Fucked Up ...
... is the description of my head at the moment. I've been in bed for the last half an hour and I can just tell I'm not going to get much sleep tonight. I guess most people will automatically think 'Oh she's stressed about Uni' but to be honest, that is the least stressful thing on my mind at the moment, in fact, the way things are at the moment I can't fucking well wait to go!
There are two things that have really pissed me off this evening, although one of them has been building up for a while and was triggered by the appearance of the arsehole online tonight. Men! Now obviously not all men, but certain men, who think that its ok to convince a girl that theyre interested and then fuck them about until she doesnt know what the hell is going on anymore. I didnt have much self confidence to begin with, but now this twat has finished I don't think I've even got that anymore. The people who know me know what I'm talking about here. But for those who don't, basically I've been led along for the past two years buy a guy I really liked, who I thought liked me. He knows I think I'm a fat ugly shit who aint worth looking twice at, and he spent a lot of time trying (unsuccesfully) to convince me that I'm not what I think. Even though he made a lot of promises about coming to see me and whatever, I havn't actually seen him since November 2002. I speak to him on the phone (when he phones me) he dont really answer texts or emails. I finally reached my limit a couple of weeks ago and sent him an email asking him to make his mind up on whether we are gonna be friends or meet up and see if we could have a relationship ... and what does he do? Ignores it, and me, completely. Quite honestly, I feel like a worthless piece of shit. But oh well ... what do they say ... plenty more fish in the sea or whatever.
Secondly, parents. I don't even think I can write how much they have pissed me off this evening. I feel like I want to go to university and never come back because they make me feel like a child. My mother seems to think I don't know what public transport is, and as for my dad, when he's pissed I hate him and when he's sober he can be a complete twat! I'm trying to pack for university, which is in 4 days time. And he's making me tidy the living room for him, because he couldnt be arsed to do it and he has friends coming over. When I complain, he threatens to cancel the van he's driving all my stuff to Coventry in! I swear ... I can't cope. I'll somehow get to Coventry on the train with my bed, bookcase and everything else, I'm not going to be blackmailed!
Theres other stuff aswell though that has provoked this rant. I'm having a pretty emotional week as it is with all the finals. Final work on saturday, last Longbridge work today (tuesday). Weds is going to be a complete bitch, going in to see the college lot for the last time then going to dance for the last time. I guess I just cant cope with this much emotion ... I keep crying for unknown reasons and its really annoying me. I want to sleep tonight, but the minute my head touches the pillow I start crying. This isn't like me ... and I dont think I like it ...
There are two things that have really pissed me off this evening, although one of them has been building up for a while and was triggered by the appearance of the arsehole online tonight. Men! Now obviously not all men, but certain men, who think that its ok to convince a girl that theyre interested and then fuck them about until she doesnt know what the hell is going on anymore. I didnt have much self confidence to begin with, but now this twat has finished I don't think I've even got that anymore. The people who know me know what I'm talking about here. But for those who don't, basically I've been led along for the past two years buy a guy I really liked, who I thought liked me. He knows I think I'm a fat ugly shit who aint worth looking twice at, and he spent a lot of time trying (unsuccesfully) to convince me that I'm not what I think. Even though he made a lot of promises about coming to see me and whatever, I havn't actually seen him since November 2002. I speak to him on the phone (when he phones me) he dont really answer texts or emails. I finally reached my limit a couple of weeks ago and sent him an email asking him to make his mind up on whether we are gonna be friends or meet up and see if we could have a relationship ... and what does he do? Ignores it, and me, completely. Quite honestly, I feel like a worthless piece of shit. But oh well ... what do they say ... plenty more fish in the sea or whatever.
Secondly, parents. I don't even think I can write how much they have pissed me off this evening. I feel like I want to go to university and never come back because they make me feel like a child. My mother seems to think I don't know what public transport is, and as for my dad, when he's pissed I hate him and when he's sober he can be a complete twat! I'm trying to pack for university, which is in 4 days time. And he's making me tidy the living room for him, because he couldnt be arsed to do it and he has friends coming over. When I complain, he threatens to cancel the van he's driving all my stuff to Coventry in! I swear ... I can't cope. I'll somehow get to Coventry on the train with my bed, bookcase and everything else, I'm not going to be blackmailed!
Theres other stuff aswell though that has provoked this rant. I'm having a pretty emotional week as it is with all the finals. Final work on saturday, last Longbridge work today (tuesday). Weds is going to be a complete bitch, going in to see the college lot for the last time then going to dance for the last time. I guess I just cant cope with this much emotion ... I keep crying for unknown reasons and its really annoying me. I want to sleep tonight, but the minute my head touches the pillow I start crying. This isn't like me ... and I dont think I like it ...