Archive: This Rocky Path We Tread 2/?
Original post is here.
Continued from here.
Part Two: In which the future is read, love is in the air, and things start to go wrong.
~*~
“Skin doesn’t feel like skin.”
“Hello, River.” It didn’t matter that his back was to her, or that he’d never heard her voice. Angel knew it was her because he’d just been thinking just that about the glycerin soap they used on board this ship, and unless there was another reader on board, it had to be River.
He turned to face her, and saw a slender young woman, with long, tangled black hair and black eyes that were centuries old, wearing a pink dress and knee-high ship boots. He recognized her from the Cortex wanted notices. Definitely River Tam.
“You don’t belong here,” she informed him. “Wrong time. Wrong place.”
He shrugged. “I’m always going to be out of my time,” he said. “Comes of being undead.”
She nodded seriously. “Old and cold,” she said. “You shouldn’t love him.”
Angel stiffened, as that was a bit more personal than he’d hoped she’d be able to go- but before he could say anything, he heard the door above them open and the thunk of familiar grav boots on the rungs. River melted into the shadows, and Spike climbed down into the cabin, grinning like he’d won the lottery.
“Angel, mate, you wouldn’t believe what happened to Xander! He got Mohra blood in him, see, and he heals like anything now. We were talkin’ about how the captain’s a dead ringer for that bastard Caleb that did for Xan’s eye, and would you believe that the damn thing healed? That gunman looks a mite familiar too, but I don’t quite remember-“
“Hamilton,” Angel said. “Representative of the Senior Partners.”
“Yeah, I remember now. There anyone else on this boat who we know? ‘S a bit creepy.”
“The first mate,” Angel said softly. “She’s… Jasmine. You never met her,” he said in response to Spike’s questioning look. “You were in Sunnydale, battling the First.” He closed his eyes as he remembered- night-blooming, heavy scent, soothing voice, beautiful. Goddess. Peace.
“Past is past,” River said from the corner she disappeared into, emerging again. Spike, to his credit, didn’t do more than twitch with surprise, though he did give Angel an unhappy look.
“You might have warned me that you had company, mate.”
“Not his fault. I can hide even in memory.”
Spike turned slowly to face her, recognition lighting his features. “That right, pet?”
“Correct.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “Old and cold, old and cold,” she repeated. “Golden inside. The spark.”
Spike twitched again at that, and glanced over at Angel, who was trying to keep his face straight. “Spike, did I mention that she was a Reader?”
“No, you forgot that,” he said, and looked back at River with a new expression on his face. “Explains a lot. She’s very much like…”
“Black goddess,” River says. “Your sweet, mad princess. Your ripe, wicked plum.” She turned to Angel. “Shall I call you Daddy?”
“How about not,” Angel said. In a way she didn’t really look like Dru- the angles of her faces were all wrong, and the madness in her eyes was different- but the surface similarities were more than a bit disturbing as it was.
“I think it’d be funny,” Spike said, then sighed elaborately as Angel glared at him. “But Angel wouldn’t, so it’s a bit of a bad idea, pet.”
River just looked at them both for a moment. “Backwards and forwards,” she said. “And you can’t go back to the way it was. A storm is coming, and the winds are pulling you apart.” She tilted her head towards Spike. “The golden boy will keep you, and everything will shine.” And then to Angel. “Ghost with a gun. Don’t let him forget.”
Neither had any sort of answer for that. She didn’t seem to expect one, just smiled and climbed the ladder. Angel heard the door clank shut above them, and he looked at Spike.
“Golden boy?” he asked. “I don’t suppose you had any idea who she might be referring to?”
Spike affected an innocent expression. “I’m sure that I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, come off it, Spike. I know you spent the night with Xander.”
“And what a night it was,” Spike said with a deep, happy sigh, dropping all hint of pretense. “Man, his demon bint used to claim that he was a Viking in the sack, but I thought she was full of it. Either she was right, or he’s learned something in the past five hundred years. Maybe a bit of both. And he’s got a soddin’ high pain threshold, heals so fast he doesn’t mind most anything I did to him-“
“Spike,” Angel interrupted. “I don’t want to hear about it.”
Spike just shrugged at him. “Fine then. Sit in here and brood if you like; I’m getting some rest.” He paused, inhaled the air. “Or,” he said, a wicked grin forming on his face, “you can go find that pretty doctor that was in here last night. Have a good time, did we?”
“If you know he was in here, you know we didn’t have sex,” Angel growled. “If you must know, he knew I recognized him, and he wanted to know if we were going to call the Feds.”
“Like we deal with Feds? Please.”
“He doesn’t know that,” Angel said impatiently. “And then we were talking about River. That was it. I doubt he’s even into guys. Most aren’t these days.”
“’Cept me,” Spike said. “You, even if you’re grumpy about it. And definitely Xander.”
“I already told you that I don’t want to hear about it.” And he didn’t. He really, really didn’t.
“An’ I’m not telling you about it,” Spike said. “I’m just sayin’. In fact, I think I’m heading out, since you’re in a worse mood than usual.”
“Getting some sleep?” Angel asked, and Spike flashed him that wicked grin again.
“Or something,” he said. “Might could be that Xan’s still up an’ about, and lookin’ to play some more. You stay here and brood- I’m goin’ to make this trip a memorable one.”
