My love
“Let’s break up”, those were the first 3 words that you told me that day.
“I don’t need you anymore; I have Yuri with me now.” You said that with those cold eyes starting at me.
“Wh..What are you talking about F-Fany-ah”, I stuttered, tears were already dancing in my eyes.
“You are nothing but just a tool that I used to make my compositions perfect! However, I have another person that is better than you; you’re useless to me now! All those lyrics that you have wrote. All those words that you said you had written for me, are just tools to make me into a well known composer! With all the fame I have now, there is no point for me to continue my little act!” You slammed the door and left. The tears in my eyes started to pour down my face.
I remembered that I was shocked, so shocked that I didn’t know what I was suppose to answer you. What happened to all the love we once had? Didn’t you say that our love will last forever? My tears, they couldn’t stop, I felt betrayed. I couldn’t believe that I got tricked by you. I want to hate you, but I love you too much to do that. It was then I realized that my life was lifeless with out you. My world was gone without you. My heart was broken by you.
Was our love just a heart-breaking memory?
You once said that we were meant to be together, our music represents our love for each other; our love was the reason why you were inspired to compose music, our music. They are all gone now.
It was weeks after that heartbreaking session with you. I felt that I was suffocating without your love. I could not remember how many tears I have spilled after that day, I want to travel back in time, in time to love you more and perhaps for you to love me back. I can’t cry hard enough for you to hear me.
Your heart, Can't I catch it with my tears?
I started going through all the songs that we have composed, listening to every one of them. I recalled the ways you will always make me smile when I am feeling down, and those three words that you will always tell me.
“This Must Be Love”, it was the first song that we came up together. I told you that every word and letter of the lyrics describes our love, while you told me that every single note in the song was for me. Many people often asked us about the tune of the song. And you will always answer for us and explained that the high pitched tune of the song represents our love. Our love will always be sky-high, and it will never drop. I always believed that, until now.
I started laughing when I recall people saying that were match made in heaven, the melody of the music you composed will always match well with the lyrics I wrote. However, they were wrong, so wrong.
Did you remember the cliff we always visit to see the beautiful sunset? You said that as the Sun is shinning brightly, our love will too. The birds will always chirp happily when we are here. The wind will always blow past us calmly as if they are accepting our love. The tree that we engraved “TaeNy forever” will be there as long as we are there. But after you left me, those aren’t there already.
That was when I started realizing, everything was a lie, and everyone was lying, no one actually cared about me. I was living in darkness all along; I was getting fooled all along. Only you can be my light, only you can show me the way to live happily, only if you are still with me now.
“Taeyeon, you should start to smile more, I want to help you get over her. I really do. Do you know how worried I am whenever I see you in this state? Come on Taeyeon, let’s go to the café and get some coffee like what we always do? It has been weeks since you have been here, come on!” pleaded Jessica.
I followed Jessica to the café and took a sit at our usual spot. Everything here was the same, it was still as peaceful as always, but something is still missing; you.
“Isn’t it good to be here? We should come out more often Taeyeon! I remembered the times that you will always stare at girls butt until they slapped you!” Jessica started giggling.
“Yah!” I shouted. I was going to continue my ranting but the sound of the microphone stopped me.
“Hello everybody, my name is Sunny! This is my partner Sooyoung, the song that we are going to perform today is titled “This must be love”, composed by Tiffany Hwang and Kim Taeyeon.
Tears were threatened to fall from my eyes; all the memories that we had came back to me and started replaying in my head when they started singing. All those sweet moments we had when we were trying to compose this song were playing in my head. We were in love then, but what about now? Is there still any love between us?
Tears started rolling down my cheeks, I started sobbing. Jessica rushed over and hug me and told me that everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be fine. She started wiping the tears off my face and whispered, “Do you want a glass of milk? It will calm you down”.
“Okay”, I replied inaudibly. But it seems that Jessica heard me when she went over to the counter and started queuing. I looked outside the window and I started to think about the moments we had in the past.
