Changes
So Dad is getting married.
And I'm trying to be okay with this, but that devil Anxiety has risen with the new situation and has me firmly in its teeth.
A little needed background...
~*~
12 years ago my parents hired a housekeeper, Edna, to help around the house, since Mom was in a wheelchair with her MS, and unable to do basic chores. Dad was caring for Mom full time, and he didn't have the time or energy to keep up either.
Edna would come over once or twice a week to do the dishes, laundry, clean the bathrooms, do the dishes, and anything else that was needed. Sometimes she would bring her grandchildren over, and Mom...who loved babies, would watch them in their playpen.
Then 8 years ago we lost Mom. But Dad kept Edna on because she needed the work, and he'd lost his purpose to live and the last thing he cared about was dishes or clean clothing. She helped him after his heart attack several years ago.
So I've known Edna for a long time. Sometimes she'd call me if she couldn't get Dad to answer the door (always in a panic), or if she thought something needed fixing.
~*~
6 weeks ago I called Dad for our weekly chat and he told me that he and Edna were, "Living in sin" (you have to know my Dad's sense of humor on this) and that she was spending 2 or 3 nights a week at his place. Initially, although surprised, I was happy for him. He needed companionship...more than I was providing, and if she made him happy, then I was all for it.
Then things started speeding up.
Really fast.
It went from 2-3 nights a week to, "We're buying a bigger bed" to "Edna's redoing the Master bedroom" to, "We want to get married, ASAP".
In 6 weeks.
~*~
Now, I'm not bothered by her redoing the master bedroom. Mom passed in that room, and Dad never spent more than half an hour in it since her passing. Within a week of her passing, Dad was getting rid of her clothing, their bedroom suite, anything that had to do with my Mother, he was purging.
At the time I was told that sometimes, that's how people grieve. And Mom passed 8 years ago...if Dad's okay with sleeping in the Master bedroom, redecorated, then I'm happy for him. My brother Chris does not feel the same way. In his eyes, that's Mom's room, Mom's house.
And I don't really believe she's out to get his money, for one thing...it took 8 years for them to get together. She could have moved in on him a lot faster. Secondly, all the money he's spending has gone into home improvements, that were needed. He's given her what he calls a "nest egg" to buy things, but otherwise, all the money they are spending is to replace broken furniture, new paint, repairing the toilet, etc...
He supposedly told Edna that the new paint and all the redecorating have made him feel like he's being released from a prison he's been in for 8 years. That may be the most emotion I've heard from him in YEARS.
~*~
Here's the hard part, and if you've stuck with me this long, kudos to you.
Dad, in his smitten, head-over-heels, self bought her a gift. A silver teapot. With their names engraved on it, and room for a wedding date.
When he married my Mother, he bought her the very same gift. I tried to not let this bother me (it infuriated my brother) but God help me...it bothers me. To the point that I am sobbing tears, just thinking about it.
Dad wants to get a wedding set and give her the engagement ring, and then do the Justice of the Peace thing ASAP. He'd do it today if he could, I think. And I am very much, "WHOOOOOAAAAAA....what's the rush?!?!?!".
6 weeks...we've gone from friends with bennies to going to the chapel in 6 weeks.
~*~
I told my brother about this relationship and its Warp Speed procession. So the other day, Chris dropped in to meet Edna (I don't think he's ever met her before), and get the lay of the land, so to speak. Edna took to Chris's wife right away and showed her around the house, at all the improvements they've been making.
But she never spoke to Chris. Not even a "Hello". And my 14-year-old niece was there, and Edna completely ignored her. Dad's met Edna's kids and grandkids, and all is peachy keen there. But not so much on our side of the family.
I'm trying to give her some grace...maybe she's nervous to speak to my brother. Maybe she's not feeling 100% in her new position, and she doesn't know how to approach him.
But...acknowledge him. Do *SOMETHING*...
When I talked to Dad, after Chris's visit, he was excited that, "they'd passed the test". Oh, if he only knew how badly they did NOT pass that test...
~*~
And there are things I need to know...
Dad had very specific funeral plans. And as much as I don't want to think of end-of-life plans, once he marries her, she's Next of Kin, and our plan to follow his directives potentially goes out the window.
And then there's the matter of the Will and his assets. Is he going to change it? If so, how much? I know this may make me sound like a horrid person, worrying about money and assets, but if it does, then I am a horrible person.
~*~
Chris and I want to take Dad and Edna out to lunch on the 9th and talk about this wedding, and our concerns. But Chris is currently pretty pissed, Dad's going to feel attacked, Edna is an unknown quantity, so I have to be the grownup.
Saturday night I was awake all night. Despite a hefty dose of my sleeping pills, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how much my life is going to change.
I don't deal well with huge changes.
Fast, huge changes.
The World's Greatest Headshrinker is going to earn her money this next couple of weeks.
