Vlad!
I don't know where to start! I'm all over the place this today (almost typed "this morning", but that's no longer true). Waking up alone in my bed really kind of made things hit home: I have a boyfriend who makes me so happy, and he's studying in the Netherlands. If all goes to plan, I'll see him in early/mid February. If something gets in the way of that (which seems unlikely, but I worry), I have no idea when we'll next be together. But I should probably go back to the beginning. It's such a weird story. It feels like magic must have happened over the last few days. I think we're both a little bit insane and it's wonderful.
Since the summer, Ray has mentioned at intervals that he has this friend called Vlad whom I really should meet. He'd come out with things like, "he's going to love you," and, "you know he's going to fuck you right?" and I took it all with a pinch of salt because Ray's annoying like that, but at the same time I was rather intrigued. Ray also described him as, "annoyingly good," when it comes to gaming, which rather appealed because anyone who can kick Ray's arse really appeals. I was hoping to meet him when he was around over the summer, but it turned out that dates clashed and I would be in Cardiff when he was in London, so nothing came of it and I didn't think much more about it.
Skip forwards a few months and I'm at Ray's when a photo of Vlad pops up on his facebook. It's about a month after Hallowe'en and these photos are of his costume: a stunning black dress, lace gloves, a fan, a sort of hat/fascinator thing and a shrug. I was just sitting there like, oh my god this is awesome. He has the most amazing long hair (which, in person, is so fluffy and lovely, even if having two long-haired people can be a little irritating) and he just looked wonderful and I was pretty sure I would be attracted to him when we met and it was just such a cool costume. I was intrigued.
I can't remember precisely what I said (blame alcohol), but Ray decided to comment on the photos on my behalf. Only he didn't actually write any of what I said. Instead, he came up with, "Sophie Shenton says: PWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" and I was left sitting there mortified. We're gaming, though, so we get distracted. Hours later, we realised that Vlad replied, saying, "Vlad [insert surname here] says: PWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA right back at you. Bunny ears aren't exactly the most original of outfits," in reference to my current profile pic. (And yes, you can try to facebook stalk him, should you wish. You have his permission :P) We exchanged a couple more comments via Ray and I was even more sure he seemed like someone I'd want to know. I was really quite tickled by the idea of him, and obviously Ray had already put the idea of us sleeping together into my head.
The next day, I added him, intending to apologise for the words Ray had ascribed to me. He accepted my request and I squee'd, but then I kind of got shy about talking to a stranger online (in spite of prior experience with you guys on that front :P) and did nothing. I think we both separately talked to Ray about the possibility of us meeting when he came back to the UK for Christmas, but it turned out that I was going to be in Cardiff for the whole of his visit. Ray joked to me that perhaps he could come and stay at my parents' house in Cardiff, and I played along with the idea. It was amusingly ridiculous. I'd resigned myself to, again, not getting to meet this cool-seeming person for a few months. At this point, I'd definitely developed a crush on the idea of this guy, but it was just fanciful ideas and I was well aware of that.
Then, a few days later, I received a fb message from Ray to me and Vlad, saying, "Sophie, Vlad doesn't believe me when I say it's OK for him to come to yours for Christmas, so tell him yourself." I freaked. I had no idea what to do. Here was my chance to start actually talking to this guy, and Ray had made it so awkward. I was very hesitant and very awkward but we established that him coming to Cardiff was *not* going to happen and that Ray was an arse (and probably drunk) and that we'd rather like to meet at some point, but that it was going to be difficult this time round.
Then I apologised for what Ray had said on my behalf and complimented the dress and stuff and things got slightly smoother. We chatted for a little bit and then said goodnight and I was really quite pleased that it had happened, even if I was a tiny bit pissed off with Ray.
A few days later, Vlad and I started talking properly, well away from the irritation of Ray. I want to tell you when and what about, but there are waaaaaay too many messages to scroll through. In about three weeks of conversation, we've exchanged something in the region of seven thousand messages. That's probably more than I've sent to anyone else ever. I just don't talk to people this much, but he was so lovely and I was so delighted and I just didn't run out of things to say. Every conversation left me happier.