We would always sit at this table and enjoy the ambience of the place. You will always show me those eye-smiles of yours whenever we are together. You always preferred black coffee even though its bitter, but you always love things that are sweet. I remembered asking you about and it and you answered, “I think this coffee is actually sweet”.
Why, it’s obviously very bitter” I said in a very surprised tone.
You gave me one of your eye-smiles and replied, “Tae-Tae, did you know that when you are with me, everything is sweet! Even this coffee is sweet to me now!”
My face went red, and I looked down trying to hide my face. I could vividly remember what happened then, it was the best times of my life since I was always with you. My mind continues to replay scenes that happened in the past until a voice woke me up from this trance.
“Taeyeon! Your milk is here, stop dreaming!” Jessica started to push me.
I was about to look at her but I saw a person that I thought I would never met again just outside the window of the café, the person that broke my heart into pieces, the person that I love so much, the person that I couldn’t live with. I started to see hope in our relationship again, I didn’t know why, but I just did. I out of my seat and ran to the door trying to chase Tiffany, my Tiffany.
I could hear Jessica shouting my name at that time, but I just knew this was my only chance to get my Fany back to me.
“Tiffany! Fany!” I ran and screamed, but to no avail. She continued walking as if I was not there.
“Hwang Miyoung! I love you, please listen to me!” I yelled again, and finally she stopped in her tracks. I was happy she did, she finally stopped for me. I had hope of getting her back to me again. I continued to run to her but the next scene I saw made my heart get shattered into pieces once again. I dropped on my knees as I see Yuri and Tiffany kissing and hugging each other. Those lips that I always kiss, those hugs that you will always give, are not my now. I realized that she did not stop for me. I was giving myself false hope. They started to walk away, and I was sucked back into the depth of darkness again. It's clear that you don't feel the same way for me anymore... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me anymore, I can't force myself to stop loving you.
My love I love you, I love you. .Are you listening?
My love...Don't forget...Don't erase...Our love..
I locked myself out of the world for the next few weeks after that incident. My heart was not only bleeding, it shattered. There was no light in my world now, only darkness. I was prepared to die. I find no meaning in living without her. I cried until there were no more tears to spare, this wasn’t supposed to happen right Tiffany? You told me that you hold me till the tears start to dry, but where are you now?
Jessica goes over to Taeyeon’s house frequently to take care of her. She would persuade Taeyeon to go out with her, to stay at her house but to no avail. Taeyeon was like a living dead on earth, she would only get a drink from time to time, and she will only eat once per few days. She was slimmer, her eye bags were darker, and her face always held the same expression and her eyes were not as lively as usual, they were dead.
It was like any other day where Jessica is persuading Taeyeon to eat, but Taeyeon refuses to even reply her. It was then someone burst through the door, holding a file and an envelope. Jessica eyes widen when she saw Yuri, she was going to scream at Yuri but Taeyeon started yelling with tears dripping down, “What are you doing here? Are you trying to break my heart even more? Is that what you want? You took Tiffany away from me, I was devastated and are you going to laugh at me now since you are here? Kwon Yuri do you know how much I despise you! Do you know how much I hate you for taking Fany away?”
Yuri grabbed Taeyeon’s collar and screamed, “Kim Taeyeon, do you know how naïve you are? Did you know how much Tiffany loves you? Did you even know that she is dead now? Did you know that she had a tumor that was cancerous in her brain? DID YOU? She left you because she loved you so much; she wanted you to live happily without her.”
Yuri’s cheek started getting wet. She continued and said, “She came to me, because she loved you. She wanted you to forget her, so we started this act.”
Taeyeon started to cry her heart out after she heard the news from Yuri that Tiffany is dead. She couldn’t control the pain that she was feeling in her heart, it felt like it was being crushed and burnt. Jessica started to hug Taeyeon and tried to calm her down, but failed miserably as she started to cry too.
