On Being Queer

[sophie_448]

Well. I was going to write some fic. But ... instead I wrote this? This ... was sort of vaguely intended to be something to show my mother. For those of you who don't know, my mother and I have been having some upsetting "debates" that made me realize that we basically live in entirely different worlds when it comes to gay rights. I ... will

Comments

[thebiggest_lie]

Oh, and just because I want to put this somewhere, and I can't really in my own journal because my sister and I share so many friends. The thing is, even the people who love you most and are most supportive of you just fall through on this sort of thing, like your mom. Your mom loves you, but somehow she can't seem to see this part of you. And doesn't that just kill you?

Something I think about a lot...more than I should, is when I told my sister who is my best friend and she cried and told me she didn't want this for me. I know she meant it in the sense that it's hard to be gay, but...it still didn't feel good to hear that. She also is VERY uncomfortable with any mention of me liking girls even with her being into slash and pro gay rights. She has no problem with talk of hot guys, but me saying anything about a girl gets a big 'let's not go there.' and it's added a lot to my extreme discomfort with talking about finding ANYONE attractive. I don't want to bring this to her attention, because I don't want to hurt her feelings nor do I think she realizes on any level she has done this.

boooo people. lol

[sophie_448]

Yeah, I mean, it was a HUGE step to come out to my parents. And of course I'm incredibly happy that they didn't disown me or something crazy. But there is clearly a disconnect when they say they love me and want me to be happy but can still have the opinions they have. I know FOR SURE that they voted for the marriage amendment in VA back in '06. And like, they didn't know at the time, but I get the distinct feeling they would vote that way again, and I don't see how they can not understand that that would be PURPOSEFULLY VOTING AGAINST MY RIGHTS AND FUTURE HAPPINESS. IDK.

I'm sorry your sister is so uncomfortable with it! That's so surprising. I mean, it's not unheard of in slash fandom, but ... stil :-/ Maybe, if you don't want to bring it up with her directly, you could like ... start building her tolerance? Start gradually mentioning girls a little more, then a little more, and so on? *hands* IDK. Sorry you have to deal with this bb. I feel ya. *HUGS*

(P.S. do you want me to screen this, since I opened up the post?)

[thebiggest_lie]

No, that's okay. I am pretty sure you and her don't have any of the same friends. :) Thanks for the thought though!

I'm really sorry about your parents feeling that way and that they are yet to understand how that kind of thing could hurt you. And that's what it really is; a complete disconnect and just not understanding at all. Do you think your parents are under the assumption that gay = choice? That tends to be a lot of the argument for people who vote against gay marriage and issues of that sort.

I don't know what it is that makes her so uncomfortable with it. I mean, she runs a Chuck/Casey slash group. And yeah...I just don't know. She is so supportive of gay rights; I know she is! But somehow it doesn't translate on a personal level and she is uncomfortable hearing about any details in regards to actual real life gay people.

[sophie_448]

Do you think your parents are under the assumption that gay = choice?

I know my dad does because he said so. My mom didn't weigh in on it, but probably. And, like, I don't even know where to start with that. I can't show them the inside of my head or something? And ... in all honesty, the science is fuzzy enough not to convince someone who doesn't want to be convinced. I mean, I just try to remind myself that I did JUST come out to them. They may come around more with time.

That is ... problematic. I mean, it's certainly good that she's super supportive of gay rights, but I wonder where that discomfort comes from. I mean, it doesn't have anything to do with her if you say some girl is hot. Is there any reason that she would feel insecure and not want to hear that? I ... honestly I've got nothing :-/ I do think if it really bothers you, you should try to bring it up with her. I mean, you're accomodating her discomfort here, but she doesn't even know about yours. (BUT BELIEVE ME I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BRING THESE THINGS UP WITH FAMILY)

♥