Archive: Love Games 3/?
Original post is here.
Continued from here.
Part Three
~*~
In the next two days, Clark was cornered by three people. First was Simon, worried about River. Then there was Mal, worried about Simon.
Last was Jayne, who just wanted to pick a fight.
Clark understood why Simon was worried about Clark’s involvement with River. Though it was maybe more accurate to say “River’s fascination with Clark” instead. She watched him like he was completely alien to her- pun intended. She was also following him everywhere, and Clark didn’t mind because she was a fascinating companion, but her brother clearly misinterpreted his interest.
Simon managed to get him into the infirmary one night after dinner. Clark had already guessed what this what about, but the decisive way Simon closed the door against any possible eavesdroppers confirmed his suspicions.
“River’s a very special girl, you know,” Simon said. “She’s also very… damaged, in some ways.”
Clark waited to see if the doctor had more to say, but apparently that was it, so he replied, very politely, “You don’t have to tell me that, Doctor. Her brain looks like a patchwork quilt.”
Fear and suspicion crossed Simon’s face, lightning-fast. “How did you-“
“Imaging,” Clark said, pointing to the ones that Simon had put up on the wall. “Not too hard to guess who it belongs to.” There was also the X-ray he’d done of her head, but that was information not meant for Simon’s ears.
“Oh.” Simon looked both guilty and defiant, torn between being sorry for suspecting Clark of deceit and the awareness that he would do anything for his sister, offensive to someone else or not. Clark suspected that it was hard for the good Dr. Tam, out here in space, accustomed to one set of rules and trying to learn another.
“She’s a Reader,” Clark added, just to put all of his cards on the table. Well, not all. Okay, not even close to all. But Clark liked to tell the truth when he could, always had. Sometimes it made up for the lies he had to tell.
Simon looked at him sharply after that, the expected suspicion not making an appearance, but a burning curiosity showing in his eyes instead. Brother and sister weren’t so different, after all. “Most people wouldn’t even accept hearing that, much less come up with it on their own. It took our Captain eight months to come to that conclusion, and you only two days. Why?”
“I’ve traveled the ‘verse,” Clark said. It was a good explanation for a lot of things, and he used it fairly often, but Simon, for all his Core high-society rules, was no fool. Couldn’t be, to accomplish what he had with his sister.
“So has Mal,” Simon said. “And despite appearances to the contrary, he’s no backwater fool. Which adds up to you still not having answered my question.”
“I’m older than I look,” Clark said. What an understatement. “And I wouldn’t say my funds were limitless-“ Even though they were. “-but I’ll never lack for money. I’ve been places and seen things that most men haven’t. And simple logic or even science doesn’t explain everything.”
“No, it doesn’t,” came Simon’s unexpected agreement. Clark looked at him curiously.
“That’s an unusual attitude for a man of science.”
“River changes everyone’s attitudes, eventually,” Simon said. He abruptly sounded tired. “I apologize for the inquisition. I worry about my sister, and she’d been spending so much time with you, and I suppose I just assumed-“
“I don’t like women, Dr. Tam,” Clark said gently. Ignored the shock that flickered over his face- who would dare admit to being sly out in this corner of space?- and continued. “I certainly don’t like girls who are barely of age and live more in other people’s heads than their own. Your sister is a fascinating person, and an entertaining one, but I have no designs on her virtue. She’s safe with me.” More safe than Simon could possibly know.
Simon visibly relaxed and gave him a tired smile. “Again, I’m sorry. I just-“
“Wanted to be sure,” Clark finished. “I understand protecting what means something to you. More than you know. You have nothing to fear from me.” From anyone, if Clark had his way. And Clark usually did.
In some ways, he and Lex were exactly the same.
~*~
Mal came after him next, trapping him in the galley when everyone else had gone to bed. He didn’t say what he wanted at first, just sat down at the table across from Clark and meaningfully started cleaning his guns.
Clark didn’t ask what he wanted, since he had a pretty good idea. Instead, he just went back to what he was doing- writing a long message to Lex. Usually they used voice messages, but there was a pleasure in typing, left over from his days as a reporter on Earth, that he hasn’t been able to shake. It was soothing when he was up late at night with too much on his mind and too little to think about. Sometimes the vastness of space was as disquieting as it could be comforting, even to Clark. Maybe especially to Clark.
“I heard you spoke to Simon,” Mal said finally, not looking up from his guns.
Simon. Not Doctor, or Doc or Dr. Tam, as he usually said when referring to the man in question. But Simon.
“He was worried about my involvement with his sister,” Clark said calmly. He’d pressed the record button when Mal started speaking and would transmit this conversation to Lex along with his message, since he thought that Lex would probably get a kick out of it if it went the way he thought it was going.
