Living On (TW SA)
Title: Living On
Rating: pg?
Summary: What would Ianto's future have been, if he had lived on, made it to old age? Jack inevitably would have gone again, and leave him behind to grow old alone.
Characters/Pairing: Jack and Ianto
Disclaimer: the characters all belong to RTD and the BBC, etc, I don’t own them
Author’s Notes: AU (ish). Not a very creative title, apologies for that. This is another of my 'what if' pieces, that I seem to keep writing. They’re not exactly cheery, but they let me explore these other possibilities... maybe i’m trying to justify what happened, I don’t know. They’re not exactlycheery/happy/fluffy... sorry.. anyway; comments and concrit etc are lovely if you take the time to read! Thank you!
It was a strange life to live. A half existence really, a life where he didn’t really feel like he lived in the real world, but more in the shadows of memory and pretending.
He had always said that he would end up alone, and he had never been sure if he really believed it, yet.... there had always been something in the back of his mind telling him that it was true. If he was still going to be alive then he was going to be doing it alone, no matter what he told himself, or what Jack pretended to say to him.
That was the truth.
Old and alone that was what he was destined to be.
He always found it remarkable that he had reached this age at all. There had been so many chances to go and yet somehow here he still was. He had always come out of them, alive, and feebly so. It was a poor imitation of life, the way he had lived, waiting each day to die, expecting it, and it never came. It wasn’t really living at all. The enjoyment went away a long time ago.
If he had been strong enough he would have ended it himself, but he wasn’t that strong.
And then he left; Captain Jack Harkness. He was always going to, leave that was, he had only been biding his time, waiting for the right moment. And then off he was again, leaving behind everything and not even stopping to think about it.
Ianto had been right all along; a blip in time, that was all he was.
He was old and feeble; just playing a waiting game now.
He had nothing to live for anymore; he hadn’t had anything to live for in years. Why he ever imagined that there might have been something he didn’t know. That had been his young foolish self, and now it was just Gwen and himself left. He didn’t seen Gwen much anymore. She had a family, and grandchildren to spend her time with. That was more important, she had all that. She was never alone. And she didn’t... she pushed it all away. She had managed to realise what was more important. She had done her bit and now she was happy in her real life.
Ianto had remained alone. He had known he would the moment he watched Jack disappear. He had felt it then. He had wanted too much, and he hadn’t got it. Jack was a man who never stuck around. Of course Ianto had learnt the hard way, finding himself in too deep with a man who was destined to live forever and never change. He had lived many life times before Ianto had come into his life, why did Ianto think that he would have changed just for him?
He was just another one. Of course he should have realised. But he had been young, and it was now in his old age that he really saw what that time had been. Years of lies and pretence. They had been soldiers, fighting for the rest of human kind, not for themselves and not for love. Life never went the way you wanted. Ianto Jones had wanted to die, and he hadn’t. Life had held onto him¸ like the cruel reality that it was. They had lived in their own strange reality, one that had never quite coincided with the real world. He had realised early on, but he had refused to admit it. Why should he after all? He had had plenty of time to reflect on it over the years.
Every day he woke up amazed he still remembered.
Was it some cruel trick of Jack’s, to make him remember and regret for the rest of his miserable life? If it was, it was working. But Jack Harkness wasn’t like that; through their brief closeness Ianto knew that. He had thought so anyway. He had believed in him, even when no one else had.
And he had been waiting for him to disappear. In the back of his mind, he had known that something wouldn’t survive: whether it would be him, or whether Jack would disappear when he had had enough.
It was Jack Harkness all over. To leave people when he could and not turn back. Jack had spent the last hundred years running and Ianto knew that he wasn’t going to stop or slow down for anyone. He would always be running away from something. Jack Harkness, the man who couldn’t die.
He had just been a fling to Jack. Whatever he had said, Ianto knew that he had been. That was all he would ever have been. And at times he was happy with that, content that he had at least been something. He had been a part of Jack’s life and at the time it had been good. It was just the way he ran away, leaving all his mess behind, time after time.
It had taken a long time but Ianto had come to terms with it. After all Jack had given him more than he ever could imagine. He was used to the idea that people left him behind, and that was okay. At least now, because he could feel his strength slipping away, and each day felt more and more like a trial to live through, each day lasted that little bit longer as he moved that little bit slower, and became a bit weaker.
This was okay though. He had had a good life, and seen so much. He had done so much - more than he ever thought he would do. And that had to be something, didn’t it? It didn’t matter that he was going to die alone, or never see Jack Harkness again. He didn’t regret a minute. Not now, even if he blamed the Captain for what had happened, he knew, really, that he wouldn’t want things any different. It was just the curse of falling for a man like Jack Harkness. Ianto rather thought he understood. He wouldn’t want to see someone he cared for grow old and die. This was the way it was meant to be. He wouldn’t change a thing.
