Heading toward the epilogue....
I have a lot of lofty goals for next year.
This year has been a time of reflection, of grief, growth, and realizing that things are never as bad as they seem, or as good as they can get. I've been home for approximately 340 days. Sometimes I feel every single one of those days, and other times it's like I just drove up with Lou yesterday. I'm happy to say that I am over Jess: The Relationship. Jess: The Person is still something I'm working on from time to time, but for the most part, I do wish her well and want her to be happy. I know I'm over her because I've met someone, someone I want to be in some form of a relationship with. However, the timing is not good on her part, and I'm hoping that I can be patient, because I see Julia as someone who can enrich my life and keep things very uncomplicated, which would be a welcome change. I also feel/know that my parents are headed for a battle royale of epic proportions, and I hope that I can be strong enough to help pick up the pieces.
With that said, I have a lot of lofty goals for next year. I want/will lose 30 pounds by June. I have Steve to help me with this, and I have found that when I make weight loss a part of my week instead of a focus, I have a much easier time. Having Steve to advise me on exercises and on what to eat will be a great help. I'm really excited.
I want to write a journal entry every day of 2009. I want to keep track of everything that is happening, so I can look back and see what I did, wanted to do, and still have to do.
I want to take my poker game to the next level. I feel like I am on the verge of being good to being REALLY good. I think the best way to do this is to take one of the 2 day courses that the World Series of Poker and World Poker Tour offer in Atlantic City. Unfortunately, these cost around $1500+, so I will have to really work to save to do this. But if I want to make poker a serious career goal, I MUST do this in order to improve my poker game and start making some real profit. Bonus points to Julia for being a poker player.
I want to "disappear" for a while. By that I mean, I want some really big change or new experience(s) to happen, and they won't happen in NJ, or Florida. Janelle and I have talked about moving to New Mexico for a couple of months later this year, but that looks to have changed to a road trip of undetermined length and destination. I can't explain how STOKED I am for this to happen. It shouldn't cost too much, and I know that I will be a more enlightened person for it. I feel like I don't have many GOOD stories to tell. A lot of them have to do with my upbringing, my parents and Maureen, and there aren't a whole lot of "feel good" moments in their sometimes. I really want to be able to inspire my future offspring to be everything they are capable of, and show them that life can be very simple, but very wonderful if you put the time and effort into it.
I want to be on the way to moving out and on my own again by the end of the year. Obviously with my two aforementioned goals, moving out is an expense that requires saving a lot of money, and wanting to improve my poker game/road trip across the country will cost a good amount. Plus, there is no guarantee I will be able to go back to my current job once I return to NJ. In any case, I have a good feeling that if I can improve my poker game, that I should make some good bank this year and can put it away.
Mostly, I want to be satisfied by the way life is going. I think that shooting for these goals this year isn't at all beyond my reach, and it would be great to have someone like Julia(or if it isn't her, someone else) to share it with. With Jess, I made her the ultimate goal, and that was a mistake, one that I refuse to repeat again. Being home again has shown me that while I have missed my friends, ultimately, they too should be along for the ride, and not be the destination. I have to concentrate on me, what I want, what I need, and what is missing from my life that will add to my well being and happiness. I think the goals above will do just that, and I am very excited by them, more so than I have been about anything in my life, I think.
There is a lot of work to be done in the upcoming year, and I really think it will be a defining time in my life. I hope that on New Year's Eve '09, that I will be writing on here for the last time, with a very satisfied smile and can look at this entry as the end of a life worth having, and the beginning of a life worth living.
"Right now, hey, it's your tomorrow. Right now, come on, it's everything. RIght now, catch that magic moment. Do it, right here and now. It means everything."
This year has been a time of reflection, of grief, growth, and realizing that things are never as bad as they seem, or as good as they can get. I've been home for approximately 340 days. Sometimes I feel every single one of those days, and other times it's like I just drove up with Lou yesterday. I'm happy to say that I am over Jess: The Relationship. Jess: The Person is still something I'm working on from time to time, but for the most part, I do wish her well and want her to be happy. I know I'm over her because I've met someone, someone I want to be in some form of a relationship with. However, the timing is not good on her part, and I'm hoping that I can be patient, because I see Julia as someone who can enrich my life and keep things very uncomplicated, which would be a welcome change. I also feel/know that my parents are headed for a battle royale of epic proportions, and I hope that I can be strong enough to help pick up the pieces.
With that said, I have a lot of lofty goals for next year. I want/will lose 30 pounds by June. I have Steve to help me with this, and I have found that when I make weight loss a part of my week instead of a focus, I have a much easier time. Having Steve to advise me on exercises and on what to eat will be a great help. I'm really excited.
I want to write a journal entry every day of 2009. I want to keep track of everything that is happening, so I can look back and see what I did, wanted to do, and still have to do.
I want to take my poker game to the next level. I feel like I am on the verge of being good to being REALLY good. I think the best way to do this is to take one of the 2 day courses that the World Series of Poker and World Poker Tour offer in Atlantic City. Unfortunately, these cost around $1500+, so I will have to really work to save to do this. But if I want to make poker a serious career goal, I MUST do this in order to improve my poker game and start making some real profit. Bonus points to Julia for being a poker player.
I want to "disappear" for a while. By that I mean, I want some really big change or new experience(s) to happen, and they won't happen in NJ, or Florida. Janelle and I have talked about moving to New Mexico for a couple of months later this year, but that looks to have changed to a road trip of undetermined length and destination. I can't explain how STOKED I am for this to happen. It shouldn't cost too much, and I know that I will be a more enlightened person for it. I feel like I don't have many GOOD stories to tell. A lot of them have to do with my upbringing, my parents and Maureen, and there aren't a whole lot of "feel good" moments in their sometimes. I really want to be able to inspire my future offspring to be everything they are capable of, and show them that life can be very simple, but very wonderful if you put the time and effort into it.
I want to be on the way to moving out and on my own again by the end of the year. Obviously with my two aforementioned goals, moving out is an expense that requires saving a lot of money, and wanting to improve my poker game/road trip across the country will cost a good amount. Plus, there is no guarantee I will be able to go back to my current job once I return to NJ. In any case, I have a good feeling that if I can improve my poker game, that I should make some good bank this year and can put it away.
Mostly, I want to be satisfied by the way life is going. I think that shooting for these goals this year isn't at all beyond my reach, and it would be great to have someone like Julia(or if it isn't her, someone else) to share it with. With Jess, I made her the ultimate goal, and that was a mistake, one that I refuse to repeat again. Being home again has shown me that while I have missed my friends, ultimately, they too should be along for the ride, and not be the destination. I have to concentrate on me, what I want, what I need, and what is missing from my life that will add to my well being and happiness. I think the goals above will do just that, and I am very excited by them, more so than I have been about anything in my life, I think.
There is a lot of work to be done in the upcoming year, and I really think it will be a defining time in my life. I hope that on New Year's Eve '09, that I will be writing on here for the last time, with a very satisfied smile and can look at this entry as the end of a life worth having, and the beginning of a life worth living.
"Right now, hey, it's your tomorrow. Right now, come on, it's everything. RIght now, catch that magic moment. Do it, right here and now. It means everything."