“We were all worried,” Mal said, his voice perfectly steady. Clark had to give the man his due- he was an excellent liar. If Clark wasn’t used to Lex he’d believe that Mal really had come down here to clean his guns threateningly because of River. “Not often we get someone of your type around our ship, ‘specially one who helps out a pair of fugitives for no reason of his own that I can see.”
Oh, so that was the tack he was going to take. “I’m not interested in taking my payment in the form of her virginity, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Clark said bluntly. “If you don’t believe in my altruistic intentions, ask the doctor. I’m sure he’ll tell you exactly what I said about not liking women.”
Mal’s face shifted, just a little, just enough for Clark to read him. Several centuries of watching Lex really was of use in the real world. “But then, I can see that he’s already told you,” Clark continued, as if it was a casual conversation. “Which means that you didn’t come here worried that I was expecting payment from River. You came down here to warn me away from Simon.”
That captain didn’t like hearing that from him, oh no. His mouth tightened and his eyes narrowed and an angry flush burned on his cheekbones- though that might be the regular sort of blush, the kind that came from embarrassment at being stupid or being caught. Clark remembered vaguely that he used to blush a lot. Before.
“I wouldn’t want you expectin’ things that-“
“I don’t expect anything from anyone onboard ship,” Clark interrupted. Mal looked ever more pissed at that, and Clark made a wild guess that very few people had the balls to interrupt this man. Too bad Clark didn’t care. “I like to help people sometimes, since I’ve got nothing better to do with my time. But you probably figured that out already, being the astute judge of character that you are, which means that you’re not trying to warn me away from him because you want to protect him. You’re warning me away because you’re afraid that he might take me up on it, and then where would you be?”
Mal sat there gaping at him, which was a surprisingly good look on him. He should be flabbergasted more often. Clark stood up and offered the polite, empty smile he’d learned from Lex, once upon a time. “Captain.”
He pressed the stop button as he left the room, and when he was in his own bunk he attached it to his message and pressed send.
~*~
Jayne managed to corner him in the cargo bay. Clark wasn’t sure why he was in the bay, exactly- something about the wide-open space of it that he longer-for in the cramped quarters of the spaceship. If he’d known that Jayne was looking for him, he would have stayed away and gone outside to fly around for a while at night while everyone was sleeping, but as it was he wasn’t entirely sorry. He did have fun, after all.
Jayne’s pretext for the conversation was, like everyone else, River. Clark knew that Jayne was really just looking to pick a fight with the one person on ship taller than he was, and rich with Alliance connections to boot, but unbelievably enough he actually seemed to mean it when he warned Clark to be careful of River.
Huh. Maybe there was something human left in this monkey after all.
“I’ve already reassured both her brother and her captain that I don’t want River like that,” Clark said, less than patiently. “Everyone knows that. So drop the act and toss your knife over to the side. I don’t appreciate men who pull weapons in a fist fight.”
“That’s cheatin’, and I don’t cheat,” Jayne said, and he actually had the nerve to sound offended. Clark let his disbelieving snort speak for him.
“You cheat all the time,” Clark said. “Wash isn’t the only one who can do some research on the Cortex, and you’re on there plenty. I’d just as soon you didn’t have the temptation of something sharp on your belt.”
“I’m not gonna go unarmed, no way no how,” Jayne said.
“We’re out in the middle of space,” Clark said. “There’s no one around.”
“The last time we thought that a bounty hunter got in and screwed us all over,” Jayne said. “The knives stay. And I took the gorram guns off, didn’t I?”
Clark couldn’t exactly point out how he knew for sure that there wasn’t anyone else in their section of space, so he went to his next argument instead. “Well, we could call someone down to stand guard for us, but then Mal would hear of it and put a stop to it. And you don’t want that. You want to know if you can beat me. So toss the knife away, and we’ll see who’s better.”
There was a moment of taut silence, followed by a curse and a clatter as the knife was tossed aside. Clark grinned a little meanly at Jayne and spread his arms wide, inviting attack. Jayne took him up on it.
Clark let the fight stretch on for several minutes, enjoying the amount of control it required to strike a believable blow and make it look like he was struggling. There was no weight in this solar system great enough to be an actual strain for him, but exercises in control such as this one were his own type of workouts, and fun. Clark in a no-holds-barred fight could rip apart an entire planet, but the sounds of a fight, the movements and scent of sweat and blood and blooming bruises on the other man’s skin, it was something that he’d learned to enjoy. Not the pain he caused, but the connection of the fight.
