[Fanfiction - The GazettE] Ex Marks the Spot Ruki/ Uruha, Uruha/ Kai, Ruki x Reita Oneshot
Title: [E]X Marks the Spot
Author: sorrowofanangel
Genre: Angst, romance, comfort, drama
Band: The GazettE/ SCREW
Pairing(s): Uruha/ Ruki (past), Uruha x Kai, Reita x Ruki/ Ruki x Reita (implied) Uruha x Byou (hinted)
WARNINGS: Swearing, sexual references, break-ups, crying chibi (;3;)
Rating: PG/R
DISCLAIMER: Kai told me he'd stop baking me fudge cakes if I untied Ruki and set him free... (Oo;) *ish kidding* (^^;)
Summary: "When Uruha left Ruki heartbroken, Ruki knew he had to learn to let go if he had any hope of moving on. The only problem is, he's still very much in love; even if it's with a man who has constantly hurt him time and time again. Can Ruki ever learn to let go? And will Uruha's new confession lead him to do just that? ..."
Notes: I wrote this while being very, very ill so I do apologise if it's a little "meh" in places. I've been under a lot of stress and now my immune system is starting to fuck me around too (><;) ^^" Anyways! I hope you enjoy this little oneshot I came up with; partly based on an experience of mine a couple of months back (with a bit of action added in) ^^" Hope you like it <3
Musics ~ This Means War (Nickelback), Sadama no Ito & Kasenda Fuyu no Mukou ni... (both by Kagrra)
My Fanfic archive ~ (HERE)
*
It was within the midst of abstract dreariness that Ruki came across the first message.
He felt the vibration of his flip phone waver deep within the pockets of his jeans, letting out a deep and heavy sigh towards the sky drifting lazily past his eyes. Cigarette in hand, he took a large drag and felt the smoke infect his lungs with cancerous serenity.
Somehow, he felt he was going to need it.
[1 New Message]
Uruha
The name that displayed on the screen, however, surprised him somewhat; and he felt he needed another drag just to get through what it had to say.
Hey.
Are you around town at any point today? Let me know xx
Since when did Uruha ever want to hang out? And there was never, under recent circumstances, more than one kiss.
Ruki couldn’t help but remain unnaturally sombre as his thumb hovered over ‘reply’
Sure. Meet outside Starbucks in 30 mins? xx
It couldn’t have been more than 20 seconds when the reply came swiftly and Ruki’s phone vibrated in his lap, once again in the middle of a very long, much needed intake of poison. But then Ruki felt the sender of his text message was the human version of the cigarette caught hanging between his lips anyway.
Eyes heavy with vex, Ruki watched the ash drop to the grass below his sneakers, the wind catching the brazen tobacco and carrying it to the far side of the park, dissipating eventually to become part of the oxygen around him.
Ruki tried not to focus on the irony.
He need not take a look at the incoming message as he let his Marlboro drop to the ground and turned swiftly on his heel back down the frost dusted street.
I'll be there xx
*
He hadn’t been waiting outside long when he felt the nicotine run dry in his system and Ruki found himself craving another cigarette as he stood outside the doors of the run-down American chain of coffee shop. Instead he tried to focus on the overpowering scent of ground coffee beans and sweet, condensed milk each time the doors swung open and another customer left with their over-expensive latte-to-go.
Had he any change in his wallet, he may have succumbed to a grande cappuccino; coffee wasn’t his style. It wasn’t eccentric enough for his tastes and often he found himself falling into that modern stereotype of teen with the cancer stick in one hand and the diabetes-inducing beverage in the other. Wasting the days away with underpaid jobs, a stressful student life and enough house parties to fill fifteen bath tubs up to the brim in STD’s, tears and vomit.
That’s when Uruha turned up; not dressed to impress in his usual leather jacket, grey hoodie, slim jeans torn at the bottom and a pair of sneakers that should have been discarded years ago.
Ruki didn’t think much to it; it was a Sunday, it gave the excuse for a bit of the, “I can’t be fucked.” attitude.
With this in mind, he banished all effort to smile as his ex came nearer; the days when he used to send a searing grin in Uruha’s direction now long gone. Now he just couldn’t give a fuck.
But to Ruki, it never mattered what day it was. When it came to Uruha, he couldn’t bring himself to start caring.
Why bother when the other doesn’t give you a second thought?
“Hey!” The taller brunette greets, hands tucked deep in his jacket and he nestles himself tighter into the confines of his hoodie, zipped up to his chin, “Freezing huh?”