He happened to have spare copies of a few really great games lying around that he decided to give me, which was incredibly generous, given how little he knew me. When I started playing the first one (which has since become one of my favourite games ever) he asked if we could use some sort of voice chat so he could hear my reaction without me needing to interrupt gameplay to type, and that's how we skyped for the first time. It was voice-only, but it was really nice to hear him. Ray had said stuff about him having an annoying voice, but I really, really disagreed. His accent's a confusing mix of things, to my ears, because while he's Romanian, he also spent a while living in Germany and then the Netherlands before he came here. There are also elements of American pronunciation in there, because that's just what he's been exposed to. Anyway, to me, it sounds warm and intelligent and lovely.
We talked and talked and talked over the Christmas holidays. Fairly early on, I mentioned the possibility of me coming back to London a bit earlier than planned so I could see him before he flew back to Holland, but at first, I was unsure because I knew it would mean less time with my family and I didn't want to make them unhappy. As soon as I saw them, pretty much, I mentioned the idea, and I think they could tell how excited I was about this guy because they were really supportive. It's quite some time since I've felt this excited about a person. Will was the last, really, and you all know what a mess that was. This is also going to have its difficulties, of course, but I really can't imagine Vlad ever making me unhappy in the way Will did. That just doesn't seem possible. I feel secure with him: I know he's not going to vanish on me by choice, mess me around and leave me so insecure and all over the place. I won't be making that sort of mistake again. Falling for people who actually definitely feel the same way about you (and don't hesitate to tell you that) is so much better. I know that from experience now!
So yeah, it was decided that I would come back for a game night at Ray's, the night before he was flying back to Holland. It just so happened to be Vlad's birthday that day, so he wasn't sure how early he'd be able to get there because he thought his parents would probably want to do stuff. However, closer to the time, he realised that he was actually going to be free all day, which meant that we could basically meet as soon as I was back in the city. I was so excited. We planned a trip to the South Kensington area: Harrods, Winter Wonderland, dinner, just a general wonder around pretty places in each other's company so we could meet away from Ray. Neither of us used the word date, but that's what it was in both of our minds, I think.
I remember the first time he called me "darling". It was joking/sarcastic (I think I'd said something rather silly, but it was quite a nice way of being teased) and I knew that, but I still kind of flailed. At that point, he later told me, the idea of us being together hadn't yet crossed his mind. Unlike me, he hadn't had Ray putting it there. (They are good friends, but naturally, living so close to each other, Ray and I talk more.) However, as the days went by, pet names actually did start creeping into the conversation and I just got happier and happier, and more and more sure that something was going to happen. I think I was counting down to meeting Vlad more than I was counting down to Christmas, which, given how much I love Christmas, is really quite something.
We just kept finding more things that we shared. Feminism (as you may remember me posting about) was an important one. He watches Laci Green and Vi Hart videos. He reads some of the webcomics I love. He's just as introverted as I am and has similar struggles with extroverted housemates sometimes. He has good taste in tv shows and films (see Pushing Daisies, which I am enjoying hugely). He knows next to nothing about classical music, but he's interested and wants to know and so I've linked him to things and we've had interesting conversations and it was so nice to have him start actually listening analytically to this stuff without me prompting. I didn't need to teach. He just started thinking in the right way of his own accord, and that was really pleasing, that he seemed truly interested in learning, and wasn't just going along with it because it's important to me.
He didn't like a lot of the stuff I shared (I'm still trying to learn his tastes), but I found some things he enjoyed too and it was really cool. I also loved hearing about his studies (he's doing a research masters, looking at genetic modification and trying to find groups of genes that can be modified in plants to hopefully double growth rates, thus doubling crop yields, which is awesome and could be so so so useful in the whole feeding a rapidly expanding population issue. I don't understand how they're doing it, but it sounds sooooo cool). I don't know enough non-musicians nowadays, so that was really refreshing. Plus knowledgeable, intelligent people are really attractive, hah.
