what does this all mean?
So it really is 2:30am and I'm not looking to be able to sleep tonight... again. I've been doing this horrible thing of either not sleeping because I have to do so much work OR worse yet... not being able to sleep.
I think I'm hitting a critical stage in my life... another year to pass... and so many mistakes haunting me. Last year was probly the roughest birthday to date. I don't seem to have good ones. Never have... well not since the day I decided to start walking... apparently that was my birthday (age 1 or something like that) and it was apparently because my mom and dad had a video camera to capture all the good stuff... so of course little me showed off. I was apparently really good at that from a very young age.
I know it's a couple months off yet, but the idea of getting older this year... and with everything that's happened to me... I'm just scared for no reason. I've learned so much from my stupidity... so why is getting older bothering me? I know it's inevitable that we all get older, we're all going to get sick, we all get hurt, we all have good days and bad... and worse yet that we will all die someday. So why am I suddenly bothered by the idea of getting older?
I'm not making this post to remind anyone of my birthday. In fact, considering last year's horrors I'm almost willing to say let's forget it all together, but I know that won't happen. Maybe I'll change my mind before it actually gets to be my birthday. Who knows? I'm just... well... scared as always.
I think I'm hitting a critical stage in my life... another year to pass... and so many mistakes haunting me. Last year was probly the roughest birthday to date. I don't seem to have good ones. Never have... well not since the day I decided to start walking... apparently that was my birthday (age 1 or something like that) and it was apparently because my mom and dad had a video camera to capture all the good stuff... so of course little me showed off. I was apparently really good at that from a very young age.
I know it's a couple months off yet, but the idea of getting older this year... and with everything that's happened to me... I'm just scared for no reason. I've learned so much from my stupidity... so why is getting older bothering me? I know it's inevitable that we all get older, we're all going to get sick, we all get hurt, we all have good days and bad... and worse yet that we will all die someday. So why am I suddenly bothered by the idea of getting older?
I'm not making this post to remind anyone of my birthday. In fact, considering last year's horrors I'm almost willing to say let's forget it all together, but I know that won't happen. Maybe I'll change my mind before it actually gets to be my birthday. Who knows? I'm just... well... scared as always.