Ruki stood there rigidly; not even nodding a greeting. The chill that had been present in the winter air was certainly preferable to the one he was feeling now. A few months ago, that would have been the opposite effect; Uruha was the soothing warmth that used to fill Ruki like hot chocolate on an icy day.
Seems the role had been reversed,
“Dunno, can’t really tell.” Ruki shrugs.
As always, Uruha doesn’t notice the mild acid lying at the back of Ruki’s throat as he replies to the man he once claimed his lover.
Ruki almost cringed; to think he used to label that man, him, as a lover. Someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Each time he thought about it now, his stomach squeezed as though he would throw up,
“So, we heading inside or what?” Uruha speaks up somewhat cheerfully, pushing past Ruki to join the lengthy queue as mid-afternoon approached. Ruki noted the purposeful brush of the shoulder that Uruha would always, indefinitely, make sure happened between them. Ruki figured it was some way of retaining his authority as the dominant in saying the dreaded phrase, “We need to talk” before proceeding to take Ruki’s heart and crush it underneath his shoe like a miniscule cockroach.
Before, Ruki used to revel in those moments. Where the littlest smile and the littlest touch made all the difference, and Ruki tricked himself into believing Uruha wanted him back. Though those feelings of his had died down, Ruki knows even now Uruha tries to reclaim his authority. The “I dumped you but I know you still want me” look. Ruki used to fall for it every time. Now it was becoming the bud of his annoyance; and an even greater reason to avoid Uruha.
Hell, if Ruki had had his way, he would have cut Uruha out of his life forever; as he did with most ex boyfriends. The only problem was they both had the same circle of friends, and had the same classes together.
From that moment on, Ruki was on a strict never-date-classmates permit.
Ruki eventually ducked through the door after the taller man and watched as Uruha sauntered up to join the queue in that fashonista style he has. Ruki hadn’t noticed before, but Uruha just looked like a complete twatbag,
“What are you getting?” Uruha asked, bringing out some change from a pocket and idly counting the coins.
Ruki’s fist clenched tight in the confines of his jacket,
“Nothing.” He answered genuinely, “But you know, go nuts if you’re planning on staying.”
Uruha gives him an odd look, “I don’t follow…”
Ruki presses his lips together firmly and stares back at the other man with a look as hard as he can make it,
“Well, you wanted to meet up for something, right? Why not just tell it straight instead of fooling around?”
Ruki’s retort is hot and he somehow finds the courage to meet Uruha’s surprised gaze head on. It was probably the pissed-off demeanour that had overshadowed him at last and he was fed up of Uruha’s bullshit. Putting Ruki through a summer of hell like that, falsely leading Ruki on when in actual fact he was merely leading the younger on for a blow job every now and then; all the while Ruki, being a virgin to meaningful relationships, had mistaken it for romance,
“The fuck, Ruki? I didn’t come here to start a scene…” Uruha mumbles, glancing at the oblivious crowds of townsfolk around them before they were shuffling forward to keep up with the queue ahead, Ruki lagging behind a step or two on purpose, “Look, I’ll buy you a cake or something; the brownies are your favourite aren’t they -?”
“- Don’t sweet talk me.” Ruki shot back darkly, folding his arms across his chest and moving his eyes to rest on one of the many Savannah-influenced paintings hanging lopsidedly nearby, “Whatever you have to say is going to be awkward enough without you trying to soften me up with cake and coffee.”
Uruha made a sound of defeat and though Ruki could only see half of his face, he was pretty adamant Uruha certainly hadn’t been expecting Ruki to act quite like he had. Probably thought he was going to bow down and answer to Uruha’s every beck and call or adhere to his needs like a lovesick little girl. Perhaps Ruki had been like that once, but not now. Now he’d learnt how to fuck with those that hurt you,
“So go take a seat and wait for me.” Uruha managed at last, attempting a look that tried to fake imperviousness, “Just ‘cause I wanna talk to you doesn’t mean I have to go freezing my ass off…”
Ruki had already started to wander off, purposely seating himself at one of the tables as furthest away from Uruha’s position as possible. He even took out his phone to distract himself from analysing Uruha from head to toe; stripping him down with his wild psychological theories as he does. Part of himself blamed his longing for a degree in Clinical Psychology.
The other blamed it on still being in love.
Ruki bit his lip hard and began texting, longing to escape the degrading, complicated relationship he still had to endure with Uruha.
More so, what was worrying him further was what on earth Uruha had to talk to him about. Even as he had treaded through the frosted, almost deserted streets of the town centre; taking in the festive decorations of Christmas cheer and listened half-heartedly to a playlist of Motley Crue on his mp3, he had turned over every possible situation in his head.
“I heard you hooked up with a guy from the bar the other night.”
