Locked up like fort knox
I think I've stopped being able to let people close, and it's...really really painful. Because I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to be the lady in the check out line, telling the cashier how lonely I am.
I want to be successful. I want to accomplish my goals, and live in a cute little house with someone that loves me. I want to have a small garden, and be happy, and have a family. I want to see London, and Thailand, and Japan. I want to be good at something.
I want to be special in some way, as selfish as that is.
I want to make others smile, and laugh, and feel good about themselves.
I want to let people in again. I just. I don't know how. I forgot how to let people hear me, how to let them close to me, how to be vulnerable enough to trust. And I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. That I don't try harder to be a good friend, or talk to all of you more. That I don't just go out and be myself.
I don't know. It's hard, and I don't even know what to do.
I need to update with something fun sometime.
Oh! Is anyone else getting close to school? I'm excited, because I start in a little over a week. Modern Britainnnnn here I commeeee.