Difficulty Finding My Voice
I just wanted to write down some things that have been bothering me as of late. I have been writing in this blog for many years on and off, and I haven't been as consistent with each post. I would write a post one week, and then not post anything else until months later. I apologize for that. The main reason for not keeping a consistent posting schedule is because of the lack of interaction with my readers (if I have any one who reads this blog at all). Please allow me to explain.
I have had so many difficulties having people listen to what I have to say to the point that I feel that I don't have anything important to say and my voice doesn't matter much. Even with family and friends, I have difficulties getting people to listen to me. I created this blog in order to get myself heard, but years later, it still hasn't worked out the way I wanted. I was hoping to get some comments and some feedback, but unfortunately, that has yet to happen. I even started making videos on various video streaming platforms and writing on other social media sites, and I still am met with non engagement.
Several months ago, I started a gaming channel where I would have live gameplays with people in the chat interacting with me as a play the game. Well, that hasn't worked either. No one bothers to interact with me, and I rarely get anyone to even watch my live gameplays. I have an amazing sister who is extremely intelligent and has the gift of getting people to listen to what she has to say. She's able to write a comment or a post on a social media site, and get hundreds of responses and 'likes'. I know that I could never do that, and its frustrating. However, I have to be used to this since I've always faded into the background.
I understand that I'm not as interesting and not as engaging. That's why I loath public speaking and giving presentations. I don't believe that I'm capable of engaging an captivating an audience. This is why I prefer to work behind the scenes where I'm not seen nor heard. I'd rather just be a part of a behind the scenes tema rather than be front and center stage. I don't have the talent nor the skill for that anyway. As far as this blog, I'll continue to write my thoughts here. Hopefully, I'll continue to get some response and some feedback. If not, I may take this entire blog down in 2023 since its only taking up space. I plan to purchase a private diary and write in it. I'm sure no one will read it even if they do stumble upon it.