"I just wanted to chill with you that’s all.”
Heaven forbid, Ruki had even gone so far as,
“I realised over summer that I made a huge mistake. I was an idiot, I’m sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”
Ruki scrunched his lips and applied a noticeable increase in force as he carried on texting.
Hell no.
Ruki flickered a glance up towards the cash machine, only for Uruha to be waiting at the near end now, rocking on his heels as he waited for his drink to be made.
Ruki typed faster
Uruha asked me to meet him so I’ll be home a little later than I said.
God knows what he has to say to me but I just want it over with!
Wanna get out of here!! Xxx
Ruki had managed to hit ‘Send’ just as Uruha’s pale hand set his steaming hot chocolate on the table and slid nonchalantly into the chair opposite.
[Message 1 of 1]
[To: Kai]
Sent!
Ruki snapped his phone shut and watched as Uruha ‘smoothly’ licked the whipped cream dripping down the side of his mug. Ruki felt an annoyance burn strongly in the pit of his stomach again, and rolled his eyes to look back down at the table again,
“You done?” He finally asks, fed up with this attempt at a flirtatious display happening cheaply before him.
Uruha, on the other hand, inclined to be just as irritated as Ruki; though the blonde highly doubted it, instead seating himself back and shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jacket,
“What’s rattled your cage?”
“A rather obnoxious, selfish pussy cat.” Ruki retorted.
Uruha sighed, “Don’t act all pissy at me just because I dumped you.”
Ruki frowned visibly; here he goes again,
“So, are you gonna tell me your news or shall we resort to the good ol’ post-relationship bitching?” Ruki huffed sarcastically; seriously considering what on earth he had ever seen in this cocky piece of shit.
Then came that all too infuriatingly stiff silence. Uruha shook his head a little as he stroked the brim of his mug, examining the chocolate shavings scattered along the tower of whipped cream; a silently speculative look as though he were waiting for Ruki to apologise,
“Uruha…” Ruki hurried, “We’ve barely talked to each other since we got back over summer and now you suddenly decide to text me out of the blue so… come on. Out with it.”
Uruha shifted in his chair awkwardly. Then took a small sip from his drink.
Awkwardly…
“It’s about your roommate.” He began.
Ruki tried not to let the discomfort overwhelm him, “Which one?”
Uruha couldn’t look him in the eye; though he was close enough as he stared at the small dimple in Ruki’s chin,
“Kai.”
Ruki should have seen that coming. Though they had all been pretty drunk at Kai’s birthday party a week back, Ruki had sobered up enough to spy the two sharing momentary cuddles in the back garden; Kai perched obliviously on Uruha’s lap while they giggled and laughed at meaningless drunken banter.
It was that very scene alone that had Ruki taking money from Reita’s wallet and leaving the house to end up at their local bar merely minutes away; throwing back cocktails like they were popcorn. By the time he was throwing up on a stranger’s bathroom floor, he had slept with two of the guys that had bonded with him during their moment of malevolent madness. No doubt by the time Reita had frantically called his mobile twenty-three times and screamed his lungs at an extremely hung-over Ruki the following afternoon as the blonde had staggered through the front door, the news of Ruki’s adventure had reached the ears of every student on campus. Uruha included,
“Right…” Ruki mumbled, his guard not so easy to keep standing so much now. Try as he might, those tears forming at the back of his eyes made no sign of shifting,
“Yeah…” Uruha mumbled meekly, “Thing is, I really like him. But, like, you know, with our history and all, I just thought -“
“- Spare me the fake sympathy.” Ruki held up a hand, though his fingers were shaking.
Uruha took note if it, even slipping his own around them to hold them steady,
“I’m sorry.”
Ruki was annoyed that his hand trembled more on those words,
“Of all the people you have to go and fuck over next, it has to be…” Ruki closed his eyes, “… Kai?”
“Well, I don’t know if anything’s gonna happen yet. It’s just… well, we kissed at the party and I just assumed that-“
“- What?” Ruki’s voice wavered, and he pulled his hand out from underneath Uruha’s fingertips, “Y-You did what?”
Uruha furrowed his eyebrows, “I thought you knew.”
Ruki sighed abruptly, coincidentally feeling the vibration of Kai’s reply in his pocket.
He ignored the irony,
“So, what is this, huh?” Ruki murmurs lowly; finding it hard to push back the tears in his eyes and so he focuses on the steam rising from Uruha’s cup instead, “You wanna rub it in my face that you’ve moved on but, just to hurt me that little bit more, it’s with my roommate?”
Uruha lowered his head, “No, it’s not like that.”
