(no subject)
I went out to dinner with Nikki, Rizzo, Harry Pyle (i don't know why I think of that when I think of him) and some other dude.... that I guess Rizz is dating. On the way to the restaurant I ran the "i'm crazy about this boy but I'm a total idiot" scenario past her. She laughed at me and gave me her thoughts on the whole thing. I'm a bonehead. I'm just gonna make a "thing" whatever with myself to just not ask questions about ANYTHING anymore. Just go with it. I've never done it before but I'm pretty sure with the conversation we had last night and the direction I put it in, any interest that he had in me I pretty much killed it. I of course wish that wasn't the case but.... ugh... I don't want it to happen again with anyone else so the unsureness and questioning of everything has to end. It's like I'm out of practice and I'm learning all this shit all over again. I feel so... childish so to speak. ahdgfausytruwegrvfj Oh well. I can't drive myself nutty anymore.
Dinner was not so good. The waitress was a shitty one and we only gave her half of the tip. Some stupid bitch sat down behind me and because I didn't move my chair she slammed into the back of my chair. I almost snapped. I bit my tongue though and kept my cool. Rizz and nikki went outside to smoke and left me inside with Justin who I had NO IDEA what to talk about with. He probably thinks I'm a retard. I've been going out a little bit more here and there and I'm getting super antsy. I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore so that I can do MORE. I can't wait till fall. When it gets nicer out and cooler.
So things this week... been a little weird. I royally screwed myself in regards to what I want in one direction.... but, what's this.... someone decided to pop up out of hiding. A few 6-7 hour conversations and it's like instantly... I'm getting that stupid feeling again. I kinda don't want to, but it feels oh so good. It's been brought to my attention that after this whole ordeal is over there is no excuse as to why I can't go to Chicago finally. In reality... that is true. I mean, what do I have here? Nothing. At the rate I'm going... it's gonna be less than nothing if I keep it up. I guess right now, it's really 50/50 though. I could go there and have the one thing that I have wanted so much for the past almost 4 years in which case.... even if things went to complete shit, I'd never come back. Chicago is my favorite city and I feel like I left my heart there that august morning 3 years ago. However, after the baby... all I have to do is get a job and I already have an apartment with an awesome roomate and shit would be great. I dunno what I want. Yes I do... I want to take back everything from the past week and start over and not be so god damn neurotic. I truly am my own worst enemy.
Dinner was not so good. The waitress was a shitty one and we only gave her half of the tip. Some stupid bitch sat down behind me and because I didn't move my chair she slammed into the back of my chair. I almost snapped. I bit my tongue though and kept my cool. Rizz and nikki went outside to smoke and left me inside with Justin who I had NO IDEA what to talk about with. He probably thinks I'm a retard. I've been going out a little bit more here and there and I'm getting super antsy. I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore so that I can do MORE. I can't wait till fall. When it gets nicer out and cooler.
So things this week... been a little weird. I royally screwed myself in regards to what I want in one direction.... but, what's this.... someone decided to pop up out of hiding. A few 6-7 hour conversations and it's like instantly... I'm getting that stupid feeling again. I kinda don't want to, but it feels oh so good. It's been brought to my attention that after this whole ordeal is over there is no excuse as to why I can't go to Chicago finally. In reality... that is true. I mean, what do I have here? Nothing. At the rate I'm going... it's gonna be less than nothing if I keep it up. I guess right now, it's really 50/50 though. I could go there and have the one thing that I have wanted so much for the past almost 4 years in which case.... even if things went to complete shit, I'd never come back. Chicago is my favorite city and I feel like I left my heart there that august morning 3 years ago. However, after the baby... all I have to do is get a job and I already have an apartment with an awesome roomate and shit would be great. I dunno what I want. Yes I do... I want to take back everything from the past week and start over and not be so god damn neurotic. I truly am my own worst enemy.