(no subject)
i am not ok. im not. at all.
i try to be. i try so fucking hard to just be ok. to be satisfied and comfortable.
i wonder if im ever going to get over this.
i feel like i never out grew that 16 year old depression. i feel fucking stupid. i feel like i cant control it. but i want to. i SHOULD be able to. im an adult. im smart. why cant i fucking fix this?!
why is it always fucking like this?!
why am i so helpless?!
if i can make it to march ill have health insurance. i can go back to therapy and get on meds. but in the mean time, i fucking hate myself.
i cant even seem to manage to explain it to anyone.
im so scared that ill never get better. im scared that this is the way that i am. that this lack of chemical balance is going to RULE the rest of my life.
i can say that i KNOW things arent as desperate as they feel right now. i know the sun will come out again soon and i will be ok. ill be better than ok. but at this moment, all i can feel is this pressure in my chest and this total desperation and isolation.
i feel so out of control. i want to control it. i want to fucking fix it.
i try to be. i try so fucking hard to just be ok. to be satisfied and comfortable.
i wonder if im ever going to get over this.
i feel like i never out grew that 16 year old depression. i feel fucking stupid. i feel like i cant control it. but i want to. i SHOULD be able to. im an adult. im smart. why cant i fucking fix this?!
why is it always fucking like this?!
why am i so helpless?!
if i can make it to march ill have health insurance. i can go back to therapy and get on meds. but in the mean time, i fucking hate myself.
i cant even seem to manage to explain it to anyone.
im so scared that ill never get better. im scared that this is the way that i am. that this lack of chemical balance is going to RULE the rest of my life.
i can say that i KNOW things arent as desperate as they feel right now. i know the sun will come out again soon and i will be ok. ill be better than ok. but at this moment, all i can feel is this pressure in my chest and this total desperation and isolation.
i feel so out of control. i want to control it. i want to fucking fix it.