for Chase (29 March)

[sortofaman]

The Doctor, in lieu of the good things in life like, say, a boyfriend who would talk to him and an ex with problems that he could fix and a Gregory House who wasn't like a stone, had decided that it was probably in his best interests to prepare for his classes, at least for the next week or so.

He sprawled his things (the two books for the first

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[dr_robchase]

Chase had made it back to the treehouse and had limped his way inside, freezing mildly when he saw the Doctor (who probably would've have even looked up, given his reactions to him) and he immediately made for the stairs without a word.

[sortofaman]

The Doctor hadn't looked up, but he knew that sound, knew that smell, and knew perfectly well who it was. He tensed for a moment, teeth biting hard into the plastic end of the pen (which, forutnately, didn't break), then looked up. "And good morning to you, too, sunshine," he said.

[dr_robchase]

Chase froze at the stairs and peered over his shoulder. "I just stopped in for my rugby ball," he explained. "Was going to take a quick look at playing fields," he explained, staring up the flight of stairs.

[sortofaman]

"There's a lawn," the Doctor said pointedly. "Right by the compound. Unless you don't want spectators."

[dr_robchase]

Chase stayed standing still, counting to ten slowly, rolling his eyes in frustration. "Maybe I just want a few options instead of what's right in front of my nose," he said, under his breath.

[sortofaman]

The dark brown eyes settled on Chase from over the rims of his specs. "It's a rugby field, not a bloody missile silo," he replied, muscles tensing more and more with each second.

[dr_robchase]

Chase grabbed the railing and spun on it, glaring at the Doctor, teeth gritted. "Okay, what," he demanded. "Why," he asked bluntly. "And it's not just about fucking Aberdeen and it's not just that you're happier to see her, it's that I'm just another guy to you!" he snapped, and it came from nowhere, and he didn't care anymore. "Gwen says I'm jealous and yeah, I am!" he shouted. "I'm jealous for the first time ever and I don't like it!"

[sortofaman]

The Doctor was not quite whipped around by the sudden change in conversational topic, though his reaction time had been much faster about a year earlier. He blinked once for about a tenth of a second, then gawked at Chase for a long moment. "You're not just another guy," he said, and it was obvious that he meant it even though it sounded stupid. "You're not."

[dr_robchase]

Chase shook his head, gaping at the Doctor. "After the hurricane, during all these weird weekends, after the dinosaurs...you just..." He shrugged, a lost look on his face. "You just look at me like 'oh, there's Chase. Wonder if he's eating with me today'," he muttered. "And you look at other people different, you're happy or relieved or I can see it, and I just can't see it." He exhaled slowly. "It's like, yeah, I'm your best friend with benefits and god damn, but you're happy to love that about me," he said sardonically.

[sortofaman]

The Doctor was somewhat of the opinion that he thought that he did usually look terribly happy to see Chase, though perhaps he was just partaking in the ridiculously goofy smile about Chase when he wasn't arou--

He paused for a moment, teeth clenched around the pen in a nervous reaction, then took the pen away from his mouth. "You want to know what it is?" he asked quietly.

[dr_robchase]

Chase didn't. If he knew, then it would be worse. "What?" he asked, simply. Not tired or anything, just firm and simple.

[sortofaman]

"I," the Doctor said, slowly and deliberately, and because it was really bloody difficult, "am terrified, more terrified than I've ever been in my life, that if I act as happy as I actually am and show you whatever I can from here about myself, that you will think I am completely and utterly mad and will leave me."

It was the perfect truth. And now he was beet red.

[dr_robchase]

Chase settled slowly, sinking onto a step as he stared at the Doctor, not sure what the hell to say to that, and he just rubbed at his eyes. So the Doctor was terrified and Chase was jealous and they were experiencing firsts all over the place. "At least I'd know you were being honest," he muttered. "And that you weren't just placating me with the 'I Love You's'."

[sortofaman]

"I'm not!" the Doctor said, looking as if he wanted to throw his arms up in the air and possibly run about in circles, if that would accomplish anything. "I would do anything for you, and that includes a myriad of stupid things, like...like throwing myself off a cliff, damn it!"

[dr_robchase]

"So why can't you be happy to see me, or show me a fucking flicker of this, even just to placate my insane fears?" he demanded.

[sortofaman]

"Because I'm a cowardly ponce who thought I was being happy but I didn't show it very well at all," the Doctor retorted. He didn't have a convenient wall, so he appropriated the table and banged his forehead into it a few times out of frustration.