(no subject)
its so weird when you keep getting older. you make decisions and you think they are fairly easy, but when it comes down to it, it really boggles your mind. sometimes its not so easy to just listen to your heart. i looked out the window today and it looked exactly like when we first moved in to this house. i think actually the date we moved in would be tomorrow. march 21st. i remember exactly how i felt. as i looked out that window, everything came back to me. i remember how sad i was to be away from home and how i didnt know how i was going to have the strength to do all the things i planned and wanted to do. how i was going to make it. i thought it would be no time before i ran for the airport and i said fuck it. but i held on and worked my ass off and bought a car. i put myself through a semester. i paid off my rabbit. i just waited and pondered on how great it will be when i can go and visit everyone i missed. the people i still miss. im moving back may 1st. i was very happy when i bought my ticket. it took me quite awhile to tell my dad i was going to move back. i told him last night. i didnt sleep too well. today it drained me out, i didnt think it would affect me so much after i told him. but now its so real. i will be back there in that dead end town i came back from. as much as im excited, im so terrified that i will get myself stuck back in the same pattern that ended with me never doing anything with myself. dont get me wrong, this is what i want to do, but im just having all these emotions flying back at me.
im going to be 21 in a little over 3 months. what am i going to do with myself? all of a sudden i have like all these motherly instincts coming through and i want to be a mom. not anytime soon, but now im getting a all new perspective on everything. i think that a lot of things are coming together in my mind, and its going to make everything alot easier. i love my parents. they both have major major flaws but who doesnt. i always had the mindset that i didnt want to be anything like my parents. well thats pretty much impossible considering your parents raise you and teach you everything. but now when i think about my parents i dont think "oh i dont want to be anything like them" im now like "i want to be like this and this about my dad, and this and this about my mom." i think if we looked at everyone that way there would be so much less hate in the world and a lot more understanding.
you only have one shot in life and most people dont even get a long one. who knows what will happen tomorrow. you have to enjoy today.
im going to be 21 in a little over 3 months. what am i going to do with myself? all of a sudden i have like all these motherly instincts coming through and i want to be a mom. not anytime soon, but now im getting a all new perspective on everything. i think that a lot of things are coming together in my mind, and its going to make everything alot easier. i love my parents. they both have major major flaws but who doesnt. i always had the mindset that i didnt want to be anything like my parents. well thats pretty much impossible considering your parents raise you and teach you everything. but now when i think about my parents i dont think "oh i dont want to be anything like them" im now like "i want to be like this and this about my dad, and this and this about my mom." i think if we looked at everyone that way there would be so much less hate in the world and a lot more understanding.
you only have one shot in life and most people dont even get a long one. who knows what will happen tomorrow. you have to enjoy today.