Yuri continued, “She left a file and a letter for you. In her last moments of her life in this world, she wrote the melody of a song for you. She was still thinking about you even though she was going to die. She loved you so badly.” Yuri got up on her feet, trying to compose herself and said, “Kim Taeyeon, I hope you will be able to accept what happen and move on in life, Tiffany wants you to be happy, even though she’s gone now.” Yuri left leaving Jessica and Taeyeon alone.
Taeyeon held up the letter Tiffany left for her and she started reading as she sobbed.
Dear Tae-Tae,
Tae-Tae, by the time you had read this, I’ve already left this world. I will always be in the skies watching you, loving you. I am really sorry that I didn’t have the courage to tell this to you before I go, but I just don’t want to see you cry.
I’m sorry for leaving you alone for these two months, but I figured out that it was the best choice that I should do. These two months have been torture for me, I was thinking about you everyday, every minute and every second. All the memories that we made together will never be forgotten, and all the songs we managed to compose is all because our love for each other.
Did you remember our first song together? “This must be love”, it was written by us when we just started dating. You were so excited about it when we started on it, and it turns out to be a hit on the charts. I wrote my feelings of us into music, and you wrote the love of us into words. That’s why we are the best composers and couple in Korea!
Tae-Tae in the file that I have given you, it contains the music sheet of our final song together. It has no title and lyrics yet, and I would leave those for you to decide and write. That is going to be the last present I am going to give you, I believe that you will create that song into the charts too.
I have one last wish and I hope you could be my genie like you have always been, I wished that you will enjoy the rest of your life, you could even fall in love with another person, I just want you to be happy. Taeyeon, no matter what happens in the future. I just want to tell you that I love you no matter what. I love you so much that there are no boundaries to our love, even when I am dead, I’ll still love you with all I have. I’ll be your light to guide you whenever you are lost.
Tae-tae, I wish you all the best with the song and I hope you do well in the future.
I love you.
Your mushroom always,
Tiffany Hwang Miyoung.
I started trembling, crying my hearts out, and Jessica hugged me tighter as she continued sobbing. I felt guilty that I doubted Tiffany’s love for me. I felt that my world had ended since Tiffany died, but I knew that I must live on. I must, for Tiffany’s sake. However, I couldn’t stop crying. My heart was ripped out of me as I read the letter. But I knew, only time will heal, and when I’m lost, you will guide me to the correct path, I love you Tiffany, I really do.
Everyday I long for you. That's how my day goes by. Where are you...
It was a month after Tiffany’s death, and I still felt devastated without Tiffany by my side. Everyday I would try to live my day on a happy note, but I was still living in sorrow. I started writing the lyrics for the song Tiffany left me and I was left with the last few lines of it.
Jessica and Yuri started being close friends with each other after that incident; they are always there to cheer me up when I need them the most. But I guess they do have feelings for each other since they are always together whenever possible. However, even though that they kept on cheering me on and making me smile, I was not happy. I still felt empty without Tiffany. The oxygen I also breathed in was lacking of something that was once there.
I was up on the same cliff that you and I always drop by. I typed the last few lines of lyrics for the song that you and I composed. Tears started to fall from my eyes as I typed each word. I clicked on Jessica’s email and sent the final part of our song to her. The song was titled “I love you”.
I walked to the edge of the cliff, and I look towards the sky. The sky didn’t seem to be the same without you here with me, do you know that Tiffany? The birds do not chirp happily as always, the wind was not calm anymore. Whenever I am alone at home I will always think of you, I love you too much to be alone here Tiffany. After you had left, the whole world seems to be depopulated. I was always alone. I felt that without Tiffany, my life is not complete without you.
I missed all the “I love you” that you said to me.
I missed your touch, your hugs your eye-smiles.
I miss taking care of you.
I miss you, Tiffany.
I’m sorry but I can’t live without you. I lifted my leg of the cliff and await what is waiting for me on the other side of this world.
Tiffany Hwang Miyoung, I love you.
I'm sorry I'm sorry that I can't forget you...
