(no subject)
I feel like such a failure right now. I can't get a real job. I'm stuck. I have hit my seasonal speedbump in life. Due to the lack of professional references I am stuck applying at mall jobs and lame shit that I really didn't want to work. I could go back to BOA and make my $10.91 an hour but.... I'd have to wait till January and then what will I do for the holiday's? UGH. I hate my life so much right now. I hate it! I can almost guarantee that I won't get hired for any job because my work history shows a lack of dedication to any job other than BOA and that is because I get laid off all the time. I suck so bad. I'm also stressed out about the fact that I need to move the fuck out of here. I don't know if it is because my mother gets jealous or what but everytime that something happens where I am happy and stuff she just gets really shitty to me. It's ridiculous. The new fight is "oh, what? now that you're not with Casey you're gonna come home in a foul mood?" Soooooooooooooo annoying. It is the same shit that she used to pull when I was talking to David on the phone daily and missed a day. She'd say that exact same sentance, sub David for Casey though obviously. We fought really bad about it. If I get a job where I can take home at least $300 a week... then I can get my very own place. Exciting. Not gonna happen though. In a perfect world yes. I'd like to have my own place soon just so I have a better chance at getting approved for school. That'd be great as fuck.
WTF is with people calling my cell phone all the time with the wrong number. Someone just called... that's the 4th time this week.
I lost Todd as my friend pretty much from what I gather and that sucks so bad. He's not the type of person I want to be without. He's such a good friend. I wish that there was something that I could do to make it better. To make things ok. I feel like such an asshole. Because I don't want to be with him and have found happiness I feel like he resents me deep down. I probably should have not said the things that I said to his g/f though. I know that it is my own damn fault. I just wish that I could take it all back and have things the way they were. I wish that I could rewind to July when everything got all funky. I wish that my life was completely different. I'm in self loathing mode right now, can you tell. I just need motivation and shit. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel hopeless and lost.
WTF is with people calling my cell phone all the time with the wrong number. Someone just called... that's the 4th time this week.
I lost Todd as my friend pretty much from what I gather and that sucks so bad. He's not the type of person I want to be without. He's such a good friend. I wish that there was something that I could do to make it better. To make things ok. I feel like such an asshole. Because I don't want to be with him and have found happiness I feel like he resents me deep down. I probably should have not said the things that I said to his g/f though. I know that it is my own damn fault. I just wish that I could take it all back and have things the way they were. I wish that I could rewind to July when everything got all funky. I wish that my life was completely different. I'm in self loathing mode right now, can you tell. I just need motivation and shit. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel hopeless and lost.