It's funny how lonely one can feel.
So I'm sitting here in computer class, when suddenly my phone buzzes at me [indicating a text message] and who does it be? ... My KIBBY!!! Ohhhmygosh, I'm so excited. I miss her like whoa. It's so gay that I haven't seen her in like a year. It's crazy how people go away like that. It sucks a lot and I don't like it, but I'm glad that she's happy in Shrewsbury and all that. =]
Ya know what, people are stupid, and I've got to pee. I wanna go home so bad, too. I think I'm gonna call moms at lunch and make her come pick me up. I feel like killing myself. School always puts me in the best of moods. [note: sarcasm] And on a lighter note, I decided that I wanna get hit by a car. I keep seeing it over and over in my brain. Like headlights in the distance, and relief. I want that so bad. I'm too much of a pussy for anything like that though. So I'll just sit around and cry about my awful life and never do anything to fix it because I hate myself and I'm just allowing myself to become this nothing, some loser, and it doesn't bother me. It's like I seriously just do not care anymore. Not at all. Everything's just so hard for me now, I can't smile anymore, I only feel good when I'm with my love. That's the only time. And even then I always have to leave him and come back to this dump, so it's just a tease.
I'm happy that Nick is graduating next week, I think. I'm proud of him, I really am. I'm just torn over it. I want him to grow up and get a job and money and go to college, but I don't want him to leave me behind. He's graduating from high school in less that TWO WEEKS, and even if I pass this year I still won't be out of high school for THREE YEARS. It's sad for me. I want to be grown up and not have to deal with any of this shit anymore. That's what I want. I want it to be me and my nicholas together and nobody else, and no school bull shit or anything. I hate my life so bad. I'm done feeling sorry for myself... for now.
blue skies from pain*
Ya know what, people are stupid, and I've got to pee. I wanna go home so bad, too. I think I'm gonna call moms at lunch and make her come pick me up. I feel like killing myself. School always puts me in the best of moods. [note: sarcasm] And on a lighter note, I decided that I wanna get hit by a car. I keep seeing it over and over in my brain. Like headlights in the distance, and relief. I want that so bad. I'm too much of a pussy for anything like that though. So I'll just sit around and cry about my awful life and never do anything to fix it because I hate myself and I'm just allowing myself to become this nothing, some loser, and it doesn't bother me. It's like I seriously just do not care anymore. Not at all. Everything's just so hard for me now, I can't smile anymore, I only feel good when I'm with my love. That's the only time. And even then I always have to leave him and come back to this dump, so it's just a tease.
I'm happy that Nick is graduating next week, I think. I'm proud of him, I really am. I'm just torn over it. I want him to grow up and get a job and money and go to college, but I don't want him to leave me behind. He's graduating from high school in less that TWO WEEKS, and even if I pass this year I still won't be out of high school for THREE YEARS. It's sad for me. I want to be grown up and not have to deal with any of this shit anymore. That's what I want. I want it to be me and my nicholas together and nobody else, and no school bull shit or anything. I hate my life so bad. I'm done feeling sorry for myself... for now.
blue skies from pain*