(no subject)
Working from home today - I needed to, for the sake of my own well being and to get a few things done around the house that I don't want to do on the weekend.
I had to work out and I didn't want to, but, I went, did half the work out I should, tanned, and then went home deciding SOME work out is better than what I was GOING to do before work, which was lay in bed.
I got in trouble at work today - I sent a quote which was confidential, and bossman was unhappy and I apologized but you know what he did? he made me cry instead. He said the following in an email after I said it was a mistake and won't happen again: "Thank you, take a breath. You're doing great and this is a small bump in the road."
I just balled. At first when I knew I was in shit I was like "mistakes happen, it is minor" and mantra'd myself to feel better because I know none of us are perfect and I've taken my therapy very, very seriously, but, when I sat down to read his email I braced myself to be strong - and THAT is what he said.
It broke down all my barriers and I was glad to be home and just cried...I cried so hard. I am learning to control things, but also not to anticipate the worst every single time...and today, bossman proved my point...and he's a great boss. He's weird, crazy, and OCD but he's my boss and that is why....
'Scuse me a moment while I cry again.
This weekend I plan on doing very little but work out Sunday and tan, and meal prep. It's part why I am home. I had a tarot reading from Max last week and his cards laid out some interesting things stating Release, Balance, Playful, Abundance, and Chemistry.
What he related it to was letting things come, but I need to be more playful, let my hopes of "soon" go and balance my self, and live a little, and the abundance will come to me, and showing me the chemistry will follow. It shocked me! but I am wary and said so...I am not letting go of my future with Sunshine. Max things that it's not necessarily letting go, but to let the expectation go...and to do more, be more. Alright...I am going to release that pressure of "soon" and put more focus into LIVING.
For starters? I am going to start doing things on the weekend that are free, enjoyable, and don't involve me just going to the gym and binge watching shows. i have to do more, be more, and I might join some groups ... maybe a hike group or maybe a beach thing...I don't know and I don't want to push too hard but I trust Max and the reading.
Most of the laundry is done but I cannot finish due to the dryer breaking - my landlord is awesome and will fix it, but for now it's drying hanging wherever, swept the kitchen, put away some stuff, pulled ground beef and sausages from the freezer for meal prep Sunday, and now...lunch!