Angel ignored him, which was always the easiest way to deal with things when Spike was like this. Just his luck that Xander fucking Harris would show up and sweep Spike away just as Angel was hoping to get him back. He was beginning to think that this job was cursed from start to finish.
~*~
River was waiting for Spike when he climbed the ladder. He kicked Angel’s door shut, then tilted his head at her, questioning without words. She said, “He loves you, you know.”
“What, Angel?” Spike said. She nodded. “I know,” he said. They were both being careful to keep their voices low, though Spike doubted Angel was listening to anything on the ship right now. He knew Angel better than Angel realized. “But it’s easier all around like this, innit? He gets to play pretend that everything’s fine, and I get to keep the best mate I’ve ever had. And when he eventually finds the person that he’s looking for and really falls for them, it’ll be that much easier for him to move on.”
“What about you?” River said. “When will you fall?”
Spike looked over her shoulder and down the passageway, where he could see Xander, framed by the doorway to the galley, where the other man was standing, laughing with the rest of the crew. “I think I already have,” he said, and moved past her, down the hallway towards Xander.
River watched him go, looking at him like a puzzle she’d almost, but not quite, solved.
~*~
It was a couple hours later when Simon found Kaylee alone in the engine room. She was stretched out on her back, head and shoulders buried under the engine, and he could hear her swearing as she tinkered with some mechanical something or other that was absolutely unfathomable to him.
“Hello?” he said hesitantly, unsure if he was supposed to be interrupting or not. The swearing abruptly ceased, and a moment later she slid down till the rest of her was in view. She was wearing some sort of pink knit top and coveralls that were unzipped halfway and tied around her waist, and there was a smudge of grease across one cheekbone. Simon couldn’t help but think that she was the loveliest thing he’d ever seen, and as always, the sight of her teased a smile out of him.
“Didn’t know you was there,” she said, sitting up, and he shrugged uncomfortably.
“Did I come at a bad time?”
“Nah,” she said. “Don’t worry about it.” But she was obviously uncomfortable, glancing around her and at the doorway behind him like she was thinking about escape.
“Hey,” he said softly. “This is me, remember?”
She glanced swiftly at his face, then ducked her head a little, slightly sheepish at being found out. “I know,” she said, still not looking at him. “It’s just… can’t help it, is all. It’s easy to think that this is my room and I’m not gonna let the húndàn ruin it for me when I’m alone, but I’m still a mite uneasy about being startled, yet.”
“And around me,” Simon said. “And Jayne. Definitely around our client and the mercs.”
“I know,” she said fiercely, finally looking him in the eye again. “Don’t you think I wish that I wasn’t like this? Shizi didn’t even do nothin’ to me, so why’m I so jittery alla time?”
“I wouldn’t call tying you up and threatening to rape you nothing, Kaylee. And you were incredibly brave, going along with River’s plan despite it.” His expression went wry. “Even if I did ruin it.”
“I just wanna get over it,” Kaylee said, ignoring his attempt to set her at ease with a joke. “But I can’t.”
“I know,” Simon said softly. “That’s… somewhat what I’m here about.”
Her expression got a little fearful, and Simon finally decided that he’d rather kneel down on the dirty engine floor, since he was so obviously intimating her. “I really like you, Kaylee,” he said softly. “And I know that we almost… that night, before we were interrupted, we almost…”
“Kissed,” she said. Warily. “Yeah, and?”
“No and,” he said. “I was going to say, but we’re obviously not going to be finishing that kiss any time soon.”
She looked at him, relaxing a little. “You mean…”
“Maybe we should just be friends?” he said, his expression wry. She grinned at him then, and he knew he’d done the right thing. As a friend, he was much less of a threat to her newly sensitized fears, and he would much rather have her easy with him again than to try and press for more.
She proved his point when she leaned across the distance that separated them and hugged him. He hesitantly put his arm around her shoulders, not sure if it was the right thing to do, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. It was actually comfortable between them for the first time since Early had gotten onto Serenity, and Simon found that he wasn’t sorry about his decision at all. For what seemed like the first time, he’d actually said and done the right thing with Kaylee, and that was no small feat.
“You know,” Kaylee said a minute later. “Since we’re all platonic an’ everything, this means you can go after that hunky merc you’ve got a thing for.”
“I do not have a thing for Angel,” he said in what he hoped was a dignified voice. His hopes proved to be in vain when she started giggling, but a part of him wasn’t sorry for it if it meant that she was laughing with him again.
“You so do!” she crowed. “You were starin’ at him the whole time we was getting’ introduced an’ all, and I know you were in his room last night.” He glanced at her sharply, and she just grinned. “His room’s right next to mine, and the walls are a mite thin, y’know.”
“Then you’ll know that we were just talking,” he said repressively. “I was staring at him, like you said, because I wanted to see if he recognized me from any wanted notices. He did, so I wanted to know if he was going to contact the Feds about me and River, and he said he wasn’t. He also offered to look after River some time, if I wanted. He said that both he and Spike had known a girl that was a lot like her.”
His voice had softened towards the end, and Kaylee caught it. “And you’re just so gooey inside because he’s all honorable and sweet in addition to bein’ handsome,” she said. He opened his mouth to deny it, and she held up an admonitory finger. “Don’t even try to say that I’m wrong.”