Plus, he never started them, so it wasn’t like it was his fault. And no one ever walked away with more than a split lip and a few bruises. For the most part, Clark liked people. He didn’t want to damage them if he could help it, and he could.
Jayne ended up flat on his back, wheezing from a short shot to his solar plexus, when a slow clapping interrupted them. Clark, his “labored” breathing forgotten in his surprised, looked up to see River standing on the catwalk, grinning crookedly as she brought her hands together. He grinned back and saluted her, and she executed a flawless bow that would have Lex’s best men weeping with envy before gliding back into the closed passageway.
Clark wondered if she would ever walk normally, or if she’d always move like she wasn’t quite connected to the ground beneath her feet.
He looked down at Jayne, who had recovered enough to sit up and press a hand against his stomach. Clark gave him a considering look, then reached down and pulled Jayne to his feet. As an afterthought, he grabbed Jayne’s knife and handed it to him, and left the room in the wake of the man’s respectful stare.
Good times.
~*~
“I’ve never understood your fascination for brawling with the locals,” Lex was saying into through the ‘link a couple hours later. “But it’s good to know that you’re having fun.”
“I am,” Clark said, startled by how true it was. It had been a while since he’d gotten involved in anyone’s life but Lex’s, and he’d forgotten how good it could feel. He helped people when he saw problems, but it was impersonal and almost force of habit than real altruism. But here, on Serenity- he wanted to really help, to maybe fix a few things. And he kinda thought that he’d made a good start.
Lex read all this in his face, of course. Clark had had five hundred years to perfect his poker face, but he never bothered with Lex, and Lex would have been able to read him anyway. It was just… him.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen that look,” Lex said softly. “You really care about them, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Clark answered. “They’re good people. Well, maybe not Jayne. But everyone else- there’s something worth doing here. It’s been a long time since I’ve found that.”
“I know,” Lex said, and for a moment there was a silence of perfect understanding between them. Lex broke it first, adding in a more light-hearted tone, “I suppose it’s going to be a while longer before you find yourself in my orbit again, then?”
Clark had already thought of this. It was rare that he wasn’t thinking about Lex, in some fashion. Therefore, he had a solution ready. “They’ll be on Blackwater for a day or so to do the job. You know how fast I can get across the system- I’ll be in the Core for about a day while they do their business.”
“That’s not long enough,” Lex complained softly. Clark smiled at him, a little sadly.
“It never is,” Clark said. “But then again, we have nothing but time.”
“You and me,” Lex said. “Forever.”
“Forever,” Clark said. They’d never gotten married and probably never would, but they had wedding vows of a sort, and they weren’t shy of repeating them. When you’re immortal, forever isn’t just a word.
There was a knock at his door, and a quick X-ray scan was enough to confirm his guess- Malcolm Reynolds. Clark had been expecting him, but he did wish that he’d waited till Clark was off the ‘link with Lex.
“Gotta go, love,” Clark said below Mal’s hearing range, using the one endearment that didn’t piss Lex off. “Company. Wave you later.”
“Counting on it,” Lex said, and Clark had the ‘link off and stowed away in a matter of seconds before answering the door.
Mal was looking pretty wrecked, and Clark felt sorry for him. He was the sort of man who just had to make his life more complicated, and Simon was a bigger complication than usual, if Clark’s guess was right. And his guesses usually were- another gift from all his years with Lex.
“How’d you know?” Mal demanded when he opened the door, and Clark sighed. He did set this in motion, he reminded himself. He had no one to blame but himself.
“Captain, come in,” he said, holding the door open. Mal stared at him for a long moment, trying to see what, Clark didn’t know, then nodded abruptly and marched past him. Clark took care to close and lock the door, though he wasn’t unaware of how thin the walls were. If someone wanted to eavesdrop, it wouldn’t be difficult, and Simon’s room was right next door. Clark sent up a quiet prayer to the God he didn’t believe in to make sure that Simon stayed away for the next several minutes.
“How’d you know?” Mal repeated, tunneling his fingers through his disordered hair. “Am I carrying a gorram sign over my head?”
“No, I’m just observant,” Clark said. “And it’s the sort of thing I tend to notice.”
“I’m not sly,” Mal said, as if Clark had asked. His voice was angry, defensive. “I’m not.”
“But you do fuck men,” Clark said. “Nothing wrong with it, you know.”
“Maybe not to you rich Core folk, but out here it can be a death sentence,” Mal said. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“I wasn’t born rich,” Clark said idly, like this wasn’t important information. “I was raised in a poor farming community- not exactly accepting of my type. Also, you might have noticed that I don’t exactly live on the Core year-round.”
