On the road again.
"Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug." -Anonymous
So that whole thing about posting a journal every day? Supermegaepic fail. That's ok, I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to document every in and out of this ongoing quest to find myself and figure out what lies on the horizon. January was an interesting month, between Katrina(my brother's ex) thinking she was pregnant, to donking off lots of money at Atlantic City, and having to constantly scrap plans with the guys, it's been a trying month. The weight loss has not started yet, at least not the exercise portion. I definitely have hit a wall as far as poker goes. I'm not cashing and now it's just turning into a waste of funds. I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. With that said, I need to prioritize and compartmentalize what exactly I want, what I need to do to get it, and how much I'm willing to sacrifice to pursue it. So, let's begin.
What makes me happy, and what do I think will make me happy for the short and long term? First thing, my living situation. I dread the day is coming that my father and I will have it out, and I might be the cause of him finally leaving. This isn't to say that I will do anything in particular, but I feel I'm the one who is going to make him see just what a douchebag he really is 90% of the time, and that he needs to do something about it, or the the only one who will be at his funeral will be the person burying him. Plus, I do pay a slight amount of rent and I don't have my own room or much privacy. So, I need to get out of there, and in order to do this, I need to save money, and move out, having enough income per month to support myself fully.
Goal #1: Move out and not be struggling to make ends meet.
Solution: Save enough money at my current job for 6-9 months of rent, in case I decided to not stay local.
So, that leads me up to my financial situation. I'm at least happy to say that I have not been late on a payment since I've been working last April. My job is easy, but very dull. I know many people would kill to have my job, and I feel guilty complaining. On the other hand, I make less than 30K after taxes, and with what I spend on gas and tolls to get into Philadelphia, plus being taxed more on my check, it's not a great paying job. My ideal job is, of course, playing poker full time. I am still not at the level to be able to quit having a job and trying it full time. But there are ways of getting there, they just take time and money. I also have started thinking of becoming a dealer, and moving to Atlantic City, which would save me gas and tolls, and allow me to learn and be around people who can teach me. There is a cheap school in Pleasantville that could get me my certification, but the travel would require me to quit my current job, or at least take a leave of absence. Back to the poker playing, there are also seminars that would be a big help, but are usually in the range of 1500 per course. So again, for this goal to happen, I need to save money.
Goal #2: Transition myself into a future of poker playing as a career.
Solution: Save enough money to attend at least 1 tournament and 1 cash seminar, while attending dealer school. Also, begin building a bankroll by limiting initial poker spending, and only using winnings towards said bankroll.
I'm noticing a pattern so far. In order to get these things for my financial and living situations, I need to be very stingy on what and when I spend. This means sacrificing things like take-out food, random trips to AC for the sake of going, video games, etc. Now, this presents a problem, because I have two things coming up in the short term that I very much want to do, but will deeply affect how soon these first two goals will happen. I've mentioned one in the past journals(the cross country road trip of undetermined length with my two favorite lesbians), but the other just cropped up, and that would be my first trip to Vegas. Steve mentioned this to me a few days ago, as he has a baseball tournament there the first week of March. Scheduling it around work is in no way a problem, but with airfare and spending money, it will run me close to 750+ for the 4 days. I really, REALLY want to go. But the fact is, am I willing to to extend seeing hard results towards my first couple of goals by months or perhaps a full year just for a 4 day trip where I may come back with no money, and have to start from scratch. I'll have approximately 800 in savings from my tax return and other money. If I go to Vegas, that money is gone, and I start over. In order to go on the road trip, I need to have money saved for every expense I might encounter on the way, in addition to the bills I need to pay since I won't be working during that time. Again, easy to do for the short term, but it means when I come back, I will have to start saving from scratch again. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't forsee many women being attracted to a broke gambler. Which is a nice segue(I want a segway!) to my third goal. Lose weight and raise my self confidence so that dating isn't such a chore. I can get a really good deal at Planet Fitness for 10 bucks a month, which no matter how you look at it is a good investment for the short and long term.
Goal 3: Lose 30 pounds by August, and continue to stay active and healthier.
Solution: Join a gym, pledge to go, and develop the willpower to avoid falling off the horse.
So with this outlined, I know what I have to do and how to do it. Looking at it now, the effort will be much, and there won't be a lot of short term results. But the long term happiness I could get out of this give me a lot of hope and reasons to start as soon as possible. It's a new year, a new month, and a new day. Let's do this already.