My love come back to me.. Don't leave my side, please...
“I don’t need you anymore; I have Yuri with me now.” You said that with those cold eyes starting at me.
“Wh..What are you talking about F-Fany-ah”, I stuttered, tears were already dancing in my eyes.
“You are nothing but just a tool that I used to make my compositions perfect! However, I have another person that is better than you; you’re useless to me now! All those lyrics that you have wrote. All those words that you said you had written for me, are just tools to make me into a well known composer! With all the fame I have now, there is no point for me to continue my little act!” You slammed the door and left. The tears in my eyes started to pour down my face.
I remembered that I was shocked, so shocked that I didn’t know what I was suppose to answer you. What happened to all the love we once had? Didn’t you say that our love will last forever? My tears, they couldn’t stop, I felt betrayed. I couldn’t believe that I got tricked by you. I want to hate you, but I love you too much to do that. It was then I realized that my life was lifeless with out you. My world was gone without you. My heart was broken by you.
Was our love just a heart-breaking memory?
You once said that we were meant to be together, our music represents our love for each other; our love was the reason why you were inspired to compose music, our music. They are all gone now.
It was weeks after that heartbreaking session with you. I felt that I was suffocating without your love. I could not remember how many tears I have spilled after that day, I want to travel back in time, in time to love you more and perhaps for you to love me back. I can’t cry hard enough for you to hear me.
Your heart, Can't I catch it with my tears?
I started going through all the songs that we have composed, listening to every one of them. I recalled the ways you will always make me smile when I am feeling down, and those three words that you will always tell me.
“This Must Be Love”, it was the first song that we came up together. I told you that every word and letter of the lyrics describes our love, while you told me that every single note in the song was for me. Many people often asked us about the tune of the song. And you will always answer for us and explained that the high pitched tune of the song represents our love. Our love will always be sky-high, and it will never drop. I always believed that, until now.
I started laughing when I recall people saying that were match made in heaven, the melody of the music you composed will always match well with the lyrics I wrote. However, they were wrong, so wrong.
Did you remember the cliff we always visit to see the beautiful sunset? You said that as the Sun is shinning brightly, our love will too. The birds will always chirp happily when we are here. The wind will always blow past us calmly as if they are accepting our love. The tree that we engraved “TaeNy forever” will be there as long as we are there. But after you left me, those aren’t there already.
That was when I started realizing, everything was a lie, and everyone was lying, no one actually cared about me. I was living in darkness all along; I was getting fooled all along. Only you can be my light, only you can show me the way to live happily, only if you are still with me now.
“Taeyeon, you should start to smile more, I want to help you get over her. I really do. Do you know how worried I am whenever I see you in this state? Come on Taeyeon, let’s go to the café and get some coffee like what we always do? It has been weeks since you have been here, come on!” pleaded Jessica.
I followed Jessica to the café and took a sit at our usual spot. Everything here was the same, it was still as peaceful as always, but something is still missing; you.
“Isn’t it good to be here? We should come out more often Taeyeon! I remembered the times that you will always stare at girls butt until they slapped you!” Jessica started giggling.
“Yah!” I shouted. I was going to continue my ranting but the sound of the microphone stopped me.
“Hello everybody, my name is Sunny! This is my partner Sooyoung, the song that we are going to perform today is titled “This must be love”, composed by Tiffany Hwang and Kim Taeyeon.
Tears were threatened to fall from my eyes; all the memories that we had came back to me and started replaying in my head when they started singing. All those sweet moments we had when we were trying to compose this song were playing in my head. We were in love then, but what about now? Is there still any love between us?
Tears started rolling down my cheeks, I started sobbing. Jessica rushed over and hug me and told me that everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be fine. She started wiping the tears off my face and whispered, “Do you want a glass of milk? It will calm you down”.
“Okay”, I replied inaudibly. But it seems that Jessica heard me when she went over to the counter and started queuing. I looked outside the window and I started to think about the moments we had in the past.
