Ignorance is Bliss: Chapter 1 Part 2:
At that moment, Ms. Cope finally walked in. She smiled to the three students, her eyes stopping on Mike.
“Mr. Newton, you better go back, class is starting.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 30
Mantra: But Bella can stay there despite also being a student because, even in this verse, she's still got her bloody Sue powers and get preferential treatment.
NG55: (Mrs. Cope) No men allowed, it's time for an all-female threesome!
Mantra: *Laughs uproariously* Oh, I reconsidered. I don't like you. I love you. Say...how about we go to the afterlife and put on a little threesome of our own?
SOS: *Pops in* NO! *Beats Mantra over the head with a computer and leaves*
NG55: *Blush* Oooh... Anyhoo, moving along... Let's see... Oh yes! Bella has somehow retained her Sue powers...but it won't be long until her Royal Sueness will upstage even Bella! No easy feat!
Her voice was only a little stern, but her face still friendly and open.
Mantra: Of course, she's described in very positive terms too, because, even though she's a prejudiced bitch with favouritism worse than Snape’s, she is nice to the Sues, and no one else matters.
NG55: Well, screw you, Nami. Bite me.
Mantra: Better not say that in a Twilight story. You know none of the vampires would not take you up on your offer. If you're desperate for some biting action, I'm sure I can oblige.
NG55: Maybe later... So what the hell, Suethor? WHAT are you doing?! What do you want?! What is with Bella?!
“But shouldn’t I walk Nami to class, she might get lost?” Mike asked innocently. Naomi resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 31
Mantra: *Smirks* I'll take you up on your offer...but I'm afraid this Sue has firmly put me out of the mood. Really? He's offering to help you on your FIRST day of school, and you roll your eyes at him? And then you expect us to think of you as oh so selfless and wonderful?
NG55: Honestly! Mike actually has a good point! Nami is clearly new to the school, and clearly doesn't know where to go! Oh yes, Sue, how DARE some nice gent come and decide to show you around! How dare he indeed!
She was not incompetent.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 16
Mantra: I predict I shall have to pull this line out at least once per chapter to talk about irony.
NG55: I'll take you on that... Anyway, incompetent? Really? You're using THAT to justify not needing help? Wow. Just...what arrogance. Asking for help is NOT weakness or incompetence! It shows you're willing to admit that you need an extra hand!
Mantra: And this whole situation has nothing to do with competence. Even if she was the most competent person alive, without the hard knowledge of the school campus, she still needs to turn to others for help. Unless, of course, she decides to pull the knowledge from the Suethor's ass, like what she's been doing up 'til now.
NG55: Just like in Twilight, logic doesn't exist. Wonderful. Suethor...you can't write.
Ms. Cope raised an eyebrow at him, probably thinking along the same lines.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 32
Mantra: Because you approve of Ms. Cope, and anyone you approve off MUST agree with you. Otherwise, they are not deserving of your approval. Right?
NG55: They're all ganging up on Mike again! That's not fair!
He seemed to give up, but his expression brightened.
Mantra: How can you tell he was giving up if all he looked was eager? You really DO have telepathy as a superpower, don't you?
NG55: ...*Headdesk* Stupid Nami giving me a headache ONE chapter in.
“Maybe we’ll have classes together. I’ll definitely see you at lunch, Nami! Bye, Bella!” He called walking out of the office into the drizzling rain. Ms. Cope shook her head.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 33
Mantra: (Ms. Cope) The poor boy. He's always targeted by Sues, to be used to show their beauty and popularity. He really deserves better than that.
NG55: (Ms. Cope) Poor thing. If someone would just reach out to him like a good friend. He deserves that much. But unfortunately, every bit of our story funding goes to the Sue.
“Well, welcome back Ms. Delacour. Ms. Swan, I still need to give you that one paper.” Ms. Cope went on rummaging behind her desk. She handed Bella a piece of paper.
Mantra: And Bella needed a piece of paper because...?
NG55: Oh my God. Does this mean that BOTH of them are newbies?
She then turned to Nami giving her a map of the school and her schedule. “Make sure you show the notes to the senior class teachers.”
