(no subject)
things are good. im doing well. i love my job. i work hard. i pay bills. i see people. i buy drinks. i laugh. i enjoy.
but i dont go home.
i havent been to the room where all my stuff is in 3 weeks. except for a 20 minute mad dash to fill a trash bag with all my clothes last week.
i havent done my taxes. im not sure whats going to happen with that. i hope they arrest me. i hope they take away all my freedoms for the $19 i owe the federal government. the irony of that would make me so happy, it might be worth it.
i cant wait to have a living room. a bed. a kitchen, bathroom, shower, driveway...of my own.
i gave my friends a ride home this morning. poor kid had to sit on my laundry. "your car is fun." yup. till you have to live in it.
i have no anchor.
i feel frustrated and lost.
i feel like the majority of my adult life has been spent packing and unpacking my life. boxes and bags. temporary "for now" situations. i tired. im confused. i feel alone and broken down by it but its the best ive got.
and all i want to do is work. work until my hands fall off. or work until i have enough money to stay "home".
im not bitching because im doing ok. really. for the most part, im happy. i enjoy day to day.
just waiting on the pay off.
waiting for it all to work out.
what i still dont understand, whats still a complete mystery to me...why dont you get it?! why dont you see how hard im working and how much i value what i do and what i have to show for my hard work?! why is it still SO important to you that i be there when you want me there...and may i point out ONLY when you want me there? because ya, thats what it feels like.
home.
home home home.
im going to get there. just you wait.
but i dont go home.
i havent been to the room where all my stuff is in 3 weeks. except for a 20 minute mad dash to fill a trash bag with all my clothes last week.
i havent done my taxes. im not sure whats going to happen with that. i hope they arrest me. i hope they take away all my freedoms for the $19 i owe the federal government. the irony of that would make me so happy, it might be worth it.
i cant wait to have a living room. a bed. a kitchen, bathroom, shower, driveway...of my own.
i gave my friends a ride home this morning. poor kid had to sit on my laundry. "your car is fun." yup. till you have to live in it.
i have no anchor.
i feel frustrated and lost.
i feel like the majority of my adult life has been spent packing and unpacking my life. boxes and bags. temporary "for now" situations. i tired. im confused. i feel alone and broken down by it but its the best ive got.
and all i want to do is work. work until my hands fall off. or work until i have enough money to stay "home".
im not bitching because im doing ok. really. for the most part, im happy. i enjoy day to day.
just waiting on the pay off.
waiting for it all to work out.
what i still dont understand, whats still a complete mystery to me...why dont you get it?! why dont you see how hard im working and how much i value what i do and what i have to show for my hard work?! why is it still SO important to you that i be there when you want me there...and may i point out ONLY when you want me there? because ya, thats what it feels like.
home.
home home home.
im going to get there. just you wait.