“You’re not entirely wrong,” Simon admitted. “He does seem to be an honorable person. I hardly talked to him long enough to say he was weet, however.”
“Notice you didn’t deny that he was handsome,” she teased. “C’mon, you’ve got eyes.”
“I do, indeed, have eyes, as most humans do,” he said with asperity, then sighed. “Alright. I admit it. He’s handsome.”
“I knew it!” she crowed. “You’ve got a cru-ush on the merc!”
“Bù kê néng!” he hissed. “And keep it down, would you? With my luck the captain will be standing right outside, ready to mock. Or possibly lecture.”
“Aw, come on, you’re not giving the captain enough credit,” Kaylee said. “Besides, if he gives you too much trouble, you can always remind him about Saffron.”
“Point,” Simon said. Then he bent his head to glare at her a little. “But he won’t give me any trouble, because there’s nothing to give me trouble about. I do not have a crush on the merc, or any feeling whatsoever. Dong ma?”
“Hâo de,” she said smartly, then ruined it by giggling again. “Simon, you’re a terrible liar.”
He just sighed and leaned back against the wall, wondering when his life had become so complicated- and why he wouldn’t have it any other way.
~*~
Xander loved to watch Spike. He always had, though back in Sunnydale, he’d been much more subtle about it, afraid to be mocked by the blonde vampire. Now, though, he could stare to his heart’s content, and being mocked was the last thing he had to worry about happening.
Spike was just so arresting, with that vivid hair, grown out a little and ungelled now but still a radiant white-blonde, with those cheekbones and those piercing eyes and that cocky way that he held himself. Even sitting down he seemed insolent and sexy, but when he was walking it could almost stop a man’s heart. He still had the duster, Xander was amused to see, or at least a newer version of the same old coat. Not a Slayer’s, maybe, but there was no doubt in Xander’s mind that there was an equally fascinating story behind the acquisition of this one. Some day he would ask Spike about it.
He especially loved the way Spike talked. There were so many different variations on his voice, so many infinite combinations of volume and inflection and tone, that Xander could listen to him speak for hours. He was always loud and brash when talking to Jayne, out-bullshitting a bullshitter. Quieter, almost respectful for Shepherd Book, deferential- or at least respectful- to Mal and Zoë, teasingly flirting with Kaylee and Inara. Easy mocking with Angel, and alternating between matter-of-fact and soothing with River. And that special, intimate tone that he took when talking to Xander, which while beguiling, could never, in Xander’s mind, match to the way Spike moaned his name in bed.
Xander, or Xan. It had been so long since he’d gone by that name that it had sounded almost like a stranger’s when Spike had first said it, but it had only taken a moment for it to sound like him again. The rest of the crew had followed suit, and he’d even started thinking of himself with that name again. Not Lex, as he’d been for the last twenty years or so that had made up this “lifetime,” and not Harris, but Xander. He’d dreamed of Buffy and the Scoobies for the first time in two centuries while on board Serenity, and he’d woken up to tears on his cheeks and Spike stroking his hair, saying his name over and over again, like it was the rope that tethered Xander into the real world.
Everyone on the crew knew that they were together- neither of them was an especially subtle person, and while they never kissed or did anything else so overt in front of the crew, they flirted mercilessly and weren’t at all averse to sending smoldering looks at each other across the kitchen table. Spike had always been like that, as long as Xander had known him, and Xander, well, he’d learned to be comfortable in his own skin. If the crew was uncomfortable around him ‘cause he was sly, well, it didn’t have anything to do with him. He did the job, he got paid. It was a sentiment that he suspected the captain understood real well, and so far no one had tried to jump him or otherwise make trouble, so Xander didn’t care one way or the other. Any day he didn’t have to kill or injure the people he was working with was a good day.
Xander didn’t have any superpowers but the ability to heal, but he had had five hundred years to perfect his skills. There weren’t many humans that could take him on one-on-one, or even three or four-on-one, and most of the demons were long gone from this ‘verse.
There was one person who was obviously very unhappy about Xander’s relationship with Spike, and that was Angel. Xander understood why, of course- he’d known Angel and Spike were involved, and his blonde lover had told Xander the whole truth of the thing. Still, Xander felt sorry for him, and would try to curb back some of the more obvious behavior whenever the older vampire was around.
Angel wasn’t around that much, however, so Xander didn’t have to contain himself much. The few times that Angel did appear, he was only with them for a short time before vanishing again. Xander knew that Angel couldn’t be spending all his time in his room- even Angel would go bugfuck staring at those four walls all the time- but he wasn’t sure exactly where the other man went. From the way that Simon would watch him when he thought Angel wasn’t looking, Xander suspected that Angel was hiding in the infirmary with the good Dr. Tam, but he couldn’t be sure. Most of his own time was spent either in the galley, eating and shooting the shit with the crewmembers, in the cargo bay exercising, or in his room with his sweet demon lover.
Spike, for his part, did much the same, though he quickly grew bored on his own when Xander was working out- vampires didn’t need to exercise to keep up their strength- and while he did spar with Xander on a couple occasions when there was no one awake to see them really let loose, most of those times he would disappear with River. Xander had no idea what Spike did when he was with the girl, and he didn’t want to.