NICKNAME MISUSE: 17
Mantra: What notes? You didn't give her any notes! These are the kind of details you HAVE to put in the narration, or else nothing makes sense!
NG55: Once again, we are the READERS! We do NOT fill in the blanks! Interpretation of certain things are usually part of what works for a story. But we do NOT fill in important details! They're not supposed to be mysterious or suspenseful!
Naomi nodded and smiled her dazzling smile.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 17
Mantra: Are you sure she's not a vampire already?
NG55: If we can kill her with a Spork, she isn't. But if she is, then we'd have to kill her with the Sue Meyerpire Spork 3000!
Mantra: *Smug* I have fire powers. I can kill those bastards with a flick of my finger...*Falls suddenly quiet* I don't use it that often though. It burns everything...even the things I don't mean to target.
Ms. Cope blinked a couple of times to clear her mind.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 18
Mantra: *Sighs* Let's do it this way and see if I can get this through your mind. Readers, please take a magazine, any magazine, and look at the pictures of people in the advertisements inside. Are they pretty? Yes. Are they so pretty that you literally can't think? HELL NO!
Just how shameless are you, Suethor? Do you have any idea how much you are embarrassing yourself?
NG55: I don't even know where to begin. *Points to the mountain of paperwork*
“Thank you, Ms. Cope. I’ll be back this afternoon. And please call me Naomi.” Nami’s light musical voice rang out. Bella didn’t want to say anything to interrupt the sweet melody.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 18
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 23
Mantra: Okay, that's it. She's a vampire. She's pale, beautiful, 'dazzing', has a melodious voice, and is loved by Bella Swan. There is no other explanation.
NG55: Loved by Bella Swan? Then Emmett is spared??! Yay!!!
Mantra: Well, at least these two deserve each other...
NG55: I can hear the Hallelujah Chorus!!
“Have a wonderful first day, Naomi! You too Ms. Swan.” She waved as the two girls exited her office. At first there was silence.
Mantra: And now you don't even know how PARAGRAPHS worked? Did you open a single book in your life?
“Sorry about before. I kind of interrupted your conversation.
Mantra: I'm quite sure that's not the problem here. The problem is that YOU FORCED HER TO GO OUT WITH YOU AGAINST HER WILL! *Pauses* Wow...she really is an Edward clone, isn't she?
NG55: No wonder they deserve each other!
Nice to meet you.” Naomi smiled at Bella.
SOS: *Pops in* I'm sorry for interrupting, but before you can read the next section, there are some procedures I have to take.
First of all, please hand me all your weapons. *Meanwhile, all furniture disappears from sporking chamber, and all flat surfaces are padded*
NG55: *Pouts* No one lets me have fun anymore. *Caresses steel pipe before handing it over*
Mantra: Don't worry, I'm sure I can find something else for you to caress meanwhile...
SOS: And Mantra, I'll be sealing ALL of your powers for now.
Mantra: *Jaw tightens* Of course, Master.
SOS: Second of all, I have two tablets of Bleeprin with two glasses of Brain Bleach. One dose for you each.
Now, I shall proceed.
NG55: I'm scared.
Her breath caught in her throat. It was just like when Edward smiled. Was this girl also a vampire? Her skin was so pale. And she was so beautiful. Her voice unforgettable. There was one problem though. Her eyes were this amazing emerald green color.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 30
Mantra: ...*Gapes*...*Flails*...*Tries to go nuke but fails*...*Dies*
NG55: .......I...have no words. I am speechless. I think I might die. *Trembles, whimpering* Somebody hold me...
Mantra: *Crawls over to NG55 weakly and holds her* I have nothing to say either...let's just...comfort each other for a while.
SOS: If I really need to explain to you guys on how many levels that fails, then you have problems. Serious problems.
NG55: No no...I can do this. I can explain it. *Inhales, exhales, takes Bleeprin* First off, the generalization. That all pale, attractive people, must be vampires. What a load of shit. Second, if Bella is still a new student, then how come she knows about vampires already? Third, this was just mindless praise for the Sue, despite that it is supposed to be limited third person. Lastly....this just fails. Just...fails. She reminds her of Edward... And the statement of her eyes being a problem, clearly not VAMPIRE eyes, presents that Bella must be disappointed. A beautiful HUMAN? Impossible. Only a VAMPIRE could ever be that beautiful. ...I am enraged right now.
