Snip snip
Family and friends day was a bust of my own doing. Matt and I have always been on rocky ground so I guess this just pushed it over the edge. I spent friday there and immediately fall asleep. The combo of heat and beer put me out. We watched bad netflix movies and had dinner. I tried to make him more comfortable by moving his fan closer to him. I noticed something with my white boyfriends, during the winter I freeze and they're fine but during the summer they're burning and I'm fine. I was nervous about saturday but I guess I wasn't as nervous as Matt.
Matt got us there early and surprisingly helped out my uncle and cousins. Matt helped set up, transport people to the park. We started to talk about our relationship maybe it wasn't the right time but we had already-well mostly me- started talking about when I move in. I asked Matt if he wanted to be my only boyfriend. He asked me about Sean and if he were coming to family and friends. I guess he wanted to meet him. Told him that I was done with Sean. I didn't get to hear what Matt said in terms of if he wanted to be my boyfriend. To be honest I don't think either of us really heard much of what we were saying. I had told Matt I was going to go with my uncle to the store guess he didn't hear me because when I got back I found that Matt was gone.
I understand why he left, I just don't get why he didn't answer my frantic calls or texts. I think I know why Matt left. His family doesn't do things like that. I recalled how upset he got when he asked me why my mother had called me and I explained that she does so to check on me. He broke down explaining that he doesn't have that type of relationship with his parents. I guess seeing all my relatives together and me leaving me with them did something to me. Porsche brought up Sean and how he wouldn't have noticed that I was gone. He would've been in the same spot with a beer, a plate and a cigarette and would've went "You were gone?" I don't believe race has anything to do with the discomfort Matt may have had. But why the silence? I fucked up. I admit it. All my important things are at Matt's right now. Which sucks. Bad.
On to Sean. Since he's had sex with me, he's barely spoken to me. First class douche bag who thinks he's awesome. He wrote a status claiming awesomeness. Some people don't get the wrong that they do or understand why something fucked happens to them. Sean is one of those people. I wrote a drunken scathing letter on FB stating how I will no longer be his doormat.
I can't even go into it. It just makes me sooo fucking angry again.
My Lady went to put some more money on her wedding dress. I'm excited and jealous of my mother's happiness. I tell myself my day will come after I get myself together. I applied to work at David's Bridal. Fingers cross that something happens for me. Once I'm wrapped in work I won't think about love.
Matt got us there early and surprisingly helped out my uncle and cousins. Matt helped set up, transport people to the park. We started to talk about our relationship maybe it wasn't the right time but we had already-well mostly me- started talking about when I move in. I asked Matt if he wanted to be my only boyfriend. He asked me about Sean and if he were coming to family and friends. I guess he wanted to meet him. Told him that I was done with Sean. I didn't get to hear what Matt said in terms of if he wanted to be my boyfriend. To be honest I don't think either of us really heard much of what we were saying. I had told Matt I was going to go with my uncle to the store guess he didn't hear me because when I got back I found that Matt was gone.
I understand why he left, I just don't get why he didn't answer my frantic calls or texts. I think I know why Matt left. His family doesn't do things like that. I recalled how upset he got when he asked me why my mother had called me and I explained that she does so to check on me. He broke down explaining that he doesn't have that type of relationship with his parents. I guess seeing all my relatives together and me leaving me with them did something to me. Porsche brought up Sean and how he wouldn't have noticed that I was gone. He would've been in the same spot with a beer, a plate and a cigarette and would've went "You were gone?" I don't believe race has anything to do with the discomfort Matt may have had. But why the silence? I fucked up. I admit it. All my important things are at Matt's right now. Which sucks. Bad.
On to Sean. Since he's had sex with me, he's barely spoken to me. First class douche bag who thinks he's awesome. He wrote a status claiming awesomeness. Some people don't get the wrong that they do or understand why something fucked happens to them. Sean is one of those people. I wrote a drunken scathing letter on FB stating how I will no longer be his doormat.
I can't even go into it. It just makes me sooo fucking angry again.
My Lady went to put some more money on her wedding dress. I'm excited and jealous of my mother's happiness. I tell myself my day will come after I get myself together. I applied to work at David's Bridal. Fingers cross that something happens for me. Once I'm wrapped in work I won't think about love.