So that whole thing about posting a journal every day? Supermegaepic fail. That's ok, I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to document every in and out of this ongoing quest to find myself and figure out what lies on the horizon. January was an interesting month, between Katrina(my brother's ex) thinking she was pregnant, to donking off lots of money at Atlantic City, and having to constantly scrap plans with the guys, it's been a trying month. The weight loss has not started yet, at least not the exercise portion. I definitely have hit a wall as far as poker goes. I'm not cashing and now it's just turning into a waste of funds. I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. With that said, I need to prioritize and compartmentalize what exactly I want, what I need to do to get it, and how much I'm willing to sacrifice to pursue it. So, let's begin.
What makes me happy, and what do I think will make me happy for the short and long term? First thing, my living situation. I dread the day is coming that my father and I will have it out, and I might be the cause of him finally leaving. This isn't to say that I will do anything in particular, but I feel I'm the one who is going to make him see just what a douchebag he really is 90% of the time, and that he needs to do something about it, or the the only one who will be at his funeral will be the person burying him. Plus, I do pay a slight amount of rent and I don't have my own room or much privacy. So, I need to get out of there, and in order to do this, I need to save money, and move out, having enough income per month to support myself fully.
Goal #1: Move out and not be struggling to make ends meet.
Solution: Save enough money at my current job for 6-9 months of rent, in case I decided to not stay local.
So, that leads me up to my financial situation. I'm at least happy to say that I have not been late on a payment since I've been working last April. My job is easy, but very dull. I know many people would kill to have my job, and I feel guilty complaining. On the other hand, I make less than 30K after taxes, and with what I spend on gas and tolls to get into Philadelphia, plus being taxed more on my check, it's not a great paying job. My ideal job is, of course, playing poker full time. I am still not at the level to be able to quit having a job and trying it full time. But there are ways of getting there, they just take time and money. I also have started thinking of becoming a dealer, and moving to Atlantic City, which would save me gas and tolls, and allow me to learn and be around people who can teach me. There is a cheap school in Pleasantville that could get me my certification, but the travel would require me to quit my current job, or at least take a leave of absence. Back to the poker playing, there are also seminars that would be a big help, but are usually in the range of 1500 per course. So again, for this goal to happen, I need to save money.
Goal #2: Transition myself into a future of poker playing as a career.
Solution: Save enough money to attend at least 1 tournament and 1 cash seminar, while attending dealer school. Also, begin building a bankroll by limiting initial poker spending, and only using winnings towards said bankroll.
I'm noticing a pattern so far. In order to get these things for my financial and living situations, I need to be very stingy on what and when I spend. This means sacrificing things like take-out food, random trips to AC for the sake of going, video games, etc. Now, this presents a problem, because I have two things coming up in the short term that I very much want to do, but will deeply affect how soon these first two goals will happen. I've mentioned one in the past journals(the cross country road trip of undetermined length with my two favorite lesbians), but the other just cropped up, and that would be my first trip to Vegas. Steve mentioned this to me a few days ago, as he has a baseball tournament there the first week of March. Scheduling it around work is in no way a problem, but with airfare and spending money, it will run me close to 750+ for the 4 days. I really, REALLY want to go. But the fact is, am I willing to to extend seeing hard results towards my first couple of goals by months or perhaps a full year just for a 4 day trip where I may come back with no money, and have to start from scratch. I'll have approximately 800 in savings from my tax return and other money. If I go to Vegas, that money is gone, and I start over. In order to go on the road trip, I need to have money saved for every expense I might encounter on the way, in addition to the bills I need to pay since I won't be working during that time. Again, easy to do for the short term, but it means when I come back, I will have to start saving from scratch again. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't forsee many women being attracted to a broke gambler. Which is a nice segue(I want a segway!) to my third goal. Lose weight and raise my self confidence so that dating isn't such a chore. I can get a really good deal at Planet Fitness for 10 bucks a month, which no matter how you look at it is a good investment for the short and long term.
Goal 3: Lose 30 pounds by August, and continue to stay active and healthier.
Solution: Join a gym, pledge to go, and develop the willpower to avoid falling off the horse.
So with this outlined, I know what I have to do and how to do it. Looking at it now, the effort will be much, and there won't be a lot of short term results. But the long term happiness I could get out of this give me a lot of hope and reasons to start as soon as possible. It's a new year, a new month, and a new day. Let's do this already.