exhausted.
My fundamental outlook on the nature of human existence was at fault here. I believe that we are all free to make our own decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions. My mistake was in assuming that there are unacceptable consequences for failing to learn, and that the students would choose learning over any alternatives.
They could care less about grades, or learning, or being decent people. Their motivations were purely self-centered pursuit of prestige among their peers. They only cared about whether they were cool for their friends. If bad-mouthing the teacher got them attention, got them a laugh, then it was a desirable behavior. If their name went on the board for an infraction, it was a badge of honor. If they got sent to the office, THAT was a twofer-the teacher lost her control AND they didn’t have to be in class anymore. They made it a game to see how many names they could get me to write on the board. How long they could talk and prevent me from continuing my lesson. How much time they could waste listening to me tell them that their behavior had to change.
They abused each other, too, not just me. While I tried to write notes for them to copy, two of them would be stealing things from another’s backpack, or one would be whispering racist slurs to another, or the alpha female would be out of her seat taking the hat of the alpha male (aggressive courtship behavior,) or one would be telling another he was gay just to get a gross-out reaction and an exaggerated flinch away.
The administration came in to “help.” The Vice Principal lectured them on their bad behavior. He told them they were only hurting themselves and that I was doing my best to teach them. He “threatened” that some of them might not be promoted-an empty threat that they completely ignored. He warned them that they might not earn the privilege of dances or the end-of-year party at the amusement park. They were nonplussed-they brazenly replied that they would go to the amusement park by themselves and they don’t like dances anyway. It was worth more to them to be crappy little bullies than the effort it would take for them to be respectful, compliant students.
Other teachers saw this behavior from select students. Their experience and demeanor allowed them to minimize the impact on the whole class, so that only those select students missed out on the education. I was not able to deftly cull the leaders from the group before they turned the whole class into chaos. I could not send the same five students to the office every day within the first few moments of class. Some classes I had for two hours, and I would send the student to the office in the first hour only for them to return to class in the second, refreshed and ready for more.
There are news reports about how the students with the highest need for experienced, quality teachers are the ones who are getting the newest, least prepared teachers. I lived that. It hurt my soul. There are news reports about how most new teachers leave the profession within their first five years. I was determined not to be one of those teachers, but it appears as though I will be. My students are all good kids. They come from varied circumstances that challenge their ability to concentrate at school. They are normal humans going through puberty and learning about social interactions and appropriate and inappropriate behavior. I am unable to teach them math, because they are too busy learning to be teenagers.
I was unable to meet the expectations of my administrators, because I was unable to master the complexities of Classroom Management, despite that the skill of classroom management is typically developed only through experience in managing classrooms, and that most teachers take up to five years before they feel competent with their skill. I have had the equivalent of one year; two half-years at two different schools. I don’t expect to be given the opportunity to master Classroom Management. I am unsure I am willing to try and master it. My failure reveals the failure of the current education system to adequately educate. I was not educated in the means by which to control 13-year-olds. My 13-year-old students were not educated in the way to be attentive students responsible for their own behavior and their own learning. My administrators saw that I was failing and gave me a multi-step plan, which I followed to the letter, then pulled the rug from under me when it didn’t give them the results they were looking for. If I had known what support to ask for, I could have asked for it. They are the experienced professionals, I am the novice. They deserve the results they got. I am a good person. I am a good teacher. But since I never got the opportunity to teach, those students will never know the true power of my awesomeness.
I was bullied by 13-year-olds. As a first year teacher, they picked up on my every weakness and exploited it. Systematically. Daily. Ruthlessly. They were expecting to get me fired, they were proud of it. They gloated in my defeat. They knew that my inability to control their behavior was the slope upon which I would slide into the pit of desperation and my previously inexhaustible patience would become exhausted.
My fundamental outlook on the nature of human existence was at fault here. I believe that we are all free to make our own decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions. My mistake was in assuming that there are unacceptable consequences for failing to learn, and that the students would choose learning over any alternatives.
They could care less about grades, or learning, or being decent people. Their motivations were purely self-centered pursuit of prestige among their peers. They only cared about whether they were cool for their friends. If bad-mouthing the teacher got them attention, got them a laugh, then it was a desirable behavior. If their name went on the board for an infraction, it was a badge of honor. If they got sent to the office, THAT was a twofer-the teacher lost her control AND they didn’t have to be in class anymore. They made it a game to see how many names they could get me to write on the board. How long they could talk and prevent me from continuing my lesson. How much time they could waste listening to me tell them that their behavior had to change.
They abused each other, too, not just me. While I tried to write notes for them to copy, two of them would be stealing things from another’s backpack, or one would be whispering racist slurs to another, or the alpha female would be out of her seat taking the hat of the alpha male (aggressive courtship behavior,) or one would be telling another he was gay just to get a gross-out reaction and an exaggerated flinch away.
The administration came in to “help.” The Vice Principal lectured them on their bad behavior. He told them they were only hurting themselves and that I was doing my best to teach them. He “threatened” that some of them might not be promoted-an empty threat that they completely ignored. He warned them that they might not earn the privilege of dances or the end-of-year party at the amusement park. They were nonplussed-they brazenly replied that they would go to the amusement park by themselves and they don’t like dances anyway. It was worth more to them to be crappy little bullies than the effort it would take for them to be respectful, compliant students.
Other teachers saw this behavior from select students. Their experience and demeanor allowed them to minimize the impact on the whole class, so that only those select students missed out on the education. I was not able to deftly cull the leaders from the group before they turned the whole class into chaos. I could not send the same five students to the office every day within the first few moments of class. Some classes I had for two hours, and I would send the student to the office in the first hour only for them to return to class in the second, refreshed and ready for more.
There are news reports about how the students with the highest need for experienced, quality teachers are the ones who are getting the newest, least prepared teachers. I lived that. It hurt my soul. There are news reports about how most new teachers leave the profession within their first five years. I was determined not to be one of those teachers, but it appears as though I will be. My students are all good kids. They come from varied circumstances that challenge their ability to concentrate at school. They are normal humans going through puberty and learning about social interactions and appropriate and inappropriate behavior. I am unable to teach them math, because they are too busy learning to be teenagers.
I was unable to meet the expectations of my administrators, because I was unable to master the complexities of Classroom Management, despite that the skill of classroom management is typically developed only through experience in managing classrooms, and that most teachers take up to five years before they feel competent with their skill. I have had the equivalent of one year; two half-years at two different schools. I don’t expect to be given the opportunity to master Classroom Management. I am unsure I am willing to try and master it. My failure reveals the failure of the current education system to adequately educate. I was not educated in the means by which to control 13-year-olds. My 13-year-old students were not educated in the way to be attentive students responsible for their own behavior and their own learning. My administrators saw that I was failing and gave me a multi-step plan, which I followed to the letter, then pulled the rug from under me when it didn’t give them the results they were looking for. If I had known what support to ask for, I could have asked for it. They are the experienced professionals, I am the novice. They deserve the results they got. I am a good person. I am a good teacher. But since I never got the opportunity to teach, those students will never know the true power of my awesomeness.