On the High Seas
"I have to post something in my journal," I thought aloud.
"For there may be someone, somewhere, who has need of my ever-deepening Wells of Wisdom - those wells, with their Waters of Articulation, so clear and pristine, fed from the abundant Underground Spring of Experience, which is in turn supplied by the all-important Water Table of Knowledge, except in August and September, which is the dry season. That is when water is hauled in from the Stream of Pointless Quotations."
Here are my ten thoughts for the week as September comes to a close. Needless to say you will all leave here very thirsty.
1. "Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t." - Mark Twain
2. Is it just me, or is there an increasing glut of moron drivers? (Or maybe just an increasing glut of morons?) On no less than two occasions this week, I've been passed on a very sharp curve on a stretch of road where there's about 100 feet of visibility, all while traveling about 50 in a 45-mile per hour zone. I would get into people who drive without their lights in the rainstorms, but nobody wants to hear me rant about that either.
3. I think one of the more difficult occupations you'll find is being an athletics coach.
4. "The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates." - Dave Barry
5. People who incessantly whine about the price of gasoline really jangle me. Most of them talk as though it was free before, pausing long enough fill up and pay the bill, then continue to whine. Do the rest of us a favor and give your vocal chords a rest. There are two basic classes of people - those who'll cut back on vehicular travel and those who won't. I don't care either way.
6. "Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing." - Robert Benchley
7. "Question: What is badminton?
Answer: Badminton is a game of skill and cunning. In order to play badminton, you need a net, two rackets (or racquets, if you play at a country club), a shuttlecock, lots of powdered sugar or other like substance to draw the lines on the court, and one or more witless unsuspecting opponents. The object of the game is to strike the shuttlecock with the racket with such force that it lodges itself in your witless opponent's eye socket. Or near as I can tell at least."
8. "There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt." - Mark Twain
9. "War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull." - Mark Twain
10. I think Samuel Langhorne Clemens is one of the finer individuals who has ever lived. Take your ancient philosophers and your classic novelists and today's pundits and put them together, and what you'll come up with, I think, is an ugly fellow who doesn't write or think or do much of anything better than Mark Twain.
"For there may be someone, somewhere, who has need of my ever-deepening Wells of Wisdom - those wells, with their Waters of Articulation, so clear and pristine, fed from the abundant Underground Spring of Experience, which is in turn supplied by the all-important Water Table of Knowledge, except in August and September, which is the dry season. That is when water is hauled in from the Stream of Pointless Quotations."
Here are my ten thoughts for the week as September comes to a close. Needless to say you will all leave here very thirsty.
1. "Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t." - Mark Twain
2. Is it just me, or is there an increasing glut of moron drivers? (Or maybe just an increasing glut of morons?) On no less than two occasions this week, I've been passed on a very sharp curve on a stretch of road where there's about 100 feet of visibility, all while traveling about 50 in a 45-mile per hour zone. I would get into people who drive without their lights in the rainstorms, but nobody wants to hear me rant about that either.
3. I think one of the more difficult occupations you'll find is being an athletics coach.
4. "The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates." - Dave Barry
5. People who incessantly whine about the price of gasoline really jangle me. Most of them talk as though it was free before, pausing long enough fill up and pay the bill, then continue to whine. Do the rest of us a favor and give your vocal chords a rest. There are two basic classes of people - those who'll cut back on vehicular travel and those who won't. I don't care either way.
6. "Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing." - Robert Benchley
7. "Question: What is badminton?
Answer: Badminton is a game of skill and cunning. In order to play badminton, you need a net, two rackets (or racquets, if you play at a country club), a shuttlecock, lots of powdered sugar or other like substance to draw the lines on the court, and one or more witless unsuspecting opponents. The object of the game is to strike the shuttlecock with the racket with such force that it lodges itself in your witless opponent's eye socket. Or near as I can tell at least."
8. "There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt." - Mark Twain
9. "War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull." - Mark Twain
10. I think Samuel Langhorne Clemens is one of the finer individuals who has ever lived. Take your ancient philosophers and your classic novelists and today's pundits and put them together, and what you'll come up with, I think, is an ugly fellow who doesn't write or think or do much of anything better than Mark Twain.