"you said you're cheap but you're too much..."
"this life thing seems to be a big secret for a lot of people. i see all of these people taking it so seriously, wallowing in suicide dreams and idolizing tragic figures. i mean, mocking death is one things, that's healthy! but this 'world is over,' 'everything's fucked up,' 'no hope' shit pisses me off. i mean, if you can't just have fun with this life thing, you should just lay down on the floor for a while and think about it."
- "kent" from cometbus #24
you might say i've been laying down on the floor all night.
i wouldn't ever say that my life is difficult. (or anyway, from this point on i don't think i seriously could.) it'd be an out-and-out lie, really. sure, there's a lot of static crowding me, a lot of noises outside the apartment distracting me, a lot of words confusing me. but how long can i convincingly complain about such things?
thursday night, jen and i had it out with each other, and she rather unsubtly pointed out that i'm largely oblivious. i agreed, seeing nothing wrong with this trait... she went on at length about how terrible it was. now, what's so terrible about honestly not caring what others think of you? isn't that something we strive for? a lot of americans are raised, it seems, to have a certain amount of self-loathing... i never much had that. i loathed the world around me to an extent, sure, but never myself. self-doubt was a joking matter until high school found everyone's personal dramas plunging me into an almost constant state of detached depression.
is it better to suffer and feel "human" or to actually look for the goddam silver lining? is that even a reasonable question? i don't know what "common sense" entails anymore, but what seems most logical to me is just staying in motion. i used to tell my mother that i felt like i was trapped in a sphere, constantly falling over and being bashed about because i couldn't find my footing. but it's obvious now... if you keep walking, you can guide the sphere in whatever direction you want to go. lame metaphor, to be sure, but it accurately describes things. what good is falling apart over nothing? move on, for chrissakes.
i apologize if this entry is trite or too simple for you. it's not like any of this is new or anything, and i know that positivity tends to ring false at some point. but despite all of that, i felt this worth saying.
ryan
xo
- "kent" from cometbus #24
you might say i've been laying down on the floor all night.
i wouldn't ever say that my life is difficult. (or anyway, from this point on i don't think i seriously could.) it'd be an out-and-out lie, really. sure, there's a lot of static crowding me, a lot of noises outside the apartment distracting me, a lot of words confusing me. but how long can i convincingly complain about such things?
thursday night, jen and i had it out with each other, and she rather unsubtly pointed out that i'm largely oblivious. i agreed, seeing nothing wrong with this trait... she went on at length about how terrible it was. now, what's so terrible about honestly not caring what others think of you? isn't that something we strive for? a lot of americans are raised, it seems, to have a certain amount of self-loathing... i never much had that. i loathed the world around me to an extent, sure, but never myself. self-doubt was a joking matter until high school found everyone's personal dramas plunging me into an almost constant state of detached depression.
is it better to suffer and feel "human" or to actually look for the goddam silver lining? is that even a reasonable question? i don't know what "common sense" entails anymore, but what seems most logical to me is just staying in motion. i used to tell my mother that i felt like i was trapped in a sphere, constantly falling over and being bashed about because i couldn't find my footing. but it's obvious now... if you keep walking, you can guide the sphere in whatever direction you want to go. lame metaphor, to be sure, but it accurately describes things. what good is falling apart over nothing? move on, for chrissakes.
i apologize if this entry is trite or too simple for you. it's not like any of this is new or anything, and i know that positivity tends to ring false at some point. but despite all of that, i felt this worth saying.
ryan
xo