Mantra: Not to mention the canon rape. In canon, Meyer all but beats us over the head with the fact that NO human can ever match up to vampires. NONE. AT ALL. So, it makes no sense that this Sue can be like vampires.
SOS: You know what, take your doses of Bleeprin and Brain Bleach, and let's move the fuck on. I'm not going to sit here and look at that passage ONE second longer.
NG55: Let's just move on. And the worst part is...we're only ONE CHAPTER IN!!! *Sobs*
Mantra: I maintain that even mass-murderers don't deserve this.
“Actually, I wanted to thank you for that.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 34
Mantra: Because everyone is always grateful to the Sue, no matter how stupid her actions were.
NG55: (Bella) You stepped on my shoe! ...Thank you!
I couldn’t come up with an excuse. I wanted to let him down easy.”
Mantra: And since when has Bella ever cared about what Mike felt? The only reason she might be conflicted about that would be because she has to keep trying to lead him on SOMEHOW.
Canon, Suethor. If you love it so much, try getting to know it a little.
NG55: The canon rape is astounding. I am not looking forward to what will become of Emmett and Rosalie. *Whimper* Emmett the Awesome, and Rosalie...goodbye good friends. You tried your best.
Bella seemed grateful. She smiled back at Naomi.
Mantra: SHE IS GRATEFUL! You fucking wrote her thanking you! What do you mean 'seem'? *Groans* I think we'd best go back to clutching at each other. I don't think this fic is going to get any better.
NG55: Um...okay. I didn't even use Brain Bleach yet...
“Yeah I could tell you were a little stuck. What year are you?” Nami changed the subject. Bella noticed the soft British accent behind her words.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 19
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 31 (I know British accents aren’t always attractive, but it’s SO blatantly used for the exoticism factor here.)
Mantra: ...I want to rant about how stupid she is for not noticing earlier, despite how much Naomi was speaking...but considering this is Bella Swan, I can't even properly rant. I hate Twilight fics.
NG55: I need a buttload of spitefics after this is over.
“Junior.”
“Great, me too.
Mantra: ...WHAT? Didn't the profile say she was in her SENIOR year?
NG55: Inconsistencies within her own story! Well, then again, there was no hope for the canon (the GOOD things about the canon), so why hope for her own canon? I could just-ooh, shiny red ball! *Chases it*
I’m glad I know at least one person.” Nami said relieved.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 20
Mantra: Nope, don't buy it. You know what you would have done if you really wanted to know people quickly? YOU WOULD'VE ACCEPTED MIKE'S HELP!
NG55: Models are surrounded by people all the time! From photographers to other employees who operate shoots and runways, going to parties, press conferences, personal appearances, hello?! I don't buy shying away from people!
“I thought you were a sophomore. But then Ms. Cope mentioned you had senior class teachers.” Bella said. Nami smiled sheepishly.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 21
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 35
Mantra: Oh, you're not sheepish! Stop bullshitting us! You were BAITING for an opportunity to sing your own praises.
NG55: I can think about plenty of other things I'd rather be singing...
“I’m supposed to be a sophomore, but I skipped freshmen year. Also I took AP exams.” Bella’s large brown eyes were wide with surprise.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 32
Mantra: What is UP with this Suethor and writing reactions from different characters than the one who is speaking in the same paragraph? This is DAMNED confusing, because you can't tell who's TALKING!
NG55: Another fail to chalk up. *Does so on the Sporking Chalkboard*
SOS: I'd also just like to interject and say that THIS SUE IS THE MOST ARROGANT SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN!
Look, I'm pretty damn proud of my marks, but when people ask for them and I'm trying to be modest? I don't give them information they didn't need! When they ask me what I got for maths, I'm going to answer, '92%', instead of '92%, oh by the way, I totally came first in the school for English too.' Because that's ARROGANT!
And that's exactly what the Sue did here.