And I'm trying to be okay with this, but that devil Anxiety has risen with the new situation and has me firmly in its teeth.
A little needed background...
~*~
12 years ago my parents hired a housekeeper, Edna, to help around the house, since Mom was in a wheelchair with her MS, and unable to do basic chores. Dad was caring for Mom full time, and he didn't have the time or energy to keep up either.
Edna would come over once or twice a week to do the dishes, laundry, clean the bathrooms, do the dishes, and anything else that was needed. Sometimes she would bring her grandchildren over, and Mom...who loved babies, would watch them in their playpen.
Then 8 years ago we lost Mom. But Dad kept Edna on because she needed the work, and he'd lost his purpose to live and the last thing he cared about was dishes or clean clothing. She helped him after his heart attack several years ago.
So I've known Edna for a long time. Sometimes she'd call me if she couldn't get Dad to answer the door (always in a panic), or if she thought something needed fixing.
~*~
6 weeks ago I called Dad for our weekly chat and he told me that he and Edna were, "Living in sin" (you have to know my Dad's sense of humor on this) and that she was spending 2 or 3 nights a week at his place. Initially, although surprised, I was happy for him. He needed companionship...more than I was providing, and if she made him happy, then I was all for it.
Then things started speeding up.
Really fast.
It went from 2-3 nights a week to, "We're buying a bigger bed" to "Edna's redoing the Master bedroom" to, "We want to get married, ASAP".
In 6 weeks.
~*~
Now, I'm not bothered by her redoing the master bedroom. Mom passed in that room, and Dad never spent more than half an hour in it since her passing. Within a week of her passing, Dad was getting rid of her clothing, their bedroom suite, anything that had to do with my Mother, he was purging.
At the time I was told that sometimes, that's how people grieve. And Mom passed 8 years ago...if Dad's okay with sleeping in the Master bedroom, redecorated, then I'm happy for him. My brother Chris does not feel the same way. In his eyes, that's Mom's room, Mom's house.
And I don't really believe she's out to get his money, for one thing...it took 8 years for them to get together. She could have moved in on him a lot faster. Secondly, all the money he's spending has gone into home improvements, that were needed. He's given her what he calls a "nest egg" to buy things, but otherwise, all the money they are spending is to replace broken furniture, new paint, repairing the toilet, etc...
He supposedly told Edna that the new paint and all the redecorating have made him feel like he's being released from a prison he's been in for 8 years. That may be the most emotion I've heard from him in YEARS.
~*~
Here's the hard part, and if you've stuck with me this long, kudos to you.
Dad, in his smitten, head-over-heels, self bought her a gift. A silver teapot. With their names engraved on it, and room for a wedding date.
When he married my Mother, he bought her the very same gift. I tried to not let this bother me (it infuriated my brother) but God help me...it bothers me. To the point that I am sobbing tears, just thinking about it.
Dad wants to get a wedding set and give her the engagement ring, and then do the Justice of the Peace thing ASAP. He'd do it today if he could, I think. And I am very much, "WHOOOOOAAAAAA....what's the rush?!?!?!".
6 weeks...we've gone from friends with bennies to going to the chapel in 6 weeks.
~*~
I told my brother about this relationship and its Warp Speed procession. So the other day, Chris dropped in to meet Edna (I don't think he's ever met her before), and get the lay of the land, so to speak. Edna took to Chris's wife right away and showed her around the house, at all the improvements they've been making.
But she never spoke to Chris. Not even a "Hello". And my 14-year-old niece was there, and Edna completely ignored her. Dad's met Edna's kids and grandkids, and all is peachy keen there. But not so much on our side of the family.
I'm trying to give her some grace...maybe she's nervous to speak to my brother. Maybe she's not feeling 100% in her new position, and she doesn't know how to approach him.
But...acknowledge him. Do *SOMETHING*...
When I talked to Dad, after Chris's visit, he was excited that, "they'd passed the test". Oh, if he only knew how badly they did NOT pass that test...
~*~
And there are things I need to know...
Dad had very specific funeral plans. And as much as I don't want to think of end-of-life plans, once he marries her, she's Next of Kin, and our plan to follow his directives potentially goes out the window.
And then there's the matter of the Will and his assets. Is he going to change it? If so, how much? I know this may make me sound like a horrid person, worrying about money and assets, but if it does, then I am a horrible person.
~*~
Chris and I want to take Dad and Edna out to lunch on the 9th and talk about this wedding, and our concerns. But Chris is currently pretty pissed, Dad's going to feel attacked, Edna is an unknown quantity, so I have to be the grownup.
Saturday night I was awake all night. Despite a hefty dose of my sleeping pills, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how much my life is going to change.
I don't deal well with huge changes.
Fast, huge changes.
The World's Greatest Headshrinker is going to earn her money this next couple of weeks.