Im an outsider. Says my Step Father.
Christ what a day. So badly I have a headace the size of Texas from crying so much. Wow life is really hell. See, Theres no such thing as hell, Its not below the earth. Where all on it. Envy, Greed, Lust, Its all here. We dont have to go far to hear someone was shot, someone was killed raped, Lied to. No its all here. So much that it sucks. Sometimes I wonder, " Is it worth it all? Is it worth the time and effort? Should I stay on this plant and breath the air thats killing my mind and heart?" I hate it here. So much I cry myself to sleep. Singing songs of sorrow. Im a girl a teenager, and im mature beyond my years, I have seen people cry, death, pain, everything bad. I have seen it with my Green eyes. I hang with people who cut themselfs to relive pain. I dont do it. I just.. Write. I write poems to cradle my fragile heart. I do it to relase my pain, anxity my hellish mind clouding my heart.
Today I came home. I could feel the tenison in the air. It was simple to feel then to grasps whats going on. My poor friend Amber was there and also the two other childern I watch after school. I hate it when they see me cry. I feel weak infron of them, when there looking fro a strong person to be with. I love those childern, They are my Strength when I feel weak. I will protect them where ever I go.
So my mum comes to me and says we need to talk after my Step dad leaves from work. Well.. lets just say what happend was not good, My poor ducklings heard everthing. From the argument, to me crying to myself.
I hated it.
I get on Yahoo, after the fight and I call my Step mum to tell her what happend. She comes on Yahoo and I told her what happend.
My I remind you , My dad was there to fix the furnitrue at her office, so he was also there to help.
It switches from person to person.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:24:42 PM): raCH IM HERE
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:24:45 PM): MUM
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:24:53 PM): Im crying hard...
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:25:00 PM): whats wrong?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:25:35 PM): babe?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:25:51 PM): My Mum was pist when I got home, And She took me and my Friend in her room. And She startedt to yell at me and Amber.. And Now Bob is coming home.. And.. I really dont want to be here...
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:26:18 PM): do u want dad to come/
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:26:35 PM): I dont know..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:26:42 PM): Mum put Amber in to this!
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:26:57 PM): what was ur mom saying?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:27:31 PM): Saying stuff, Like "Your going to stay here weather you want to be here or not. And Amber has a right to go to Vacation." HES HOME
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:27:36 PM): AAAAAA H SHIT
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:27:43 PM): Fuck~!
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:28:16 PM): Hold on
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:28:19 PM): Shit
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:29:33 PM): It was just the kids bening picked up..
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:30:07 PM): bob is coming home early from work?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:30:29 PM): Yes.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:31:15 PM): Its going to be a long night
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:31:19 PM): brb k
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:31:27 PM): Alright..
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:33:32 PM): rachel hol on
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:33:36 PM): k.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:33:37 PM): hold
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:35:32 PM): HES HERE
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:35:33 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAA
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:35:38 PM): im back
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:35:43 PM): Hes home.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:35:46 PM): Shit.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:35:47 PM): Shit
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:35:48 PM): Shit
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:36:01 PM): stay on and breathe
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:37:12 PM): stay on and breathe?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:37:21 PM): whats going on?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:37:34 PM): amber said hes staying here to talk about Florida.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:37:43 PM): I highly doubt hes skipping for that.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:38:05 PM): right
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:38:34 PM): Now i can only wait until Amber leaves..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:39:05 PM): And her Mum is here. -.-
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:39:53 PM): rach stay on
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:40:39 PM): tell me exactly what happened?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:42:04 PM): rach
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:43:20 PM): When Amber leaves.. I dont know
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:43:29 PM): OKay. First off.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:43:40 PM): I came home, and I could feel the Tesion in the air.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:44:26 PM): Bob Didnt look at me, Mum was giving me a dirty look. And I just ignored it. Well when Bob leaves Mum says "I had a bad day." So I just say oh okay.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:45:32 PM): She calls Amber and ME into the other room. And says "I guess you hate it here becouse of whats going on with the court case." I just look at amber and close my eyes " I told her Amber does not to be in this conversation. "Well I bought the plane Ticket and it includes her."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:46:12 PM): She asks me If I like Troy. I told Her not really. "Well your just going have to adjust becouse im fighting for you to stay here. I had to get use to it and so do you."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:46:12 PM): She asks me If I like Troy. I told Her not really. "Well your just going have to adjust becouse im fighting for you to stay here. I had to get use to it and so do you."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:46:27 PM): "Take up Ice-skating, Take up a sport you have the Oats buss to take you wherever you go."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:46:46 PM): I said "I dont trust them! What If im fucking Kidnapped?"
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:46:59 PM): "Well I lived so dont worry. Your staying here."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:47:17 PM): "I did that to make a point that you can do the exact samething and Not leave."
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:47:50 PM): rach tell her u want to live with ur dad
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:47:59 PM): I DID!
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:48:11 PM): "Well your going to have to give it up becouse your staying here."