NG55: I never had a lot of good marks in my life. *Pout* But in the few I did, I did the same. Someone asked me my mark. I simply answered what it was. Plain and simple! That's all you need to say, Sue! THAT'S ALL! You're so arrogant!
“Wow. So are you some kind of a genius?” Naomi had to giggle at that.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 33 (I don’t care if it’s another character doing the praising, she wrote that line in herself.)
Mantra: Yeah, the Suethor's totally fapping off and not even listening to us. I don't see why we bother.
NG55: Hey Suethor, how would you like it if I started just doing other things while reading your story? *Plays video games*
Mantra: *Resignatedly* I suppose I shall have to settle for imitating the Suethor, then.
SOS: *Pops in and zaps Mantra with lightning from her Keyboard of Power* I SAID NO! NOT IN FRONT OF A LADY!
NG55: O.O ....Erm...anyway...back to sporking...
SOS: I apologise for that. I told you, Mantra is...promiscuous.
Her laugh had the same soft musical sound to it as her voice.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 35
Mantra: *THE VERY FAST KILLING OF MANY*
NG55: How much do you want to bet she can apparently sing "like an angel"?
Mantra: *Low voice* If this turns into a song fic, I do not fucking care, I'm reverting to my true form right HERE and blowing this fic to kingdom come.
“No, as weird as it sounds, I rather enjoy school.”
SOS: Excuse fucking me! PLENTY of people love school! Plenty of people value their education! You're not unique! Stop taking common traits and make them out to be oh so unusual! YOU ARE NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE!
NG55: Oh good for you. What next? You like apples? You like muffins? You also like candy? Well one, MINE!! *Hogs it all* Second, you are not a special snowflake! Again! You are not telling us that you have a personality! Not at all!
She answered deep in thought, her British accent breaking through.
Mantra: Your thoughts are about as deep as a wetspot on a cheap motel bed.
NG55: *Cringes* Ew. ...And again with the accent? What is the point? To make her seem all exotic? Ooooh! How oh-so exciting!
She gave Bella a breathtaking smile. She seemed embarrassed.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 36
SOS: That's the third sentence she's started with the word 'she'. I was taught not to write like that in Junior school.
NG55: She's a Sue. She's a terrible Sue. She's annoying.
Mantra: I don't think we even need to comment on the disgusting arrogance.
NG55: Suethor...writing OC's is not a bad thing. Why do you have to make it bad? Why can't you just work to make her a GOOD character, for whatever portrayal you choose? As for pairings...that's hard to do especially when you are trying to break a canon pairing. But it CAN be done. IT CAN. So why do you insist on doing so badly? Why do you insist on THIS? WHY? If you'd listen, you'd be able to garner some wonderful advice!! Just PLEASE stop this!!!
“Sorry, when I’m relaxed I forget to speak normally.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 36
SOS: Oh, so people who talk with British accents are freaks? The only accent that's normal is an American one?
NG55: Hey! I'm Canadian and have a CANADIAN accent, you bint! *Glowers*
“No, it’s fine I think your accent is adorable.” Bella spoke truthfully.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 37
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 37
SOS: *Horrified* Bella fucking Swan thinks my accent is adorable...*Cries*
Mantra: You know what? I bet this Suethor's obsession with British accents come from Robert Pattinson. It's the only explanation, what with Bella here orgasming over it.
NG55: Poor Rob. AND IF ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT HOW I AM STUPID FOR SYMPATHIZING WITH HIM, SHUT UP! *Exhales* Sorry....I just kind of want to be supportive without a bajillion anti-comments following. Now where was I? Oh yes. That's very likely the case, despite that Edward doesn't HAVE a British accent. Just because Rob does, doesn't mean BELLA WILL LIKE IT! *Chalks this up*
“When did you move to the U.S.?”
“About four years ago.
Mantra: *Patiently* If you're going to include all of this information in the story...WHY THE FUCK DID YOU WRITE A PROFILE?
NG55: Because apparently we readers are idiots and need the information spoon-fed to us.
Seems like a long time, especially if it went by so slowly.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 39
Mantra: "if' and 'when' are two different words that mean different fucking things. That's why they look different.
