Valentine's Day
So yesterday, was valentine's day. The day many people dread. Either because they are single and alone or they are pulling their hair out over what to do for their significant other. There are also those fine few who don't give it a second thought and are content in being happy with what they have and who they get to spend their days with. To those of you, cheers. I am glad to finally be a part of the group.
With all of the internal stress I put on myself in all aspects of my life...I can finally say, my relationship is not one of them. In fact, Joseph makes those parts of my life so much easier.
I didn't write a post about him at first because honestly, I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want to say all of the gushy things I say when I'm first falling in love with someone. Reason one being, I was usually wrong. I easily fall in love and boy do I fall hard, missing every little sign along the way that something isn't quite right. I was determined to not let that ever happen to me again. Reason two being, I just couldn't handle it if someone else were to break my heart. I guess that's pretty much the same as number one. Oh well.
Let me ask some of you girls this question. Have you ever been with someone you thought you loved and believed whole heartedly you were going to marry someday, yet some nights you would lay awake beside them in bed thinking that you had never felt more alone. Did it ever make you so sad that you would cry yourself to sleep and the next morning write it off as you being a crazy woman with too many emotions that needed to be controlled? I have. In every serious relationship. Every one. Except this one...
I just realized it. That this has not yet happened to me once...while in other relationships I've had, by this time it would have been a common occurrence. I was wide awake laying here after a wonderful, completely non-stressful, and totally amazing valentine's day, while he was falling asleep. I was feeling slightly disappointed that I wasn't tired enough yet to fall asleep with him. There was no feeling of emptiness, like something was missing. There was no hunger for something more. There was no ominous, heavy feeling of disappointment weighing down on me. Just content.
I've come to realize from experiences of my own and witnessing others in their relationships as well, that nothing is certain. Many people make themselves believe in certainty because they can't bare it otherwise. This works for many people but not me. Life is uncertain. The only things I am certain of are this...
#1 You must must must be happy alone before you can ever know who you truly are and what you have to offer in a relationship. You have to be aware of your flaws, recognize them for what they are, and accept them before you can ever expect someone else to.
#2 Life is beautiful. You don't need someone to share it with to see that. You don't even need them to see the same things you do. You just need them to understand you and accept you. That won't happen until you understand and accept yourself.
#3 If you don't have an honest relationship, it will fail. When I say honest, I mean completely and totally honest. Everything. If they can't handle the truth, they can't handle you.
I have had so many relationships where I doubted my sanity. I doubted who I was. I questioned myself and wondered why I had to be such a difficult person to be with. I just hadn't found the right person. Joseph may still not be the right person. Like I said, no one can ever be certain. But it sure does feel right. I feel lucky.
Don't get me wrong. Those three things may not be exactly right for everyone. I'm just saying what I know about myself. Hoping maybe some people could learn and grow from my experiences. Maybe some of you who still keep up on LJ can put in a few things you have learned over the years. I would love to hear them!
Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Love you all!
Finally tired...
With all of the internal stress I put on myself in all aspects of my life...I can finally say, my relationship is not one of them. In fact, Joseph makes those parts of my life so much easier.
I didn't write a post about him at first because honestly, I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want to say all of the gushy things I say when I'm first falling in love with someone. Reason one being, I was usually wrong. I easily fall in love and boy do I fall hard, missing every little sign along the way that something isn't quite right. I was determined to not let that ever happen to me again. Reason two being, I just couldn't handle it if someone else were to break my heart. I guess that's pretty much the same as number one. Oh well.
Let me ask some of you girls this question. Have you ever been with someone you thought you loved and believed whole heartedly you were going to marry someday, yet some nights you would lay awake beside them in bed thinking that you had never felt more alone. Did it ever make you so sad that you would cry yourself to sleep and the next morning write it off as you being a crazy woman with too many emotions that needed to be controlled? I have. In every serious relationship. Every one. Except this one...
I just realized it. That this has not yet happened to me once...while in other relationships I've had, by this time it would have been a common occurrence. I was wide awake laying here after a wonderful, completely non-stressful, and totally amazing valentine's day, while he was falling asleep. I was feeling slightly disappointed that I wasn't tired enough yet to fall asleep with him. There was no feeling of emptiness, like something was missing. There was no hunger for something more. There was no ominous, heavy feeling of disappointment weighing down on me. Just content.
I've come to realize from experiences of my own and witnessing others in their relationships as well, that nothing is certain. Many people make themselves believe in certainty because they can't bare it otherwise. This works for many people but not me. Life is uncertain. The only things I am certain of are this...
#1 You must must must be happy alone before you can ever know who you truly are and what you have to offer in a relationship. You have to be aware of your flaws, recognize them for what they are, and accept them before you can ever expect someone else to.
#2 Life is beautiful. You don't need someone to share it with to see that. You don't even need them to see the same things you do. You just need them to understand you and accept you. That won't happen until you understand and accept yourself.
#3 If you don't have an honest relationship, it will fail. When I say honest, I mean completely and totally honest. Everything. If they can't handle the truth, they can't handle you.
I have had so many relationships where I doubted my sanity. I doubted who I was. I questioned myself and wondered why I had to be such a difficult person to be with. I just hadn't found the right person. Joseph may still not be the right person. Like I said, no one can ever be certain. But it sure does feel right. I feel lucky.
Don't get me wrong. Those three things may not be exactly right for everyone. I'm just saying what I know about myself. Hoping maybe some people could learn and grow from my experiences. Maybe some of you who still keep up on LJ can put in a few things you have learned over the years. I would love to hear them!
Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Love you all!
Finally tired...