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:48:41 PM): tell her u are going to skATE HERE AND LIVE HERE AND THAT U ARE REQUESTING THAT
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:48:52 PM): AND THAT U ARE OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:49:06 PM): I said that too. She said "No your not. You are not 18."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:49:24 PM): "By the law, I can keep you. Untill your 18. Im the MOTHER not YOU."
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:49:58 PM): WELL BABY DONT NWORRY U ARE GONNA GET WHAT U WANT I PROMISE
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:50:41 PM): Stop with the caps. I dont want anyone to see just in case that im speaking with you
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:51:27 PM): Its okay.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:51:27 PM): it was an accident
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:51:49 PM): But like I said.. Im just waiting for Amber to leave..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:52:01 PM): Have you spoken with Dad?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:52:12 PM): ur uncle mike can come over to get u in a pinch
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:52:17 PM): dad is here
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:52:19 PM): I know.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:52:23 PM): Daddy.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:52:29 PM): I dont know what to do..
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:00 PM): what do u ant to do kiddo?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:15 PM): I need to wait and see what Happens..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:18 PM): Just stay on..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:20 PM): Please.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:28 PM): not going anywhere
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:33 PM): we are both here
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:36 PM): Thank you.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:43 PM):
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:48 PM): There gone.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:53:53 PM): who?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:54:00 PM): amber and her mu,
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:54:03 PM): mum*
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:54:55 PM): k
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:55:50 PM): I have to go..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:55:54 PM): They want to talk.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:55:57 PM): Shit.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:56:08 PM): I love you.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:56:11 PM): So much.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 4:56:18 PM): Excuse me.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 4:56:33 PM): rach we will be here
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:02:09 PM): No. They decide They will talk later.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:02:44 PM): UGH That drives me nuts!
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:04:50 PM): I hate waiting.. this isnt fair playing with my Mind like this!
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:04:54 PM): I have finals this week
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:05:04 PM): And I need to past all 10 to get to highschool
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:06:18 PM): rach we will be here?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:06:29 PM): Huh.. ?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:06:34 PM): Is it a Question..
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:06:46 PM): lol i meant is bob staying there?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:06:52 PM): Yes.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:07:02 PM): He took the night off. Saying Mum need him. <.<
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:08:17 PM): hmm they are messing with ur head
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:08:24 PM): I know.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:08:50 PM): im sorry rach but someday soon i will pretect u and ur life will be normal
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:09:08 PM): I know.. I want it so bad.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:09:23 PM): and u are gonna have it
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:09:24 PM): Im so alone at this house..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:09:38 PM): I just want someone to stay by me and not leave me in the middle of this
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:10:12 PM): i wish i could snap and make it right
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:10:54 PM): it is so not fair mom dont treat their kids like this
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:11:00 PM): But then I wouldnt learn from this.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:12:25 PM): And I know it isnt fair. I know
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:14:25 PM): I can only wait..
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:21:20 PM): i know
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:21:30 PM): what does amber think
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:21:48 PM): She didnt say anything. >.>
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:21:50 PM): is ur mom saying if u come here u can't go to florida?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:22:14 PM): Yes.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:23:44 PM): brb bathroom
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:23:47 PM): k
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:27:05 PM): Ugh.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:27:18 PM): what/
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:27:35 PM): I go outside Mum goes "give me a hug booboboo."
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:28:11 PM): lol awww
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:28:29 PM): I just chringed.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:28:53 PM): Are you guys at home?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:31:11 PM): no at my office
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:31:26 PM): we are putting together my new office furniture
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:31:33 PM):
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:31:33 PM): Oh..
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:31:42 PM): well dad is
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:32:00 PM): poor daddy.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:36:48 PM): he loves me
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:37:10 PM): I know he does. xD
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:38:58 PM): he is gonna talk to u im going to jack in th crack
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:39:04 PM): Mkay.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:39:42 PM): hi kid
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:39:47 PM): it's me dad
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:40:09 PM): Hey. -hugs-
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:40:41 PM): Im just...Waiting
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:41:06 PM): for your mom?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:41:18 PM): Yes.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:41:27 PM): for your mom?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:41:46 PM): just let me know if you want for me to come get you
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:41:58 PM): I know. But what about school?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:42:03 PM): I got finals all week
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:42:57 PM): i forgot
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:43:16 PM): you have to do that
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:43:20 PM): I know.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:43:29 PM): and its not like I want to stay here.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:43:30 PM): this sucks
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:44:19 PM): Yes. .-. I could stay at Uncle Mike.. But I dont want him to worry over me.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:44:57 PM): Your mom would call the police if we did that ....i know her
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:45:26 PM): ...
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:45:29 PM): your mom is all about her SELF
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:45:40 PM): ....
