(no subject)

[soslo]

my mind is going a mile a minute.
when did i become such a fucking wussy scardey cat?!
why am i so terrified? what is there to be afraid of?
really...?
pain. i guess.
the pain of rejection, disappointment or embarassment.
all of which ive felt before. and ive lived through.

so why is it so hard to put my hand back in the fire if i already know what its like to get burned?

i know whats going on in my head and its not really working.
ive gotten pretty good at convincing myself of certain things but this one is pushing its way through.
and i am scared.
so. what now?

working on that.