“But you do live there,” Mal said, less accusing and more curious. As if figuring Clark out was temporarily more important than his problems. Apparently River had something in common with more than her brother.
“I don’t live anywhere,” Clark said. “I prefer to drift. There’s someone there who I care about, though, so I’m out on the Rim about two-thirds of a year and in the Core for the other third.”
“Someone you care about,” Mal said. “A man?”
Clark smiled involuntarily. Lex. “Yeah,” he said.
“You been together long?”
Five centuries, give or take a few decades. “Longer than you might think,” was all he said.
Mal wasn’t deterred by the shortness of his response. “Did you grow up together?”
Clark smiled again at the silliness of that idea. Lex, a farmer? Perish the thought. “Nope. Unlike me, he grew up rich. I was just a dirt-poor farmer’s son.”
“So how’d you meet?”
Steel and river water, and lips on his. “I saved his life. We became best friends, and then we became enemies, and then we became more.”
Mal didn’t seem to know what to say. That was okay- Clark was used to confounding people when he talked about Lex.
“All of this is really great if I was the one you wanted, but I’m not,” Clark said finally. “You should be having this conversation with Simon.”
Mal shook his head. “Doc isn’t interested in rough folk like me,” he said. “He puts up with us because he’s on the run an’ all, but it’s not his life and it’s clear enough he doesn’t want it to be.”
“If I’d taken that attitude, I’d be alone right now,” Clark said. And probably insane as well. He couldn’t have handled the long, lonely centuries without someone to share them with, and he probably would have lost it and taken over the world out of sheer boredom if nothing else. He’d be the ruler of the ‘verse right now, instead of Lex, and things wouldn’t be pretty. Clark had no illusions about himself, and he was okay with that.
“Alone I can handle,” Mal said. “Alone I’m used to. But I’m not gonna do anything that would lead to an ugly scene. I’ve got a powerful need to avoid just such a scene, and there ain’t enough liquor in the world to make me change my mind.” Mal let out an explosive breath. “I didn’t come here to talk this over like old women. I just wanted to know how you knew. Question answered, and I’ll be on my merry way.”
He was gone before Clark could say anything. Clark sighed and flopped back on his bunk. He didn’t want to feel sorry for the captain. A desire to help was acceptable, pity was not. Pity led to getting really involved, and he refused to get involved. He’d help how he could, but when his passage was up he was gone- back to the Core for a spell, and then after that, who knew?
He let his hand fall down to his bag and touched his ‘link. His conversation with Mal had left him missing Lex, and he was tempted to wave him back, just to hear his voice again. But maybe…
He grabbed the ‘link and set it to “record.”
“Hey,” he said softly into the ‘link. “I was talking to our captain about what it was like to be in love with another man. Made me think of you. What it was like in the beginning, how it is now.
“Do you ever wonder how it might have gone different? If maybe I could have told you the truth, and you wouldn’t have tried to take over the world? Would we have been better off?
“I don’t think so. The end of our friendship was inevitable from the very moment we met, and everyone knew it but us. So we buried ourselves in hate since we couldn’t have our friendship, and we stayed together that way, trying to hurt each other while oh-so-carefully avoiding killing each other, because we couldn’t be without each other. And when it was over, when you’d won and I’d given up, well, that was inevitable too, wasn’t it?
“Giving up that costume is still the second-best thing I’ve ever done. The best thing I’ve ever done is kissing you. That first time. You remember? Of course you do. In five hundred years, you’ve never forgotten anything.
“It was raining, and we were standing on a rooftop. You’d just gained control over the economy of the last world power, and I was wearing street clothes, the suit in my hands. We were both getting soaked, and my hair was in my eyes, and you were laughing because you’d finally won, and you thought you’d driven me to give up. But it wasn’t you, Lex. You were always my greatest inspiration. I was just so tired of the humans I was supposed to love, of trying to save their miserable little lives, of feeling the constant drag of their expectations. I remember listening to you gloating about me being the loser of our little battle, and I was thinking that you were the only one who’d ever been able to keep up with me, the only one who never expected anything of me except that I keep up with you. So I pinned you against the wall and kissed you, and you were so shocked you actually kissed me back.
“I remember that thunder rolled and lightning struck the first time we kissed, and every time I think about you, it’s that first kiss all over again. Rain and storm, and absolutely out of everyone’s control, even yours. I’ve loved you since that first moment on the riverbank, but I really fell in love with you then.
“I just wanted you to know that.”
He turned off the recorder and saved the file. He sent it on a short wave to Lex, then turned off the ‘link and stowed it away in his bag.
He fell asleep with thunder sounding in his ears, and when he licked his lips he tasted rain.