They’d been on Serenity for six days, and life, according to one Xander Harris, was just about as good as it got.
Of course, that meant that it was the very next day that things started going downhill.
~*~
Of course, Xander was right about Angel’s whereabouts. The first time he’d stopped by the infirmary, he’d been looking for River, but she’d been asleep on the side table and Simon was there, running a diagnostic on what was probably her blood. Simon had looked up, smiled at him, and pointed to the table in the middle of the room, indicating that he take a seat.
To his own surprise, Angel did so, and watched in silence for a bit as Simon finished running the tests. Afterwards, Angel had said something or Simon had said something, he never could remember, but the next thing he knew the two of them had fallen into an easy conversation and several hours had passed.
After that, the infirmary- and Simon’s company- had become his refuge whenever the jealousy over Spike and Xander got too strong. It was easy to ignore his problems when he was talking to the doctor, who reminded him strongly of someone, though it wasn’t for several days that he realized who.
Wesley, back before things had gone to Hell in a handbasket. Back when he still wore glasses, when his shirts were always pressed, before he learned that jeans actually were more durable than slacks, before there was a scar on his throat and darkness in his heart. Simon had the same slight stiffness, the casual formality, that came of a moneyed upbringing, but he also had Wesley’s talent for sneaky sarcasm, as well as his wit and intelligence. Oh, Angel didn’t fool himself that they were the same person, and it wasn’t even necessarily why he got along so comfortably with the doctor when he usually got along with no one save Spike, but it explained why Angel had been willing to make the connection in the first place, and it explained why Simon felt a little like a long-lost friend.
Angel had made good on his offer to look after River sometimes, but it was Spike who really connected with her, as Angel had suspected. Spike always had had a thing for the crazy ones, and he and River got along like a house on fire- which was perhaps not the safest analogy. Anything to do with fires was a bad idea when combined with someone even a little like Drusilla.
It was, however, Angel’s turn to look after her when she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Simon was sleeping, and Angel was in the galley with her, trying his level best to beat her at chess, and failing miserably. Not that he minded- he had the hardest time finding a decent chess partner anywhere, and River, though she beat him every time, at least filled the requirements.
Unfortunately, in the middle of their fourth game her eyes suddenly rolled into the back of her head. Worried that she’d lost consciousness, Angel sprang out of the chair and laid a hand on her shoulder, but she started screaming at the touch and was halfway across the room, pressing herself against the wall, before he’d even seen her move.
Spike was in the room almost instantly, of course, as well as Xander, dripping with sweat from his daily workout, and the rest of the crew wasn’t far behind. River kept screaming for her brother, and only lowered the volume of her cries when Simon ran into the room and knelt in front of her.
“I’m here, meime, I’m here,” he kept saying, but she shook her head and pushed his hands away when he tried to soothe her.
“My brother is coming,” she insisted, ignoring Simon’s efforts to tell her that he was here, her brother was here. “He’s coming for us, Simon. I’ve been looking so hard and I finally found him and I called him and he’s coming.”
“Just a thought,” Spike said from the doorway, “but I don’t think she’s talking about you, Doc.”
“Well,” Mal said. “That’s a bit of a turnaround. Got any other siblings you forgot to mention?”
“No,” Simon said, bewildered. “My mother was unable to have children after River, though they’d wanted one more.”
“So who’s she babbling about?” Jayne said. “And can you make her shut up? Girl’s givin’ me a gorram headache.”
“You don’t need to be here, then,” Mal said with steel in his voice, and Jayne left the room, muttering to himself. “He did kinda ask the question, though,” the captain added, turning back to Simon. “If she’s not talking about you and you don’t have another brother hidden somewhere, then who the hell is she talking about?”
“Little brother,” River said. “Two by two, hands of blue. But they couldn’t hurt the golden boy, couldn’t figure out what made him tick. Little brother ran when River did, and now he’s free as a bird. And now the golden boy is coming, and we’re going to be a family again, Simon. Just like we always wanted. It will all be alright when little brother is here.”
“Golden boy?” Spike echoed. “River, was that what you meant when you said-“
“Not that golden boy, silly,” she said, sounding for the moment quite lucid. “Little brother is golden on the inside, like you.” Then, to Xander, as if in answer though he’d said nothing, “I didn’t mean it that way. You know it’s more than skin deep.”
“I know,” Xander said. He rubbed one hand over his bare chest, where his skin was tanned and gleaming. “But thanks for saying it.”
She looked up at Simon, all seriousness. “I think I’d like to rest now. Have to be ready for little brother’s birthday party.”
Simon just nodded as if this made sense and scooped her up in his arms. Mal laid one hand on his shoulder, stopping him as he passed by.
“River,” Mal said. “When is his birthday?”
“Day after tomorrow,” she said cheerfully, and wriggled out of Simon’s arms, running down the hall to her room while everyone in the galley went quiet.
“Day after tomorrow?” Spike said finally, voicing what they were all thinking. “But that’s the day of the gorram job!”
Angel, following Simon as the man chased after River, couldn’t help but think- I was right. Cursed, from start to finish.
tbc.
Translations:
húndàn- asshole/bastard
shizi- louse
bù kê néng!- no way!
dong ma?- understand?
hâo deokay/will do!
meimei- little sister
Continued from here.