We would always sit at this table and enjoy the ambience of the place. You will always show me those eye-smiles of yours whenever we are together. You always preferred black coffee even though its bitter, but you always love things that are sweet. I remembered asking you about and it and you answered, “I think this coffee is actually sweet”.
Why, it’s obviously very bitter” I said in a very surprised tone.
You gave me one of your eye-smiles and replied, “Tae-Tae, did you know that when you are with me, everything is sweet! Even this coffee is sweet to me now!”
My face went red, and I looked down trying to hide my face. I could vividly remember what happened then, it was the best times of my life since I was always with you. My mind continues to replay scenes that happened in the past until a voice woke me up from this trance.
“Taeyeon! Your milk is here, stop dreaming!” Jessica started to push me.
I was about to look at her but I saw a person that I thought I would never met again just outside the window of the café, the person that broke my heart into pieces, the person that I love so much, the person that I couldn’t live with. I started to see hope in our relationship again, I didn’t know why, but I just did. I out of my seat and ran to the door trying to chase Tiffany, my Tiffany.
I could hear Jessica shouting my name at that time, but I just knew this was my only chance to get my Fany back to me.
“Tiffany! Fany!” I ran and screamed, but to no avail. She continued walking as if I was not there.
“Hwang Miyoung! I love you, please listen to me!” I yelled again, and finally she stopped in her tracks. I was happy she did, she finally stopped for me. I had hope of getting her back to me again. I continued to run to her but the next scene I saw made my heart get shattered into pieces once again. I dropped on my knees as I see Yuri and Tiffany kissing and hugging each other. Those lips that I always kiss, those hugs that you will always give, are not my now. I realized that she did not stop for me. I was giving myself false hope. They started to walk away, and I was sucked back into the depth of darkness again. It's clear that you don't feel the same way for me anymore... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me anymore, I can't force myself to stop loving you.
My love I love you, I love you. .Are you listening?
My love...Don't forget...Don't erase...Our love..
I locked myself out of the world for the next few weeks after that incident. My heart was not only bleeding, it shattered. There was no light in my world now, only darkness. I was prepared to die. I find no meaning in living without her. I cried until there were no more tears to spare, this wasn’t supposed to happen right Tiffany? You told me that you hold me till the tears start to dry, but where are you now?
Jessica goes over to Taeyeon’s house frequently to take care of her. She would persuade Taeyeon to go out with her, to stay at her house but to no avail. Taeyeon was like a living dead on earth, she would only get a drink from time to time, and she will only eat once per few days. She was slimmer, her eye bags were darker, and her face always held the same expression and her eyes were not as lively as usual, they were dead.
It was like any other day where Jessica is persuading Taeyeon to eat, but Taeyeon refuses to even reply her. It was then someone burst through the door, holding a file and an envelope. Jessica eyes widen when she saw Yuri, she was going to scream at Yuri but Taeyeon started yelling with tears dripping down, “What are you doing here? Are you trying to break my heart even more? Is that what you want? You took Tiffany away from me, I was devastated and are you going to laugh at me now since you are here? Kwon Yuri do you know how much I despise you! Do you know how much I hate you for taking Fany away?”
Yuri grabbed Taeyeon’s collar and screamed, “Kim Taeyeon, do you know how naïve you are? Did you know how much Tiffany loves you? Did you even know that she is dead now? Did you know that she had a tumor that was cancerous in her brain? DID YOU? She left you because she loved you so much; she wanted you to live happily without her.”
Yuri’s cheek started getting wet. She continued and said, “She came to me, because she loved you. She wanted you to forget her, so we started this act.”
Taeyeon started to cry her heart out after she heard the news from Yuri that Tiffany is dead. She couldn’t control the pain that she was feeling in her heart, it felt like it was being crushed and burnt. Jessica started to hug Taeyeon and tried to calm her down, but failed miserably as she started to cry too.
