Roommate... urgh... roommate...
I am rreeaalllly sick of living with my roommate. I'm not even going to bother enumerating all the reasons why in my head, let along take the effort of typing them out here. Suffice it to say that she's been acting really self-centered, and since we have very different lifestyles, it's become a major problem.
That's not to say that I've behaved with absolute perfection in all of our dealings by any means. I've lost my temper a few times. This weekend, for example. She came home late, and since I thought she was already in for the night, I had locked the deadbolt. I heard her rattling the door, but thought she was headed out, not in. So she calls me (not sure why she didn't knock or ring the doorbell) and from the start is very in-your-face. The barrage continues after I open the door, to the point that there isn't space to get in an apology for accidentally locking her out. Plus, she acts like I'm lying when I say that I thought she was already home, and questions me about why I would possibly think she'd be in her own apartment late at night... That's kind of her way - she's very boisterous/out-going, and when she's angry, the anger goes out the same as all of her other feelings.
The next day, she approached me with an idea - she'd lock the top lock on Fridays and Saturdays. I'm a bit upset that she (yet again) isn't even going to bother apologizing for being mean, so I'm not exactly effulgent about it, but it makes sense so I agree. Unfortunately, she starts to interrogate me again - why do I feel a need to lock the door, etc. Apparently if I would quit being so stubborn about being me and simply start feeling the way she does, we could get along just fine. I'm flat-out angry at this point, and tell her I'm not going to have this conversation. She continued to push, and I broke and pointed out that she regularly says nasty things to me, and I'm sick of it. Obviously, she got mad, although I felt sort of okay afterwards - at least I'd spoken up for myself.
Tonight, she popped in while I was making tea, and asked me if I knew what a "trigger" is, in fanfic. I responded, of course, and when she didn't say anything else, asked whether she had asked about it because she wanted a definition. She said, no, she was trying to explain why she reacted the way she did about the door. (By asking me if I know what a trigger is in relation to fanfic and then falling dead silent???) Anywho, we ended up having another mini-fight, where she said that if she came home and the deadbolt was locked again, she'd ask the landlord to remove it, and I said she was being childish. (Told you I lost my temper a few times.) I really don't like how I am around her lately. (Also, still no apology for treating me like dirt. Again. I've apologized for many things in the past few months, and she's pressed me for apologies for more - two of which, memorably, involved me doing/writing something to her which she had done/written to me either the exact same way or worse within the preceding few days.)
I'm not sure what to do at this point. I want to get along, but it feels like "get along", to her, means that I let her abuse me however she wants, do stuff however she wants it to be done, and never say anything back to her. I can't live like that. At the same time, even if she's being a total jerk, it's not like I WANT to lock her out - I already agreed that she would lock the stupid door Fridays and Saturdays so it doesn't happen again, and it's only happened three times in five months! She's left the house entirely unlocked while no one was at home at least that many times, on top of the dozen-plus times she left it unlocked while she was home!
The problem is, we keep having these issues where - like with the lock - we agree to do whatever to solve a problem, but she won't even deign to apologize for acting like a jerk in the process. I guess she was trying to explain why she did it, but frankly, I don't care. I only want an apology.
That's not to say that I've behaved with absolute perfection in all of our dealings by any means. I've lost my temper a few times. This weekend, for example. She came home late, and since I thought she was already in for the night, I had locked the deadbolt. I heard her rattling the door, but thought she was headed out, not in. So she calls me (not sure why she didn't knock or ring the doorbell) and from the start is very in-your-face. The barrage continues after I open the door, to the point that there isn't space to get in an apology for accidentally locking her out. Plus, she acts like I'm lying when I say that I thought she was already home, and questions me about why I would possibly think she'd be in her own apartment late at night... That's kind of her way - she's very boisterous/out-going, and when she's angry, the anger goes out the same as all of her other feelings.
The next day, she approached me with an idea - she'd lock the top lock on Fridays and Saturdays. I'm a bit upset that she (yet again) isn't even going to bother apologizing for being mean, so I'm not exactly effulgent about it, but it makes sense so I agree. Unfortunately, she starts to interrogate me again - why do I feel a need to lock the door, etc. Apparently if I would quit being so stubborn about being me and simply start feeling the way she does, we could get along just fine. I'm flat-out angry at this point, and tell her I'm not going to have this conversation. She continued to push, and I broke and pointed out that she regularly says nasty things to me, and I'm sick of it. Obviously, she got mad, although I felt sort of okay afterwards - at least I'd spoken up for myself.
Tonight, she popped in while I was making tea, and asked me if I knew what a "trigger" is, in fanfic. I responded, of course, and when she didn't say anything else, asked whether she had asked about it because she wanted a definition. She said, no, she was trying to explain why she reacted the way she did about the door. (By asking me if I know what a trigger is in relation to fanfic and then falling dead silent???) Anywho, we ended up having another mini-fight, where she said that if she came home and the deadbolt was locked again, she'd ask the landlord to remove it, and I said she was being childish. (Told you I lost my temper a few times.) I really don't like how I am around her lately. (Also, still no apology for treating me like dirt. Again. I've apologized for many things in the past few months, and she's pressed me for apologies for more - two of which, memorably, involved me doing/writing something to her which she had done/written to me either the exact same way or worse within the preceding few days.)
I'm not sure what to do at this point. I want to get along, but it feels like "get along", to her, means that I let her abuse me however she wants, do stuff however she wants it to be done, and never say anything back to her. I can't live like that. At the same time, even if she's being a total jerk, it's not like I WANT to lock her out - I already agreed that she would lock the stupid door Fridays and Saturdays so it doesn't happen again, and it's only happened three times in five months! She's left the house entirely unlocked while no one was at home at least that many times, on top of the dozen-plus times she left it unlocked while she was home!
The problem is, we keep having these issues where - like with the lock - we agree to do whatever to solve a problem, but she won't even deign to apologize for acting like a jerk in the process. I guess she was trying to explain why she did it, but frankly, I don't care. I only want an apology.