Sunday
So today I am cleaning and have The Notebook on in the background. Eating leftovers for dinner, Steve can grill himself his kabobs.
I have soooooo much to do before Thursday. My mother will be here and even though my house is clean it must be to her standards. I am willing to bet money there will be something wrong. It never fails, I could have the place sterile clean and it still would be dirty. I get that I am sloppy, my bathroom and my bedroom are the worst. I really truly believe this is because I grew up where EVERYTHING, including the dust rag had its place and it you moved it an inch she would know.
I love my parents but am glad they are at my house only 2x's a year. The whole time I spend anxious and on pins and needles. And if it isn't my house it will be my weight. Never mind the fact that I work out 6 days a week and eat right and have lost 25 lbs and soooo many inches but hey I'm still fat in her eyes and not healthy. Yet when I take her to the PCOS sites and show her proof that it is VERY VERY hard to lose weight if you lose any that still isn't enough for her. Does she not realize that I miss being little, I miss the days that I could proudly say yes I did local runway for 5-7-9 clothes and yes I was little and pretty. Does she not realize the countless times I cry myself to sleep because I don't feel beautiful and only wish I was half as pretty as her, especially since she is 58 and still pretty with no work done. Doesn't she think that I miss my boobs, nice ass and thin collar bone. Doesn't she realize I know that if I am ever to have an art line put in that it will be harder for the doctor to find it. Doesn't she think that I put enough stress and blame on myself that I don't need hers too.
Will she get it that I feel more beautiful today than I have in 6 years. That I can walk a min of 2 miles and that I can ride a mountain bike 1 mile and that my calves are more defined today than they have been in 10 years and are ROCK FUCKING SOLID MUSCLE!
Okay I have gotten off subject, I miss my dad though and can't wait for him to smile and me and kiss my cheek and say hi sweetheart how the hell have you been.
I do think I have enough balls this time though to say if you don't like my house maybe YOU and not DAD should stay at the hotel next to Target.
I have soooooo much to do before Thursday. My mother will be here and even though my house is clean it must be to her standards. I am willing to bet money there will be something wrong. It never fails, I could have the place sterile clean and it still would be dirty. I get that I am sloppy, my bathroom and my bedroom are the worst. I really truly believe this is because I grew up where EVERYTHING, including the dust rag had its place and it you moved it an inch she would know.
I love my parents but am glad they are at my house only 2x's a year. The whole time I spend anxious and on pins and needles. And if it isn't my house it will be my weight. Never mind the fact that I work out 6 days a week and eat right and have lost 25 lbs and soooo many inches but hey I'm still fat in her eyes and not healthy. Yet when I take her to the PCOS sites and show her proof that it is VERY VERY hard to lose weight if you lose any that still isn't enough for her. Does she not realize that I miss being little, I miss the days that I could proudly say yes I did local runway for 5-7-9 clothes and yes I was little and pretty. Does she not realize the countless times I cry myself to sleep because I don't feel beautiful and only wish I was half as pretty as her, especially since she is 58 and still pretty with no work done. Doesn't she think that I miss my boobs, nice ass and thin collar bone. Doesn't she realize I know that if I am ever to have an art line put in that it will be harder for the doctor to find it. Doesn't she think that I put enough stress and blame on myself that I don't need hers too.
Will she get it that I feel more beautiful today than I have in 6 years. That I can walk a min of 2 miles and that I can ride a mountain bike 1 mile and that my calves are more defined today than they have been in 10 years and are ROCK FUCKING SOLID MUSCLE!
Okay I have gotten off subject, I miss my dad though and can't wait for him to smile and me and kiss my cheek and say hi sweetheart how the hell have you been.
I do think I have enough balls this time though to say if you don't like my house maybe YOU and not DAD should stay at the hotel next to Target.