Requiescat in Pace, Jacob
I'm taking the SATs tomorrow.
My ferret, Jacob, died today.
I went to give him his medicine (he has had insolinoma) and found him sleeping.
I nudged him with my finger in order to wake him, and he was stiff and hard and still warm.
I covered my mouth with my hand, dropped the injection, and ran up the stairs to tell my mom.
My dad kept saying ridiculous things like, "he lived a long, good life" (he was only 5 years old. most ferrets live 'till 8) and "we all loved him" (my whole family hated him except for me) and "at least he died painlessly". How does he know that Jacob died painlessly? His mouth was covered in vomit and he was curled in a circle and he was still warm.
My dad's still here trying to tell me that Jacob lived longer then anyone expected--he said two years. Jacob was only diagnosed six months ago, and we were told he could possibly live up to two more years. The vet actually gave us an extra-large dose of medicine for him, which she said would last five months, when we visited three weeks ago.
...it's important to remember that animals are our favorite people. My mom says, "you always love your pets, and you always outlive them. My cat's death was horrible; I was holding him in his arms when the vet put him to sleep".
I just can't get the feeling of his hard and still warm body under my hands.
I think I'm going to have nightmares.
I saved up my money forever and ever and when I was only 11 years old and in 6th grade, my dad took me all around to a bunch of different pet stores looking for the perfect ferret. My dad said that we weren't going to visit any more pet stores after this one, that it was the last one. And there was Jacob, his eyes bright with excitement and his teddy-bear ears perked and his teeth bared in a grin.
I loved him so, so, so much. I paid all of his vet bills and bought all of his litter and his cage and all of his food.
And now he's dead.
And I just keep thinking that maybe if I hadn't stayed after school, maybe if I remembered to give him his medicine yesterday, maybe if I had cleaned his litter box... then maybe he would still be alive.
I feel like it's my fault. I know it's my fault.
And I still can feel his body under my fingers and I can still remember thinking "he'll wake up now, he'll take in a deep, shuddering breath and open his coal eyes and look straight at me".
But he won't.
What's the worst is that Simran's father died last week. And the way I feel about Jacob can only be a fraction of the pain she must feel.
But I can't help being selfish and feeling like Jacob's death is the most terrible thing in the world.
I'm going to take a shower now.
...but I don't think--no matter how long I scrub or how hot the water is-- thatI'll ever be able to wash him off of me.
I named him "Jacob Sungii Callisto" after reading a book I loved in the sixth grade.
After that I was embarassed whenever the vets had trouble pronouncing his name.
Jacob and Jessica
My ferret, Jacob, died today.
I went to give him his medicine (he has had insolinoma) and found him sleeping.
I nudged him with my finger in order to wake him, and he was stiff and hard and still warm.
I covered my mouth with my hand, dropped the injection, and ran up the stairs to tell my mom.
My dad kept saying ridiculous things like, "he lived a long, good life" (he was only 5 years old. most ferrets live 'till 8) and "we all loved him" (my whole family hated him except for me) and "at least he died painlessly". How does he know that Jacob died painlessly? His mouth was covered in vomit and he was curled in a circle and he was still warm.
My dad's still here trying to tell me that Jacob lived longer then anyone expected--he said two years. Jacob was only diagnosed six months ago, and we were told he could possibly live up to two more years. The vet actually gave us an extra-large dose of medicine for him, which she said would last five months, when we visited three weeks ago.
...it's important to remember that animals are our favorite people. My mom says, "you always love your pets, and you always outlive them. My cat's death was horrible; I was holding him in his arms when the vet put him to sleep".
I just can't get the feeling of his hard and still warm body under my hands.
I think I'm going to have nightmares.
I saved up my money forever and ever and when I was only 11 years old and in 6th grade, my dad took me all around to a bunch of different pet stores looking for the perfect ferret. My dad said that we weren't going to visit any more pet stores after this one, that it was the last one. And there was Jacob, his eyes bright with excitement and his teddy-bear ears perked and his teeth bared in a grin.
I loved him so, so, so much. I paid all of his vet bills and bought all of his litter and his cage and all of his food.
And now he's dead.
And I just keep thinking that maybe if I hadn't stayed after school, maybe if I remembered to give him his medicine yesterday, maybe if I had cleaned his litter box... then maybe he would still be alive.
I feel like it's my fault. I know it's my fault.
And I still can feel his body under my fingers and I can still remember thinking "he'll wake up now, he'll take in a deep, shuddering breath and open his coal eyes and look straight at me".
But he won't.
What's the worst is that Simran's father died last week. And the way I feel about Jacob can only be a fraction of the pain she must feel.
But I can't help being selfish and feeling like Jacob's death is the most terrible thing in the world.
I'm going to take a shower now.
...but I don't think--no matter how long I scrub or how hot the water is-- thatI'll ever be able to wash him off of me.
I named him "Jacob Sungii Callisto" after reading a book I loved in the sixth grade.
After that I was embarassed whenever the vets had trouble pronouncing his name.
Jacob and Jessica