Part Two: In which the future is read, love is in the air, and things start to go wrong.
~*~
“Skin doesn’t feel like skin.”
“Hello, River.” It didn’t matter that his back was to her, or that he’d never heard her voice. Angel knew it was her because he’d just been thinking just that about the glycerin soap they used on board this ship, and unless there was another reader on board, it had to be River.
He turned to face her, and saw a slender young woman, with long, tangled black hair and black eyes that were centuries old, wearing a pink dress and knee-high ship boots. He recognized her from the Cortex wanted notices. Definitely River Tam.
“You don’t belong here,” she informed him. “Wrong time. Wrong place.”
He shrugged. “I’m always going to be out of my time,” he said. “Comes of being undead.”
She nodded seriously. “Old and cold,” she said. “You shouldn’t love him.”
Angel stiffened, as that was a bit more personal than he’d hoped she’d be able to go- but before he could say anything, he heard the door above them open and the thunk of familiar grav boots on the rungs. River melted into the shadows, and Spike climbed down into the cabin, grinning like he’d won the lottery.
“Angel, mate, you wouldn’t believe what happened to Xander! He got Mohra blood in him, see, and he heals like anything now. We were talkin’ about how the captain’s a dead ringer for that bastard Caleb that did for Xan’s eye, and would you believe that the damn thing healed? That gunman looks a mite familiar too, but I don’t quite remember-“
“Hamilton,” Angel said. “Representative of the Senior Partners.”
“Yeah, I remember now. There anyone else on this boat who we know? ‘S a bit creepy.”
“The first mate,” Angel said softly. “She’s… Jasmine. You never met her,” he said in response to Spike’s questioning look. “You were in Sunnydale, battling the First.” He closed his eyes as he remembered- night-blooming, heavy scent, soothing voice, beautiful. Goddess. Peace.
“Past is past,” River said from the corner she disappeared into, emerging again. Spike, to his credit, didn’t do more than twitch with surprise, though he did give Angel an unhappy look.
“You might have warned me that you had company, mate.”
“Not his fault. I can hide even in memory.”
Spike turned slowly to face her, recognition lighting his features. “That right, pet?”
“Correct.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “Old and cold, old and cold,” she repeated. “Golden inside. The spark.”
Spike twitched again at that, and glanced over at Angel, who was trying to keep his face straight. “Spike, did I mention that she was a Reader?”
“No, you forgot that,” he said, and looked back at River with a new expression on his face. “Explains a lot. She’s very much like…”
“Black goddess,” River says. “Your sweet, mad princess. Your ripe, wicked plum.” She turned to Angel. “Shall I call you Daddy?”
“How about not,” Angel said. In a way she didn’t really look like Dru- the angles of her faces were all wrong, and the madness in her eyes was different- but the surface similarities were more than a bit disturbing as it was.
“I think it’d be funny,” Spike said, then sighed elaborately as Angel glared at him. “But Angel wouldn’t, so it’s a bit of a bad idea, pet.”
River just looked at them both for a moment. “Backwards and forwards,” she said. “And you can’t go back to the way it was. A storm is coming, and the winds are pulling you apart.” She tilted her head towards Spike. “The golden boy will keep you, and everything will shine.” And then to Angel. “Ghost with a gun. Don’t let him forget.”
Neither had any sort of answer for that. She didn’t seem to expect one, just smiled and climbed the ladder. Angel heard the door clank shut above them, and he looked at Spike.
“Golden boy?” he asked. “I don’t suppose you had any idea who she might be referring to?”
Spike affected an innocent expression. “I’m sure that I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, come off it, Spike. I know you spent the night with Xander.”
“And what a night it was,” Spike said with a deep, happy sigh, dropping all hint of pretense. “Man, his demon bint used to claim that he was a Viking in the sack, but I thought she was full of it. Either she was right, or he’s learned something in the past five hundred years. Maybe a bit of both. And he’s got a soddin’ high pain threshold, heals so fast he doesn’t mind most anything I did to him-“
“Spike,” Angel interrupted. “I don’t want to hear about it.”
Spike just shrugged at him. “Fine then. Sit in here and brood if you like; I’m getting some rest.” He paused, inhaled the air. “Or,” he said, a wicked grin forming on his face, “you can go find that pretty doctor that was in here last night. Have a good time, did we?”
“If you know he was in here, you know we didn’t have sex,” Angel growled. “If you must know, he knew I recognized him, and he wanted to know if we were going to call the Feds.”
“Like we deal with Feds? Please.”
“He doesn’t know that,” Angel said impatiently. “And then we were talking about River. That was it. I doubt he’s even into guys. Most aren’t these days.”
“’Cept me,” Spike said. “You, even if you’re grumpy about it. And definitely Xander.”
“I already told you that I don’t want to hear about it.” And he didn’t. He really, really didn’t.
“An’ I’m not telling you about it,” Spike said. “I’m just sayin’. In fact, I think I’m heading out, since you’re in a worse mood than usual.”
“Getting some sleep?” Angel asked, and Spike flashed him that wicked grin again.
“Or something,” he said. “Might could be that Xan’s still up an’ about, and lookin’ to play some more. You stay here and brood- I’m goin’ to make this trip a memorable one.”
