(The Shires is a Leicester shopping centre.)
I mean, WTF? Not "Ooh, There Was A Bloody Great Smoky Explosion Down T'Shops" or even "Well, We Had A Bit Of A Scare There, But Fortunately The Fire Was Extinguished With Only A Few Quid Of Damage Done" but "Man Smells Fire!"
Rather remininscent of
Attila the Stockbroker's scathing poem on local newspapers, inspired by an actual local newspaper headline: Local Shed Fire - No One Hurt!
EDIT: And a very slow one today, obviously... ;-)
By pure coincidence, a mate of mine just set up
a special Facebook group for such gems from the Leicester Mercury.
Hah! ^.^