Voldemort Interviewed
Mike Wallis: Good evening, tonight we have with us a very special person, known to you most likely from the books written by J.K. Rowling. This is, of course, Voldemort-also known as He-Who-Must-Not be named. Due to his power, he has been able to separate various stages of his life into human forms so that we may better interview him.
(Child Volde (Tom), At Hogwarts Volde (Tom), Gathering Power Volde, Pinacle of Power Volde, and Post-Harry Potter Volde all say hi.)
Mike: Why don’t we start with Voldemort while at Hogwarts? Tell us about your family.
Hog.Vold: Well, I was born to a magical mother, and a filthy human father. That was disappointing. Would have been nice to have been completely magical. Just imagine how powerful I could have been!
Mike: You were quite powerful!
Hog. Vold: I hear that people are still scared to say my name, for 15 years after my reign? I go by He-Who-Must-Not-Be named! Or, you know who!
Mike: But, you were orphaned, weren’t you?
Hog. Vold: Yes, now that you ask, until about 11 I was raised at an orphanage.
Mike: And, once you came to Hogwarts, what was it like for you? Did you have a hard time adjusting?
Hog. Vold: Certainly not. I fit in readily, and was one of the best students ever at Hogwarts. I valued every bit of my education, because through it I learned the secrets that led to my success.
Mike: What do you mean?
Hog. Vold: Well, when you are the best student, teachers are often fond of you…and they tell you things that they normally wouldn’t tell to everyone, famous spells, new charms…and the like.
Mike: So, you used the teachers as a tool for your own gain?
Hog. Vold: Of course. Everyone is a tool.
Mike: So, (to Child Voldemort) what was the changing point in your life? I mean, what set you on the track to becoming Voldemort?
Child.Vold: It was when Dumbledore came to visit me and told me I was a wizard. I knew I was always a special kid, and had powers-but I didn’t really believe in magic that much. But somehow, I just knew he was right. After I went to Hogwarts, my power grew, and I knew I couldn’t be satisfied.
Mike: And you weren’t satisfied, were you? (To gathering power vold)
Gather.Volde: No, I decided to create myself. I used to be Tom Riddle before, but I recreated myself into the Great Lord Voldemort. I spent a lot of my time becoming more powerful, learning new spells, potions-it became a hobby of mine, practically. Also, I took up badminton.
Mike: Badmintons?
Gather.Volde: (threatening) Yes, you got a problem with that?
Mike: N-no not at all. Anyways! (focusing on pinnacle of power Volde) how did you manage to rise so quickly? I mean, what was your key to success?
Pinacle.Volde: As for being successful, lackies are the key. I mean, certainly I would kill innocent people at the drop of a hat, but it is so much more convenient to have others do it for you?
Hogwarts.Volde: As they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. My key to success before that Harry punky Potter ruined it all, was that I knew my enemy’s weak point. I have studied my targets, and practiced patience. Patience is key to everything.
Mike: But, you did have a lot of followers, didn’t you? You couldn’t single-handedly controlled all of them? Or could you?
Pinacle. Volde: Actually, I developed a system using “Death Marks” which, for you humans, were like tattoos that filled your body with pain everytime I wanted to see you. If you did not come, the pain became worse-people have a tendency not to enjoy pain…so they came promptly.
Mike: But…with so many followers, don’t you think they would have rebelled?
Gathering. Power: No, I made sure fear kept them in line from the beginning when I first began to gather my power.
Mike: To (post Harry Volde) But what about Harry? What happened with the Potters? When you attacked them, you were ruined and fell from power.
Post-Vold: Temporarily of course. I have every intention of returning to power.
Mike: Of course.
Post-Vold: But, as for the Potters, I didn’t expect the spell to backfire and destroy me. It was unfortunate, and a blind spot of my logic at the time. I accept that, and will be more careful in the future.
Mike: Careful as in how? Do you care to elaborate?
Post-Vold: I can’t say too much, because you never know what Wizard might be watching Muggle television, but I put in one of my very best men at Hogwarts to ensure that we have access to the enemy. This will expedited my return to power by all means.