My crush on him was just growing and growing, and I was pretty sure he felt the same way. I envisaged meeting him for the first time and walking straight up to him and kissing him, I was that sure I was going to be attracted to him. In practice, when I actually walked up to him at the station on Sunday, we were both too shy. (I found out later that he'd imagined doing the same thing, too -- squeeeeeee!) Shyness and awkwardness and introversion and minor cowardliness when it comes to initiating are things that we both have in common, which is sort of frustrating, but it makes it so much easier for us to understand each other, and clearly we've got past it!
We took the train into central London and started off by wondering through Winter Wonderland. We just talked and talked and talked all the way (even if I was a little shy and generally overcome by "oh my god it's Vlad it's Vlad it's Vlad!"). Then we went to Harrods. It was my first time in there, and while I'm not always that interested in shopping, in his company it was really fun. He's interested in women's fashion and has damn good taste, and we drooled over expensive chocolate and geeked out in the toys section (oh my god the lego and the hp section and Paddington) and eventually made our way up to the perfume floor. Oh my god. I've never really been perfume shopping, but it's something he's quite interested in. I'd spent the whole time in the shop expecting to have people turn their noses up at us slightly. Like, I'm clearly not a person who can afford to buy stuff in there. I felt very out of place. Or rather, I felt like *we* were very out of place, and quite enjoyed the fact that there was a "we".
It was wonderful up there. Those assistants were actually really really friendly, so we got to try some scents. We started with Chanel and there were some really nice things in there. Nothing that I knew, really, but everything smelt soooo good. Then, we wondered down to the other end of the area and found this brand called Xerjoff that we'd never heard of. The assistant there was so enthusiastic and great to talk to about this stuff. We tried 6 different scents and each one was so well crafted and beautiful. Like, I don't know a lot about perfume, but even I could tell how clever these scents were. My favourite (for which I still have the test stick thing) was called Irisss and obviously it was an iris-based fragrance, with rose and ylang ylang, but as I sniffed, I suddenly thought of standing at the sink and peeling carrots. I didn't know why, but I said so, and the assistant was so surprised. She double checked the bottle and then told me that one of the ingredients was carrot seeds, which was just such a cool discovery. We then found out that each bottle cost somewhere in the region of £500, but if I had that sort of money to spend on perfume, I wouldn't hesitate. It was so beautiful.
Anyway, we shopped and then we went for dinner in this Italian place and we had a three course dinner and a glass of prosecco each (that's another thing we have in common -- appreciating wine) and they accidentally gave us free Limoncello, which I really rather enjoyed. We split the bill (like, that was just assumed and there wasn't any need for a conversation about it) and then he took me to see the Imperial campus, where he did his undergrad (and met Ray). There, we sat for a while and he confessed to me that he had a crush on me and it was so so so lovely to hear, but my response was (I'm sorry to say) a little underwhelming for him. Like, I was pleased and said I felt the same, but I'd sort of taken that as read. I didn't realise he hadn't been sure if I was interested or not, so it felt slightly odd that he needed to say it like that, that we couldn't just act on it. (I mean, we did, but that was later.)
After than, we were getting a bit tired and decided to go back to mine to watch Pushing Daisies. Ray hadn't really told us what time we could come to his, and he was being spectacularly unhelpful in terms of making plans, so we thought we'd chill without him for a while. We honestly did intend to go to his at some point. That was our entire pretext for meeting, after all! When we got home, we cwtched* up on my bed with my laptop and, finally, he took my hand. That was a pretty major fireworks moment. The episode was, naturally sweet and lovely and funny and it was soooooo good to watch with him. We've watched things simultaneously before and talked, or I've messaged him my reactions while watching an episode alone, but to actually feel him laughing next to me, to be able to just smile up at him, to hear his reactions, live, to bury my face in his shoulder in a tense moment -- it was wonderful.
Then, when the episode finished, things happened. Lots of things. Lots of good things that meant we hardly slept. It was worth it. So so so so worth it. So worth being exhausted now, so worth having to deal with our clumsy inexperience, so worth the nerves that come with this having incredible new person you're just beginning to know. We couldn't stop smiling. That's why waking up this morning was so unfun: the contrast to waking up in his arms yesterday.