.end.
Continued from here.
Part Three
~*~
In the next two days, Clark was cornered by three people. First was Simon, worried about River. Then there was Mal, worried about Simon.
Last was Jayne, who just wanted to pick a fight.
Clark understood why Simon was worried about Clark’s involvement with River. Though it was maybe more accurate to say “River’s fascination with Clark” instead. She watched him like he was completely alien to her- pun intended. She was also following him everywhere, and Clark didn’t mind because she was a fascinating companion, but her brother clearly misinterpreted his interest.
Simon managed to get him into the infirmary one night after dinner. Clark had already guessed what this what about, but the decisive way Simon closed the door against any possible eavesdroppers confirmed his suspicions.
“River’s a very special girl, you know,” Simon said. “She’s also very… damaged, in some ways.”
Clark waited to see if the doctor had more to say, but apparently that was it, so he replied, very politely, “You don’t have to tell me that, Doctor. Her brain looks like a patchwork quilt.”
Fear and suspicion crossed Simon’s face, lightning-fast. “How did you-“
“Imaging,” Clark said, pointing to the ones that Simon had put up on the wall. “Not too hard to guess who it belongs to.” There was also the X-ray he’d done of her head, but that was information not meant for Simon’s ears.
“Oh.” Simon looked both guilty and defiant, torn between being sorry for suspecting Clark of deceit and the awareness that he would do anything for his sister, offensive to someone else or not. Clark suspected that it was hard for the good Dr. Tam, out here in space, accustomed to one set of rules and trying to learn another.
“She’s a Reader,” Clark added, just to put all of his cards on the table. Well, not all. Okay, not even close to all. But Clark liked to tell the truth when he could, always had. Sometimes it made up for the lies he had to tell.
Simon looked at him sharply after that, the expected suspicion not making an appearance, but a burning curiosity showing in his eyes instead. Brother and sister weren’t so different, after all. “Most people wouldn’t even accept hearing that, much less come up with it on their own. It took our Captain eight months to come to that conclusion, and you only two days. Why?”
“I’ve traveled the ‘verse,” Clark said. It was a good explanation for a lot of things, and he used it fairly often, but Simon, for all his Core high-society rules, was no fool. Couldn’t be, to accomplish what he had with his sister.
“So has Mal,” Simon said. “And despite appearances to the contrary, he’s no backwater fool. Which adds up to you still not having answered my question.”
“I’m older than I look,” Clark said. What an understatement. “And I wouldn’t say my funds were limitless-“ Even though they were. “-but I’ll never lack for money. I’ve been places and seen things that most men haven’t. And simple logic or even science doesn’t explain everything.”
“No, it doesn’t,” came Simon’s unexpected agreement. Clark looked at him curiously.
“That’s an unusual attitude for a man of science.”
“River changes everyone’s attitudes, eventually,” Simon said. He abruptly sounded tired. “I apologize for the inquisition. I worry about my sister, and she’d been spending so much time with you, and I suppose I just assumed-“
“I don’t like women, Dr. Tam,” Clark said gently. Ignored the shock that flickered over his face- who would dare admit to being sly out in this corner of space?- and continued. “I certainly don’t like girls who are barely of age and live more in other people’s heads than their own. Your sister is a fascinating person, and an entertaining one, but I have no designs on her virtue. She’s safe with me.” More safe than Simon could possibly know.
Simon visibly relaxed and gave him a tired smile. “Again, I’m sorry. I just-“
“Wanted to be sure,” Clark finished. “I understand protecting what means something to you. More than you know. You have nothing to fear from me.” From anyone, if Clark had his way. And Clark usually did.
In some ways, he and Lex were exactly the same.
~*~
Mal came after him next, trapping him in the galley when everyone else had gone to bed. He didn’t say what he wanted at first, just sat down at the table across from Clark and meaningfully started cleaning his guns.
Clark didn’t ask what he wanted, since he had a pretty good idea. Instead, he just went back to what he was doing- writing a long message to Lex. Usually they used voice messages, but there was a pleasure in typing, left over from his days as a reporter on Earth, that he hasn’t been able to shake. It was soothing when he was up late at night with too much on his mind and too little to think about. Sometimes the vastness of space was as disquieting as it could be comforting, even to Clark. Maybe especially to Clark.
“I heard you spoke to Simon,” Mal said finally, not looking up from his guns.
Simon. Not Doctor, or Doc or Dr. Tam, as he usually said when referring to the man in question. But Simon.
“He was worried about my involvement with his sister,” Clark said calmly. He’d pressed the record button when Mal started speaking and would transmit this conversation to Lex along with his message, since he thought that Lex would probably get a kick out of it if it went the way he thought it was going.