Yuri continued, “She left a file and a letter for you. In her last moments of her life in this world, she wrote the melody of a song for you. She was still thinking about you even though she was going to die. She loved you so badly.” Yuri got up on her feet, trying to compose herself and said, “Kim Taeyeon, I hope you will be able to accept what happen and move on in life, Tiffany wants you to be happy, even though she’s gone now.” Yuri left leaving Jessica and Taeyeon alone.
Taeyeon held up the letter Tiffany left for her and she started reading as she sobbed.
Dear Tae-Tae,
Tae-Tae, by the time you had read this, I’ve already left this world. I will always be in the skies watching you, loving you. I am really sorry that I didn’t have the courage to tell this to you before I go, but I just don’t want to see you cry.
I’m sorry for leaving you alone for these two months, but I figured out that it was the best choice that I should do. These two months have been torture for me, I was thinking about you everyday, every minute and every second. All the memories that we made together will never be forgotten, and all the songs we managed to compose is all because our love for each other.
Did you remember our first song together? “This must be love”, it was written by us when we just started dating. You were so excited about it when we started on it, and it turns out to be a hit on the charts. I wrote my feelings of us into music, and you wrote the love of us into words. That’s why we are the best composers and couple in Korea!
Tae-Tae in the file that I have given you, it contains the music sheet of our final song together. It has no title and lyrics yet, and I would leave those for you to decide and write. That is going to be the last present I am going to give you, I believe that you will create that song into the charts too.
I have one last wish and I hope you could be my genie like you have always been, I wished that you will enjoy the rest of your life, you could even fall in love with another person, I just want you to be happy. Taeyeon, no matter what happens in the future. I just want to tell you that I love you no matter what. I love you so much that there are no boundaries to our love, even when I am dead, I’ll still love you with all I have. I’ll be your light to guide you whenever you are lost.
Tae-tae, I wish you all the best with the song and I hope you do well in the future.
I love you.
Your mushroom always,
Tiffany Hwang Miyoung.
I started trembling, crying my hearts out, and Jessica hugged me tighter as she continued sobbing. I felt guilty that I doubted Tiffany’s love for me. I felt that my world had ended since Tiffany died, but I knew that I must live on. I must, for Tiffany’s sake. However, I couldn’t stop crying. My heart was ripped out of me as I read the letter. But I knew, only time will heal, and when I’m lost, you will guide me to the correct path, I love you Tiffany, I really do.
Everyday I long for you. That's how my day goes by. Where are you...
It was a month after Tiffany’s death, and I still felt devastated without Tiffany by my side. Everyday I would try to live my day on a happy note, but I was still living in sorrow. I started writing the lyrics for the song Tiffany left me and I was left with the last few lines of it.
Jessica and Yuri started being close friends with each other after that incident; they are always there to cheer me up when I need them the most. But I guess they do have feelings for each other since they are always together whenever possible. However, even though that they kept on cheering me on and making me smile, I was not happy. I still felt empty without Tiffany. The oxygen I also breathed in was lacking of something that was once there.
I was up on the same cliff that you and I always drop by. I typed the last few lines of lyrics for the song that you and I composed. Tears started to fall from my eyes as I typed each word. I clicked on Jessica’s email and sent the final part of our song to her. The song was titled “I love you”.
I walked to the edge of the cliff, and I look towards the sky. The sky didn’t seem to be the same without you here with me, do you know that Tiffany? The birds do not chirp happily as always, the wind was not calm anymore. Whenever I am alone at home I will always think of you, I love you too much to be alone here Tiffany. After you had left, the whole world seems to be depopulated. I was always alone. I felt that without Tiffany, my life is not complete without you.
I missed all the “I love you” that you said to me.
I missed your touch, your hugs your eye-smiles.
I miss taking care of you.
I miss you, Tiffany.
I’m sorry but I can’t live without you. I lifted my leg of the cliff and await what is waiting for me on the other side of this world.
Tiffany Hwang Miyoung, I love you.
I'm sorry I'm sorry that I can't forget you...
My love come back to me.. Don't leave my side, please...