NG55: Apples and oranges! You should know the concept, Suethor!
Nami again paused and looked at her new friend expectantly. It was as if she knew Bella had more questions.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 21
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 40
Mantra: Because no one has anything better to do than ask about every single detail of your life!
NG55: Isn't that always the case with every bad Suefic?
Mantra: Yes, but that really doesn't make it any less painful...*Weak chuckle* You would've thought I'd be used to pain, but this is so much worse...it burns my soul!
SOS: Don't believe her, she has no soul.
Mantra: *Glares*
NG55: Where's Charlie and his 'stache? They could shoot down the Sue!
“Where did you live before coming to Forks?”
“Sunny L.A.” She answered with a hint of sarcasm. Bella looked at her pale, almost translucent complexion. “I didn’t catch much sun.” Bella smiled.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 40
Mantra: Count the similarities, ladies. I don't even know whose clone this Sue is anymore. My best guess would be that she's some sort of unholy conglomeration of every Twilight Sue ever.
NG55: I haven't seen a lot of Twilight Sues, so I wouldn't know. But I think you might be right with this one!
Mantra: I meant the canon Sues. Sues that are already in Twilight.
NG55: ...I just had a derp moment. I am so sorry. Strike me down if you must!
Mantra: *Pats* It's okay, I'm pretty sure I can think of more pleasurably punishments.
“Well you probably would have never guessed but I’m from Phoenix. I moved here almost a year ago to live with my dad.” Bella didn’t know why she was telling this to a perfect stranger,
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 41
Mantra: Because she was perfectly okay telling the same story to everyone who asked her about it on her first day at school? Again, your Sue is NOT special. She is the most cliched thing I have ever seen.
NG55: Wait, what?? Now I'm confused!! Bella...she moved...then Edward...and I....WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! I'm so lost!!!
but Naomi gave her a relaxing feeling. Nami laughed and the bells chimed.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 22
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 3
Mantra: As well as Edward and Bella, the Sue is now also simultaneously Jasper AND Alice.
SOS: Suethor, Alice's laugh is described as 'like bell chimes'. It doesn't mean a bell magically chimes whenever she laughs. It just mean she sound like a bell. If this is the level of your reading comprehension, no wonder you like Twilight.
NG55: Suethor!! What is going on here?! Explain to me, please!! ...I am not filling in the blanks!
“I guess we are really alike.” She smiled again.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 42
Mantra: And lampshading this will NOT make me automatically forgive you.
NG55: Being alike with Bella? Not exactly a good thing, Sue.
“Say, you seem like you have a good sense of humor. How are the albino jokes here?” Nami’s emerald green eyes twinkled. Bella laughed.
“Oh no! I tried it on my first day, they took me seriously.” Both girls laughed.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 43
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 45
NICKNAME MISUSE: 23
SOS: I...have finally found someone who honestly thinks Meyer's jokes are funny.
Mantra: I have finally found someone who thinks THIS shit is funny!
NG55: Oh, so all people who are pale are albino. What a hilarious joke. As a pale-skinned girl, I am not laughing.
“We should probably get to class. We’ll be really late.” Nami suggested as they slowly walked on the sidewalk.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 46
NICKNAME MISUSE: 24
Mantra: Then might I suggest you walk a TEENSY, TINY bit faster?
NG55: Wait wait wait wait wait WAIT! When did we get outside?!
SOS: We were meant to assume that they're walking to class, since Ms. Cope dismissed them.
NG55: Suethor...you couldn't even insert a simple "The girls left the office, heading out to walk to class" or something?! I just...gah!! Stop expecting us to assume things! You have to write it! Even ONE. MEASLY SENTENCE. would be enough!!!
“What classes do you have?” Bella asked the British beauty.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 47
Mantra: *Flatly* British beauty. This story is meant to be told from Naomi's perspective, and she just called herself British beauty.
NG55: Limited third person, Suethor! Learn to use it if that's what you're going for! Pick a side and commit!
“Um…English Literature, Economics, Calculus, Physics, Gym, and France II.”
NG55: France II????? What's that supposed to mean???