“Seems like that to me.” Ruki struggles to keep his voice under control, “I mean what the hell do you call this?”
Ruki couldn’t help but wonder why this feeling of jealous was seeping through him. He didn’t want to be jealous. Uruha had hurt him all those months ago and Ruki had once declared that he could go screw over any other guy he wanted.
But Kai? Was it because it was someone Ruki knew, and who so happened to be a very close friend, that he was jealous?
But why should he be?
“I’m sorry, that’s why I thought to tell you first.” Uruha continued sincerely, his thumbs running tracks up and down his cocoa mug, “Kai doesn’t know anything yet.”
Ruki’s heart thumped painfully inside his chest and he found, for some reason, he couldn’t stand it any longer.
Not with Uruha here, not with all these people; this atmosphere… he couldn’t take it,
“But, we’re okay though -“ Uruha murmured, “- Right?”
Ruki was once again frustrated by the gullible attitude that had fixated Uruha the past several months. Sometimes Ruki wondered if it was purposely done; but then Uruha mainly came across as stupid anyway…
“I have to go.” Ruki murmured weakly, getting to his feet only to have Uruha stand before him and block his path,
“Ruki…” Uruha held his arm as Ruki swayed, the coffee house blurring a little before him, “Hey, are you okay?”
It wasn’t concern; more scepticism as Ruki weakly pushed against his chest,
“I’m fine, just, step aside…” the blonde murmured,
“Ruki, wait -!” Uruha’s palm latched onto Ruki’s elbow and the smaller man fought him off a little harder than was necessarily required,
“Don’t TOUCH ME!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, causing all manner of attention as numbers of pairs of eyes swirled in their direction; the normally busy atmosphere of Starbucks calming to an unsettling drone of silence,
“Did it mean nothing to you that I was once in love with you?!” Ruki sobbed, staring back into Uruha’s deeply shocked expression, his extended fingers still meeting air as Ruki’s outburst took him by surprise, “That all that time I spent grieving for you, you were already sleeping with someone else?!”
There were a few hushed voices speculating over Uruha’s back, but Ruki was far beyond caring what others thought of him. For too long had he kept all his feelings inside; too fearful and, at the same time, too nice to hurt anyone else even though friend after friend had told him to do otherwise.
Well here he was; finally doing “otherwise”,
“Ru, this isn’t necessary…” Uruha mumbles at last, reaching for Ruki again, only for the smaller’s shaky legs to force themselves back away from him, “… I know you’re upset, but we can talk about it whenever you like. You name it, and I’m all yours -“
“- You’re NOT though are you?!” Ruki cried, wiping his eyes messily with his sleeves and he pressed his fingers frustratedly against his temples, “Christ, the amount of times I believe every single piece of bullshit that was pouring out of your mouth! Promising me that I was special to you, that you never wanted to let me go… you had it all rehearsed before didn’t you?” Ruki almost released a maniacal laugh, grinning back at Uruha through streams of resentful tears,
“You only went out with me in the first place because I looked like the one you really wanted! I looked just like Byou didn't I?!” Ruki threw his arms in the air; and he even dared to admit to himself that this felt so good. Shouting at Uruha like this; letting the world know what he truly was, “And you even told me you loved me!”
Ruki’s voice turned soft… hurt,
“On Valentine’s Day; we admitted to each other that we had never spent it with anyone else and then, as we opened our cards you… you said it.”
A barista dropped a spoon; clattering and shattering the realm of silence though no one dare move,
“You told me, ‘I love you’.”
Ruki gasped, reliving the very memory even as he told it, bathing in the wetness that drowned his cheeks ever further,
“And how pathetic I was to believe it.” He continued, not bothering to dry his tears this time, “How stupid I was, to fall for someone as cheap and selfish as you.”
Uruha’s cheeks reddened; his eyes having avoided Ruki’s for some time now; instead falling prey to the other accusing ones that were settling on him even still; from the twenty-or-so people still sat inside the coffee house.
Ruki backed towards the door, “Well, you know what, Uruha, I’m done. This is it. No more lies, no more pretence, no more fake smiles. You do what you want with who you want, but I swear to God you even think of touching Kai and you’ll have me to answer to.”
Ruki didn’t give him time to answer, pushing the heavy doors open and letting them slam behind him.
He lit a cigarette to the distant sound of applause.
*
Ruki had completely broken down by the time he’d reached home.
Shakily replacing the latch on the door he couldn’t help but lean against it; letting his face crumple and the tears that were ready to fall pouring down his face in that all too familiar chill.
He had sunk to the floor then; the reality of what he had just done overwhelming him. He really had let it all out this time. He’d put an end to this never-ending amount of shit-taking.