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:45:46 PM): -bangs head on the desk-
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:46:00 PM): ouch don't do that
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:46:04 PM): that hurts
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:46:05 PM): lol
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:46:26 PM): I dont care. I dont want to stay here! THIS ISNT FAIR
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:47:09 PM): i know
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:47:34 PM): i wish that this whole damn thing was over
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:47:59 PM): How about.. You come and get me, But I make up the Tests another week.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:48:05 PM): Im sure they would understand
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:48:14 PM): And I dont have that many written tests.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:48:17 PM): Only projects
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:48:21 PM): which i finshed 3 today
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:48:28 PM): 2 yesterday
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:48:43 PM): My other final is in Choir, and I have to be at the concert at thursday
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:48:54 PM): Rachel I wish i could
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:49:03 PM): And She said IF something happened, All I would have to do is call, and She would just count the times I was at class!
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:49:09 PM): please belive me when i say this
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:49:30 PM): i wish i could
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:49:36 PM): Oh come on!
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:49:47 PM): Your mom would call the cops on me again
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:50:03 PM): and say that i threaten her
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:50:21 PM): and guess who would go to jail
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:50:27 PM): Ugh!
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:50:54 PM): then she could say i court that i was abusive......you know her
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:51:10 PM): why tell the truth when she coulf Lie
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:51:42 PM): could
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:51:50 PM): Ugh. -.-
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:52:02 PM): sorry im on the work lap top key are too small
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:52:18 PM): hard to type on this thing
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:52:26 PM): Laptop <3
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:52:42 PM): i don't like them
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:53:21 PM): Well.. There nice.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:53:25 PM): i was saying that your mom would call the police on me if i came to get you.....and i would go to jail
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:53:48 PM): she would lie to the cops
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:54:03 PM): I know. And they wouldnt belive in Me.. Im a kid. <.<
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:54:13 PM): yep
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:54:38 PM): thats why we have to be strong
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:55:06 PM): she will get hers when we go to court
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:55:39 PM): we have the truth on our side
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 5:55:50 PM): hold on.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 5:55:54 PM): k
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:01:16 PM): WHA TTHE CRAPERS?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:01:21 PM): UGH
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:01:47 PM): I go outside and they say "time to talk!"
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:02:33 PM): ok
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:02:48 PM): i will be here
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:02:51 PM): So im like "okay. Whats going on and why is bob here. "
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:02:56 PM): Its done just let me type it
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:03:39 PM): ok
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:04:52 PM): "Well Mum called me to spend time with me. The Reason why where not going home is becouse of the court case. " I just nodded and he goes back. " Well, The thing is , Your opppion does not count. Your not 18. We have done eveything for you, I know your going throught a Rebllouse Stage becouse, We moved. I did it Your mum did it. You need to learn that when you move to your dads, that You will be an Outsider. And when you move there it will even be a smaller school so more kids will make fun of you."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:06:00 PM): "So its not going to get better, If you do move to your Fathers, You wont be able to come back. once your out your out. And your going to find its the same damn thing where you are. Your just going to have to accepte what you are. An outsider."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:07:09 PM): "so When we go to court, your going to be under an oath, and your going to be up in the stands saying your oppion, The judge will listen and see what you say, It will have an impact but not much becouse your a Minor. If she thinks that its best to live with your dad then so be it, If not then your stuck here. And it wont be pretty.":
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:07:48 PM): oh my god
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:07:59 PM): what a crock of shit
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:08:12 PM): "Im sorry to say, Once you leave. You will never come back."
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:08:31 PM): "I know your making the wrong dission. But your going to have to learn"
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:09:20 PM): that just goes and shows how much she loves you.....think about that
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:09:44 PM): you should aways be welcome at any home
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:10:10 PM): Mum..That hurt..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:10:11 PM): hard.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:10:49 PM): And I dont think i will be going back out there..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:10:55 PM): I dont want to go back there..
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:10:58 PM): And the food is out there.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:11:47 PM): rachel honest to god life does not have to be so hard
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:11:55 PM): u r not an outsider
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:12:06 PM): what the hell is that?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:12:16 PM): Meaning. You dont have many friends.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:12:20 PM): Meaning, No one wants you.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:12:25 PM): Your just a shadow at school
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:12:33 PM): Not there, But always watching
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:12:40 PM): what a f'n crock rach
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:13:13 PM): that is a lie and seriously don't believe it
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:13:59 PM): Im going to post that in my papers
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:14:09 PM): what ?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:14:15 PM): did u call linda?
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:15:20 PM): No.. Im afraid they might hear me.
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:16:16 PM): There in the living room.
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:17:37 PM): can u email her?
mary harrison (5/15/2007 6:17:43 PM): see then she has that on record
Rachel Harrison (5/15/2007 6:18:03 PM): Yes, I will send it
And it ends there.
Sisrly, It hurt! I mean come on! Cant I have a break? Cant I live normal?! Cant I have some fun? No. I cant. Im just a person who is screwed in the world. I highlighted the most importent stuff, But I want to show what happended in between and how i was acting.
Thanks alot.
Till next time Readers.
Signing out on a Rainy day.
Sorasheart281 AKA Rachelle.