“We were all worried,” Mal said, his voice perfectly steady. Clark had to give the man his due- he was an excellent liar. If Clark wasn’t used to Lex he’d believe that Mal really had come down here to clean his guns threateningly because of River. “Not often we get someone of your type around our ship, ‘specially one who helps out a pair of fugitives for no reason of his own that I can see.”
Oh, so that was the tack he was going to take. “I’m not interested in taking my payment in the form of her virginity, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Clark said bluntly. “If you don’t believe in my altruistic intentions, ask the doctor. I’m sure he’ll tell you exactly what I said about not liking women.”
Mal’s face shifted, just a little, just enough for Clark to read him. Several centuries of watching Lex really was of use in the real world. “But then, I can see that he’s already told you,” Clark continued, as if it was a casual conversation. “Which means that you didn’t come here worried that I was expecting payment from River. You came down here to warn me away from Simon.”
That captain didn’t like hearing that from him, oh no. His mouth tightened and his eyes narrowed and an angry flush burned on his cheekbones- though that might be the regular sort of blush, the kind that came from embarrassment at being stupid or being caught. Clark remembered vaguely that he used to blush a lot. Before.
“I wouldn’t want you expectin’ things that-“
“I don’t expect anything from anyone onboard ship,” Clark interrupted. Mal looked ever more pissed at that, and Clark made a wild guess that very few people had the balls to interrupt this man. Too bad Clark didn’t care. “I like to help people sometimes, since I’ve got nothing better to do with my time. But you probably figured that out already, being the astute judge of character that you are, which means that you’re not trying to warn me away from him because you want to protect him. You’re warning me away because you’re afraid that he might take me up on it, and then where would you be?”
Mal sat there gaping at him, which was a surprisingly good look on him. He should be flabbergasted more often. Clark stood up and offered the polite, empty smile he’d learned from Lex, once upon a time. “Captain.”
He pressed the stop button as he left the room, and when he was in his own bunk he attached it to his message and pressed send.
~*~
Jayne managed to corner him in the cargo bay. Clark wasn’t sure why he was in the bay, exactly- something about the wide-open space of it that he longer-for in the cramped quarters of the spaceship. If he’d known that Jayne was looking for him, he would have stayed away and gone outside to fly around for a while at night while everyone was sleeping, but as it was he wasn’t entirely sorry. He did have fun, after all.
Jayne’s pretext for the conversation was, like everyone else, River. Clark knew that Jayne was really just looking to pick a fight with the one person on ship taller than he was, and rich with Alliance connections to boot, but unbelievably enough he actually seemed to mean it when he warned Clark to be careful of River.
Huh. Maybe there was something human left in this monkey after all.
“I’ve already reassured both her brother and her captain that I don’t want River like that,” Clark said, less than patiently. “Everyone knows that. So drop the act and toss your knife over to the side. I don’t appreciate men who pull weapons in a fist fight.”
“That’s cheatin’, and I don’t cheat,” Jayne said, and he actually had the nerve to sound offended. Clark let his disbelieving snort speak for him.
“You cheat all the time,” Clark said. “Wash isn’t the only one who can do some research on the Cortex, and you’re on there plenty. I’d just as soon you didn’t have the temptation of something sharp on your belt.”
“I’m not gonna go unarmed, no way no how,” Jayne said.
“We’re out in the middle of space,” Clark said. “There’s no one around.”
“The last time we thought that a bounty hunter got in and screwed us all over,” Jayne said. “The knives stay. And I took the gorram guns off, didn’t I?”
Clark couldn’t exactly point out how he knew for sure that there wasn’t anyone else in their section of space, so he went to his next argument instead. “Well, we could call someone down to stand guard for us, but then Mal would hear of it and put a stop to it. And you don’t want that. You want to know if you can beat me. So toss the knife away, and we’ll see who’s better.”
There was a moment of taut silence, followed by a curse and a clatter as the knife was tossed aside. Clark grinned a little meanly at Jayne and spread his arms wide, inviting attack. Jayne took him up on it.
Clark let the fight stretch on for several minutes, enjoying the amount of control it required to strike a believable blow and make it look like he was struggling. There was no weight in this solar system great enough to be an actual strain for him, but exercises in control such as this one were his own type of workouts, and fun. Clark in a no-holds-barred fight could rip apart an entire planet, but the sounds of a fight, the movements and scent of sweat and blood and blooming bruises on the other man’s skin, it was something that he’d learned to enjoy. Not the pain he caused, but the connection of the fight.