(Ray eventually messaged us sometime around 2am, suggesting we went to his in the morning, but we ignored him. There was no way in hell that was going to happen now. I've since apologised, and he's said it's fine -- he wanted us to have fun! He can be nice sometimes :P He called me while I was on the train home from the airport, feeling miserable, to ask if we hadn't showed up at his because we were still having sex, hah.)
In the morning, we had a bath (my bath really isn't big enough to share, but that didn't matter) and then had breakfast and went back to bed for a bit and listened to music and, um, stuff. His flight was looming at this point, but we put it out of our minds as best we could. Just after one, we finally got our acts together and got the train back to his parents house. I met his mum, who was very sweet and made me tea and he packed and then she drove us back to the station. That train ride. Thankfully, the carriage was very close to empty so we didn't have to worry about being watched. (Nothing actually risque, don't worry! I'm just not used to the PDA thing. I think it was excusable, given the situation.) Knowing we had so little time was horrible, even if the time itself was lovely. I now absolutely loathe London City Airport. Next time I go there, it'll hopefully be for better reasons. I can't imagine myself going there any time soon unless it's to meet him or fly out to the Netherlands myself, which is a really exciting thought.
I managed not to cry until he was gone, but it was a close thing more than once. It's all been so sudden and overwhelming and I can't even find words for half of it. I have my first boyfriend. (I also have my first hickeys :3) We agreed that in my bed during the night (the relationship, not the hickeys, although clearly that was consensual too). The distance worries both of us, but this is too good for us not to try. He says (and I agree) that if things fizzle out, he thinks it will be amicable. I can't imagine ever disliking him, and I hate the thought of just not talking to him or gaming with him or sharing stuff with him. Hopefully we can be one of the lucky couples who do make it work, though. I mean, it'll be more than luck. It'll be us working to make it happen, and right now, I think we're capable of it.
I hope to go out to see him in a free week in February, which if I'm lucky could be my birthday week. (There are two weeks in which I might be free, but I need more information from college about project dates.) Either way, it would include the Valentine's weekend, hah. Neither of us are particularly interested in that as a celebration -- St Dwynwen's day is better, imo -- but still. It's sort of a nice thought. I can afford the flights, I think, and free accommodation will help a lot. He will also hopefully come back over Easter, and then we should both be a lot freer in the summer. Apparently August is a good time for a visit to his area :3 That's a long way off yet, but I really really really want it to happen. Learning Dutch also sounds kinda fun.
It's odd. Some of the things he said were innately, delightfully optimistic. The main example on my mind is talking about when we should celebrate our anniversary, a conversation he started. Our 26-hour-long first date started on the 28th, his birthday, but we agreed to commit to this properly on the 29th (oh god this sounds insane when I type it out, but I don't care) and theoretically, we've agreed we'd use the 29th because then we get two days in a row of celebrations. But then he also says he feels quite pessimistic at the moment and I completely understand why. This is going to be really fucking hard, however much we both want it. It's about 24 hours now since he left and I already miss him. There are all these happy memories in my house (particularly in my room) and I feel his absence all the more for it. That will get less intense, I guess. He's made me so happy, and I love the fact that I've had the same effect on him. That's such a delight, seeing him happy because of me.
So yeah, I think that's about all I've got to say for now. This is already insanely long. Oh, I think I'm going to set this to be public and send him a link. I told him I was writing this (and enjoying writing it) and he asked if he could see and I think he might enjoy reading it, so I'll do that once I've proofread. Obviously, he's lived it all with me and I've said most of this to him in person, but anyway. It's nice to share it all again. You might want to bear his eyes in mind if you comment :P He knows about you lot and that you're important and trustworthy. I think he's currently talking about all of this stuff to his friend Marlinda, who is also important and trustworthy. (I adore that name so much, although apparently it's quite common/dull in the Netherlands.) It's really fun, sharing this sort of news with friends, especially when everything's so new and exciting.