Angel ignored him, which was always the easiest way to deal with things when Spike was like this. Just his luck that Xander fucking Harris would show up and sweep Spike away just as Angel was hoping to get him back. He was beginning to think that this job was cursed from start to finish.
~*~
River was waiting for Spike when he climbed the ladder. He kicked Angel’s door shut, then tilted his head at her, questioning without words. She said, “He loves you, you know.”
“What, Angel?” Spike said. She nodded. “I know,” he said. They were both being careful to keep their voices low, though Spike doubted Angel was listening to anything on the ship right now. He knew Angel better than Angel realized. “But it’s easier all around like this, innit? He gets to play pretend that everything’s fine, and I get to keep the best mate I’ve ever had. And when he eventually finds the person that he’s looking for and really falls for them, it’ll be that much easier for him to move on.”
“What about you?” River said. “When will you fall?”
Spike looked over her shoulder and down the passageway, where he could see Xander, framed by the doorway to the galley, where the other man was standing, laughing with the rest of the crew. “I think I already have,” he said, and moved past her, down the hallway towards Xander.
River watched him go, looking at him like a puzzle she’d almost, but not quite, solved.
~*~
It was a couple hours later when Simon found Kaylee alone in the engine room. She was stretched out on her back, head and shoulders buried under the engine, and he could hear her swearing as she tinkered with some mechanical something or other that was absolutely unfathomable to him.
“Hello?” he said hesitantly, unsure if he was supposed to be interrupting or not. The swearing abruptly ceased, and a moment later she slid down till the rest of her was in view. She was wearing some sort of pink knit top and coveralls that were unzipped halfway and tied around her waist, and there was a smudge of grease across one cheekbone. Simon couldn’t help but think that she was the loveliest thing he’d ever seen, and as always, the sight of her teased a smile out of him.
“Didn’t know you was there,” she said, sitting up, and he shrugged uncomfortably.
“Did I come at a bad time?”
“Nah,” she said. “Don’t worry about it.” But she was obviously uncomfortable, glancing around her and at the doorway behind him like she was thinking about escape.
“Hey,” he said softly. “This is me, remember?”
She glanced swiftly at his face, then ducked her head a little, slightly sheepish at being found out. “I know,” she said, still not looking at him. “It’s just… can’t help it, is all. It’s easy to think that this is my room and I’m not gonna let the húndàn ruin it for me when I’m alone, but I’m still a mite uneasy about being startled, yet.”
“And around me,” Simon said. “And Jayne. Definitely around our client and the mercs.”
“I know,” she said fiercely, finally looking him in the eye again. “Don’t you think I wish that I wasn’t like this? Shizi didn’t even do nothin’ to me, so why’m I so jittery alla time?”
“I wouldn’t call tying you up and threatening to rape you nothing, Kaylee. And you were incredibly brave, going along with River’s plan despite it.” His expression went wry. “Even if I did ruin it.”
“I just wanna get over it,” Kaylee said, ignoring his attempt to set her at ease with a joke. “But I can’t.”
“I know,” Simon said softly. “That’s… somewhat what I’m here about.”
Her expression got a little fearful, and Simon finally decided that he’d rather kneel down on the dirty engine floor, since he was so obviously intimating her. “I really like you, Kaylee,” he said softly. “And I know that we almost… that night, before we were interrupted, we almost…”
“Kissed,” she said. Warily. “Yeah, and?”
“No and,” he said. “I was going to say, but we’re obviously not going to be finishing that kiss any time soon.”
She looked at him, relaxing a little. “You mean…”
“Maybe we should just be friends?” he said, his expression wry. She grinned at him then, and he knew he’d done the right thing. As a friend, he was much less of a threat to her newly sensitized fears, and he would much rather have her easy with him again than to try and press for more.
She proved his point when she leaned across the distance that separated them and hugged him. He hesitantly put his arm around her shoulders, not sure if it was the right thing to do, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. It was actually comfortable between them for the first time since Early had gotten onto Serenity, and Simon found that he wasn’t sorry about his decision at all. For what seemed like the first time, he’d actually said and done the right thing with Kaylee, and that was no small feat.
“You know,” Kaylee said a minute later. “Since we’re all platonic an’ everything, this means you can go after that hunky merc you’ve got a thing for.”
“I do not have a thing for Angel,” he said in what he hoped was a dignified voice. His hopes proved to be in vain when she started giggling, but a part of him wasn’t sorry for it if it meant that she was laughing with him again.
“You so do!” she crowed. “You were starin’ at him the whole time we was getting’ introduced an’ all, and I know you were in his room last night.” He glanced at her sharply, and she just grinned. “His room’s right next to mine, and the walls are a mite thin, y’know.”
“Then you’ll know that we were just talking,” he said repressively. “I was staring at him, like you said, because I wanted to see if he recognized me from any wanted notices. He did, so I wanted to know if he was going to contact the Feds about me and River, and he said he wasn’t. He also offered to look after River some time, if I wanted. He said that both he and Spike had known a girl that was a lot like her.”
His voice had softened towards the end, and Kaylee caught it. “And you’re just so gooey inside because he’s all honorable and sweet in addition to bein’ handsome,” she said. He opened his mouth to deny it, and she held up an admonitory finger. “Don’t even try to say that I’m wrong.”
