(no subject)
well. ive made the decision, yet again. no more drinking. for a while.
its irritating. ive been 21 for less than a month and i have to stop again. i had 5 beers last night and today...im in too much pain to get anything all that productive done. it makes me mad because i want to go out. i want to be social and friendly and young and carefree but i feel tired and out of place if im not drinking. so ill have to cut back on all of it for now. i dont know how that will be received but it must be done.
i havent talked to miss kate in a few days. i wrote her and email with good intentions. i want her to have the world and i get so mad and frustrated that so few people appreciate her. i hope she feels like i appreciate her. because i do, now more than ever.
ive been noticing my winter behavior starting up. i feel myself shutting down, and off. im terrified of being cold and alone all winter but it seems to be the trend ive developed for myself. i had yesterday off and wanted to go to the library. i had a list of books to find but i never made it. just so i remember:
fiction/poetry
blind willow sleeping woman by haruki murakami
allen ginsberg
cash by johnny cash
running with scissors (requested/demanded by kd and bob)
road of excess-boon
philosophy crap
of spirit/right to philosophy by derrida
the intellectual by steve fuller (THIS! THIS IS IMPORTANT)
i am not a man, i am dynamite
the undead and philosophy
zen and the art of motorcycle maintainence
ive been really into richard kern. his photography is amazing and ive started to appreciate more realistic, unbeautified images. which leads me to...
ive been spending a bit of time with someone. very little advancement has been made in the direction of all that romantic stuff i get so confused by. so far, its been alot of talk, a little too much beer, and alot of "ohmigod me too!" its really stimulating to talk to someone about photography and art and style and music and and and. its enjoyable and at this point, extremely comfortable. easy does it. steady as she goes. its not serious, it wont be serious. serious wont sneak up on us. its just friendly, innocent companionship. i feel good about it. ...ive been having sex on the first date, or BEFORE the first date, for so long. it doesnt work. it doesnt create a healthy friendship. it doesnt make me happy. im working on it.
im taking tonight off. finish a movie in kates pj pants (ill give them back, once i use up all the comfy-ness. heh.) celery and cream cheese for dinner. snuggle with tiki.
ahh winter. you wont get me this year. im prepared! i have 4 pairs of mittens! TRY ME SUCKER!
its irritating. ive been 21 for less than a month and i have to stop again. i had 5 beers last night and today...im in too much pain to get anything all that productive done. it makes me mad because i want to go out. i want to be social and friendly and young and carefree but i feel tired and out of place if im not drinking. so ill have to cut back on all of it for now. i dont know how that will be received but it must be done.
i havent talked to miss kate in a few days. i wrote her and email with good intentions. i want her to have the world and i get so mad and frustrated that so few people appreciate her. i hope she feels like i appreciate her. because i do, now more than ever.
ive been noticing my winter behavior starting up. i feel myself shutting down, and off. im terrified of being cold and alone all winter but it seems to be the trend ive developed for myself. i had yesterday off and wanted to go to the library. i had a list of books to find but i never made it. just so i remember:
fiction/poetry
blind willow sleeping woman by haruki murakami
allen ginsberg
cash by johnny cash
running with scissors (requested/demanded by kd and bob)
road of excess-boon
philosophy crap
of spirit/right to philosophy by derrida
the intellectual by steve fuller (THIS! THIS IS IMPORTANT)
i am not a man, i am dynamite
the undead and philosophy
zen and the art of motorcycle maintainence
ive been really into richard kern. his photography is amazing and ive started to appreciate more realistic, unbeautified images. which leads me to...
ive been spending a bit of time with someone. very little advancement has been made in the direction of all that romantic stuff i get so confused by. so far, its been alot of talk, a little too much beer, and alot of "ohmigod me too!" its really stimulating to talk to someone about photography and art and style and music and and and. its enjoyable and at this point, extremely comfortable. easy does it. steady as she goes. its not serious, it wont be serious. serious wont sneak up on us. its just friendly, innocent companionship. i feel good about it. ...ive been having sex on the first date, or BEFORE the first date, for so long. it doesnt work. it doesnt create a healthy friendship. it doesnt make me happy. im working on it.
im taking tonight off. finish a movie in kates pj pants (ill give them back, once i use up all the comfy-ness. heh.) celery and cream cheese for dinner. snuggle with tiki.
ahh winter. you wont get me this year. im prepared! i have 4 pairs of mittens! TRY ME SUCKER!