I really must stop writing now. Unpacking and practice must happen at some point. Also lunch :3 Much love to you all! (And Soraya, give Speedy a cuddle from me, yeah? I hope she's feeling better.)
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!
*Welsh for cuddle. It's an infinitely better word.
Since the summer, Ray has mentioned at intervals that he has this friend called Vlad whom I really should meet. He'd come out with things like, "he's going to love you," and, "you know he's going to fuck you right?" and I took it all with a pinch of salt because Ray's annoying like that, but at the same time I was rather intrigued. Ray also described him as, "annoyingly good," when it comes to gaming, which rather appealed because anyone who can kick Ray's arse really appeals. I was hoping to meet him when he was around over the summer, but it turned out that dates clashed and I would be in Cardiff when he was in London, so nothing came of it and I didn't think much more about it.
Skip forwards a few months and I'm at Ray's when a photo of Vlad pops up on his facebook. It's about a month after Hallowe'en and these photos are of his costume: a stunning black dress, lace gloves, a fan, a sort of hat/fascinator thing and a shrug. I was just sitting there like, oh my god this is awesome. He has the most amazing long hair (which, in person, is so fluffy and lovely, even if having two long-haired people can be a little irritating) and he just looked wonderful and I was pretty sure I would be attracted to him when we met and it was just such a cool costume. I was intrigued.
I can't remember precisely what I said (blame alcohol), but Ray decided to comment on the photos on my behalf. Only he didn't actually write any of what I said. Instead, he came up with, "Sophie Shenton says: PWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" and I was left sitting there mortified. We're gaming, though, so we get distracted. Hours later, we realised that Vlad replied, saying, "Vlad [insert surname here] says: PWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA right back at you. Bunny ears aren't exactly the most original of outfits," in reference to my current profile pic. (And yes, you can try to facebook stalk him, should you wish. You have his permission :P) We exchanged a couple more comments via Ray and I was even more sure he seemed like someone I'd want to know. I was really quite tickled by the idea of him, and obviously Ray had already put the idea of us sleeping together into my head.
The next day, I added him, intending to apologise for the words Ray had ascribed to me. He accepted my request and I squee'd, but then I kind of got shy about talking to a stranger online (in spite of prior experience with you guys on that front :P) and did nothing. I think we both separately talked to Ray about the possibility of us meeting when he came back to the UK for Christmas, but it turned out that I was going to be in Cardiff for the whole of his visit. Ray joked to me that perhaps he could come and stay at my parents' house in Cardiff, and I played along with the idea. It was amusingly ridiculous. I'd resigned myself to, again, not getting to meet this cool-seeming person for a few months. At this point, I'd definitely developed a crush on the idea of this guy, but it was just fanciful ideas and I was well aware of that.
Then, a few days later, I received a fb message from Ray to me and Vlad, saying, "Sophie, Vlad doesn't believe me when I say it's OK for him to come to yours for Christmas, so tell him yourself." I freaked. I had no idea what to do. Here was my chance to start actually talking to this guy, and Ray had made it so awkward. I was very hesitant and very awkward but we established that him coming to Cardiff was *not* going to happen and that Ray was an arse (and probably drunk) and that we'd rather like to meet at some point, but that it was going to be difficult this time round.
Then I apologised for what Ray had said on my behalf and complimented the dress and stuff and things got slightly smoother. We chatted for a little bit and then said goodnight and I was really quite pleased that it had happened, even if I was a tiny bit pissed off with Ray.
A few days later, Vlad and I started talking properly, well away from the irritation of Ray. I want to tell you when and what about, but there are waaaaaay too many messages to scroll through. In about three weeks of conversation, we've exchanged something in the region of seven thousand messages. That's probably more than I've sent to anyone else ever. I just don't talk to people this much, but he was so lovely and I was so delighted and I just didn't run out of things to say. Every conversation left me happier.
