My Personal Dictionary
There are certain words that I seem to use almost exclusively, or that I say more often than most people. I have compiled a list of these words.
My Words
Ace: asexual
Asstastic: truly dreadful
Audiate: to hear in one’s mind; usually applies to a specific pitch or a musical passage
Blat: incredibly loud sound that somewhat resembles a bucketful of vomit hitting a floor; the result of pushing far too much air through a low brass instrument
Blue fuck: anything incredibly cold, as in, “cold as blue fuck”; usually used in reference to weather
Bumblefuck: as in, “bumblefuck nowhere,” which means a very remote area, or “bumblefuck early,” which means at the crack of dawn; used for emphasis
Bunnutsu: a rabbit (I kind of stole this one from my paternal grandma…but I do that a lot)
Clusterfuck: series of terrible things happening in close chronological proximity
Clusterfuckery: state involving intermittent and frequent clusterfucks
Craptacular: completely awful
Cynicaclinical: cynical as a result of coming from a very scientific and detached point of view
Douchebaggery: state of being a douchebag
Dying nightlights: as in, “that scared the dying nightlights out of me” (as opposed to “living daylights”)
Kyoute: so incredibly cute that one cannot even pronounce the word right in the presence of the cute thing; applies only to my sister’s cat
Embouchure mark: ring-shaped, usually darkened indentation that forms around the mouth of a brass player (usually a French horn player) after he or she has been playing; more often called a “horn ring”
Eyes: 1) sight organs
2) contact lenses (this expression is a use of metonymy)
Fnorglemelon: a word that can be substituted for a profane exclamation of regret
Frack: unintentional ugly sound made while playing a brass instrument, usually a French horn, when the note’s pitch wavers wildly enough to reach a new pitch
Frick: as in, “holy frick on a stick;” this word really doesn’t mean anything
Fubar: Fucked Up Beyond All Repair; incorrigible
Fuck-knuckle: an incompetent moron
Game, The: 1) to know The Game is to play The Game…to think of The Game is to lose the Game…to die without thinking of The Game is to win The Game…to not understand The Game is to forfeit The Game…to lose The Game is to announce that one lost The Game…and once one loses The Game, one gets a thirty-minute grace period to forget about it again
2) a good way to really annoy your friends
3) dammit, I lost THE GAME!
Gorram: roughly equivalent to the adjective “damn” (from Firefly)
Marantohead: ridiculously, illogically, and hopelessly stubborn individual who also has an excellent memory and usually has the surname “Maranto”
Mellophone: 1) a brass instrument that looks and sounds like the bastard child of a trumpet and a euphonium that is also dying of tuberculosis, used by French horn players for outdoor performances
2) a profane word that can fit into almost any grammatical category
Mindfuck: individual who is unusually talented at manipulating the thoughts and beliefs of others, especially to induce fear
Nerdery: nerdy behavior or media
Novocain cold: so cold your face feels as if it’s been injected with Novocain
Nudge: less extreme version of Marantohead with no reference to surname
Octoflugeron: long, complicated sequence of events or steps
Oedipal-complex weird: as weird as the Oedipal complex, i.e., weird enough to be incredibly disturbing
Orkdork: shortening of “orchestra dork”
Pepto-Dismal: a truly obnoxious shade of bright pink
Podunkland: very remote area
Reverse synthesis: a profane word that can fit into almost any grammatical category (I hated organic chem)
Saxamaphone: saxophone
Scooch: to shift sideways
Screamer: nodule in the skin so inflamed and painful that you feel like screaming when anything touches it
Sexophobe: 1) me (proper noun, as in The Sexophobe)
2) one who dislikes the idea of engaging in sex but not to the point of having diagnosable coitophobia
Snafu: Situation Normal, All Fucked Up; something incredibly damaged or twisted
Splat: high-range brass version of “blat”
Synthocrap: that spicy cheeselike substance with a half-life of a thousand years that they put on the nachos at the pool in my hometown
Teewee: something to be said while experiencing shadenfreude at the expense of someone who has been a thorn in your side (don’t ask; it’s a family thing)
Whore: any inanimate object-usually a technological apparatus-that is not cooperating
Wittied: hyper and potentially dangerous; applies almost exclusively to cats