(no subject)
everything happens for a reason . . .
that is something i believe, as a person i think i'm really consumed with being in a relationship, i don't know why because I'm also afraid of them. but i think as much as i am afraid of them i am coming to accept that love isn't something you can find, it really is something that finds you, so no matter how hard you push you're not going to push it your way. but if you just sit there and don't act on the opportunities that you are presented then you may just be missing that chance as well, so it just seems like such a hard balance for me, the timing has to be just right, and it seems like the best way to approach such a thing is well... just to be natural about it. For someone like me it's hard because i hate the idea of missed opportunities, but at the same time you can't always push push push because sometimes by doing that you're pushing opportunities away. everyone says let it happen naturally blah blah, but sometimes it seems as though that's the hardest thing anyone can do. just letting things happen as they wish to happen, and naturally finding yourself pushing it in your own way, that is what i SHOULD be doing but it seems as though i always push too hard or not at all. i can't say i'm discontent being single or that i'd be completely content being in a relationship, because if that were true i'd take any joe schmoe thrown at me, and we all know that's definitely not something i'll do. right now i can't really say i like anyone, but i can't really say i don't like anyone either. it's like that middle ground where there are people you could see yourself liking or you want to get to know but you can't really say you like them cause you're not bent on making them yours and they're not the only person you find intriguing. so right now i'm just going along doing my work, hanging out with friends and letting life be. it's been a while since i've not liked anyone, and it's an interesting feeling. it's not that i don't want a boyfriend, but it's not that i want one either. i'm kind of apathetic but then not i guess??? it's all about my doesn't make sense personality shining through like it always does.
i could go on a rant about how i think guys really only like those cutesy hehehehe, or HOTT SEXAY type girls, and the rest of the female population, or rather the ones who are somewhat the middle ground, the tomboyish, but at the same time somewhat girly, don't take that much time in how she looks, type seem to always get brushed off.i could also tell you about how i think i'm not pretty, how i think i'm too fat, and yadda ya. and i think i may just have but i guess it could be longer.
many of my friends have told me the things they miss about being single, and i know things i wish i could have from having a signicant other, but hey the grass is always greener on the other side, and i'm not complaining that my side is worse, and i'm not saying it's better. i enjoy having me time 24/7 and looking pretty for only me.
on a different serious note, i think that my friend who seemed really emo and making things complicated has finally decided to resolve his issues and work on improving himself. i think that's good, and i guess being the not so hard ass i want to be i'm giving the friendship another try.
you know for anybody who reads this, you guys are getting to know my more serious side really well. the more fun spontanous happy me isn't something you're getting to see reading this, but you are getting to see the deeper side and the one who isn't always joking and happy go lucky.
that is something i believe, as a person i think i'm really consumed with being in a relationship, i don't know why because I'm also afraid of them. but i think as much as i am afraid of them i am coming to accept that love isn't something you can find, it really is something that finds you, so no matter how hard you push you're not going to push it your way. but if you just sit there and don't act on the opportunities that you are presented then you may just be missing that chance as well, so it just seems like such a hard balance for me, the timing has to be just right, and it seems like the best way to approach such a thing is well... just to be natural about it. For someone like me it's hard because i hate the idea of missed opportunities, but at the same time you can't always push push push because sometimes by doing that you're pushing opportunities away. everyone says let it happen naturally blah blah, but sometimes it seems as though that's the hardest thing anyone can do. just letting things happen as they wish to happen, and naturally finding yourself pushing it in your own way, that is what i SHOULD be doing but it seems as though i always push too hard or not at all. i can't say i'm discontent being single or that i'd be completely content being in a relationship, because if that were true i'd take any joe schmoe thrown at me, and we all know that's definitely not something i'll do. right now i can't really say i like anyone, but i can't really say i don't like anyone either. it's like that middle ground where there are people you could see yourself liking or you want to get to know but you can't really say you like them cause you're not bent on making them yours and they're not the only person you find intriguing. so right now i'm just going along doing my work, hanging out with friends and letting life be. it's been a while since i've not liked anyone, and it's an interesting feeling. it's not that i don't want a boyfriend, but it's not that i want one either. i'm kind of apathetic but then not i guess??? it's all about my doesn't make sense personality shining through like it always does.
i could go on a rant about how i think guys really only like those cutesy hehehehe, or HOTT SEXAY type girls, and the rest of the female population, or rather the ones who are somewhat the middle ground, the tomboyish, but at the same time somewhat girly, don't take that much time in how she looks, type seem to always get brushed off.i could also tell you about how i think i'm not pretty, how i think i'm too fat, and yadda ya. and i think i may just have but i guess it could be longer.
many of my friends have told me the things they miss about being single, and i know things i wish i could have from having a signicant other, but hey the grass is always greener on the other side, and i'm not complaining that my side is worse, and i'm not saying it's better. i enjoy having me time 24/7 and looking pretty for only me.
on a different serious note, i think that my friend who seemed really emo and making things complicated has finally decided to resolve his issues and work on improving himself. i think that's good, and i guess being the not so hard ass i want to be i'm giving the friendship another try.
you know for anybody who reads this, you guys are getting to know my more serious side really well. the more fun spontanous happy me isn't something you're getting to see reading this, but you are getting to see the deeper side and the one who isn't always joking and happy go lucky.