(no subject)
I am just sitting here watching the sun rise over the trees. I have the window open so i can smell the morning dew and feel the soft heated wisps of wind. A woodpecker keeps flying from one tree to another, probibly has a nest somewhere near. We have moved all our stuff down to my parents house. This place will be a nice place to have a baby, I think. It is beautiful here. The hardest part is to make this a place to have allen here. He is a techi, I am a southern. How do we put a high tech house in the middle of the woods when we have get a site survey to see if a wireless dsl line can reach 100 feet in the air without hitting trees and hills? It seems almost impossible, but can i tell him that? No, because if i don't keep hope he wont be happy here. With me, I am boring and wont keep him happy enough here.
I hate how life wants to be a bitch. I miss the days of getting drunk and stoned with friends and laughing through the days. I miss the days of sitting curled next to steph, watching delmo flirt with all of the girls in the room and Tre playing his guitar for any to hear. Jenna's loud voice screaming something contreversial. I miss Kathe's theatrics. I miss the fun i had with my sister before she went insane and hurtful. My sister was so much fun then. We could laugh and joke when we were away. With our hombodies. Everytime i hear about our group these day. Shawna and Delmo both have fallen on hard times. Steph is burden with work instead of school. jenna seems to be okay, away from the mess and doing the renn circuit. Kathe finally got back to renning, hopefully she will be happier than she used to be. She seemed to have a hole without the chatue. Tre, well tre is playing in god knows where, playing for the angels or being as you beleive. Damn fucking fool, I still blame him for getting killed. Tracy, my sister, is married to a 4 time ex con with aids, that is lovely. He keeps her drugged and insane so he can control her, trying to extort money from my father with a bogas molestation charge. It just seems to be a bitch.
There is light, at times. I can sit and talk with one of my new best friends, my mother. Don't get me wrong, we have always been friends, but lately we seem to be compatable and inseperatable right now. Maybe it is because i need her. I am scared of having this child and when i tell Allen i don't quite get reassured. With her, i get understanding and harsh truth, the best comfort for me. I have my pets and now my chickens again. I am been wondering if i can work with them again. I have the familiarity i so longed for in houston. I have the simple life in the woods i missed. I just hope it will work so he can be happy.
I hate how life wants to be a bitch. I miss the days of getting drunk and stoned with friends and laughing through the days. I miss the days of sitting curled next to steph, watching delmo flirt with all of the girls in the room and Tre playing his guitar for any to hear. Jenna's loud voice screaming something contreversial. I miss Kathe's theatrics. I miss the fun i had with my sister before she went insane and hurtful. My sister was so much fun then. We could laugh and joke when we were away. With our hombodies. Everytime i hear about our group these day. Shawna and Delmo both have fallen on hard times. Steph is burden with work instead of school. jenna seems to be okay, away from the mess and doing the renn circuit. Kathe finally got back to renning, hopefully she will be happier than she used to be. She seemed to have a hole without the chatue. Tre, well tre is playing in god knows where, playing for the angels or being as you beleive. Damn fucking fool, I still blame him for getting killed. Tracy, my sister, is married to a 4 time ex con with aids, that is lovely. He keeps her drugged and insane so he can control her, trying to extort money from my father with a bogas molestation charge. It just seems to be a bitch.
There is light, at times. I can sit and talk with one of my new best friends, my mother. Don't get me wrong, we have always been friends, but lately we seem to be compatable and inseperatable right now. Maybe it is because i need her. I am scared of having this child and when i tell Allen i don't quite get reassured. With her, i get understanding and harsh truth, the best comfort for me. I have my pets and now my chickens again. I am been wondering if i can work with them again. I have the familiarity i so longed for in houston. I have the simple life in the woods i missed. I just hope it will work so he can be happy.