Drink to love while we wait for high tide...
I went to the Rapids Water Park in West Palm Beach today with Jacob and Shabaz. It was awesome. The "Pirate's Plunge" slide they have is real violent, fast, and dark. I imagine that may be what it's like to die. It was really fun though. We left around 2:30, and after I'd dropped them both off is when that really violent storm came into Broward. It was scary shit. I'm terrified of lightning, especially the idea of being hit by it. I did feel safe in my car and enjoyed driving in all that rain, I wish I could've just sat in my car and taken it all in but then my family would've thought I was depressed or some shit.
I took Leonidas to this A/C repair shop here by my sister's place and the owner took a look at him and saw that I needed to replace my Compressor and Dryer for my A/C and that with all of the labor included would cost me 700 bucks. Needless to say, that is a shitload of money that I do not have and will not have for a while, so I'm fucked in that department.
I saw the movie Fearless with Jeff Bridges today. It's about a man who survives a plane crash and believes that he has "died" and is invincible in a way. It's got Rosie Perez, which annoyed me. It got me thinkin' about the whole death thing again, but I suppose in a more positive way.
I never really seriously thought about dying until my senior year of high school. When Hurricane Wilma passed by here (I think it was Wilma) and we were without power for about 2-3 weeks is when I had so much free time on my hands that I had nothing to do but think.
I became really depressed about the whole thing. The idea of being alone no matter what you do when you die. The fear of leading a meaningless life, failing in my youth, and becoming a wage slave terrified me. My mother has (in my eyes) sacrificed her own life with the hope of trying to push my siblings and I ahead and to better things, regardless of the direction we take.
Thinking about death lead me to contemplate religion and the afterlife and whether or not there is one. I ended up sort of coming to terms with the idea of all of us being a part of the Universe and returning to that sort of "life" once we leave our human shells.
During my first semester at UCF last summer I took a World Religions course and learned about a majority of the religions and I sort of began to pick out certain ideas and beliefs and acquire them for my own sense of peace. What ensued was my getting the Aum symbol tattooed on my right wrist, it loosely means to be one with Brahman(the Universe) and at Peace. I can give you a more literal meaning but that would take away from what it means to me, and delve more into the actual Hindu religion.
A couple of weeks ago when I was in Orlando visiting Bianca, she invited me to see a spoken-word poet in her Women's Studies class. I went and the performer, Christa Bell, was amazingly funny and blunt. Her view of her own life, her mission in it, and her spiritual beliefs reassured me in my own pursuit to become one with everything.
Lately the idea of dying itself rather than what happens afterwards is what has scared me. I read that the brain lives for another ten minutes once the rest of the body has shut down, and assuming that I die a boring and natural death, those 10 minutes frighten me. Knowing that at any moment all of existence will slip away from me is terrifying. I guess I just don't really want to sit and wait for death.
This needless rant has actually helped me feel a bit better about this all.
Fair to Midland finally came out with their new album. I'd been waiting for the damn thing since March, and it's great.
I've broken a couple of barriers within the past couple of days and it's made me real happy.
I'm going to Orlando next week and on the 30th I'm going to North Carolina to visit my family for a couple of weeks, then Orlando again in late July. I can't wait. I think I've said this before.
I'm real anxious about the next semester, mostly because of the money. I would really like to avoid taking out a massive loan but I might have to. Fuck.
I took Leonidas to this A/C repair shop here by my sister's place and the owner took a look at him and saw that I needed to replace my Compressor and Dryer for my A/C and that with all of the labor included would cost me 700 bucks. Needless to say, that is a shitload of money that I do not have and will not have for a while, so I'm fucked in that department.
I saw the movie Fearless with Jeff Bridges today. It's about a man who survives a plane crash and believes that he has "died" and is invincible in a way. It's got Rosie Perez, which annoyed me. It got me thinkin' about the whole death thing again, but I suppose in a more positive way.
I never really seriously thought about dying until my senior year of high school. When Hurricane Wilma passed by here (I think it was Wilma) and we were without power for about 2-3 weeks is when I had so much free time on my hands that I had nothing to do but think.
I became really depressed about the whole thing. The idea of being alone no matter what you do when you die. The fear of leading a meaningless life, failing in my youth, and becoming a wage slave terrified me. My mother has (in my eyes) sacrificed her own life with the hope of trying to push my siblings and I ahead and to better things, regardless of the direction we take.
Thinking about death lead me to contemplate religion and the afterlife and whether or not there is one. I ended up sort of coming to terms with the idea of all of us being a part of the Universe and returning to that sort of "life" once we leave our human shells.
During my first semester at UCF last summer I took a World Religions course and learned about a majority of the religions and I sort of began to pick out certain ideas and beliefs and acquire them for my own sense of peace. What ensued was my getting the Aum symbol tattooed on my right wrist, it loosely means to be one with Brahman(the Universe) and at Peace. I can give you a more literal meaning but that would take away from what it means to me, and delve more into the actual Hindu religion.
A couple of weeks ago when I was in Orlando visiting Bianca, she invited me to see a spoken-word poet in her Women's Studies class. I went and the performer, Christa Bell, was amazingly funny and blunt. Her view of her own life, her mission in it, and her spiritual beliefs reassured me in my own pursuit to become one with everything.
Lately the idea of dying itself rather than what happens afterwards is what has scared me. I read that the brain lives for another ten minutes once the rest of the body has shut down, and assuming that I die a boring and natural death, those 10 minutes frighten me. Knowing that at any moment all of existence will slip away from me is terrifying. I guess I just don't really want to sit and wait for death.
This needless rant has actually helped me feel a bit better about this all.
Fair to Midland finally came out with their new album. I'd been waiting for the damn thing since March, and it's great.
I've broken a couple of barriers within the past couple of days and it's made me real happy.
I'm going to Orlando next week and on the 30th I'm going to North Carolina to visit my family for a couple of weeks, then Orlando again in late July. I can't wait. I think I've said this before.
I'm real anxious about the next semester, mostly because of the money. I would really like to avoid taking out a massive loan but I might have to. Fuck.