He happened to have spare copies of a few really great games lying around that he decided to give me, which was incredibly generous, given how little he knew me. When I started playing the first one (which has since become one of my favourite games ever) he asked if we could use some sort of voice chat so he could hear my reaction without me needing to interrupt gameplay to type, and that's how we skyped for the first time. It was voice-only, but it was really nice to hear him. Ray had said stuff about him having an annoying voice, but I really, really disagreed. His accent's a confusing mix of things, to my ears, because while he's Romanian, he also spent a while living in Germany and then the Netherlands before he came here. There are also elements of American pronunciation in there, because that's just what he's been exposed to. Anyway, to me, it sounds warm and intelligent and lovely.
We talked and talked and talked over the Christmas holidays. Fairly early on, I mentioned the possibility of me coming back to London a bit earlier than planned so I could see him before he flew back to Holland, but at first, I was unsure because I knew it would mean less time with my family and I didn't want to make them unhappy. As soon as I saw them, pretty much, I mentioned the idea, and I think they could tell how excited I was about this guy because they were really supportive. It's quite some time since I've felt this excited about a person. Will was the last, really, and you all know what a mess that was. This is also going to have its difficulties, of course, but I really can't imagine Vlad ever making me unhappy in the way Will did. That just doesn't seem possible. I feel secure with him: I know he's not going to vanish on me by choice, mess me around and leave me so insecure and all over the place. I won't be making that sort of mistake again. Falling for people who actually definitely feel the same way about you (and don't hesitate to tell you that) is so much better. I know that from experience now!
So yeah, it was decided that I would come back for a game night at Ray's, the night before he was flying back to Holland. It just so happened to be Vlad's birthday that day, so he wasn't sure how early he'd be able to get there because he thought his parents would probably want to do stuff. However, closer to the time, he realised that he was actually going to be free all day, which meant that we could basically meet as soon as I was back in the city. I was so excited. We planned a trip to the South Kensington area: Harrods, Winter Wonderland, dinner, just a general wonder around pretty places in each other's company so we could meet away from Ray. Neither of us used the word date, but that's what it was in both of our minds, I think.
I remember the first time he called me "darling". It was joking/sarcastic (I think I'd said something rather silly, but it was quite a nice way of being teased) and I knew that, but I still kind of flailed. At that point, he later told me, the idea of us being together hadn't yet crossed his mind. Unlike me, he hadn't had Ray putting it there. (They are good friends, but naturally, living so close to each other, Ray and I talk more.) However, as the days went by, pet names actually did start creeping into the conversation and I just got happier and happier, and more and more sure that something was going to happen. I think I was counting down to meeting Vlad more than I was counting down to Christmas, which, given how much I love Christmas, is really quite something.
We just kept finding more things that we shared. Feminism (as you may remember me posting about) was an important one. He watches Laci Green and Vi Hart videos. He reads some of the webcomics I love. He's just as introverted as I am and has similar struggles with extroverted housemates sometimes. He has good taste in tv shows and films (see Pushing Daisies, which I am enjoying hugely). He knows next to nothing about classical music, but he's interested and wants to know and so I've linked him to things and we've had interesting conversations and it was so nice to have him start actually listening analytically to this stuff without me prompting. I didn't need to teach. He just started thinking in the right way of his own accord, and that was really pleasing, that he seemed truly interested in learning, and wasn't just going along with it because it's important to me.
He didn't like a lot of the stuff I shared (I'm still trying to learn his tastes), but I found some things he enjoyed too and it was really cool. I also loved hearing about his studies (he's doing a research masters, looking at genetic modification and trying to find groups of genes that can be modified in plants to hopefully double growth rates, thus doubling crop yields, which is awesome and could be so so so useful in the whole feeding a rapidly expanding population issue. I don't understand how they're doing it, but it sounds sooooo cool). I don't know enough non-musicians nowadays, so that was really refreshing. Plus knowledgeable, intelligent people are really attractive, hah.
My crush on him was just growing and growing, and I was pretty sure he felt the same way. I envisaged meeting him for the first time and walking straight up to him and kissing him, I was that sure I was going to be attracted to him. In practice, when I actually walked up to him at the station on Sunday, we were both too shy. (I found out later that he'd imagined doing the same thing, too -- squeeeeeee!) Shyness and awkwardness and introversion and minor cowardliness when it comes to initiating are things that we both have in common, which is sort of frustrating, but it makes it so much easier for us to understand each other, and clearly we've got past it!