Mantra: Hmm...maybe something similar to Australian studies, only centred around France?
NG55: But that doesn't make any sense! One class centred around a country?? Then shouldn't it be FRENCH class? Hello??
Naomi recalled her already memorized schedule. Bella stared at her with a bewildered expression.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 48 (Oh yes, look at how wonderful the Sue is! She’s got a photographic memory as well!)
Mantra: I don't see what's so shocking about this. Everyone would be able to remember six courses. It's not that hard...Wait. It's Bella Swan. It probably IS that hard for her.
NG55: (Bella) You remember ALL SIX of your courses?! Wow! I can NEVER remember! I need a stupid thing called a schedule! I hate being human, it sucks that I have to forget things! When I'm a vampire, I won't have to worry about a thing!
“What?” Naomi asked surprised.
“But those are all senior courses.” Bella informed.
SOS: ...*to Mantra and NG55* You guys might want to get back to hugging, because you'll need it for this next passage.
NG55: *Whimper* I don't want to know...
Mantra: *Dutifully clings*
“Are you sure?” Nami used a perfectly manicured hand to pull her schedule out of the pocket of her jeans. The movement was graceful and delicate. She stopped and creased her perfectly arched eyebrows concentrating on the schedule. Bella noticed the small frown on her flawless lips.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 48
NICKNAME MISUSE: 25
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 55
SOS: I am now convinced that this Suethor is a troll. I refuse to believe anyone could write that in all seriousness and expect us to buy it.
NG55: *Squished* ....Why do I get the feeling this was purely for nothing more than to show how ever-so-awesome the Sue is?
Mantra: *Shakes head dumbly* I give up. There is NOTHING you can say in the face of arrogance this all-encompassing to make this wankfest anything approaching tolerable, much less funny.
NG55: Gethsemane....who said you could come out of the Cave of Ordeals?
“What’s wrong?” Bella was worried. She didn’t want this beautiful creature frustrated.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 56
Mantra: Nice to know that Bella doesn't even consider the Sue human.
NG55: Beautiful creature?!!? Oh, you bint, I can think of a WAY prettier creature than THAT. And regardless, oh no, it has nothing to do with a nice new friend you just made who is feeling upset. Oh no, she's not concerned for her well being and wants to make sure she's okay. No, she doesn't want a BEAUTIFUL person to be upset. Because it would ruin their beautiful image.
“It says here I’m a senior.” She answered somewhat stiffly.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 49
Mantra: (Naomi) Errors in official documents turns me on!
NG55: (Naomi) *A la Oscar Leroy, waving her hands up* I'm a senior!!!
“Oh, bloody hell! There goes my plan!” Nami ran her long pale fingers trough her jet black waves.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 61
NICKNAME MISUSE: 26
Mantra: She has waves? What, does she own a beach now?
NG55: And what plan might that be?
She noticed Bella’s curious brown eyed look. “I wanted to go unnoticed.” She explained to the girl.
Mantra: I swear, everyone in Twilight has an eye fetish. I wonder if it's the water...
NG55: What in the hell does being a senior have to do with being unnoticed? And frankly, I don't buy that for a minute, Sue. I know you're secretly an attention whore.
Derpy! *Derp flies in* Can you tell us what's wrong with this?
Derpy Hooves: Uh-huh! Didn't she say that she doesn't want to be noticed? I don't know...why drive a fancy car and wear clothes that say fancy?
NG55: Exactly! *Snuggles Derpy*
Bella gave her an understanding smile.
“Believe me. I’ve been there. I can say I’m not a fan of being the center of attention. But there’s no getting out of it.”
Mantra: Yes, go ahead and wank about how you're the centre of this universe, why don't you?
NG55: No getting out of it? Oh, I think it can be arranged...
She smiled a little embarrassed as her cheeks turned a warm pink color.
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* I'm certain now that the Sue's love interest is Bella.
NG55: Oooh, then Emmett is spared! Yay!
“Same here. Oh well, I expected as much. My level of normality has always been below zero.” Naomi laughed.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 62 (Ooh, look how ~*~UNIQUE~*~ she is!)