Mike: Very very interesting! And after the commercial break, we shall hear the entire story from Albus Dumbledore’s point of view. Stay with us, when 60 minutes return.
(Child Volde (Tom), At Hogwarts Volde (Tom), Gathering Power Volde, Pinacle of Power Volde, and Post-Harry Potter Volde all say hi.)
Mike: Why don’t we start with Voldemort while at Hogwarts? Tell us about your family.
Hog.Vold: Well, I was born to a magical mother, and a filthy human father. That was disappointing. Would have been nice to have been completely magical. Just imagine how powerful I could have been!
Mike: You were quite powerful!
Hog. Vold: I hear that people are still scared to say my name, for 15 years after my reign? I go by He-Who-Must-Not-Be named! Or, you know who!
Mike: But, you were orphaned, weren’t you?
Hog. Vold: Yes, now that you ask, until about 11 I was raised at an orphanage.
Mike: And, once you came to Hogwarts, what was it like for you? Did you have a hard time adjusting?
Hog. Vold: Certainly not. I fit in readily, and was one of the best students ever at Hogwarts. I valued every bit of my education, because through it I learned the secrets that led to my success.
Mike: What do you mean?
Hog. Vold: Well, when you are the best student, teachers are often fond of you…and they tell you things that they normally wouldn’t tell to everyone, famous spells, new charms…and the like.
Mike: So, you used the teachers as a tool for your own gain?
Hog. Vold: Of course. Everyone is a tool.
Mike: So, (to Child Voldemort) what was the changing point in your life? I mean, what set you on the track to becoming Voldemort?
Child.Vold: It was when Dumbledore came to visit me and told me I was a wizard. I knew I was always a special kid, and had powers-but I didn’t really believe in magic that much. But somehow, I just knew he was right. After I went to Hogwarts, my power grew, and I knew I couldn’t be satisfied.
Mike: And you weren’t satisfied, were you? (To gathering power vold)
Gather.Volde: No, I decided to create myself. I used to be Tom Riddle before, but I recreated myself into the Great Lord Voldemort. I spent a lot of my time becoming more powerful, learning new spells, potions-it became a hobby of mine, practically. Also, I took up badminton.
Mike: Badmintons?
Gather.Volde: (threatening) Yes, you got a problem with that?
Mike: N-no not at all. Anyways! (focusing on pinnacle of power Volde) how did you manage to rise so quickly? I mean, what was your key to success?
Pinacle.Volde: As for being successful, lackies are the key. I mean, certainly I would kill innocent people at the drop of a hat, but it is so much more convenient to have others do it for you?
Hogwarts.Volde: As they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. My key to success before that Harry punky Potter ruined it all, was that I knew my enemy’s weak point. I have studied my targets, and practiced patience. Patience is key to everything.
Mike: But, you did have a lot of followers, didn’t you? You couldn’t single-handedly controlled all of them? Or could you?
Pinacle. Volde: Actually, I developed a system using “Death Marks” which, for you humans, were like tattoos that filled your body with pain everytime I wanted to see you. If you did not come, the pain became worse-people have a tendency not to enjoy pain…so they came promptly.
Mike: But…with so many followers, don’t you think they would have rebelled?
Gathering. Power: No, I made sure fear kept them in line from the beginning when I first began to gather my power.
Mike: To (post Harry Volde) But what about Harry? What happened with the Potters? When you attacked them, you were ruined and fell from power.
Post-Vold: Temporarily of course. I have every intention of returning to power.
Mike: Of course.
Post-Vold: But, as for the Potters, I didn’t expect the spell to backfire and destroy me. It was unfortunate, and a blind spot of my logic at the time. I accept that, and will be more careful in the future.
Mike: Careful as in how? Do you care to elaborate?
Post-Vold: I can’t say too much, because you never know what Wizard might be watching Muggle television, but I put in one of my very best men at Hogwarts to ensure that we have access to the enemy. This will expedited my return to power by all means.
Mike: Very very interesting! And after the commercial break, we shall hear the entire story from Albus Dumbledore’s point of view. Stay with us, when 60 minutes return.