We took the train into central London and started off by wondering through Winter Wonderland. We just talked and talked and talked all the way (even if I was a little shy and generally overcome by "oh my god it's Vlad it's Vlad it's Vlad!"). Then we went to Harrods. It was my first time in there, and while I'm not always that interested in shopping, in his company it was really fun. He's interested in women's fashion and has damn good taste, and we drooled over expensive chocolate and geeked out in the toys section (oh my god the lego and the hp section and Paddington) and eventually made our way up to the perfume floor. Oh my god. I've never really been perfume shopping, but it's something he's quite interested in. I'd spent the whole time in the shop expecting to have people turn their noses up at us slightly. Like, I'm clearly not a person who can afford to buy stuff in there. I felt very out of place. Or rather, I felt like *we* were very out of place, and quite enjoyed the fact that there was a "we".
It was wonderful up there. Those assistants were actually really really friendly, so we got to try some scents. We started with Chanel and there were some really nice things in there. Nothing that I knew, really, but everything smelt soooo good. Then, we wondered down to the other end of the area and found this brand called Xerjoff that we'd never heard of. The assistant there was so enthusiastic and great to talk to about this stuff. We tried 6 different scents and each one was so well crafted and beautiful. Like, I don't know a lot about perfume, but even I could tell how clever these scents were. My favourite (for which I still have the test stick thing) was called Irisss and obviously it was an iris-based fragrance, with rose and ylang ylang, but as I sniffed, I suddenly thought of standing at the sink and peeling carrots. I didn't know why, but I said so, and the assistant was so surprised. She double checked the bottle and then told me that one of the ingredients was carrot seeds, which was just such a cool discovery. We then found out that each bottle cost somewhere in the region of £500, but if I had that sort of money to spend on perfume, I wouldn't hesitate. It was so beautiful.
Anyway, we shopped and then we went for dinner in this Italian place and we had a three course dinner and a glass of prosecco each (that's another thing we have in common -- appreciating wine) and they accidentally gave us free Limoncello, which I really rather enjoyed. We split the bill (like, that was just assumed and there wasn't any need for a conversation about it) and then he took me to see the Imperial campus, where he did his undergrad (and met Ray). There, we sat for a while and he confessed to me that he had a crush on me and it was so so so lovely to hear, but my response was (I'm sorry to say) a little underwhelming for him. Like, I was pleased and said I felt the same, but I'd sort of taken that as read. I didn't realise he hadn't been sure if I was interested or not, so it felt slightly odd that he needed to say it like that, that we couldn't just act on it. (I mean, we did, but that was later.)
After than, we were getting a bit tired and decided to go back to mine to watch Pushing Daisies. Ray hadn't really told us what time we could come to his, and he was being spectacularly unhelpful in terms of making plans, so we thought we'd chill without him for a while. We honestly did intend to go to his at some point. That was our entire pretext for meeting, after all! When we got home, we cwtched* up on my bed with my laptop and, finally, he took my hand. That was a pretty major fireworks moment. The episode was, naturally sweet and lovely and funny and it was soooooo good to watch with him. We've watched things simultaneously before and talked, or I've messaged him my reactions while watching an episode alone, but to actually feel him laughing next to me, to be able to just smile up at him, to hear his reactions, live, to bury my face in his shoulder in a tense moment -- it was wonderful.
Then, when the episode finished, things happened. Lots of things. Lots of good things that meant we hardly slept. It was worth it. So so so so worth it. So worth being exhausted now, so worth having to deal with our clumsy inexperience, so worth the nerves that come with this having incredible new person you're just beginning to know. We couldn't stop smiling. That's why waking up this morning was so unfun: the contrast to waking up in his arms yesterday.
