5 years and counting
06 Nov.
5 years, 1825 days, 43800 hours, 2628000 minutes, 157680000 seconds, 4 subgroups, 3 tours, 4 albums, 13 members, ONE LOVE.
#5yearswithsuju.
This is my second official anniversary with you guys.
I am earlier than most of the ELFs in the fandom currently, yet I am still remorseful, and devastated that I was only with you guys for close to half of the time.
I am a S♥NE, Shawol, Affxtion and Beauty as well, and I spazz, think, and talk about them more than I talk about Super Junior now, it's true.
but none of them could do this to me. Flying all the way to Thailand, spending 1k at the age of 16 just for you guys. I was willing to do anything to witness the breathtaking and jaw dropping choreography. I was willing to do anything, I dreamt of it everyday, to just have one singe look at all of you, live. I pray everyday and night for the day to come quick, when I can smile and laugh with you guys on stage.
I can never forget the genuine smiles and tears of gratitude on all of your faces.
Idols, not anymore. Sexual frustrations on you guys, not anymore. Not even you, Donghae. Oh god. It was just pure love and admiration, and overflowing with gratitude for all of you because you guys taught me that true friendship exists.
When Geng left, I broke. I broke inside, totally. When everyone around me asked if I was okay, I shrugged it off. I laughed and said "If Geng is happy, so am I. He can do whatever he wants, it is the best for him."
Well fuck that.
I was butthurt and bleeding inside. Days and nights I pondered why, and how.
I avoided spazzing, I avoided reading news about you guys.
Everything and anything.
Until one day I rewatched A Walk To Remember and bawled so fucking badly.
What was I even thinking? Do I really think that those feelings, interactions and skinships throughout that 4 years were all lies?
When they won their first ever Golden Disk Daesang, I sprang into tears. I bawled. I sobbed. My breath hitched, I was shaking uncontrollably. I have never been so proud, so happy for anyone except for my own choir back in secondary school.
The moments on stage, the exchanging of looks and smiles, the tears, the goofy antics and interactions with ELF.
Because of the members, because of us, Geng swallowed it down, held it in, until then when he fell. Until he broke both on the in and outside.
He says he's in contact with them. Bullshit.
He's not.
Because he misses them too much, because he feels sorry, but he's unable to turn back, I bet my life on it that he's not talking to them anymore.
Because if he does, he would waver, again.
It hurts him so much.
and it hurts the members just as much too.
To see an empty spot of a main dancer in the group.
To notice the absence of a foreign accent in the group.
To realize that one of their dear member was suffering in silence but no one knew, and no one helped.
It just hurts.
5 years, and still going strong.
I bet Leeteuk would have laughed bitterly seeing this.
Strong, how strong?
All I see is 11 worn out faces. All I see are faces longing for rest, for happiness, for the other 3 members to be back, for them to reunite as 13 on stage again. Yet they know that this dream will never come true.
How strong do you think anyone can be if one is in their shoes?
What is Super Junior?
The only word I can think of is f a m i l y
Not 13, sorry
Not 15 too, sorry to say
but 13+2 family
being together on stage or not, being in contact or not, I don't care anymore. as long as the hearts are still linked together, I will keep my pride as an ELF for as long as their love lives on. ♥
Pardon me for my incoherency in this post, I know I don't make sense but well fuck I was bawling in between typing and watching A Walk To Remember for the 39875945th time.
5 years, 1825 days, 43800 hours, 2628000 minutes, 157680000 seconds, 4 subgroups, 3 tours, 4 albums, 13 members, ONE LOVE.
#5yearswithsuju.
This is my second official anniversary with you guys.
I am earlier than most of the ELFs in the fandom currently, yet I am still remorseful, and devastated that I was only with you guys for close to half of the time.
I am a S♥NE, Shawol, Affxtion and Beauty as well, and I spazz, think, and talk about them more than I talk about Super Junior now, it's true.
but none of them could do this to me. Flying all the way to Thailand, spending 1k at the age of 16 just for you guys. I was willing to do anything to witness the breathtaking and jaw dropping choreography. I was willing to do anything, I dreamt of it everyday, to just have one singe look at all of you, live. I pray everyday and night for the day to come quick, when I can smile and laugh with you guys on stage.
I can never forget the genuine smiles and tears of gratitude on all of your faces.
Idols, not anymore. Sexual frustrations on you guys, not anymore. Not even you, Donghae. Oh god. It was just pure love and admiration, and overflowing with gratitude for all of you because you guys taught me that true friendship exists.
When Geng left, I broke. I broke inside, totally. When everyone around me asked if I was okay, I shrugged it off. I laughed and said "If Geng is happy, so am I. He can do whatever he wants, it is the best for him."
Well fuck that.
I was butthurt and bleeding inside. Days and nights I pondered why, and how.
I avoided spazzing, I avoided reading news about you guys.
Everything and anything.
Until one day I rewatched A Walk To Remember and bawled so fucking badly.
What was I even thinking? Do I really think that those feelings, interactions and skinships throughout that 4 years were all lies?
When they won their first ever Golden Disk Daesang, I sprang into tears. I bawled. I sobbed. My breath hitched, I was shaking uncontrollably. I have never been so proud, so happy for anyone except for my own choir back in secondary school.
The moments on stage, the exchanging of looks and smiles, the tears, the goofy antics and interactions with ELF.
Because of the members, because of us, Geng swallowed it down, held it in, until then when he fell. Until he broke both on the in and outside.
He says he's in contact with them. Bullshit.
He's not.
Because he misses them too much, because he feels sorry, but he's unable to turn back, I bet my life on it that he's not talking to them anymore.
Because if he does, he would waver, again.
It hurts him so much.
and it hurts the members just as much too.
To see an empty spot of a main dancer in the group.
To notice the absence of a foreign accent in the group.
To realize that one of their dear member was suffering in silence but no one knew, and no one helped.
It just hurts.
5 years, and still going strong.
I bet Leeteuk would have laughed bitterly seeing this.
Strong, how strong?
All I see is 11 worn out faces. All I see are faces longing for rest, for happiness, for the other 3 members to be back, for them to reunite as 13 on stage again. Yet they know that this dream will never come true.
How strong do you think anyone can be if one is in their shoes?
What is Super Junior?
The only word I can think of is f a m i l y
Not 13, sorry
Not 15 too, sorry to say
but 13+2 family
being together on stage or not, being in contact or not, I don't care anymore. as long as the hearts are still linked together, I will keep my pride as an ELF for as long as their love lives on. ♥
Pardon me for my incoherency in this post, I know I don't make sense but well fuck I was bawling in between typing and watching A Walk To Remember for the 39875945th time.