Mantra: Really? You seem to me to be the stereotypical bitchy, arrogant attention-whore. I can't count how many like you I've seen.
NG55: If this was somehow intentional and meant to be a huge flaw, then I'd accept it. But no, we're supposed to love her and see that she's awesome and clearly superior over Rosalie for Emmett.
Mantra: Or, you know, clearly deserving of someone as great and wonderful as Bella Swan.
Suddenly the rain increased.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 50
Mantra: -and turned to acid.
NG55: *Whimper* Stop ruining rain, Suethor...
“I think that’s our sign to go.” Bella muttered with a frown on her face.
Mantra: No. The start of this fic was the first sign for you to leave our presence and never return to blemish our memory again.
SOS: ...You mean, these people HAVEN'T been walking to class? ...If they don't get detention, I'm going to kill someone.
NG55: Unless it's THAT early before the warning bell, I'm not buying it.
SOS: Given that Ms. Cope made Mike go to class, I think these two are supposed to be in class too...
Mantra: Oh, who are you kidding? This is the Twilight universe. The Beautiful People get away with anything.
NG55: ....*Groan* Have I mentioned that I am COMPLETELY LOST?! I really have no idea what's supposed to be going on! And the Cullens haven't even shown up yet!
She pulled the hood of her jacket up. Nami bit her lip to keep from snickering.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 27
Mantra: I have no idea what's funny here. Apparently, she's just laughing at Bella because the more you condescend to her, the more she loves you.
NG55: ...Really? Laughing at Bella ACTUALLY doing something SENSIBLE?
“I take it you don’t like the rain too much.” Bella gave her a dark look.
Mantra: She keeps the delightsome, white, Mormon looks for vampires.
NG55: ...Covering yourself from the rain doesn't mean you don't like it! You're just still smart enough to do the sensible thing!
Both girls hurried.
SOS: Like they haven't done up until now. Seriously, Suethor, if you really need to have your avatar talk to the main characters, have them meet at lunch time instead. It's that easy.
NG55: What a rushed sentence.
“Aren’t you cold?” Bella asked bewildered, noticing the t-shirt and jeans outfit Naomi was wearing.
“Nope! Not even a bit!” The girl reassured her.
Mantra: All cool people are impervious to cold, like vampire and werewolves and Sues!
SOS: I'd like to test that theory. I'm pretty sure I can Keyboard us some liquid nitrogen.
NG55: If she makes a Singin' In The Rain reference, she is dead.
“Well bye! I’ll most likely see you at lunch.” Nami smiled again and waved at Bella, opening the door to her English Literature class.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 28
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 51
Mantra: After having apparently gained the power of teleportation from nowhere.
NG55: Jeez! What the hell?! Yep, I'm fully convinced they can teleport. How else did they get outside without us seeing it, and then back inside?
Bella stood frozen staring after the mysterious girl. Maybe Naomi really was a vampire.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 52
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 63 (In Twilight, a favourable comparison to a vampire from Bella Swan is DEFINITELY a praise.)
Mantra: To be fair, her suspicion here is almost deserved, seeing as Naomi apparently has super speed as well, now.
NG55: True, I'll concede.
SOS: Well, that's the end of the chapter.
Mantra: Great! Now, get me the fuck out of here.
*Mantra pops out*
NG55: One chapter in and I already have a headache. This story SUCKS!
SOS: Indeed, I have never seen a more shameless Sue.
FINAL COUNTS:
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 52 (That’s 2.2% of the entire fic or one adverb every 45 words. Just...THINK about that.)
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 63 (2.7% of this chapter is ENTIRELY COMPOSED of the Sue praising herself. Remember, I didn’t count EVERY word of the description - only direct adjectives. So, the true number is probably even high. But in the end, you have to read about the Suethor wanking about herself AT LEAST once every 37 words.)
NICKNAME MISUSE: 28 (She used the Sue’s name a total of 55 times in the fic, not counting usage in direct dialogue, which means that the narrator zigzagged between calling the Sue ‘Naomi’ and ‘Nami’ about evenly. Consistency? What’s that?)
Go Forward to: Chapter 2
Go Back to: Chapter 1 Part 1