Plus, he never started them, so it wasn’t like it was his fault. And no one ever walked away with more than a split lip and a few bruises. For the most part, Clark liked people. He didn’t want to damage them if he could help it, and he could.
Jayne ended up flat on his back, wheezing from a short shot to his solar plexus, when a slow clapping interrupted them. Clark, his “labored” breathing forgotten in his surprised, looked up to see River standing on the catwalk, grinning crookedly as she brought her hands together. He grinned back and saluted her, and she executed a flawless bow that would have Lex’s best men weeping with envy before gliding back into the closed passageway.
Clark wondered if she would ever walk normally, or if she’d always move like she wasn’t quite connected to the ground beneath her feet.
He looked down at Jayne, who had recovered enough to sit up and press a hand against his stomach. Clark gave him a considering look, then reached down and pulled Jayne to his feet. As an afterthought, he grabbed Jayne’s knife and handed it to him, and left the room in the wake of the man’s respectful stare.
Good times.
~*~
“I’ve never understood your fascination for brawling with the locals,” Lex was saying into through the ‘link a couple hours later. “But it’s good to know that you’re having fun.”
“I am,” Clark said, startled by how true it was. It had been a while since he’d gotten involved in anyone’s life but Lex’s, and he’d forgotten how good it could feel. He helped people when he saw problems, but it was impersonal and almost force of habit than real altruism. But here, on Serenity- he wanted to really help, to maybe fix a few things. And he kinda thought that he’d made a good start.
Lex read all this in his face, of course. Clark had had five hundred years to perfect his poker face, but he never bothered with Lex, and Lex would have been able to read him anyway. It was just… him.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen that look,” Lex said softly. “You really care about them, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Clark answered. “They’re good people. Well, maybe not Jayne. But everyone else- there’s something worth doing here. It’s been a long time since I’ve found that.”
“I know,” Lex said, and for a moment there was a silence of perfect understanding between them. Lex broke it first, adding in a more light-hearted tone, “I suppose it’s going to be a while longer before you find yourself in my orbit again, then?”
Clark had already thought of this. It was rare that he wasn’t thinking about Lex, in some fashion. Therefore, he had a solution ready. “They’ll be on Blackwater for a day or so to do the job. You know how fast I can get across the system- I’ll be in the Core for about a day while they do their business.”
“That’s not long enough,” Lex complained softly. Clark smiled at him, a little sadly.
“It never is,” Clark said. “But then again, we have nothing but time.”
“You and me,” Lex said. “Forever.”
“Forever,” Clark said. They’d never gotten married and probably never would, but they had wedding vows of a sort, and they weren’t shy of repeating them. When you’re immortal, forever isn’t just a word.
There was a knock at his door, and a quick X-ray scan was enough to confirm his guess- Malcolm Reynolds. Clark had been expecting him, but he did wish that he’d waited till Clark was off the ‘link with Lex.
“Gotta go, love,” Clark said below Mal’s hearing range, using the one endearment that didn’t piss Lex off. “Company. Wave you later.”
“Counting on it,” Lex said, and Clark had the ‘link off and stowed away in a matter of seconds before answering the door.
Mal was looking pretty wrecked, and Clark felt sorry for him. He was the sort of man who just had to make his life more complicated, and Simon was a bigger complication than usual, if Clark’s guess was right. And his guesses usually were- another gift from all his years with Lex.
“How’d you know?” Mal demanded when he opened the door, and Clark sighed. He did set this in motion, he reminded himself. He had no one to blame but himself.
“Captain, come in,” he said, holding the door open. Mal stared at him for a long moment, trying to see what, Clark didn’t know, then nodded abruptly and marched past him. Clark took care to close and lock the door, though he wasn’t unaware of how thin the walls were. If someone wanted to eavesdrop, it wouldn’t be difficult, and Simon’s room was right next door. Clark sent up a quiet prayer to the God he didn’t believe in to make sure that Simon stayed away for the next several minutes.
“How’d you know?” Mal repeated, tunneling his fingers through his disordered hair. “Am I carrying a gorram sign over my head?”
“No, I’m just observant,” Clark said. “And it’s the sort of thing I tend to notice.”
“I’m not sly,” Mal said, as if Clark had asked. His voice was angry, defensive. “I’m not.”
“But you do fuck men,” Clark said. “Nothing wrong with it, you know.”
“Maybe not to you rich Core folk, but out here it can be a death sentence,” Mal said. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“I wasn’t born rich,” Clark said idly, like this wasn’t important information. “I was raised in a poor farming community- not exactly accepting of my type. Also, you might have noticed that I don’t exactly live on the Core year-round.”