“You’re not entirely wrong,” Simon admitted. “He does seem to be an honorable person. I hardly talked to him long enough to say he was weet, however.”
“Notice you didn’t deny that he was handsome,” she teased. “C’mon, you’ve got eyes.”
“I do, indeed, have eyes, as most humans do,” he said with asperity, then sighed. “Alright. I admit it. He’s handsome.”
“I knew it!” she crowed. “You’ve got a cru-ush on the merc!”
“Bù kê néng!” he hissed. “And keep it down, would you? With my luck the captain will be standing right outside, ready to mock. Or possibly lecture.”
“Aw, come on, you’re not giving the captain enough credit,” Kaylee said. “Besides, if he gives you too much trouble, you can always remind him about Saffron.”
“Point,” Simon said. Then he bent his head to glare at her a little. “But he won’t give me any trouble, because there’s nothing to give me trouble about. I do not have a crush on the merc, or any feeling whatsoever. Dong ma?”
“Hâo de,” she said smartly, then ruined it by giggling again. “Simon, you’re a terrible liar.”
He just sighed and leaned back against the wall, wondering when his life had become so complicated- and why he wouldn’t have it any other way.
~*~
Xander loved to watch Spike. He always had, though back in Sunnydale, he’d been much more subtle about it, afraid to be mocked by the blonde vampire. Now, though, he could stare to his heart’s content, and being mocked was the last thing he had to worry about happening.
Spike was just so arresting, with that vivid hair, grown out a little and ungelled now but still a radiant white-blonde, with those cheekbones and those piercing eyes and that cocky way that he held himself. Even sitting down he seemed insolent and sexy, but when he was walking it could almost stop a man’s heart. He still had the duster, Xander was amused to see, or at least a newer version of the same old coat. Not a Slayer’s, maybe, but there was no doubt in Xander’s mind that there was an equally fascinating story behind the acquisition of this one. Some day he would ask Spike about it.
He especially loved the way Spike talked. There were so many different variations on his voice, so many infinite combinations of volume and inflection and tone, that Xander could listen to him speak for hours. He was always loud and brash when talking to Jayne, out-bullshitting a bullshitter. Quieter, almost respectful for Shepherd Book, deferential- or at least respectful- to Mal and Zoë, teasingly flirting with Kaylee and Inara. Easy mocking with Angel, and alternating between matter-of-fact and soothing with River. And that special, intimate tone that he took when talking to Xander, which while beguiling, could never, in Xander’s mind, match to the way Spike moaned his name in bed.
Xander, or Xan. It had been so long since he’d gone by that name that it had sounded almost like a stranger’s when Spike had first said it, but it had only taken a moment for it to sound like him again. The rest of the crew had followed suit, and he’d even started thinking of himself with that name again. Not Lex, as he’d been for the last twenty years or so that had made up this “lifetime,” and not Harris, but Xander. He’d dreamed of Buffy and the Scoobies for the first time in two centuries while on board Serenity, and he’d woken up to tears on his cheeks and Spike stroking his hair, saying his name over and over again, like it was the rope that tethered Xander into the real world.
Everyone on the crew knew that they were together- neither of them was an especially subtle person, and while they never kissed or did anything else so overt in front of the crew, they flirted mercilessly and weren’t at all averse to sending smoldering looks at each other across the kitchen table. Spike had always been like that, as long as Xander had known him, and Xander, well, he’d learned to be comfortable in his own skin. If the crew was uncomfortable around him ‘cause he was sly, well, it didn’t have anything to do with him. He did the job, he got paid. It was a sentiment that he suspected the captain understood real well, and so far no one had tried to jump him or otherwise make trouble, so Xander didn’t care one way or the other. Any day he didn’t have to kill or injure the people he was working with was a good day.
Xander didn’t have any superpowers but the ability to heal, but he had had five hundred years to perfect his skills. There weren’t many humans that could take him on one-on-one, or even three or four-on-one, and most of the demons were long gone from this ‘verse.
There was one person who was obviously very unhappy about Xander’s relationship with Spike, and that was Angel. Xander understood why, of course- he’d known Angel and Spike were involved, and his blonde lover had told Xander the whole truth of the thing. Still, Xander felt sorry for him, and would try to curb back some of the more obvious behavior whenever the older vampire was around.
Angel wasn’t around that much, however, so Xander didn’t have to contain himself much. The few times that Angel did appear, he was only with them for a short time before vanishing again. Xander knew that Angel couldn’t be spending all his time in his room- even Angel would go bugfuck staring at those four walls all the time- but he wasn’t sure exactly where the other man went. From the way that Simon would watch him when he thought Angel wasn’t looking, Xander suspected that Angel was hiding in the infirmary with the good Dr. Tam, but he couldn’t be sure. Most of his own time was spent either in the galley, eating and shooting the shit with the crewmembers, in the cargo bay exercising, or in his room with his sweet demon lover.
Spike, for his part, did much the same, though he quickly grew bored on his own when Xander was working out- vampires didn’t need to exercise to keep up their strength- and while he did spar with Xander on a couple occasions when there was no one awake to see them really let loose, most of those times he would disappear with River. Xander had no idea what Spike did when he was with the girl, and he didn’t want to.