Though it hadn’t, as he’d have liked it to, put an end to the hurt he was still carrying inside his heart. Not once had he ever thought he would get angry at Uruha like that; not even when he was sat before him breaking up their relationship. Not even when he’d found out he’d gone back to his ex over the summer. Not even when he’d found a picture of that so-called ex and had found them to be a sparkling resemblance to Ruki’s own appearance.
But Kai? Going into a relationship with Kai primarily intending to hurt him? Using Kai to get to him?
That had been the last straw.
Ruki had let slip from his mind that Kai and Rei would most likely be home, and it’s when he hears the creak of small feet pitter-patting down the stairs in front of him that he realises he should have at least tried to hold on and gotten into his bedroom before he made another scene.
The hands that held his shoulders were immediately familiar,
“Ru? Oh God, what happened, are you okay?”
Ruki couldn’t make any words form together at this precise moment, and could only cry as Kai pulled him closer into a safe set of arms,
“Oh darling…” Kai hummed sympathetically, “What’s happened, hm?
Ruki didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t even want to talk about it. Let alone to Kai; one of the many centres of all this;
“I... h-hate him!” Ruki managed to choke out at last, “I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!”
“Uruha?” Kai questioned, patting Ruki’s back gently as Ruki slipped into an uncontrollable state, “What’s he done sweetheart? What happened? Just tell me…”
Ruki shook his head weakly, holding on to Kai just that little bit tighter. He wanted Reita, where was he?
“Okay, Ruki, okay…” Kai soothed as Ruki merely continued to cry loudly, shifting himself on the floor beside his heartbroken friend,
“I’m here okay? I’m here, it’s alright…”
Later, Reita had shown up at last; spotting Ruki’s infamous smoke circles rising from a bench in the centre of the park. Ruki could already hear the metal clink of his boots before he looked up with sore eyes to face his friend,
“Kai said he went to get you some tissue but you’d escaped out the front door by the time he got back.” Reita lectured, hands deep in his baggy jeans as he sat beside Ruki and slipped the cigarette from out of his fingers. Ruki knew he had no intention of giving it back so dug inside his jacket for another,
“I just needed some air.” Ruki sniffed, tears still steadily streaming down his cheeks no matter how much he wanted them to stop.
Reita blew a bout of smoke into the dusky sky, sighed as he breathed it back in again, then turned his head an inch to the side,
“So what happened?”
And Ruki told him. Everything. Reita had already known what had happened over the summer; and even though Reita had been friends with Uruha since school, he had concluded that Ruki wasn’t the one acting like an ass and stepping out of line,
“Fuck.” Reita concluded once Ruki had finished, and the two friends both took long drags simultaneously, “Wish I had the guts to do that to my exes.”
Ruki looked into the confines of his lap, “So… you think I did the right thing?”
Reita offered him a friendly smile and a “What do you take me for?” gaze, “Course you did. Ru, you have every right to be angry.”
Ruki didn’t feel convinced, and the thought of facing Uruha again was something that had begun to steadily scared him,
“What am I going to do about Kai?”
Reita sighed beside him, “Only you can answer that.”
“How?”
“Whatever Kai has to say; whether he has feelings for Uruha or not, you have to be the better person and be there for him no matter which answer it is.”
Ruki almost smiles; Reita was always good at looking at something from both angles,
“If it’s the answer you don’t wanna hear; all you can do is be there for Kai instead of becoming the annoying ‘ex’ that fucks over every relationship Uruha has.” Reita smiles kindly, his face paling with the cold and Ruki lets himself shiver too, “Not only that but you may lose Kai as a friend.”
Ruki nodded, feeling something cold erupt inside him at the very thought of that, “I know.”
The two fell into silence, and Ruki found himself tipping his head to the sky and letting the serenity comfort him,
“Relationships huh?”
“I’d call them a lesson in identifying the ultimate douche bag.” Reita theorises with a smile, dropping his borrowed cigarette to the floor and crushing it underneath his boot,
“Come on, I’ll go and buy you a coffee.”
Ruki dropped his cigarette too, “Aw, I’m still on a non-alcohol regime?”
“As if I’d want you sleeping with two strangers again.” Reita says gently, taking Ruki’s hand and helping him to his feet.
For a moment he looked deeply into Ruki’s eyes, regarding him for a moment before a slender finger smoothed a dark strand of hair behind the back of Ruki’s ears; red with the incoming evening chill,
“You deserve better.”
*
A/N: I hope you enjoyed my lovelies! Comments are much appreciated <3 Just something that popped into my head ^^
SEQUEL ~ (New Revelations)