Journal #8- Is It Any Wonder That i Found You?

Oct 03, 2004 22:17

"the opium of blame, is your broken heart." smoke em up, Johnny. smoke my body dry. like deer venison, raped and murdered. he's the one for me, he's all i really need. intoxicated, with the badness, i'm in love with my sadness. enchanted kingdoms. still wet and pure.

you know, i was thinking, and i realized that i don't want to credit you. i don't like you. and you lied.

people lie to each other to justify their own fucked up hearts in this fucked up world. they blame themselves for wanting more. people lie a lot. is it any wonder i can't sleep? you lied.

it's not enough. i don't have any unfathomable thoughts for you now, this moment number one, at approximately 10:21 central time on the evening of October 3rd, 2004. you pathetic littler suckers. did anyone notice how these liverjournal 'emotion' choices are so extreme, so definitive, so lame? so constricting, like a fucking wool sweater or a deadline on a school paper about Nazis. no, i have no thoughts to tantalize you, no extra extra hot sauce, sweet and sour, a fortune cookie revolution birthed on a mundane typewriter. you're all little sucker fish, attached to sheath of glass menagerie. suck it, don't bite it, you amatuers. swallow hard the pain and maybe then your intestines, your fucking lower intestine with all the shit you've been eating and living and swimming and breathing in, along with your greasy fishfood flakes sprinkled from above, along with algae and God knows what else. swallow it down and your insides bleed beauty like a flower in fall, ready to die. bubble filter. clogged like a teenage pore, fat man's artery. mirror image. 3-D dimensia. slammed fists against the glass. chinese water torture. murky depth. and a plastic mermaid with perfect tits. a sign that says 'welcome.' and a fake treasure chest.

i love fish tanks. i hate animal cruelty. i am in love, and my body's burning. but i'm still waiting for life to get better.

"i bleed, enough. i was. i want, too much."

and what the hell do you want?
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