June 8, 2008: Helplessness (part 1)
It all went wrong so quickly.
One moment we were fine and saying hello to everyone and the next, Keri pulled out her gun and shot the woman who walked into the room. I knew she didn’t know what she was doing. I knew instantly that Cameron was to blame. But the first thought in my head was, ‘Oh Lakshmi, no. Not now.’ I jumped in front of her…and was immediate covered with blood. Hollywood’s bodyguard Mirror held a smoking gun as she approached Keri's wounded body.
"If she draws a gun again, kill her." Hollywood commanded his bodyguard Mirror.
What?
“What!?” I yelled…but was immediately distracted by a hundred and one things going on, the most important of which was Keri pulling another side arm and shooting the innocent woman again.
I’ve never felt so useless.
I was supposed to be helping Keri, teaching her how to let go of the violence and to reclaim her Wisdom. Instead, I’ve somehow managed to forget that Guardians will have their way. I didn’t think to look for subliminal triggers. Of course she’d shoot at the first stranger who approaches the gathering. Trip said that it felt like all strangers were Seers. And with Cameron’s ‘shoot all Seers on sight’ command… disaster.
After what happened with her and Aubrey? Watching her sob and shudder under the weight of her actions, it broke my heart. I’d promised her a long time ago that I wouldn’t let her be used like this and I failed to keep that promise. I did what I could for her at the moment. I used an ability of mine I rarely used to make her see everything with perfect clarity. To show her her fullest potential and to show her that she can be healed and she can be helped.
She also asked me if I could make it as if her Awakening had never happened. I told her I couldn’t.
But Hollywood said something different.
He’s going to change her Destiny. I’m not sure of how I feel about that. But when I see the pain Keri is in and when I watch her beg for help...
When I see what has been done to make Keri into a weapon, I can’t even see straight.
I hate the idea of doing something so enormous as to change who and what she is. Yet, if she continues as she’s doing now..she can’t be helped.
I hope she comes to understand what she has asked for and that she won’t hate us for this.
I've failed her too many times already.
One moment we were fine and saying hello to everyone and the next, Keri pulled out her gun and shot the woman who walked into the room. I knew she didn’t know what she was doing. I knew instantly that Cameron was to blame. But the first thought in my head was, ‘Oh Lakshmi, no. Not now.’ I jumped in front of her…and was immediate covered with blood. Hollywood’s bodyguard Mirror held a smoking gun as she approached Keri's wounded body.
"If she draws a gun again, kill her." Hollywood commanded his bodyguard Mirror.
What?
“What!?” I yelled…but was immediately distracted by a hundred and one things going on, the most important of which was Keri pulling another side arm and shooting the innocent woman again.
I’ve never felt so useless.
I was supposed to be helping Keri, teaching her how to let go of the violence and to reclaim her Wisdom. Instead, I’ve somehow managed to forget that Guardians will have their way. I didn’t think to look for subliminal triggers. Of course she’d shoot at the first stranger who approaches the gathering. Trip said that it felt like all strangers were Seers. And with Cameron’s ‘shoot all Seers on sight’ command… disaster.
After what happened with her and Aubrey? Watching her sob and shudder under the weight of her actions, it broke my heart. I’d promised her a long time ago that I wouldn’t let her be used like this and I failed to keep that promise. I did what I could for her at the moment. I used an ability of mine I rarely used to make her see everything with perfect clarity. To show her her fullest potential and to show her that she can be healed and she can be helped.
She also asked me if I could make it as if her Awakening had never happened. I told her I couldn’t.
But Hollywood said something different.
He’s going to change her Destiny. I’m not sure of how I feel about that. But when I see the pain Keri is in and when I watch her beg for help...
When I see what has been done to make Keri into a weapon, I can’t even see straight.
I hate the idea of doing something so enormous as to change who and what she is. Yet, if she continues as she’s doing now..she can’t be helped.
I hope she comes to understand what she has asked for and that she won’t hate us for this.
I've failed her too many times already.