I hope and pray that there's something left to say.
25 is a very strange age for me. I feel....really old. This milestone is not one I expected to be celebrating under these circumstances, namely....alone. Working, maybe, but definitely not alone. Not without you. I couldn't sleep last night, even though I went to bed relatively early. I had no less than 5 dreams, all about you. I kind of hoped you would have made a "decision", or at the very least return the "favor" since I called you on your birthday. But I'm not holding my breath. One way or the other, tonight is going to be the night that I get some solid ground to walk on again. I've been on eggshells for months, desperately trying to forget you, forgive you, love you or hate you. I can't make up my mind. It's been a very emotional year, the fact that it's been a whole year since my life turned upside down is a little dizzying. This has to come to some finality. On the way to work today, I imagined how the impending conversation(if it actually happens, knowing you that's never a sure thing) might go, even going so far as to think that I would drop everything this weekend and fly down to see you, if you asked me to. You won't, though. I just need SOMETHING. Something that will put my soul at ease, and make me actually embrace waking up every day without you by my side. Something that makes the day go by without causing me to question everything about who I am, what kind of man I am, and what I could have done differently so that this entry could have been different. I don't what it is, I hope that if and when we talk later, you'll have the answer. You seemed to have all of them thus far. Don't disappoint me, not today of all days. I deserve SOMETHING for my 25th birthday.
Pictures on the wall, Just waiting there to fall. Still remind me, That painful holiday. Can almost here you say, "Please don't miss me, too long" What did I do wrong? Could of sung a different song. You were my tune. Make my heart believe, A want is not a need, And I'm alright without you. The days go by, The nights don't change. The stars still spell out your name. I will wait for you. The world has let me down. Is it you're just not around? I've lost my reason. All the memories, And every smile you gave to me, You can keep them. The days go by, the nights don't change. The stars still spell out your name. I will wait for you. I will wait for you. I will wait for you. I will wait for you. I will wait for... The days go by, And still, I will wait for you.
Pictures on the wall, Just waiting there to fall. Still remind me, That painful holiday. Can almost here you say, "Please don't miss me, too long" What did I do wrong? Could of sung a different song. You were my tune. Make my heart believe, A want is not a need, And I'm alright without you. The days go by, The nights don't change. The stars still spell out your name. I will wait for you. The world has let me down. Is it you're just not around? I've lost my reason. All the memories, And every smile you gave to me, You can keep them. The days go by, the nights don't change. The stars still spell out your name. I will wait for you. I will wait for you. I will wait for you. I will wait for you. I will wait for... The days go by, And still, I will wait for you.