“But you do live there,” Mal said, less accusing and more curious. As if figuring Clark out was temporarily more important than his problems. Apparently River had something in common with more than her brother.
“I don’t live anywhere,” Clark said. “I prefer to drift. There’s someone there who I care about, though, so I’m out on the Rim about two-thirds of a year and in the Core for the other third.”
“Someone you care about,” Mal said. “A man?”
Clark smiled involuntarily. Lex. “Yeah,” he said.
“You been together long?”
Five centuries, give or take a few decades. “Longer than you might think,” was all he said.
Mal wasn’t deterred by the shortness of his response. “Did you grow up together?”
Clark smiled again at the silliness of that idea. Lex, a farmer? Perish the thought. “Nope. Unlike me, he grew up rich. I was just a dirt-poor farmer’s son.”
“So how’d you meet?”
Steel and river water, and lips on his. “I saved his life. We became best friends, and then we became enemies, and then we became more.”
Mal didn’t seem to know what to say. That was okay- Clark was used to confounding people when he talked about Lex.
“All of this is really great if I was the one you wanted, but I’m not,” Clark said finally. “You should be having this conversation with Simon.”
Mal shook his head. “Doc isn’t interested in rough folk like me,” he said. “He puts up with us because he’s on the run an’ all, but it’s not his life and it’s clear enough he doesn’t want it to be.”
“If I’d taken that attitude, I’d be alone right now,” Clark said. And probably insane as well. He couldn’t have handled the long, lonely centuries without someone to share them with, and he probably would have lost it and taken over the world out of sheer boredom if nothing else. He’d be the ruler of the ‘verse right now, instead of Lex, and things wouldn’t be pretty. Clark had no illusions about himself, and he was okay with that.
“Alone I can handle,” Mal said. “Alone I’m used to. But I’m not gonna do anything that would lead to an ugly scene. I’ve got a powerful need to avoid just such a scene, and there ain’t enough liquor in the world to make me change my mind.” Mal let out an explosive breath. “I didn’t come here to talk this over like old women. I just wanted to know how you knew. Question answered, and I’ll be on my merry way.”
He was gone before Clark could say anything. Clark sighed and flopped back on his bunk. He didn’t want to feel sorry for the captain. A desire to help was acceptable, pity was not. Pity led to getting really involved, and he refused to get involved. He’d help how he could, but when his passage was up he was gone- back to the Core for a spell, and then after that, who knew?
He let his hand fall down to his bag and touched his ‘link. His conversation with Mal had left him missing Lex, and he was tempted to wave him back, just to hear his voice again. But maybe…
He grabbed the ‘link and set it to “record.”
“Hey,” he said softly into the ‘link. “I was talking to our captain about what it was like to be in love with another man. Made me think of you. What it was like in the beginning, how it is now.
“Do you ever wonder how it might have gone different? If maybe I could have told you the truth, and you wouldn’t have tried to take over the world? Would we have been better off?
“I don’t think so. The end of our friendship was inevitable from the very moment we met, and everyone knew it but us. So we buried ourselves in hate since we couldn’t have our friendship, and we stayed together that way, trying to hurt each other while oh-so-carefully avoiding killing each other, because we couldn’t be without each other. And when it was over, when you’d won and I’d given up, well, that was inevitable too, wasn’t it?
“Giving up that costume is still the second-best thing I’ve ever done. The best thing I’ve ever done is kissing you. That first time. You remember? Of course you do. In five hundred years, you’ve never forgotten anything.
“It was raining, and we were standing on a rooftop. You’d just gained control over the economy of the last world power, and I was wearing street clothes, the suit in my hands. We were both getting soaked, and my hair was in my eyes, and you were laughing because you’d finally won, and you thought you’d driven me to give up. But it wasn’t you, Lex. You were always my greatest inspiration. I was just so tired of the humans I was supposed to love, of trying to save their miserable little lives, of feeling the constant drag of their expectations. I remember listening to you gloating about me being the loser of our little battle, and I was thinking that you were the only one who’d ever been able to keep up with me, the only one who never expected anything of me except that I keep up with you. So I pinned you against the wall and kissed you, and you were so shocked you actually kissed me back.
“I remember that thunder rolled and lightning struck the first time we kissed, and every time I think about you, it’s that first kiss all over again. Rain and storm, and absolutely out of everyone’s control, even yours. I’ve loved you since that first moment on the riverbank, but I really fell in love with you then.
“I just wanted you to know that.”
He turned off the recorder and saved the file. He sent it on a short wave to Lex, then turned off the ‘link and stowed it away in his bag.
He fell asleep with thunder sounding in his ears, and when he licked his lips he tasted rain.
.end.