Rating: pg?
Summary: What would Ianto's future have been, if he had lived on, made it to old age? Jack inevitably would have gone again, and leave him behind to grow old alone.
Characters/Pairing: Jack and Ianto
Disclaimer: the characters all belong to RTD and the BBC, etc, I don’t own them
Author’s Notes: AU (ish). Not a very creative title, apologies for that. This is another of my 'what if' pieces, that I seem to keep writing. They’re not exactly cheery, but they let me explore these other possibilities... maybe i’m trying to justify what happened, I don’t know. They’re not exactlycheery/happy/fluffy... sorry.. anyway; comments and concrit etc are lovely if you take the time to read! Thank you!
It was a strange life to live. A half existence really, a life where he didn’t really feel like he lived in the real world, but more in the shadows of memory and pretending.
He had always said that he would end up alone, and he had never been sure if he really believed it, yet.... there had always been something in the back of his mind telling him that it was true. If he was still going to be alive then he was going to be doing it alone, no matter what he told himself, or what Jack pretended to say to him.
That was the truth.
Old and alone that was what he was destined to be.
He always found it remarkable that he had reached this age at all. There had been so many chances to go and yet somehow here he still was. He had always come out of them, alive, and feebly so. It was a poor imitation of life, the way he had lived, waiting each day to die, expecting it, and it never came. It wasn’t really living at all. The enjoyment went away a long time ago.
If he had been strong enough he would have ended it himself, but he wasn’t that strong.
And then he left; Captain Jack Harkness. He was always going to, leave that was, he had only been biding his time, waiting for the right moment. And then off he was again, leaving behind everything and not even stopping to think about it.
Ianto had been right all along; a blip in time, that was all he was.
He was old and feeble; just playing a waiting game now.
He had nothing to live for anymore; he hadn’t had anything to live for in years. Why he ever imagined that there might have been something he didn’t know. That had been his young foolish self, and now it was just Gwen and himself left. He didn’t seen Gwen much anymore. She had a family, and grandchildren to spend her time with. That was more important, she had all that. She was never alone. And she didn’t... she pushed it all away. She had managed to realise what was more important. She had done her bit and now she was happy in her real life.
Ianto had remained alone. He had known he would the moment he watched Jack disappear. He had felt it then. He had wanted too much, and he hadn’t got it. Jack was a man who never stuck around. Of course Ianto had learnt the hard way, finding himself in too deep with a man who was destined to live forever and never change. He had lived many life times before Ianto had come into his life, why did Ianto think that he would have changed just for him?
He was just another one. Of course he should have realised. But he had been young, and it was now in his old age that he really saw what that time had been. Years of lies and pretence. They had been soldiers, fighting for the rest of human kind, not for themselves and not for love. Life never went the way you wanted. Ianto Jones had wanted to die, and he hadn’t. Life had held onto him¸ like the cruel reality that it was. They had lived in their own strange reality, one that had never quite coincided with the real world. He had realised early on, but he had refused to admit it. Why should he after all? He had had plenty of time to reflect on it over the years.
Every day he woke up amazed he still remembered.
Was it some cruel trick of Jack’s, to make him remember and regret for the rest of his miserable life? If it was, it was working. But Jack Harkness wasn’t like that; through their brief closeness Ianto knew that. He had thought so anyway. He had believed in him, even when no one else had.
And he had been waiting for him to disappear. In the back of his mind, he had known that something wouldn’t survive: whether it would be him, or whether Jack would disappear when he had had enough.
It was Jack Harkness all over. To leave people when he could and not turn back. Jack had spent the last hundred years running and Ianto knew that he wasn’t going to stop or slow down for anyone. He would always be running away from something. Jack Harkness, the man who couldn’t die.
He had just been a fling to Jack. Whatever he had said, Ianto knew that he had been. That was all he would ever have been. And at times he was happy with that, content that he had at least been something. He had been a part of Jack’s life and at the time it had been good. It was just the way he ran away, leaving all his mess behind, time after time.
It had taken a long time but Ianto had come to terms with it. After all Jack had given him more than he ever could imagine. He was used to the idea that people left him behind, and that was okay. At least now, because he could feel his strength slipping away, and each day felt more and more like a trial to live through, each day lasted that little bit longer as he moved that little bit slower, and became a bit weaker.
This was okay though. He had had a good life, and seen so much. He had done so much - more than he ever thought he would do. And that had to be something, didn’t it? It didn’t matter that he was going to die alone, or never see Jack Harkness again. He didn’t regret a minute. Not now, even if he blamed the Captain for what had happened, he knew, really, that he wouldn’t want things any different. It was just the curse of falling for a man like Jack Harkness. Ianto rather thought he understood. He wouldn’t want to see someone he cared for grow old and die. This was the way it was meant to be. He wouldn’t change a thing.