They’d been on Serenity for six days, and life, according to one Xander Harris, was just about as good as it got.
Of course, that meant that it was the very next day that things started going downhill.
~*~
Of course, Xander was right about Angel’s whereabouts. The first time he’d stopped by the infirmary, he’d been looking for River, but she’d been asleep on the side table and Simon was there, running a diagnostic on what was probably her blood. Simon had looked up, smiled at him, and pointed to the table in the middle of the room, indicating that he take a seat.
To his own surprise, Angel did so, and watched in silence for a bit as Simon finished running the tests. Afterwards, Angel had said something or Simon had said something, he never could remember, but the next thing he knew the two of them had fallen into an easy conversation and several hours had passed.
After that, the infirmary- and Simon’s company- had become his refuge whenever the jealousy over Spike and Xander got too strong. It was easy to ignore his problems when he was talking to the doctor, who reminded him strongly of someone, though it wasn’t for several days that he realized who.
Wesley, back before things had gone to Hell in a handbasket. Back when he still wore glasses, when his shirts were always pressed, before he learned that jeans actually were more durable than slacks, before there was a scar on his throat and darkness in his heart. Simon had the same slight stiffness, the casual formality, that came of a moneyed upbringing, but he also had Wesley’s talent for sneaky sarcasm, as well as his wit and intelligence. Oh, Angel didn’t fool himself that they were the same person, and it wasn’t even necessarily why he got along so comfortably with the doctor when he usually got along with no one save Spike, but it explained why Angel had been willing to make the connection in the first place, and it explained why Simon felt a little like a long-lost friend.
Angel had made good on his offer to look after River sometimes, but it was Spike who really connected with her, as Angel had suspected. Spike always had had a thing for the crazy ones, and he and River got along like a house on fire- which was perhaps not the safest analogy. Anything to do with fires was a bad idea when combined with someone even a little like Drusilla.
It was, however, Angel’s turn to look after her when she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Simon was sleeping, and Angel was in the galley with her, trying his level best to beat her at chess, and failing miserably. Not that he minded- he had the hardest time finding a decent chess partner anywhere, and River, though she beat him every time, at least filled the requirements.
Unfortunately, in the middle of their fourth game her eyes suddenly rolled into the back of her head. Worried that she’d lost consciousness, Angel sprang out of the chair and laid a hand on her shoulder, but she started screaming at the touch and was halfway across the room, pressing herself against the wall, before he’d even seen her move.
Spike was in the room almost instantly, of course, as well as Xander, dripping with sweat from his daily workout, and the rest of the crew wasn’t far behind. River kept screaming for her brother, and only lowered the volume of her cries when Simon ran into the room and knelt in front of her.
“I’m here, meime, I’m here,” he kept saying, but she shook her head and pushed his hands away when he tried to soothe her.
“My brother is coming,” she insisted, ignoring Simon’s efforts to tell her that he was here, her brother was here. “He’s coming for us, Simon. I’ve been looking so hard and I finally found him and I called him and he’s coming.”
“Just a thought,” Spike said from the doorway, “but I don’t think she’s talking about you, Doc.”
“Well,” Mal said. “That’s a bit of a turnaround. Got any other siblings you forgot to mention?”
“No,” Simon said, bewildered. “My mother was unable to have children after River, though they’d wanted one more.”
“So who’s she babbling about?” Jayne said. “And can you make her shut up? Girl’s givin’ me a gorram headache.”
“You don’t need to be here, then,” Mal said with steel in his voice, and Jayne left the room, muttering to himself. “He did kinda ask the question, though,” the captain added, turning back to Simon. “If she’s not talking about you and you don’t have another brother hidden somewhere, then who the hell is she talking about?”
“Little brother,” River said. “Two by two, hands of blue. But they couldn’t hurt the golden boy, couldn’t figure out what made him tick. Little brother ran when River did, and now he’s free as a bird. And now the golden boy is coming, and we’re going to be a family again, Simon. Just like we always wanted. It will all be alright when little brother is here.”
“Golden boy?” Spike echoed. “River, was that what you meant when you said-“
“Not that golden boy, silly,” she said, sounding for the moment quite lucid. “Little brother is golden on the inside, like you.” Then, to Xander, as if in answer though he’d said nothing, “I didn’t mean it that way. You know it’s more than skin deep.”
“I know,” Xander said. He rubbed one hand over his bare chest, where his skin was tanned and gleaming. “But thanks for saying it.”
She looked up at Simon, all seriousness. “I think I’d like to rest now. Have to be ready for little brother’s birthday party.”
Simon just nodded as if this made sense and scooped her up in his arms. Mal laid one hand on his shoulder, stopping him as he passed by.
“River,” Mal said. “When is his birthday?”
“Day after tomorrow,” she said cheerfully, and wriggled out of Simon’s arms, running down the hall to her room while everyone in the galley went quiet.
“Day after tomorrow?” Spike said finally, voicing what they were all thinking. “But that’s the day of the gorram job!”
Angel, following Simon as the man chased after River, couldn’t help but think- I was right. Cursed, from start to finish.
tbc.
Translations:
húndàn- asshole/bastard
shizi- louse
bù kê néng!- no way!
dong ma?- understand?
hâo deokay/will do!
meimei- little sister