(Ray eventually messaged us sometime around 2am, suggesting we went to his in the morning, but we ignored him. There was no way in hell that was going to happen now. I've since apologised, and he's said it's fine -- he wanted us to have fun! He can be nice sometimes :P He called me while I was on the train home from the airport, feeling miserable, to ask if we hadn't showed up at his because we were still having sex, hah.)
In the morning, we had a bath (my bath really isn't big enough to share, but that didn't matter) and then had breakfast and went back to bed for a bit and listened to music and, um, stuff. His flight was looming at this point, but we put it out of our minds as best we could. Just after one, we finally got our acts together and got the train back to his parents house. I met his mum, who was very sweet and made me tea and he packed and then she drove us back to the station. That train ride. Thankfully, the carriage was very close to empty so we didn't have to worry about being watched. (Nothing actually risque, don't worry! I'm just not used to the PDA thing. I think it was excusable, given the situation.) Knowing we had so little time was horrible, even if the time itself was lovely. I now absolutely loathe London City Airport. Next time I go there, it'll hopefully be for better reasons. I can't imagine myself going there any time soon unless it's to meet him or fly out to the Netherlands myself, which is a really exciting thought.
I managed not to cry until he was gone, but it was a close thing more than once. It's all been so sudden and overwhelming and I can't even find words for half of it. I have my first boyfriend. (I also have my first hickeys :3) We agreed that in my bed during the night (the relationship, not the hickeys, although clearly that was consensual too). The distance worries both of us, but this is too good for us not to try. He says (and I agree) that if things fizzle out, he thinks it will be amicable. I can't imagine ever disliking him, and I hate the thought of just not talking to him or gaming with him or sharing stuff with him. Hopefully we can be one of the lucky couples who do make it work, though. I mean, it'll be more than luck. It'll be us working to make it happen, and right now, I think we're capable of it.
I hope to go out to see him in a free week in February, which if I'm lucky could be my birthday week. (There are two weeks in which I might be free, but I need more information from college about project dates.) Either way, it would include the Valentine's weekend, hah. Neither of us are particularly interested in that as a celebration -- St Dwynwen's day is better, imo -- but still. It's sort of a nice thought. I can afford the flights, I think, and free accommodation will help a lot. He will also hopefully come back over Easter, and then we should both be a lot freer in the summer. Apparently August is a good time for a visit to his area :3 That's a long way off yet, but I really really really want it to happen. Learning Dutch also sounds kinda fun.
It's odd. Some of the things he said were innately, delightfully optimistic. The main example on my mind is talking about when we should celebrate our anniversary, a conversation he started. Our 26-hour-long first date started on the 28th, his birthday, but we agreed to commit to this properly on the 29th (oh god this sounds insane when I type it out, but I don't care) and theoretically, we've agreed we'd use the 29th because then we get two days in a row of celebrations. But then he also says he feels quite pessimistic at the moment and I completely understand why. This is going to be really fucking hard, however much we both want it. It's about 24 hours now since he left and I already miss him. There are all these happy memories in my house (particularly in my room) and I feel his absence all the more for it. That will get less intense, I guess. He's made me so happy, and I love the fact that I've had the same effect on him. That's such a delight, seeing him happy because of me.
So yeah, I think that's about all I've got to say for now. This is already insanely long. Oh, I think I'm going to set this to be public and send him a link. I told him I was writing this (and enjoying writing it) and he asked if he could see and I think he might enjoy reading it, so I'll do that once I've proofread. Obviously, he's lived it all with me and I've said most of this to him in person, but anyway. It's nice to share it all again. You might want to bear his eyes in mind if you comment :P He knows about you lot and that you're important and trustworthy. I think he's currently talking about all of this stuff to his friend Marlinda, who is also important and trustworthy. (I adore that name so much, although apparently it's quite common/dull in the Netherlands.) It's really fun, sharing this sort of news with friends, especially when everything's so new and exciting.
I really must stop writing now. Unpacking and practice must happen at some point. Also lunch :3 Much love to you all! (And Soraya, give Speedy a cuddle from me, yeah? I hope she's feeling better.)
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!
*Welsh for cuddle. It's an infinitely better word.