(no subject)
It's been a while since I posted. There used to be a time where I'd mandate myself to post everything and than catch up if something was missed. Maybe it was to keep a reminder of what happened or maybe document my life, but in any event, today I sum up the basics. I was supposed to get a promotion, which would have come to a raise, but while in theory I am "promoted," in practice, the office I was promised is still not set up though it has been a month, no one has given me the letter of authority yet as a licensed administrator, no raise and in fact I am still paying my backdebt to the company, AND I am doing all the work regardless. The funniest thing is that my colleague is off with a broken leg and sure enough, I am doing my work AND hers, as she cannot come into the office. It's some horrible and sick joke.
I also broke my foot but I've broken so many things in my life I didn't even bother going to the hospital. They'd put another boot on me, in three weeks I'd take it off, and it'd be a waste of the $65 for the boot. I elected to work through it and stay off it when I can which means I feel horrendous - no gym, no tanning, nothing.
I have seen Sunshine more than I thought I would. He comes on my days off and while I know that other thing in his life exists (and sadly he made the mistake of moving with it), we just "pretend" it doesn't and enjoy each other in every way possible. We had an argument not too long ago because I hate that I am this giant secret, knowing full well I agreed to this as neither of us can commit to anything given he lives elsewhere with something else, and I want my license, am focusing on my career and trying to go to Italy, but I had this overwhelming hatred that day taking out some of my anger on him from work, and life, and I was just so angry. He did apologize and so did I, and subsequently called me one night at 2:38 a.m. while at a conference - drunk men are funny and it was worth the lack of sleep as I felt somewhat honored of what he could have done, he picked solely me - and now may be coming to my office tomorrow hand delivering coffee and he is most definitely coming Friday...I try and think of what I will achieve first, before we go "all in" and what our future will hold. It's just frankly not possible right now. I can barely afford groceries, with Ma helping me out last month so I could get by thanks to my company, let alone him, two kids, and the drama that comes with it. It will happen! just...not now.
I haven't seen Red Truck in a long time and partly I am sure is because I am avoiding him, and another reason is my foot having to stay off it, and lastly it is financial. I really cannot walk too much on it but I wouldn't know what to do anyways and it didn't seem possible before and now it most DEFINITELY wouldn't be. For all Sunshine's life and his talk of my "moving on" and "being happy if I want to be with someone else" he'd probably have an outrageous heart attack if I actually DID move on. Not that it matters. I wasn't willing anyways.
I need to lose ten pounds and my foot isn't helping. Neither is the chocolate or chips. My foster parents officially moved and are no longer in Durham. I am happy for them but also sad. I know I didn't see them often, but it was more attainable when they were in Durham, and now they are not.
SW is having issues with his daughters, and for that it sucks because the youngest isn't the issue - it's the mother of her. I just hope he doesn't get trampled on - he doesn't deserve it, and the other daughter, the oldest, has such a heart it would be terrible if she continued to feel like she was forced into a bubble because of the youngest. I wish I could help...We are going to have Chinese food, ghetto style, soon when things settle and life is easier.
Ma is okay and she's actually doing better ... for this I am grateful. She has her moments but so do I, and she's working through them. Ma wants to move to her (our) old house and I support whatever she chooses.
I, however, am staying downtown. No chance would I ever move to that City of the Pit of Hell again. I cannot stand that area...I recognize some people are avid about Durham but to me, it's like a death sentence. A desolate place of filth, decay, and white-trash that I cannot stand. I have watched the "downtown" of that city fall so far down, a man just stood and peed once on the street, like that was somehow acceptable.
It. Wasn't.