My Journey Back To Where I Truly Belong
As I stated in my previous post last month, I'll be finally returning to Japan after many years of failed attempts to return. I'm extremely happy for this moment, especially since I have already booked my flight. Have you ever felt as if you were in place where you didn't fit in no matter how many times you tried to assimilate? Have you ever realized that you were destined to serve a purpose and the opportunities to fulfill that purpose kept being presented to you only for you to keep foolishly turn down those opportunities? I have felt that ever since I left Japan and returned to the U.S. I left Japan back in 2017 and have been trying to return ever since.
In January 2020, I was offered a job at an international school, and was preparing to return to Japan in March 2020. Of course, the pandemic got in the way of my plans and I was force to remain in the U.S. I tried once again in 2022, and was offered another position in September 2022. I was scheduled to return to Japan in November 2022, but I foolishly turned down the offer because I had a person who I thought was a real friend and felt guilty leaving her behind. This particular person betrayed me later and I realized that I made a huge mistake in turning down an amazing opportunity to leave for Japan to maintain a friendship with a fraudulent individual.
Since my time in the U.S., I haven't been truly happy and I felt as if I was wasting my time. I did attempt to make life living in the U.S. work, but I still felt that I didn't belong and that I should have never returned once I had left. However, its time that I return to Japan since I've been patient enough to wait for the next opportunity to do so. Now is the time, and I won't allow anything or anyone from allowing me to take advantage of this opportunity. As I stated before, I was given a job as a teacher at an international school near Tokyo, which I accepted with no hesitation and will return in January. With that being said, I am considering applying for Japanese citizenship for several different reasons.
Despite me being born and raised in the U.S., I never truly felt that I belonged there. I never really could relate to everyone and never liked the "American" culture. I hardly found interest in the pop culture, the politics, the fashion, and other topics that most Americans enjoy discussing. I grew up in a Christian household and as I got older, the less sense it made to me. I started to dislike Christianity altogether the older I got. Once I started to learn about Asian culture, I became intrigued and wanted to learn more. As I learned more about Buddhism, Confucianism, Shintoism, and Taoism, the less interested I became in Christianity. I learned that I can somewhat relate to or agree with the East Asian culture and religions when I continued to study more on it. I became so interested in the culture and decided to go to Asia to teach once I've graduated from university.
Since I graduated with an Education degree, I would be qualified for teaching positions that paid more. At first, I applied to teach in South Korea and was even given a job offer, but something about Japan stood out to me. I started applying for jobs in Japan, and it was quite difficult, especially when it came to getting responses back asking to interview me. Luckily, I was given an interview and then offered a teaching position at an international school. Once I arrived in Japan, it was in January 2011. It was cold and snowy, which was extremely difficult since I had to bike to work. It was a huge culture shock. There are several times where I cried and became home sick. However, I never regretted being in Japan. It was a huge adjustment and I learned so much! I learned about Japan, I learned about living in a foreign country, I learned a new culture that was different from my own, and most of all, I learned about who I was as a person.
I realized how much I love Japanese culture and I get along better with Japanese people. I'm a quiet introvert who values education, enjoys working hard, and loves all things that are cute! In addition to that, I enjoy Japanese society a lot more and prefer their pop culture and their fashion over the American ones. My personality is a lot more compatible with Japanese society in many ways. During my times in Japan, everything was convenient, safe, and orderly. I prefer convenience and safety over everything. The vending machines that sell everything from icy cold beverages to hot ramen are common in Japan. That’s the convenience that I have always enjoyed. Safety is another benefit that I get while living in Japan. For instance, I remember waking up from a nap on one of my days off from work, and realizing that I had overslept and hadn't eaten dinner yet, I saw that it was already dark outside. I didn't want to cook dinner, but was really hungry. I rode my bicycle to the nearest convenience store (コンビニ) without worrying about being mugged or kidnapped. That's how safe Japan is. Of course, there are horrific crimes that exist in Japan, but they're not as common as they are in the U.S. I can also leave my belongings in my bicycle basket to go into a store and they would still be there when I get back. Japan is also extremely orderly. I, myself, love to be orderly. My apartment is usually in an orderly fashion where things are placed neatly in their respective areas.
I do have to admit that the lack of Christians in Japan is a huge plus. Not that I have any animosity towards Christians, I just don't enjoy being around them at all. They have forced their religion onto me way too many times, and I don't feel comfortable around them. When I want to share what I've learned about many East Asian religions, they say its all "satanic" and "demonic". They're judgmental and rude. I even have to hide the fact that I'm a Zen Buddhist who enjoys yoga and believes in reincarnation because they'll accuse me of "satanism" who enjoys "demonic" practices. I enjoy going to the shrines and praying to the Kami (かみ), which are spirits that are all around us. I enjoy giving thanks or asking for favors at these shrines. Once I've prayed at the shrines, I feel a sense of release and ease, and I see the world in a much clearer perspective. I can't wait to visit the nearest shrine once I return to Japan in January. Going to the temple, I make sure to do the same thing, and pray to the spirits for my wishes to come true. If I reveal any of this to a Christian, their judgmental statements will come flying out of their mouths and they'll proceed to lecture me about their "god".
I know that everything that I've always admired and missed about Japan will come flooding right back once I return in January. I apologize for writing so much, but I had so much that I wanted to share. I'll be sure to write more later.