(no subject)
So I stayed in on a night when I probably should have gone out. Isolating myself is probably the worst thing for me right now. I know that yet why am I powerless to prevent it at times? I've come to terms with the fact that many of my friends are no longer there for me for various reasons. Yes this absolutely sucks having to go out and find a whole new group of friends after I thought I had established some good ones. There are about 6 people I can turn to right now and 3 of them are in other parts of the country. I'm just so fucking scared that I'll go into hibernation/depression mode like I did second semester of freshmen year and lock myself away for 4 months. I dunno anymore. I think I have everything figured out and then it just seems like nothing ever pans out. I just want to be happy again and find the part of me that isn't putting on a defensive mask constantly. It’s scary to think that I haven’t been that person in a very long time.